Taking Risks
by Grissom1
Summary: GSR Grissom must overcome his inability to take risks if he is going to keep Sara from another love interest. New twist on a slightly altered old tale- first chapter long to give background info. lots of romance and angst
1. Chapter 1

**Taking Risks**

He barred her from working inside, telling himself he would be able to think more clearly with her not in his presence. It didn't help. She was with him whether she was inside the house or not. Sara was everywhere. She was there just as Debbie Marlin. The difference was Debbie was dead and Sara was very much alive.

He told himself with each passing hour he should turn the case over to Catherine and the others but he could not bring himself to do it not even when he approached the thirty six hour mark. The need to bring the killer to justice forced him to continue until there was nothing left to investigate. He had never been so obsessed with a case and in the end he had very little to show for it but he had to do it. He did not trust anyone else to be as thorough.

He knew the truth. He also knew that he would never be able to prove it. It would not matter how many hours he worked, the end result would be the same. Dr. Lurie had been thorough in his clean up and there was just not enough substantial evidence to arrest him. As he sat there watching the doctor, he saw his own reflection.

_We're both committed to our professions_

_Devoted most of our life perfecting our craft_

_Letting our jobs become an obsession _

_Letting our obsession become our life_

_Letting our life become…_

_this_

Grissom's jaw twitched as he sat there silently and observed the doctor. He had suspected him from the beginning. From the moment he walked into the house and saw her lying there, he suspected it was a crime committed out of jealousy.

He had no basis for the theory except his own personal experience. His one personal experience of loving the one person he could not have and then seeing her with another man. A man who Grissom knew was not good enough for her. It was his fault. She had tried in so many ways to get him to acknowledge the feelings they had for one another but he chose to run away from it. But she had done something this time.

She had met someone, an EMT. He had heard the rumors and then they had been confirmed when Philip Gerard, his old mentor was monitoring his staff. He had come face to face with it with Sara there to see his reaction.

_"__Well, we already know the bra was moved. Sara filed a supplemental report to that effect__," said Grissom_

_"I __know. I wish she'd mentioned her relationship with the EMT who moved the bra__," replied Phillip Gerard._

_"__Relationship?__" asked Grissom_

_"__A Hank __Peddigrew__," said Gerard__"__We just interviewed him. He says he thanked her for letting him move the bra back.__"_

_Grissom immediately glanced at Sara._

_"H__e was just, uh, being polite and, um, it's not a relationship. We go to movies ...__" explained Sara._

_He felt his pulse quicken and knew he needed to remain calm. He interrupted Sara and directed his focus on Gerard. "__Doc__w__hy don__'__t you and I go to my office__ We can talk there.__"_

_As they left, he glanced once more at Sara trying to see if there was more to the relationship than just friendship but then it was none of his business, right?_

She came to his office before court, seeking his approval and understanding for what had transpired. At that moment, he knew she was nervous about testifying and wanted to comfort her in some small gesture. He surprised himself when he gave her his blessing.

_"__You look nice__," he said._

_"__Thanks.__" She paused. "Wish me luck."_

_He could tell their earlier conversation__was bothering her._

_"__Sara?__"_

_She turned to look back at him._

_"__Whatever happens in court, it's not because you're seeing this guy. You deserve to have a life.__"_

He had watched her leave following her body as it headed down the hallway. He would later hear about her testimony and her reaction when questioned about the chalk incident. It had looked damaging but surprisingly he didn't mind. He thought he would but instead he wondered what Hank Pettigrew had thought about it.

He would later regret giving her his blessing as the rumors continued throughout the lab and once or twice he had seen Pettigrew come to pick her up. He never thought it would become serious but soon he found himself calling her in more and more on her days off hoping to disrupt her personal life. He told himself he needed her for the job but inwardly he knew he needed her for himself. He did not know he could possess any jealousy until the night she did not respond immediately to his call.

_"__I am so sorry__," said Sara trying to catch her breath._

_"__I paged you two hours ago.__"_

_"__Right.__ Uh, it's my day off. I was up in Pahrump at some vineyard. You told me to get a life, remember?__"_

_She had tried to make light of the events giving him a smile but it was lost on his expression. He did not return the sentiment._

_"__Did I?__"_

_Her smile faded as a silence passed between them._

_"__I'm sorry, but I needed you. Dispatch called in a 419 at __Tuscadero__High School__. You're on your own.__"_

_"__On my own?__"_

_"__Solo.__"_

He had returned to work dismissing her without regard to any feelings she may have had about the subject ignoring the comments exchanged between Sara and Nick or the way she stalked away. He knew she was hurt but he didn't care. The thought of her with Hank had burned in his gut all day. The fact that she had gone to Pahrump with Hank told him she was perhaps ready to take their relationship further and he wondered if she had already made love to Hank.

_It would be love…_

_Sara would not have casual sex…_

_Sex without love is…._

_She's moving on…_

If he had known that was how she was going to spend her time off, he would have made up an excuse to get her back there earlier.

He had spent the remainder of the shift in a foul mood which kept others away. It worried him that her anger might cause her to deepen her relationship with Hank. He sat there that night trying to focus on the file in front of him when she showed up in the doorway.

_"__Good night__," she said softly._

_"Good night, Sara.__"_

He felt a sense of relief and hope when she flashed a smile at him before turning to leave.

_"__Hey. Nice work on the high school case.__"_

_"__I'm ... uh ... sorry I missed your page.__"_

_"__It's just, um ... you tell me to get a life and then I get one, and then you expect me to be there at a moment's notice. It's ... um ... confusing.__"_

He had wanted to say something but her honesty had taken him off guard and he wanted so much to find the right words.

_What words?_

_I need you but I can't have you? _

_I want_ _you but I won't take you?_

When he looked up she was gone and with it his chance to set things right between them. She continued with Hank while he went home night after night cursing at the pain of betrayal. He knew he had no right to feel that way. He had once again refused to take the offer extended to him and she was doing something he never dreamed she would do, she was indeed moving on.

There would only be a few times where he tried to pull her back to him. She had taken a day off and it had frightened him. He was pleased when she showed up at the crime scene within a few minutes.

_"__You know you pulled me away from a forensic anthropology seminar, right? It's required. It's part of the continuing education program...__"_

_"__Well, I'm sorry, but everyone seems to have something to do today. I have a teenager who was run over by a taxi. He wasn't hit by it; that's not what killed him. He was stabbed, fatally. For now, I have no ID, no suspects and no primary crime scene. I need you.__"_

_"__How can I help?__"_

They had smiled at one another. It seemed that they were even comfortable with one another working much more closely than was needed. It had felt good to be close to her again and he saw that she too enjoyed this closeness between them even if it was at work. Unfortunately like so many times in the past, he did not pursue the chance.

She continued to date Hank and Grissom knew he would have to act soon or risk the chance of losing her for good but he was not prepared to have his hearing become such a threat to his career.

As the months passed, he distanced himself from not only her but everyone. He knew he would have to risk the corrective surgery if he hoped to maintain his position at the lab. Each day that passed, he found himself distrustful of her. He no longer sought out her smiles or her conversation. It was during these times, that she had been emotionally hurt by the realization that a friend of hers had committed murder and Sara had managed to prove it causing her to be arrested. She had felt betrayed by her friend and sought some solace with Grissom.

_"T__he cop read Melissa her rights right there in the hospital room. You think you know somebody__," she said quietly._

_"I never think that," he replied. He had meant it as a barb and inwardly felt some satisfaction seeing the expression on her face._

_"Ever?" she said softly. When he did not reply, she turned away and stared at the locker in front of her._

_"Wh__en I was a kid I was playing hide-and-seek one day and I found this plastic bag under my big brother's bed. I thought it was a bag of dirt so I took it to my mom. Turned out it was his bag of weed. He was grounded for a year.__"_

_"T__he best intentions are fraught with disappointment__."_

_"__Emerson?__"_

_"__Grissom.__"_

He had left her sitting there alone, leaving her to sort out her feelings rather than comforting her. He berated himself later wishing he had spent more time with her but then he had just told her he no longer trusted her in so many words. It was so typical of himself. She had reacted by moving closer in her relationship with Hank now letting him show up at work more and more. Grissom retaliated by Lady Heather.

To Grissom, Heather Kessler was unique. She was brilliant, beautiful; charming and made no qualms she was attracted to him. His inner voice told him to be extremely careful with her. Besides, she was a prime suspect in a murder investigation and yet he found himself drawn to her.

He was impressed when she quickly discovered that he had been reading lips as a means of compensating for the loss of his hearing. She had not been offended by it and he found himself attracted to her. It had felt good to touch her face and feel something more than jealousy and regret. He knew the rumors would get back to Sara. Perhaps he hoped she would feel the same bit of jealousy as he did but then he was not rational when it came to a relationship.

Sara was very willing to have a relationship. Grissom did not. Sara was ready to move on. He did not want her to. He was at a constant turmoil with himself for not wanting her but not wanting to let her go. It was cruel but yet he could not bring himself to stop. He had learned two things in the few years Sara had been in Vegas.

He could be cruel.

He could be jealous.

He didn't like either emotion.

He spent hours with Lady Heather enjoying the ease of being with her. There was no fear of being discovered by the lab or risk that his hearing problem would be discovered. Heather had already guessed it. Had Sara? He didn't know whether to be glad or upset about the thought?

_If she truly cared would she not see the signs__…_

_Perhaps she did and it was part of the reason she was moving on…_

_Perhaps she didn't and didn't care about him in the same manner…._

His own fears and needs could have easily led him to get involved with Heather but his inner voice cautioned him when the evidence was leading him toward Heather as the murder suspect. He distanced himself not willing to risk having a relationship with her until she had been excluded as a suspect. His lack of trust caused a rift between himself and Heather. When she reached out to him in the interrogation room, he knew that she was innocent and the evidence would later prove what his feelings were telling him.

_Evidence…._

_Evidence never lies…_

_Feelings can't be trusted…_

He found himself at a cross roads as he sat in his vehicle staring at the entrance to Heather's home. He knew that she would forgive him if he asked but he could not bring himself to do it. He suddenly felt a sense of guilt wash over him and he knew that he could not move on. This was not the person he already loved. This was not the person who filled his thoughts from the moment he woke until he forced himself to sleep. He berated himself for not taking the risk to be with Sara.

_Sara…._

If he hoped to hurt Sara with Lady Heather, he accomplished his goal. Her smiles were few and she no longer had the spring in her step. Of course he would later blame the change on Hank who in the end lived up to Grissom's view that he was not good enough for Sara. Hank proved that to not only Sara but to everyone else when he was caught with another woman.

It was later discovered that Sara had actually been the other woman meeting his fiancé in the hospital during a case in which Hank and the unknown woman was injured in an accident. It had hurt her very deeply although she did not let on to anyone. Catherine had extended her friendship to Sara at that time and she would later go to Grissom to tell her what Hank had done. He was furious at how the young man had treated Sara but inwardly was relieved that the relationship was over. Grissom watched as she threw herself in her work no longer asking for days off and he was once again content to let things go as they were.

He felt he could not offer her much of a future with his hearing in question and she seemed to be content with the nightly ritual returning. It wasn't until the lab explosion that she would risk reaching out to him again. He found her sitting on the curb with a gash on her forehead and another across her cheek. She held her left hand gingerly in her lap.He had examined the hand allowing his speech to give away his true feelings for her.

_"Are you okay," he had asked quietly_

_"Uh- huh."_

_"Honey, this doesn't look good."_

_"It's fine."_

_He stared intently into her eyes trying to determine if she was truly fine._

_"Cleanup is going to be something. We should get started."_

_"You need to get stitches."_

_"I'm okay," she had replied and stood._

He refused to take no for an answer and had a medic look at her hand. It was the first time in quite awhile he had displayed any form of kindness towards her. She grasped at it needing to feel something between them. He would only dash her hopes again later that same day when she came to say good night.

_"You uh got a minute?"_

_"__I was just leaving," he said._

_"__Yeah, the, uh, schedule says you're off tonight.__"_

_"__I am.__"_

_"__Me too.__"_

_"__You should be on paid leave.__"_

_"__I'm fine.__"_

_"__You were fortunate.__"_

_They talked about the case briefly as he picked up his things to leave. _

_"__Is that all you have to say?__" he asked as he prepared to leave._

_"Would you like to have dinner with me?" she asked._

_"__No__."_

_"__Why not?__Let's ... let's have dinner. Let's see what happens.__"_

_"__Sara…I don't know what to do about this.__"_

_"__I do__."_

He knew she was reaching out to him once more but he couldn't accept. It was her last statement that caught him off guard this time.

_"__You know, by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late.__"_

At first it had worried him and then it angered him to think that she might become involved with someone else. The tension that had dissipated now seemed to slowly return. He watched as she struggled to move away from them and focus on her career and personal life. He struggled to decipher her actions telling himself that nothing had changed between them. It wasn't until she applied for the key position that he saw her desire to move forward and perhaps leave the shift, thus leaving them behind.

She feared that he might not be willing to promote her because of her forwardness and although she struggled with maintaining their fragile relationship she had to ask him.

He acted as though he did not understand letting her think that he never believed there was anything between them. He saw the doubt and hurt creep into her eyes just as she hurried from the room. He furthered her doubts of her ability to do her job when a high profile case of a missing up and coming model was given to Catherine rather than her. He thought it would not bother her as much since Nick had wanted the case also but he had been denied as well. Sara suddenly found herself questioning her future with the lab.

Now, he sat at the table with a man who had turned his jealousy into murder.

"Thank you for your time and your theories, but you said it yourself:

You don't have a case."

As Lurie and his attorney started to leave, Grissom heard himself speaking. He was just as surprised as Brass when he addressed the doctor.

"It's sad, isn't it, doc? Guys like us. Couple of middle-aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives," said Grissom quietly.

Lurie stopped and listened. Brass watched as his colleague addressed Lurie ignoring the others in the room. It was odd the man would stop to hear what Grissom had to say particularly now that he knew they could not hold him. Perhaps it was Grissom's tone that got his attention. There was sadness to his voice.

"The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our latex gloves. We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then, all of a sudden ... we get a second chance." Grissom has caught Lurie's full attention now.

"Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody we could care about. She offers us a new life with her but we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her."

Grissom looked down at his pad. "I couldn't do it." His eyes mirrored the sadness in his heart. He looked up and their eyes met. I gave up the only woman I've ever loved.

"But you did. You risked it all." Grissom glared at Lurie making him look away. It did not matter to Grissom; he knew the truth and did not need to see it reflected in Lurie's eyes.

"And she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? But then she took it away and gave it to somebody else and you were lost so you took her life."

"You killed them both, and now you have nothing."

Vincent Lurie responded quietly, "I'm still here."

"Are you?" asked Grissom.

He sat there as Dr. Lurie walked away. The man had gotten away with murder but worst he had probably murdered the only person he would ever love. The doctor's actions had hit something within Grissom's psyche that caused him to examine his own personal life and what he saw, had saddened him. He had never doubted the path he had chosen his life to take. In fact, he always felt it had chosen him.

For Lurie he would spend the rest of his life without the person he loved. For Grissom, that person would still come by each evening and wish him good night. He couldn't imagine living with the choice Lurie had made. He still had Sara.

_I don't have her…_

_I've never had her…_

_I could…_

_I can't…_

_I won't…_

It was rare for a case to bother Grissom; he had conditioned himself years ago to examine the evidence rather than placing a life to the body before him. It had worked until now. Perhaps it was her uncanny resemblance to Sara that had unnerved him a bit. He had seen Sara in every piece of evidence. It had been so powerful that he could not even bring himself to talk with her personally about the case, relaying messages back and forth between other workers.

The others had seen the uncanny resemblance. They had even mentioned it to Sara and she wondered if this was the reason Grissom had forced her to do the perimeter that night rather than inside with him.

His actions throughout the entire case baffled her but then it was Grissom. She had grown accustomed to his odd behavior and had chosen to accept them rather than try to examine why he did the things he did. He was not like others and perhaps it was this oddity that attracted her in the first place because she saw herself in Grissom on so many levels.

She was not prepared for what she would see in the interrogation room. She hadn't planned on going there but when she had been called over to deliver some files to the office, she had seen Brass and Grissom. It was the first time in hours she had seen Grissom. She had not intended to stay and watch but it was Grissom's voice that drew her to the viewing window.

She stood there and listened to Grissom speak so freely to a murderer what he could not say to her. It had stung. It had knocked the breath out of her. She had wanted to flee the moment she realized he was talking about them but she could not bring herself to move but rather needing to hear the rest.

And then he said it.

And she had felt it.

Whatever she hoped would happen between them was never going to happen. Grissom would not allow it. She stood there until she thought she would crumble to the floor. She had intended to walk away but she found her feet grounded to the floor as if her limbs were slowly sinking into quicksand. He stood there looking at her and as she turned they came face to face. His face gave his true emotions away as he stared at her. His brain told him that it was not Debbie but his heart wanted it to be the only person he had ever loved.

_She's dead…._

_You saw her body…._

_She's in the morgue…_

His hand reached out to touch her face and for some odd reason Sara did not turn away.

"They told me you were…" His eyes grew wide as he looked at her closely his eyes tracing over every inch of her body. He took a step forward as Sara remained fixed to her position. The meeting did not go unnoticed by Brass who stood nearby hoping that Lurie would say something to incriminate himself while he held his breath that Sara could play along. He stood there in front of her taking his hand and holding a lock of her hair. His eyes caught sight of the others as he stood there in front of her.

_This is…_

_A second chance…_

"You look so much like her. I'm sorry if I frightened you. You're just so beautiful and for a moment…" his voice cracked.

They stood eye to eye. There was something about his eyes that made Sara return his gaze.

_His eyes are sad…_

_Like mine…._

_He knows what it feels…_

_to__ love and be rejected…_

Sara stood motionless as Lurie extended his hand to her cheek. It was Lurie's hand as it was slapped away that made them both turn and stare at the man that now stood between them. It was Grissom.

Note from author:

Thanks for reading the first chapter. I know it was lengthy but I wanted to set up the story line for you. While I'll be using some parts of the show, I will not be following the exact storyline to make it more enjoyable as we go. I hope you enjoy it!

Take care!

Penny


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

"Keep your hands off her!" Grissom sneered placing his body between them forcing Sara to step back.

"So, this is why you were so obsessed with the case, Mr. Grissom," said Lurie.

"Unless you have something you would like to confess, I think this discussion is over and you should leave," said Grissom.

"Like I said before, I had nothing to do with Debbie's murder," said Lurie. "I would never hurt anything as…"

"Sara, go with Brass," said Grissom as he glanced at Brass.

"It's okay…he didn't do anything…" began Sara.

Sara suddenly felt Brass's hand on her arm as she was being pulled down the hall. She turned once to glance back at Lurie.

"It's a shame," said Lurie looking at Sara, "I would have risked everything to be with her. Now, who has nothing, Mr. Grissom?"

He watched as Grissom followed them down the hall. Lurie motioned for his attorney to come to his side as he leaned in close, "Find out everything there is know about that woman. Her name is Sara."

As she walked down the hall, she felt Grissom's hand on her arm now as Brass released the other side. She tried to pull away but his grip was firm. He led her into his office and she found herself being thrust into a seat with the door closing quickly behind them. She turned to see Brass standing nearby.

"What the hell you do think you were doing?" asked Grissom.

"I uh.."

"Did you put her up to this?" asked Grissom to Brass.

"Did you see the way he looked at her? He couldn't keep his hands off her…"

Brass was suddenly interrupted by Grissom.

"Are you crazy? The man is a murderer!" He then directed his fury at Sara. "He killed Debbie Marlin in cold blood and you stand there and let him touch you! What the hell has gotten into both of you?" He yelled as he sat down in his seat throwing the file onto his desk.

"Look, Gil. Who knew Lurie would react the way he did when he saw Sara…imagine if she had been inside the interrogation room rather than …" Brass was interrupted again by Grissom.

"You heard the interrogation?" he yelled at Sara.

"I uh…"

"Wait, I'm not sure she heard all of it…" began Brass.

"Stop it!" she yelled back. She stood trembling. "I'm leaving. The shift was over hours ago and I'm already off the clock." She started to walk out when Grissom yelled.

"Sit down Sidle."

Sara whirled around and glared at him.

"I've been off the clock for the past hour. There's no…"

"What were you doing near the interrogation room?" asked Grissom.

"I was dropping off the files you asked for!" she said. Her voice seemed quite agitated and she glanced at Brass.

"Okay, I think we're all tired and this Debbie Marlin case is getting to all of us. How about we call it a night?" asked Brass.

Sara started to get up but stopped to wait for Grissom's approval. He nodded as his eyes followed her down the hall.

"Did you have anything to do with this?" asked Grissom.

"He was unnerved by her. We should have tried…"

"No! We are not going to use Sara as bait for Lurie. He's too dangerous."

"Thirty six hours is your limit. If you don't get off the clock, I'm reporting you to the sheriff. Get some sleep," said Brass as he glanced at him before leaving.

He caught up with Sara in the lockers.

His hand on her arm made her jump.

It was Brass.

"Sorry. Listen it's just you and me now. What do you think?" he asked.

"I think Lurie thought I was Debbie Marlin. I kind of felt sorry for the man…he was really unnerved. Grissom didn't know about this did he?" asked Sara.

"He never would have let you…you know how obsessed he's been about this case… it was a shot. Thanks Kiddo."

She stood and glanced at the contents of her locker.

"You heard didn't you?"

"Heard what?" she lied.

"I've been a cop longer than you've been a CSI so let's cut the crap and get to the point. You heard Grissom's speech in there."

She nodded.

"So you know he cares but is too damn stupid to do anything about it."

"I think the word was 'risk'," she said softly.

"Look, I've known Grissom for years and he's…"

"It's fine… I understand… I've got to go," she said as she hurried out of the locker room. She was gone before he could stop her. She headed straight for her desk as she looked around to see if anyone was watching. She scribbled out her resignation and quickly headed to his office intent to give it to him. She found the lights off when she came to his office. She quietly opened the door and started to lay it on his desk when she caught the shadow of something in the corner. He was there. She noticed he was lying on the couch with one arm folded on his chest while the other lay across his forehead.

"Grissom, I uhm…I didn't know you were still here…Grissom?"

She walked over to stand beside the couch and realized he was asleep. She started to wake him when she heard a soft voice from behind her.

"Don't." It was Brass. "He's not slept in over thirty six hours. He's exhausted. I was worried about him driving tonight. I guess he was too and just decided to pass out here."

She glanced back at him and suddenly she saw what he had hidden for days. He was exhausted. They had worked doubles before. They had even done a triple once but she also knew that Grissom had pulled a double earlier that week and now had just completed thirty six grueling hours on a case in which he would never prove the man killed Debbie Marlin.

"Night, kiddo. You get some sleep also," said Brass as he shut the door behind him.

She stood there watching him sleep before quietly reaching over to the cabinet shelf and pulling out a blanket. She untied his shoes pulling them off before covering him with the blanket. She turned out the desk lamp and quietly shut the door as she whispered

"Night Grissom."

She shoved her hands in her pockets as she walked out into the brisk air and felt the slip of paper in her pocket. She cursed. It would have to wait another night.

He had not intended to fall asleep but his body ached for rest as he returned from the interrogation room. He felt himself slipping deeper into sleep as the minutes passed and soon he was too tired to make himself get up. He heard the door open and guessed it was Brass. He was surprised when he felt her presence. After his outburst he was afraid she would not come this evening.

_Our ritual…_

_I wait…_

_She comes…_

_She says those words…_

_It's all I allow myself_…

_I don't take risks…._

_Lurie did…._

He had thought she would have already left for the night but now here she was in his office. He had then heard Brass followed by the shutting of the door. He had wanted to thank her when she slipped off his shoes and placed the blanket on him. His exhaustion was like drug induced as he fought to regain consciousness. His mind seemed to let go as he heard the two words. For the last several years, she had come by almost every evening to tell him good night. Sometimes it consisted of the two words while sometimes it was the simple "night." Even when he had pushed her away, she still came, keeping the one connection between them. Tonight it was his queue to allow his body to rest.

He did.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

He waited for her.

Most had been surprised when he came into work the next day expecting him to take off a shift after working the Marlin case. He had slept for a couple of hours at the lab before going home to shower. He made himself lay down in his bed but when the sleep did not come, he headed for the lab. The shift had been hard and as soon as he found himself back on his knees, he wished he had stayed at home but now it was over and soon she would come.

_the__ ritual…_.

He pretended to rummage through the papers on his desk waiting for her head to pop into the doorway with those words. It helped him to leave. It helped him to trudge home to his empty townhouse and yet tonight she did not come. It had been a long shift and he needed those words tonight. He rubbed his temples begging his head to stop pounding as he waited.

_She always comes…_

_She's not coming…_

He glanced at his watch and his shoulders drooped. The shift had ended an hour ago and he knew that something had kept her from coming tonight. He made his rounds through the lab telling himself it was better this way but with each step he took, he hoped he would run into her. When he had managed to seek out every hiding place there was in the lab, he decided it was time to leave. He walked slowly to his car noticing that hers was already gone and he told himself he did not need this ritual each time in order to face his empty townhouse.

As he drove, his mind wandered to Lurie. It had been a difficult case. A case that had made him second guess each step he made until he found himself performing the same tasks over and over.

He had stared at her body lying on the bathroom floor and he found himself down on his knees staring into her face but visualizing another brunette, the same that haunted his dreams each night when he begged for sleep after a brutal shift.

He could have her. He was sure of it. All he would have to do is extend his hand and she would be there by his side, loving him, he loving her. It was so simple but yet so complicated. He remembered feeling the tightness in his chest when he stood outside the crime scene tape searching for her and then feeling the ease on his chest when his eyes settled on her face in the crowd.

_I could never imagine never seeing her again…_

_How would Lurie live with the loss?_

_Of course he had already lost Debbie…_

_That was why he killed her…_

_Was it better to kill__…_

_And never see the person you love…_

_Than to see them with another?_

_I've seen Sara with another…_

_Hank…_

_He was nobody…_

_He wasn't good enough…_

_She found out in the end…._

_She still came each night…_

_Even then…._

_Just to let me know…._

_It wasn't too late…_

_Wait…._

_Is that what she's telling me now?_

_Is it too late?_

He was now home, his key unlocking the door and his feet now crossing the silent house until he came to the couch. He felt himself dropping down onto the cushions and hoping he would be able to sleep. It did not come. With each toss and turn he swore. After the grueling week he expected to pass out from exhaustion forcing his body to welcome sleep and yet he lay there staring at the ceiling.

He needed those damn words.

He cursed as he pulled himself up and grabbed the phone. With one push and her voice was there in his ear. He grumbled when it went to voicemail and he found himself pushing the button over and over before tossing the phone aside when he knew she would discover how many times he had tried to reach her. He then found himself trying to formulate an excuse.

_My excuse?_

_Because I need…_

_You_

She expected to find herself at his office door but tonight she had done something that she had not done in a long time. She had broken the ritual. She forced herself to walk out the door without a second glance. She hurried to her car in hopes that she could make her get away before she would have to see him again that night.

She had managed to get through the shift offering to assist Nick rather than him at the crime scene but in the end she found herself down on her knees beside him swabbing for blood until the job was completed. He had smiled and given his thanks but she kept her eyes from him.

His words still rattled around in her brain and she wished for the first time that her memory was not as exceptional as it was. She remembered every word, every inflection he used as it passed from his lips and floated in the air as she stood there in front of the glass partition praying she could drag herself away but instead she was held imprisoned there with each word he uttered. She saw the pain she felt reflected in Lurie's eyes and for a moment she could not imagine that he could kill someone he obviously loved very deeply.

_He loved her…_

_I saw his pain…_

_He thought I was her…_

_At that moment I wished I were…._

_She was loved…._

And now here she was in her apartment forcing the bottle to her lips as she swallowed more tears than beer. It had been too much. Since she arrived in Vegas she had waited patiently for him to notice her. And he did…again. It was the reason she had come in the first damn place. They had met in San Francisco and she immediately was drawn to him.

_Like a moth to a flame…_

But he left as quickly as he came and she was left with emails as her link to him. But it had worked. He replied again and again until they were chatting every day several times a day and then one day she received his phone call asking her to come to Vegas. Those words were branded on her heart.

"I need you."

She came. And yet she still waited for him to come to her as more than just a boss or a colleague but he refused and now she knew why.

_ Have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her_

_I couldn't do it__…_

"Damn you Grissom. I didn't ask you to risk anything."

She downed the bottle and found herself searching for another one and cursed when she found none. She searched the cabinets finding the bottle of scotch and carried it with her as she curled up on the couch. She opened the bottle and drank deeply forcing her stomach to accept her new choice of poison.

She toasted herself for making a new ritual after shift and she wondered if running like a coward was anything to be proud of. She didn't care. She had resisted the temptation to see his face one last time before going to her empty apartment that had been labeled home. She chuckled as she looked around the room. She had never known a home before. To Sara, home meant where a person was loved and felt loved. She had never had this.

_Debbie did…_

_Lurie loved her…._

_Grieved for her…_

_I wonder how it would feel to…_

_Be loved…_

The slight tapping on her door made her slow the descent of the last bit of scotch down her throat as she fumbled to get to her feet but found herself a bit unstable. She opted to ignore the tapping and wondered if the noise was really coming from her head as she held it between her hands. She knew she would regret her actions the next day but she had needed something to ease the pain. Again she chuckled to herself knowing that she was only avoiding the pain by causing another.

The tapping had now become knocking and yet she remained in her place trying to stave off the explosion going off in her head. She grimaced as the pounding on the door now matched the pounding in her head and she slowly drug herself toward the noise. She felt her hand on the knob but for some reason she had difficulty opening it while her head took up the beat with the pounding on the door.

It was the brisk wind that took her breath as she flung the door open to find him standing there. She would have been surprised except she always saw him standing there each night. It was the same damn dream. She would tell him it was about damn time but he would quickly disappear before her eyes. Dreams were just as cruel as reality and Grissom was consistent in both.

She waited for him to disappear but he remained fixed in front of her; his eyes darting from her lips to the bottle in her hand and then suddenly she was falling. She expected to feel the hard floor beneath her but instead warm hands caught her as she left reality behind to continue the chase with Grissom in her dreams.

He did not know what to expect when he came there. He did not know why he suddenly grabbed his keys and made his way to her apartment like he had done so many times before sitting outside like some peeping tom trying to catch the slightest glimpse as she moved about in the apartment.

He intended to sit in the SUV tonight, content to know that only a few hundred feet and a wall separated them but it wasn't enough tonight. He needed to hear the "good night." He stared at his phone and knew he would still have to come up with some explanation as to why he had called her several times in a row without leaving a single message.

He heard movements when he came to the door and knew that she was awake. He shuffled his feet trying to come up with some plausible explanation as to how he would explain his presence. He found himself suddenly tapping on her door following by knocking and now pounding because she did not come. His fear increased when he heard her struggling to open the door but not being able to do such a simple task.

Her face and the bottle told him what he needed to know and he found himself wanting to curse at her for the destruction she was causing to her body but catching her instead as she passed out in his arms. He carried her to her bed, trying to pull back the covers while she tossed in his arms trying to fight off something or someone and insisting on holding onto his sleeve as he tried to back away and leave quietly.

It was the desperation in her voice and his name that escaped her lips that brought his lips to hers. It was meant to be a slight brush but it intensified as he felt her arms pulling him down until he was practically on top of her. The heat of her flesh told him it was more than the alcohol that summoned him but he pulled away leaving her to whimper like a lost child for its parent.

He sighed knowing he should leave but yet worried that she was in such a poor state of affairs. He picked up the bottle and saw that the contents were gone. His mind then shifted to work mode and he tried to calculate in his brain how much alcohol her thin body could absorb before reaching a critical health crisis. He suddenly found himself trying to wake her to find out how much she had consumed. He sighed when she mumbled "half full or half empty depending on how you view life."

"How do you view it Sara?"

"half empty…needed it full …only one beer in the house…need to get more… you should be gone by now….you usually leave as soon as I…"

She was asleep. He sat there and wondered how much of this she would remember. He covered her up sitting with her until he was convinced her breathing was steady and normal. On the drive home, he wondered if she would call in sick the next day or if she would drag herself in and pretend that she had rested before the shift.

The dark circles always gave her away. He looked for them each time the shift began taking note when she tried to conceal them knowing it meant that she had gotten little or no rest but yet she would come in ready to work never bothering to make any excuse and stay home like some would.

_Not Sara_

She came to work. She was even early sitting in the lounge with coffee mug in hand while holding her head with the other. He purposely dropped his notebook onto the table sending a loud jolt to her body.

"Tough case?" he asked.

She jumped at the sound of his voice causing him to wish the distance between them in the last couple of months had not come to this.

"I'm sorry I didn't see you come in," she said as she closed the file and began to get up. He saw her discomfort when he motioned for her to stay seated.

"You're here early. Shift doesn't start for another hour or so. What's so important you had to come in early?" he asked sitting down across from her.

"I was running errands and finished early so I decided to come in rather than go back to my apartment," she said as she once again tried to get up.

"Sara, stay seated. We need to talk," he said sipping on the coffee and remembering that Greg had not arrived yet leaving them to drink the office coffee.

"I would have made the coffee from Greg's stash but he's moved it on us once again." She said as she noticed his disappointment in the coffee.

"You seem tired. Are you working too much?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine. Got plenty of rest last night," she lied. He noticed she kept her eyes diverted from him staring at the rim of her mug.

"Good. Went to bed as soon as you got home then?" he asked watching her squirm in her chair.

"Yes, straight to bed. I've got to get to the lab to check on some things," she said as she quickly got up spilling her coffee on the table. She quickly wiped up the mess and then turned to sit the mug on the counter only to turn and run straight into him as he stood behind her.

"You seem a bit jumpy today," he said as he noticed the slight trembling of her body. She moved around him and practically ran toward the door calling over her shoulder that she was fine.

_You're always fine._

_ I know different._

He didn't know if it bothered him that she did not remember his visit or that she pretended it never happened. She spent most of her time sorting through evidence with Greg in the evidence room. He stopped in to check on their progress and it was Greg who offered most of the answers to his questions. He glanced at Sara when Judy paged her that someone was waiting to see her. She walked to the front desk expecting to see an investigator up front but instead she found Mr. Vincent Lurie.

TBC

**Note from author:**

Thanks for reading along and leaving a review. As most of my faithful readers know, I post after so many reviews so go push the button below. For those that read "The Sessions" an epilogue is almost completed…with a twist.

Thanks and take care,

Penny


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"Mr. Lurie?" asked Sara.

"It's Sara, right?" he asked.

"Yes, we kind of met the other night. What can I do for you?" she asked.

"I wanted to apologize for the other night. I took quite a few liberties and I think I made you uncomfortable," he said.

"You didn't. I was just…I saw the interview. I could tell you were upset about Ms. Marlin's death even though you didn't really voice it in there."

"Really? How could you tell?"

"Your eyes. They were sincere. Look, you don't owe me an apology. I didn't know I would bother you. I've been told I look like her but…I don't really think so," said Sara as she began to fidget.

"I saw the resemblance at first but you're right. You're not like her. You're sincere and she never was. Could we?" he asked as he motioned for a couple of chairs.

"Uhm…we could go back to my office if you prefer…it's not really private either but at least it's out of the main entrance."

He smiled. "I'm not keeping you from your work?"

"I need a break…even CSIs gets breaks," she smiled as they began walking down the hallway.

"Has anyone ever told you how wonderful your smile is? It covers your whole face…I like that."

It made her blush.

"How are you dealing with her death?" she asked as they sat down at her desk.

"You should ask me how I've been dealing with the knowledge that she dumped me and then I had to find out about the other men when she's murdered…that's not exactly the truth…I knew about one or two. It's funny how you swear you'll never accept someone you love cheating on you but then when it happens you find yourself forgiving them again and again until….enough of that…what about you?"

"I'm uhm married…to my job. I have very little time for anything else. I told myself I would slow down and date but then the double shifts get in the way and the next thing I know a year has passed and then…let's just say I tend to choose men that are emotionally unavailable…I don't have a good track record." She said as she looked down at the floor.

"I'm sorry. It's seems we've both made poor choices in the past. I should be going. I offered to assist in a surgery this evening…Would you mind if I invited you to dinner?" he asked.

"Well, that all depends on if I'm not working….it would be nice," she smiled. "I'll be honest. I don't do much dating so I may be a little rusty when it comes to that sort of thing. I rarely have time to dress up…casualty of the job."

"So, you wouldn't mind if I showed up in scrubs one day?"

"As long as you don't mind my work vest with jeans and top."

"Good. I'll see you soon, Sara."

"Yeah, you will. Vincent?"

"Yes?"

"I really am sorry."

"See you soon." He smiled and left her sitting there. She watched as he walked out of the building. She sat there staring at her blank computer screen when he appeared in the vacant chair.

"What was Lurie doing here?" asked Grissom.

"Apologizing for the other night," she said as she started to get up. Grissom placed his hand on her arm.

"Be careful, Sara."

She glanced at him as she returned to the evidence room.

She was surprised when Judy brought the plant to her desk a few days later and placed it beside her desk.

"It seems someone is trying to get your attention," smiled Judy.

Sara looked at the card and noticed the initials V.L. She smiled and then looked around to see if anyone had noticed the plant. She quickly removed the card and placed it in her desk. She quickly grabbed her kit and headed out the door calling for Nick to wait.

She glanced at her watch and yawned as she tagged the evidence in the living room. She stood and stretched. It had been a long grueling three hours and she wanted nothing more than to be done so they could return to the lab. She joined Nick outside in the back yard where two bodies had been found. She watched as Grissom and Nick walked through the scenario. She noticed a few droplets of blood running along the side of the house and her shoulder's drooped.

"Guys, I think you've missed some…over here…" she followed the drops as it led to a metal container on the side of the house.

"Got something over here…It's pretty tight….ouch!"

She grabbed her hand and held it as she noticed her own blood now seeping in with the blood on the ground. Nick was the first to reach her grabbing a towel from his kit.

"Hold still," he said as he applied pressure. "Geez…Sar…this is deep…" Grissom came over to take a look at the hand.

"He's right. You're going to need stitches…and a tetanus shot if yours is not updated."

She frowned.

Nick chuckled. "Don't like shots do you?"

"No, Nicky I don't!" she pouted.

"Come on, I'll drive you," offered Grissom.

"I uhm I can drive myself…"

"No you won't. You're my responsibility when you're out here so get in the vehicle," he said.

"Nicky, call Warrick and have him come out and help finish up," said Grissom as he turned and waited for Sara.

They sat in the emergency room waiting to be seen. Sara felt her hand throbbing as she kept it wrapped in the towel.

"I should have had Doc take a look at it. This could take all night…" said Sara just as Lurie walked by.

He stopped when he saw her there and hurried over.

"What happened?"

"Casualty at work." She smiled as he started to unwrap it but Grissom stopped him.

"We're waiting for the ER doctor," said Grissom.

"There was a frat party that collided with some food poisoning….they're going to be backed up for several hours…Sara…can I take a look at this for you?"

Grissom started to decline when Sara smiled and placed her hand in Lurie's.

"I don't like shots but I'm fine with needles," she said.

He grinned and then chuckled. "Okay...I'm sure there's a story behind that…come with me," he said as he helped Sara to her feet. Grissom stood there with mixed emotions.

"Mr. Grissom, you're welcome to come with your employee," Lurie said with a smile.

Grissom's jaw twitched as he followed.

Lurie led Sara to a vacant room sitting her down and began cleaning the wound.

"Ouch, that is deep…going to need stitches…when was your last tetanus?...I can see by your face you know I'm going to have to give you a shot…I promise I'll be very gentle."

Once the wound was cleaned, he pulled out a needle and placed on his knee as he began to talk with Sara. "Now, I bet it was some mean nurse that snuck up on you and jabbed you with a needle? Right? Sara? How was that?"

"I didn't feel it…did you give me the shot?"

"Yes, I did. Now, let's work on those stitches. Would you like really small stitches or some kind of design…just kidding….I'll do my best to make sure it's a very small scar….okay?"

She smiled. He finished with her hand and then bandaged it.

"Now, this is going to hurt later. I'll write you a prescription for pain…"

"I won't need it…I don't do well with pain medication…"

"Allergies?"

"Just loopy…stupidly loopy," she said.

"Take them at least for tonight. Tomorrow it should be better but you'll have the prescription if you need it. Okay?"

She nodded.

"No using the hand for a couple of days so you don't risk breaking open the stitches."

"I can work, right?"

He leaned forward and whispered, "Do you want to work?"

"Yeah"

He turned and looked at Grissom, "She can work as long as she doesn't use the hand…promise?"

"Promise," she said as she smiled and got up.

Grissom guided her out to the Denali and helped her get in. There was little or no conversation once they began to drive. Grissom stole a glance now and then as he assessed the pain she was feeling. Sara glanced around and noticed they were not heading back to the lab.

"Grissom…"

"You're finished for the night. I'm taking you home. Don't argue."

She didn't. She leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes. Her hand was beginning to throb.

"Hurts?" he asked.

"Stings quite a bit…" she said as she bit her lower lip. He stopped at a drug store and took the prescription lying on the seat.

"Be back in a minute," he said. She sat there and closed her eyes. The shot had already made her drowsy. She was surprised when she woke up to find him opening the door to the Denali. He took her keys from her unlocking the door of her apartment and followed her in setting down some bags on the counter.

"You haven't eaten…I stopped and picked up some Chinese...you need to eat something before taking the pain medication." He said as he set out the containers. Soon, they were sitting at the table chatting about work.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful with Lurie," said Grissom.

"I think you've told me that before," she said as she held her hand to her side.

"Hurting a lot?"

She nodded. He opened the prescription bottle and placed a pill in her hand. She took it and then began to clean up.

"I have this…go lay down," he said as he picked up while she disappeared into the bedroom. He heard the shower and wondered if he should leave or stay. He glanced at his watch and sat there on the couch.

She returned a few minutes later dressed in pajamas.

"You have about an hour before I start to get loopy so it would be best if you left," she said.

"Define 'loopy'," he said.

"Talk off the top of my head…not a pretty sight…worse than when I overtalk…better if I just pass out…if I can…sometimes it gives me insomnia."

He frowned. "How about I stay until you fall to sleep?"

She shrugged her shoulders and returned to the bedroom. Pulling down the covers, she slid in between the sheets. She closed her eyes as Grissom glanced outside her window noticing a car parked outside.

_Lurie…._

_Bastard…_

_TBC_

Note from author:

Thanks so much for the reviews. I really enjoy them. Rest assured, I read every one of them. Please continue to leave a review. I can;t wait until you get to the part where...well it's really good. I stayed up one night and wrote about ten chapters...I think I do better with little or no sleep. Take Care! Penny


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

He returned to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee as he walked through the apartment, checking the windows and the door to make sure they were locked. He then returned to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. He smiled when he noticed she had curled up into a slight ball. He pulled the covers up and started to walk away when he heard the quiet sob that escaped her lips. He sat and listened again.

_She's dreaming…_

Her sentences were broken but he knew the meaning. With each word uttered, he put them together, the meaning causing him to curse inwardly.

_Second chance….risks…couldn't do it….didn't ask you to….won't ever…love me…_

He knew that she had heard him now. She knew that he was not willing to risk having a relationship with her. He knew that he had hurt her again. But yet, her actions that night had revealed how much she still cared.

_Pulling off of the shoes…_

_Blanket…_

_Endearment…._

_I don't deserve you…._

When she cried out again, he gently caressed her cheek.

_I've always wanted to do that…_

_Couldn't risk it…_

_You did…_

_There was no chalk…_

_Lurie did…._

_He touched you that night …_

_You didn't pull away…_

He sat with her until her sleep seemed more restful and then looked outside. The vehicle was now gone. He returned to the living room and stretched out on the couch pulling the over throw about his shoulders. The scent of the throw smelled of lavender.

_It smells like you…_

_God, how I want you…_

"Night Sara," he whispered as he closed his eyes and found sleep.

She found him asleep on the couch. She tiptoed to the kitchen and made coffee trying to keep from waking him. She sat there with mug in hand curled up in the chair watching him sleep. He seemed much younger in sleep. His mouth still had the slight curl that Sara loved. She loved to watch his mouth. She imagined what it would feel like to place her lips on his. She wondered why he had chosen to stay but quickly reminded herself that it was safer to not try to read more into his actions.

She finished her second cup by the time he woke. He opened his eyes to find her sitting there staring out into space deep into thought.

"How's your hand?" he asked as he sat up.

"Better," she said as she offered him a cup of coffee and he took it.

"Griss?"

"He was outside last night…Lurie…He was parked across the street."

"Oh…is that why you stayed?"

"He knew you had mentioned the side effect from the pain medication. I didn't want to leave you."

She nodded. "Well, it just made me sleep. Whatever he gave me, I liked it."

"Having trouble sleeping again?" he asked as he sipped on the coffee not taking his eyes off her.

"Sometimes, I get too tired and can't sleep. Anyway, thank you for staying. I can offer you breakfast and a shower."

He stood and smiled. "I better get going."

He glanced back at her before leaving. "Lock up behind me. Okay?"

He stood outside the door and once he heard the click of the lock, he left.

The shift came and went each going their separate way and once again he waited for her to come to say those words but she didn't. He sighed.

_She's distancing herself from me…._

_Why not?_

_Isn't that what I've done over and over?_

He found himself seeking her out in the office. He asked her opinion on things and she would reply but there was no enticement on her part to become interested in his projects or assist. He missed those days. He made a point to remind her when the shift was over, prodding her to leave and get some rest. He knew she was still having difficulty sleeping by her appearance.

She always seemed to give him that far off look when he mentioned the word home and he was finding it to be a taboo word where Sara was concerned. There were others that he had filed away in his mind:

_Home, fine, family, love, rape, domestic violence…._

Sometimes he wanted to ask her about that look that came over her but he could never bring himself to be that intimate with her. He certainly could never open up to anyone about his past. The past was the past and he didn't need to analyze it. Of course his past was not as dark as Sara's but then he could only speculate since he knew very little about her past.

He cursed when Lurie showed up a few days later to check her hand. Grissom watched as he stood there waiting for her to return from the field. When she arrived, she smiled at him displaying her hand and commenting on how well it was healing.

He stood there feeling a tinge of jealousy rise within him as he watched Lurie take her hand and examine it.

_He's caressing her hand…_

_He's touching her…._

_Sara…_

_My Sara…._

He felt his pulse rise and he hurried to his office shutting the door. He leaned against the door trying to will himself to calm down.

_I don't trust him…_

_She does…_

_I know he committed murder…._

_She does, Doen't she?_

Sara sat across from Lurie at her desk. He bandaged her hand again smiling at its progress.

"I've never had a doctor to…"

"I've never had a patient this important," he said as he smiled.

"Thanks again for the other night and now this," said Sara. She glanced down at the plant.

"I don't think I ever thanked you for the plant."

"I'm glad you like it. I thought you would like a plant more than flowers. Was I right?"

"Yes. Flowers wilt and fade away but plants will continue to grow as long you nurture and care for them."

"I pegged you as the nurturing type. I'm glad I was right about you."

She smiled.

"I have a confession to make," he said as he looked down. "I came to your apartment the other night to check on you but I recognized Grissom's vehicle parked out front so…"

"He stayed. I never should have said anything about the meds causing me to act loopy. I think he's still paying for sleeping on the couch."

"I'm glad he stayed with you. I was a bit concerned when you never defined loopy."

She grinned. "Let's hope you don't find out…but it make me talk excessively…sometimes gives me insomnia…which I don't need."

"Do you have trouble sleeping?"

"Sometimes."

"Don't rely on sleeping pills. They're not good for you. Try to find something to help you unwind."

"I'll try."

"I guess our jobs don't help. The different hours…I don't think I slept much during my internship. Now, I've gotten used to the little or no sleep."

He stood as she walked him back to the front.

"If you need anything, call me," he said as he gently touched her arm before walking away. He stopped when she called him.

"Vincent?"

"Yeah?"

"If you're not busy this evening, we could get some dinner?"

He smiled. "I'll make sure I'm not busy." He turned and left. Grissom stood on the other side of the corner. His mouth remained where it had dropped when he overheard the invitation.

_She doesn't think he did it…_

Sara threw herself into her work keeping the new position in her sights. The pace she was setting made her snappy and tired but she was determined to get the promotion. She sat in the conference room with the others as Grissom pulled everyone from their regular assignments to work on Warrick's case.

"Uh, listen, I recognize the importance of this, but I'm in the middle of my own homicide investigation."

"I'll talk to your detective. Explain the deal."

"Well, it's not about the detective. It's about my own responsibility."

"I'm handing out assignments, Sara. It's not a negotiation."

She spent the rest of the day upset about the encounter mentioning it to Nick who reminded her that if her boss wanted her to wash his vehicle then she should do it because without a job she would have no career. She scoffed at his statement but she kept the information tucked inside her brain. She wasn't used to being submissive and just doing something because she was told.

She knew it was a character flaw but Grissom never seemed to care before and now his actions had thrown her off balance. She thought about her application for the new position and wondered if their relationship would affect his decision. Part of her wanted to ask him while part of her didn't want to approach the subject. She stood there examining the blood sheets when he came to stand beside her.

"What are you thinking?"

"Well, her body left behind this void."

Sara walked up to the sheet, her hands out in front of her to indicate the area she's talking about.

"The attacker was on top. He held her down by her wrists."

She turned around to look at Grissom.

"Which would explain the transfer of wax from him to her?"

"Yes."

"Pin me down."

Grissom took a step forward holding Sara's wrists and pushed against her as she pushed back to illustrate what she's thinking.

"She would have struggled. Then, she gave up. Afterward, when he got up, he put his hands on the sheet for leverage."

After a moment, Grissom released Sara's wrists and placed his hands on the sheet near her waist.

"Like this."

Sara nodded. She glanced at him to see if he too heard the sound of her heart pounding in her chest.

_Couldn't you try…_

_Am I not worth the risk…._

"Which explains how the wax got from him to the sheets?"

Sara turned to look at Grissom.

"Yes."

_God, Sara. Don't you know how much I want you…_

_How bad I want to take that risk…._

For a moment, they stood there in the position each not wanting to break the contact but knowing someone might enter the lab room at any moment. Sara took a breath and stepped away from Grissom.

"Grissom, um, I, um, wanted to talk to you about something."

"Go ahead."

"Well, you know, I applied for the promotion for the key position."

"Your application's on my desk."

"About that -- I, um ... I needed to know ... I wanted to make sure, rather, that anything that happened or didn't happen between us won't be a factor."

Grissom remained silent. Awkward, Sara quickly spoke up, "Never mind. I-I shouldn't have said anything."

He appeared to be stunned and continued to stare at her and the implications of her question.

Feeling embarrassed she quickly spoke, "I, um ... I'm always over-talking around you."

She turned and left the room escaping the humility of the conversation or the lack of one. She had felt stupid. She had always felt there was some sort of relationship but now she knew Grissom did not see it that way. His actions further told her that she was on her own.

She sighed when she glanced at her watch and then at the crime scene.

"Had other plans?" asked Nick.

"Not anymore." She said as she continued to work. She had stared in disbelief when Grissom had sent her out with Nick knowing that she was not next in the rotation but she had accepted the assignment and said very little.

"He must have had his reasons," said Nick. "Grissom has always been fair."

She stopped and wondered if Grissom had overheard the dinner invitation she made to Lurie.

She returned to work forcing herself to ignore the lateness of the hour. She had called and left a message about working late. She hoped he had received it and had not been disappointed. It was one thing to be bold and ask a man to dinner but then to cancel seemed something Debbie would have done.

_I'm not Debbie…._

_I'm not like her…_

_Debbie used men…_

_I'm…._

_What the hell am I doing?_

She sat in the vehicle across from Nick and sighed again.

"You've been doing that a lot tonight," he said. "Want to talk about it?"

"It's nothing. I'm just tired tonight….and hungry."

"Well, let's drop off this evidence and then head to the diner for something."

She smiled.

"Too bad I think of you as a brother or I would jump you right now,"

He grinned.

As they walked down the hallway, she saw him standing there in scrubs.

"I came to apologize. I got stuck in an emergency surgery."

She grinned.

"I got stuck at a crime scene."

He smiled.

Nick stood there looking very sheepishly. "Sara?"

"Nick, this is Vincent. Vincent this is Nick Stokes. We just got through working the scene together and were heading over to the diner for a bite to eat. Want to join us?"

"I'd love to," said Lurie.

"Listen, why don't you two go…"

"Nonsense, I would love to meet some of Sara's friends," he said.

They walked out as Grissom stood watching. His eyes followed her as she walked out beside Lurie talking softly with him. His pulse increased when he saw Lurie's hand move up to rest on the small of her back with Sara smiling at the contact.

_His hand is still there…_

_She's letting him…._

_He's getting involved with her…_

_She's letting him…_

_They're leaving together…._

_She shouldn't leave with him…_

_Wait…Nick's going too…_

Grissom glanced at his watch.

_They must be going to the diner…_

_They'll sit at our booth…_

_He'll sit in my place…_

_No, he won't…._

_He'll sit in Greg's spot…_

_Right next to Sara…_

_I just get to sit across from her…_

_Ever so close but not touching…_

_He'll be touching her…_

_Bastard…_

_TBC_

Note from author:

I love a jealous Grissom. Wait until you get to chapter...there I go again. I have to be patient. Give the reviews- I love them. Take care! Penny


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

Their first dinner went well with Nick telling stories about their humorous crime scenes. Lurie sat and listened intently adding his own stories of odd surgeries or wild ER commotions.

"I'm glad Sara has someone she can rely on in the field," said Lurie as he looked at Nick.

"We have to rely on one another for safety reasons. Sara reminds me a lot of my sisters back home. I have seven," Nick announced.

"I'm an only child," said Lurie.

"So am I," said Sara.

"It's a shame. She would have made a great sister," said Nick. "I've got to head back. It was nice meeting you Vincent," said Nick as he extended his hand and Lurie took it.

Once they were alone, Lurie held her hand.

"He's seems very nice."

"Nick is. He's been like a brother since I came here. He comes over a lot for a movie or dinner. I think he misses his family and since I never really had one…we sort of adopted one another."

"I'm glad you have him. I never had any family. My parents divorced when I was young and I worked my way through college and medical school. While I was working I forgot to make a life for myself or a family."

"I know what you mean…letting your job consume your life…sometimes I think that's all I have."

"I think that's why I jumped at the chance with Debbie before getting to know her. I just wanted to be with someone and then…well, you know what happened. She wanted to be with several persons…not just me. I was surprised when Grissom focused on me. I mean…Debbie had been with half of the men at the hospital."

"The bracelet…the bracelet you gave her had been broken…all the others were intact."

"I didn't even find out what really happened to it until after the investigation," he said as he sipped his coffee.

"Happened to it?"

"Howard Tripton told me that Debbie had broken it one night when she got pissed at me. She wanted me to vouch for her at work in order to get another position and I refused. I didn't think she was ready for the position and she got angry. She broke it while Howard was there. It seems it was her way of banishing me from ever… it didn't matter. I was glad when she said it was over…relieved of that the constant pain would soon be over."

Sara bit her lower lip.

_This wasn't in the report…_

_Did Grissom miss this?_

_If it had been brought out…_

_Lurie would not have been questioned…_

_He wouldn't have been accused…_

_Shit!_

"I need to know something," said Sara quietly.

"Ask," he said as he finished hi coffee.

"Are you interested in me because I remind you of Debbie?"

"I'm interested because you're the person I wished I had taken a risk over…you're worth any risk…you committed to your job, you're beautiful, your smile lights up a room, you're nurturing…you're the only person in this place that even noticed how much Debbie's death hurt despite what she did to me…you're kind, you're giving, you know how to have male friends and not sleep with them…that was a big plus.."

"You can stop…thanks…I needed to hear that."

"You're not used to getting compliments…I can see how it makes you blush…It tells me you were not given many as a child or even now…we are alike in many ways…maybe someday we can tell each other why," he smiled. A sense of sadness seemed to come over him and he felt her hand tighten in his.

He smiled. "You see, you're very nurturing."

She returned to the lab and quickly went to the Debbie Marlin case file only to find that it was checked out.

_Grissom._

She decided it was time to talk with Brass and fill him in on the development or lack of development in the case.

She met Tripton at the hospital the next day making an excuse that she had hurt her hand. She snipped a few of the stitches to validate her story. As she sat there, she recognized Howard Tripton and approached him.

"Mr. Tripton?" said Sara. She was surprised when he dropped the record in his hand and stared at her.

"I'm sorry. I'm Sara Sidle. I'm a friend of Vincent's. He stitched up my hand and I seemed to have messed up his work." She showed him her hand and he led her to a room.

"Let me take a look at this," he said as he took her hand. She immediately felt repulsed by his touch but let him assess the injury.

"It's going to have to be restitched."

She sat as he began getting the equipment together.

"I remember you from the investigation," said Sara. "I'm a crime scene investigator. That's how I met Vincent. He's very nice."

Howard turned and looked at her. "So you worked on the Debbie Marlin case?"

"Part of it. I know…I look sort of like her…I've been told."

"Yes, you do. Hope you're not the bitch she was. Never knew who she was screwing…although she always said…You know she and Vincent were…"

"I know. He told me."

"Did he tell you that she got all of us to buy her an expensive bracelet and kept them as trophies? Of course she ripped his apart when he refused to back her promotion. Debbie was good in bed but she sucked at her job."

Sara sat there quietly. She stared at the floor taking in what she had just learned. She ignored the pain as he jabbed the needle into her hand and began stitching her hand before it was numb.

_You lose your edge after sixteen hours…_

_He worked thirty six hours…_

_He had already worked a double that week…_

_He made a mistake…_

_Lurie didn't…_

She glanced up and stared at Howard Tripton and suddenly wished she had never agreed to help Brass further the investigation.

She returned to the lab and headed straight to Grissom's office pulling up a seat and waiting for him to return. She heard the door close behind them and was surprised he was willing to be seen alone in his office with her.

_If there's no relationship…_

_It doesn't matter…._

_A supervisor with an employee…._

_That's all I've ever been…_

_That's all I'll ever be…_

"Sara? Is there something wrong?"

"Lurie didn't kill Debbie Marlin."

"Sara…"

"I just talked with Howard Tripton. He told me Debbie broke the bracelet herself. He was there when she did it."

Grissom sat there silently.

"That was the only real evidence you had…the broken bracelet. Tripton was pretty upset still about Debbie cheating on him. Vincent hasn't given me any indication that he…"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Are you working undercover to expose Lurie or…"

"I would not work undercover without the knowledge of my superior and I am entitled to a personal life."

She got up and walked out leaving him there.

He added another emotion to his list of feelings when it came to Sara:

_Cruelty…_

_Jealousy…_

_Hate…_

She didn't get the promotion. The position had been scrapped because of budget cuts. The worse is that she had not even been recommended by Grissom. She felt exposed and wounded by Grissom's actions. She had prided herself on her work. It was all she had to show for years of loneliness and now he had shown her that she was not as good as she thought. It would have been kinder to slap her in the face than to recommend Nick and not bother to tell her. She had to find out through Nick.

"Hey," smiled Sara as she walked into the locker room to find Nick sitting on the bench reading a letter.

"Hey."

"Everything okay?"

"This is about the key CSI position. Grissom recommended me."

Sara felt her heart skip a beat but she quickly smiled to hide the hurt and disappointment.

"Congratulations."

"It's not necessary. Position was cut. Budget had room for the new promotion or a new qiagen, bio robot ez-1. Greg will be thrilled."

"Yeah," she said quietly.

"Oh, well, it's just an honor to be nominated, right?"

She stood there stunned.

_He should have told me…._

_He could have explained why…_

Besides, wasn't she the one he always needed?

Sara recalled the countless days off that had turned into work days because of a phone call and his voice on the end of the line saying those words, "I need you."

He had even asked her to uproot her life, leaving everything to move from San Francisco to Las Vegas because he trusted and needed her.

_Always those words but for the wrong reason…._

She worked above and beyond her job and yet she had not been recommended. This time it was more than personal. He had struck at her professionally. She told herself she didn't need to know why she was not recommended but found it nagged at her self esteem until she found herself needing to know as she worked with him that evening. She glanced at him as they knelt in front of the limo.

"Nick said the budget for the promotion was cut."

"240 inches-- 20 feet," said Grissom.

"He also said you recommended him."

Sara let go of the tape measure and it slid along the length of the limo and snapped back in front of Grissom. It made him look at her.

"I did".

His admission made her curse inwardly. Here they were working side by side and he had just told her she was not recommendation worthy. It hurt. She hid her pain behind her work as she looked at the tires and found the embedded blue glass bits in the tire treads.

"Possible neon glass fragment."

She reached in her kit to get an instrument to take a sample of the glass as Grissom walked over to her. She picked off the glass and looked at it. He knelt in front of her and stared at the fragment in her hand. Their eyes met as she quickly pulled away and began looking over the evidence. They continued to work eventually searching the inside of the limo. He thought she was through discussing the subject when she asked with her back turned from him.

"You said you didn't have a problem with me."

"I don't".

There was silence between them as they sprayed the interior. Finally he said what he thought she needed to hear.

"I thought that Nick was the best candidate for the position."

"Why?"

"Because he didn't care whether he got the job or not."

It made Sara stop spraying.

"That's a stupid reason."

She never brought up the subject again although he knew she felt betrayed by his actions. He watched as she went through the motions the rest of the shift and when it was over she retreated to her car and drove quickly away. He knew there would be no sleep for either of them.

Note from author:

Thanks for the comments- I have really enjoyed them. Someone asked if I am going to follow the episode guide and honestly I really don't know…so far I have…so we'll see. It just seemed to fit so I thought why not? Anyway, if you are reading along, please take the time to leave a review. I am working hard every day so I can find some time to work on this so don't disappoint me. Take care! Penny


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

The dark circles returned under her eyes. Any normal person would have slacked off in their job after being passed over for a promotion but Sara continued to work the doubles when asked and sometimes even a triple if he wasn't careful with monitoring her over time. She seemed more despondent these days. He tried to recall the last time he had seen her smile but he couldn't remember.

He worried when the rape case occurred and knew that she always seemed more sensitive to those types of cases. Red flags went up as soon as he heard that Sara had asked Catherine to take Linley Parker's statement even though it was her turn to take the next case.

She sat at her desk mulling over the report on her desk. Despite the grueling hours she had worked she had managed to squeeze in a few dates with Vincent. A few had been cancelled because of their schedules but neither complained about the reschedules. She found him attractive and easy going ever considerate of the turmoil she was enduring at the office.

They had met for lunches and dinners and snuck in a walk or two at the park. She seemed more comfortable with him each passing day. Holding of hands had progressed to warm embraces followed by soft kisses on cheeks to a brush on the lips to lingering kisses that made Sara wonder if she was ready to move to the next stage and permanently remove Grissom from the equation where her heart was concerned. It was his invitation that made her recoil and withdraw from their relationship without any explanation. She knew he had been hurt by her refusal to go out of town with him letting him know she was not prepared to take the next step in their relationship.

It had been painful knowing that he would be gone for awhile. She had gotten used to the phone calls and chats and the spur of the moment chance meetings. She had gotten used to the physical contact and realized for the first time that she needed that human contact for emotional stability. He had made it more bearable for her to return her apartment at the end of each shift knowing there was more to her life than work and an empty apartment. She longed for a home. She needed a home and Vincent was on his way to letting her know he was prepared to give her that and more. The Parker case however, reminded her she was not ready for an intimate relationship.

He found her standing outside the interrogation room as Linley sat with the forensic artist. He came and stood beside her glancing in her direction although Sara refused to acknowledge his presence. When he continued to stare it made her react.

"What?"

"How many vacation days do you have on the books?"

"About ... ten weeks, I guess. Why?" she said as she glanced at him.

"I think you should take a week or two."

_God, did I just say that? _

_She'll take it with him…_

"I-I'm still on the case. I just didn't do the interview for once in my life," replied Sara who quickly added, "When was the last time you took vacation? Never, right?"

"Okay."

He turned and walked away. The case would later take a turn for the worse when Linley Parker was found dead. The killer had raped her again and this time she could not or did not fight back. In the end they would arrest the man for the murders but for Sara and Catherine who worked the case, it had been very difficult.

Sara walked with Warrick and Nick. She was relieved when the guys insisted she come with them for a couple of hours to get out after work. She took the offer needing a distraction from the empty apartment that waited for her. The Parker case had brought back old memories and she knew that she would soon face them when she tried to sleep.

"So Sara, where's the surgeon?" asked Warrick. Sara glanced at Nick.

"You told," she said.

"Just a few. You seem happy with him. By the way, where is Vincent?" asked Nick.

"He had to go to a convention and a seminar in New York. He be gone for a couple of weeks," she said sadly.

"Why didn't you go? Grissom would have given you the time off," said Nick.

"Wait, he did ask?" asked Warrick.

"Yes, he did. I said I couldn't. I think I hurt him…I haven't heard from him in a couple of days," said Sara.

"It's not too late," said Nick.

"Sometimes, I feel like it is…I think it's time to say goodnight," she said as she walked away from them. She had intended to go home but the thought of spending another night alone after the Parker case, made her stop off for a drink.

He was sitting at his desk when he received the phone call.

"Grissom." (pause) "Yes." (pause)

He took off his glasses as he listened to the officer on the line.

"Is she all right?"

"She was lucky she wasn't on the strip. That's highway patrol's jurisdiction," said the officer. "She blew .09"

"I'll be right there," he said as he grabbed his jacket and hurried out the door.

The officer escorted Grissom to the waiting room in the police department.

"Technically, she's over, but they just lowered the limit, so we cut her a break and didn't book her. But we did have to call the supervisor."

"Well, thank you. I appreciate the courtesy."

"No problem."

Grissom stood and looked at Sara. She sat with her hands folded. She knew he was there the moment he entered the room but she continued to stare in front of her too embarrassed at her own actions and too hurt to seek any solace from him.

He looked at her and sighed as he reached over and took her hand. It was an act of kindness and she wasn't sure if it was out of pity or that he truly cared. She didn't care at the moment. His hand was warm to the touch and she could not bring herself to pull away. It was human contact she craved.

"Come on. I'll take you home."

She lowered her head and thought she might cry but she was just too weary at the moment. They walked out quietly; he guiding her thin frail body by the warmth of his hand on her back. His touch seared her skin and she suddenly felt very tired and vulnerable.

The drive was done in silence. Grissom stole a few glances every now and then while Sara sat with hands in lap quietly looking out the window. When they arrived at her apartment, she softly said "thanks" as she started to exit the car but his hand on her arm stopped her.

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"You asked me why I recommended Nick rather than you for the new key position. It's because of this, your drinking. You tell me you don't have a drinking problem but yet you drink. If you don't have a drinking problem then your actions tell me you have difficulty dealing with certain cases."

"I didn't plan to drink too much. I lost track of the drinks."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It was a tough day."

"Are you talking about the Linley Parker case?"

Sara sat there quietly for a moment.

_I didn't risk it…_

_I didn't go with him…_

_Now, I have nothing… _

"Parker case…you think she was relieved when he finally killed her? I mean she survived the

first attack only to be…I have no personal life anymore…I don't even have a career to show for

the sacrifices I've made these last few years…you think she wished she had let him kill her the

first time…what good did fighting back do for her? …. I have work and just this ...my apartment

…I think I've become you…how do you do it?...how do you work and

sleep and work and…never want…I'm over talking again…"

She saw the look on his face and she quickly replied, "I'm fine" before muttering "night".

_Something's wrong…._

_I'm worried about you…._

He started to say something when she was out the door and hurrying to her apartment. He found himself following her and he actually startled her when he took the keys from her hand and unlocked the door for her. He didn't wait for an invitation inside but rather stepped in with her closing the door behind them.

"We need to talk. I want you to promise me you're not going to drink anymore."

"Why?"

"Sara, this is going in your personnel file. It won't look…"

"Maybe I'm not like you…maybe I need something more or else I'll self destruct. I'll be sure to stand clear of you…"

"Stop it!" he shouted as he glared at her.

His anger was the last thing she needed. She stepped back folding her arms about her body and retreated. "I'm sorry they called you. It won't happen again."

"I'm glad they called me. If you ever need me you can call Sara. You know that right?"

Her silence told him she would not call. He had lost her trust.

"Get some sleep. If you need some time off, take it."

He stood there a moment and suddenly he saw how fragile she had become. Her weight was down and she seemed to have drawn inward. She used to be so vibrant but now she had become a hollow shell of the person who had arrived in Vegas just a few years ago. He wanted to say more but she was too exhausted to talk. As he left, he stood outside the door and listened for a moment for her to turn in but instead he could hear her pacing.

She was there at work bright and early the next shift. The circles were there but she gave no indication of how tired she was nor did she smile. Sara's smile was becoming extinct. She spent the day with Greg telling herself she needed to feel happy again and Greg had a way with making her smile. She had heard from the office grapevine that Greg had witnessed an autopsy.

"I heard you finally lost your virginity," she said.

Greg glanced at Sara and smiled for him.

"First autopsy. How was it?"

"It was fine. How was your first time? How did you react?"

"I puked."

"I didn't puke."

"Way to go, tough guy."

"It was weird, seeing a body lying on a table like that. Doc Robbins just pulling out his insides until it was all empty."

"Were you expecting a ball of light?"

"Doc Robbins said that's all we really are."

"It's what you do with it that counts," she said softly.

Greg looked at Sara and saw the sadness in her eyes. He wanted to say something but she quickly got up and left. She wondered how much longer she would remain in Vegas. She knew she would need to leave soon or risk losing herself in the cases. She had not meant to feel anything for Vincent but then she had longed to feel anything except pain and disappointment.

She returned to her desk to find several messages lying in her inbox. She glanced at the dates and became very angry. She picked up her desk phone and dialed Judy.

"Judy…"

"I'm sorry the new temp was putting your messages in the wrong box…it won't happen again," said Judy.

_He had called..._

_several times…_

_why didn't he call her cell?_

She didn't care. He had called and it meant he was not angry with her. It made her smile.

She made him angry when she and Warrick removed a door from a house that was full of explosives. She had found blood evidence on the door and refused to leave until she had possession of the door. Warrick had assisted with the removal but he made a point of telling Grissom of Sara's determination to preserve the evidence despite the threat to her own self. He was impressed with her professionalism but not Grissom.

He confronted her with actions while working with her in the lab as she examined the door.

"So what were you trying to prove with this door?"

"I was just collecting evidence."

"Well, Greg couldn't pull any DNA from the bones, so there's nothing to connect the victim to this anyway."

"Not yet."

She took a swab of the blood on the door and felt him staring at her.

"I don't have a death wish, and I'm not a drunk, in case you were worried."

"I'm not worried. I'm concerned."

Grissom turned and walked away. A small smile played around Sara's lips.

"Isn't that kind of the same thing?"

The conversation was dropped. Her actions nagged at him. He didn't like that she was willing to risk her life for her job.

He decided to pair himself with her so that he could keep a closer eye on her. He sighed when the case involved the disappearance of a young girl.

"There's nothing suspicious on the server. Only hits are music downloads. Wait a minute. An organ transplant site. For kidneys, heart, lungs and liver."

"What is that? Homework research?"

"Maybe. These are pretty detailed biochem and immunosuppressant citations. It's a little over a seventh grader's head, don't you think?"

"I don't know. I bet you were a pretty smart seventh grader."

Sara couldn't help but smile.

Perhaps he wanted to remind her he knew how smart she was and it was one of the traits he admired about her. He knew that the recent events had beaten down her self esteem and most of it was his fault.

He paired himself with her again on the next case working the death of a woman in a fountain in her subdivision. They would discover the couples in the neighborhood participated in swap parties in which the couples openly had sex with other couples.

The lifestyle had bothered Sara as she tried to rationalize why some woman would allow her husband to openly have sex with another partner.

Grissom walked up to Sara and took the seat next to her handing her a cup of coffee.

"Thank you. I know I'm supposed to be objective ... but I think I have a problem with the lifestyle."

"Well, they're consenting adults, it's not illegal. At most, they only hurt themselves."

"Tell that to Vanessa Keaton. Everyone has a jealousy gene." _I know. I found mine when you were dating Hank Pettigrew…. And now Lurie…_

"You think it was a crime of passion?"

"Yeah. When you have to go outside a marriage for passion, you're in trouble and you're asking for trouble."

"Well, they say they're happily married."

"You think they're happy?"

_I wish I could be happy…_

Grissom didn't answer as he considered the question. He didn't get to answer as his phone rang and the conversation was abandoned. He thought about their conversation later as he lay in bed and wondered if Sara was happy. He missed her smiles and she seemed so distant at times that he knew something was wrong. He knew that Lurie was returning soon and he wondered if Sara missed him.

_Does she really care about him?_

_Does she miss him?_

_Are they…._

The thought of Sara being intimate with Lurie made his stomach lurch. He knew the man was guilty but he couldn't prove it. However, Sara had stumbled across a piece of evidence that would have cleared Lurie immediately and he found himself questioning his previous judgment.

_Thirty six hours…._

_I did most of the work myself…_

_I wanted to find him guilty…_

_He was guilty…_

_Right?_

_I'm guilty…._

_How many times have I hurt her…._

_She deserves to be happy…_

_She deserves someone who can…._

_Love her…_

_I love her…_

He continued to pair himself with her no longer caring if anyone noticed. Despite the problems that existed between them, she seemed to be willing to forgive him. It would be Ecklie's investigation into a case that would show him her loyalty. A fingerprint had appeared on a matchbook that was evidence in a murder case. The appearance of the fingerprint implicated the mishandling of the evidence but Grissom later proved that the unit had followed protocol.

Despite Sophia's favorable report, Ecklie broke up the unit promoting Catherine to swing shift supervisor and placing Warrick and Nick under her supervision leaving Greg and Sara with Grissom. It had been a blow to the unit. Ecklie had interviewed everyone trying to implicate that Grissom was not properly supervising the unit. When Sara was questioned she covered for Grissom not letting him know that she and Grissom had not completed the PEAP conference. She could have easily told the truth but she remained loyal to him despite their past.

He had not liked the decision made by Ecklie and neither did the guys. They met at the diner so Grissom could personally give them the news. Warrick had been resistant to leave Grissom knowing that Grissom had always believed in him. He felt bound to tell Grissom that. It was his comment to Warrick that made himself begin to think about his own life.

"Well, I got to get some rest. Swing shift starts at four in the afternoon. That's a big change," said Warrick.

"Heracleitus once said, "It is in changing that we find purpose," said Grissom as he watched the others leave. He found himself with a purpose. He wanted to change for Sara.

Note from author:

Yes, we are about to see Grissom with a purpose. Thanks for the reviews. As you can see I am still following the episodes…they fit…go figure..makes you wonder if we are actually seeing a glimpse into the transition Grissom made to becoming GSR. Take care! Penny

P.S I post a chapter after I receive so many reviews so if you want another chapter, get to posting. Also, I am on chapter 30 if you need an idea of the length of the story.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

The case had been too much, bringing back memories she had wanted to keep buried. She saw the tiny body every time she closed her eyes. She knew it had bothered Greg as well although he pretended that the small starved body that had been discarded was just another body. The body of a child was always different. It reminded them of how sick the world really was.

They had been able to locate the other brother in time. The mother had left the children in the care of her cousin who was a hooker and she had slowly starved the children. Sara had been angry at the mother for leaving her children with the cousin but she remembered that desperation sometimes called for desperate measures.

Sara remembered the feel of the small child in her arms as he cried. It had been heartbreaking to all involved in the case. She stood with Brass as they escorted the cousin for booking.

"So, Seattle P.D. has located Candace Malton. They're putting her on a plane tonight. They said she's pretty broken up."

"She left her kids with her hooker cousin. She should've known better," said Sara. She then looked at Brass.

_The case bothers him too…_

_He's just a softy…._

_Although he won't admit it…._

_I know better…_

Everyone knew that Brass and Grissom were friends but few knew the relationship that had developed between Brass and Sara. She had watched from a distance at how the man grieved for his daughter, Ellie. He felt guilty for the way Ellie's life had turned out and it bothered Sara that Ellie was quick to take advantage of Brass's feelings. She often fumed over Brass's ability to give Ellie more than enough chances to improve her life.

_I would have given anything to have someone like that in my life…_

_A father that cared and actually forgave mistake after mistake._

Of course, Sara made few mistakes in her life. She had learned that mistakes brought severe consequences and she was a quick learner. Now, she found herself slightly touching his arm. A gesture she would never dream of doing with anyone else, not even Grissom but she did it with Brass. She had learned it from Brass. He did it without thinking. He did it to remind her when the cases were harsh that he was there. It began a couple of years ago when they had worked a difficult case and he had found her after work hours sitting quietly in her car swiping at her eyes. He had slid into the passenger's side and just sat there not saying anything and when she had stopped crying, he had slightly touched her arm and smiled.

They never discussed it. It just happened. It happened every so often until it happened without a reason, a greeting between close friends or more importantly family. They had adopted one another of sorts. They never discussed it. There was no need. The feelings simply existed.

"Where are you going to take her first, the hospital or the morgue?" asked Sara.

"Guess I might as well get it over with. I mean, once she sees the kids she's not going to want to leave them. He shrugged. "What do you think?"

"Go with the living, Jim. The dead can wait."

She had gone to the hospital with them watching the reaction of the mother as she held her son listening to him tell her of the horrors they had endured. It made her feel some relief when the mother broke down.

_At least she feels guilty…_

_She should be…._

_It costs the life of one of her children…_

_He must have been so scared…_

_At least he wasn't alone…_

_I remember being alone…_

She felt warm strong arms embrace her and she leaned into the body closing her eyes and telling herself she needed to feel loved. She felt his breath on her neck as he leaned down to whisper softly in her ear, "I just heard. I'm sorry Sara." It was Vincent. Brass stood quietly as he watched the exchange. There had been a few phone calls and a couple of dates since his return; each trying to work through their schedules trying to find some time to spend together.

She expected him to fail at the relationship with each phone call or each date. She expected to find something that would make her turn away from him but after each meeting, she longed to spend more time with him. She searched for the slightest hint of the man that had killed Debbie Marlin and Michael Clark but Vincent was not that man. He was kind and warm and understanding. He was patient and attentive and caring.

She found herself turning now until she was embracing him. It felt good. It was human contact and right now she needed to know that someone cared for her. All of the old memories of abandonment and loneliness had surrounded her during the entire case and now warm arms were enveloping her and she found herself kissing him without regard to the stares or whispers.

It was Brass who reminded her that they needed to get back to the lab and he watched as they walked away.

She sat there later at her computer and pulled up the file to her mother's case. She viewed the contents of the trial along with the recommendations for Sara to remain in foster care. It had been heartbreaking to view the details once again, having put so much of it behind her and yet still feeling the sting as though it were yesterday. She had always managed to run from her past keeping it hidden from her friends, always fearful of how they would react to the darkness of her childhood.

For years she had been able to hide it and now she felt the need to tell someone before it consumed her. The feelings she was experiencing frightened her and she found herself needing to decide if she could truly leave the love she had always felt for Grissom behind to begin a life with Lurie.

_I could love him…_

_I could try…_

_He has feelings for me…_

_He has never hurt me…_

_I could…._

_Be…_

_Happy…_

Sara walked up to Grissom's office and knocked on the door.

"Hi." She said softly as she stepped inside. Grissom looked up and took off his glasses.

"You got a minute?"

"Sure."

"We really haven't had a chance to talk since the staff changes. She said as she sat down. "I, uh ... I wanted to let you know that I said some things to Ecklie that might have done the team a disservice."

"Ecklie wanted to break up the team and he did."

"He asked me if you and I had had our post-P-E-A-P counseling session."

"And we didn't. Regardless, you should never have to cover for your boss. I'm sorry."

"You've always been a little more than a boss to me."

She gave him a small smile. "Why do you think I moved to Vegas? Look, I know our relationship has been complicated. It's probably my fault. It's probably definitely my fault."

"You, uh, completed your counseling, right?"

"Yeah. Yes."

"And ...?"

"Let's just say that ... I sometimes ... I look for validation in inappropriate places."

A moment of silence passed between them.

"Look ... let's, um ..."

The silence returned.

"It's okay. Okay. You know what, we did our session. Don't forget to document this for Ecklie," smiled Sara.

"Right."

"Thanks."

Sara stood and left leaving Grissom to wonder if she was saying goodbye in some way. It scared him. It scared the hell out of him.

He sat there in the diner with the coffee cup in his hand when Brass slid into the booth.

"You're going to need more than that," said Brass as he flagged the waitress and ordered a cup for himself.

"You said you needed to talk," said Grissom as he glanced at his watch.

"For once in your life, put the damn lab last and your personal life first. I'm worried about Sara," said Brass hoping that his admission would light a fire under his friend's ass.

"What's wrong?"

"She and Lurie are getting too close. I've never seen her this way…"

"You mean happy?"

"You know he did it. We both know it. We've spent too many years in this business not to know a murderer when we see one. Sara doesn't. She's hurting too much. She wants to believe the bastard."

"The evidence…"

"Screw the evidence…yes I'm sober. Look, you didn't see them together at the hospital. He walked up behind her taking her into his arms, whispering into her ear and she melts into his arms kissing him, right there in front of all of us…"

"Sounds like she's in love…" said Grissom quietly trying to keep the contents of his lunch down.

"She's in love with a murderer then and he's going to hurt her…I don't want to get the call that he's…"

Grissom got up leaving Brass to sit and wonder if his conversation had made any impact. He watched as she left that night. The thoughts of Lurie holding her and loving her made his pulse race and he cursed at the mess he had made.

Vincent was waiting in her driveway when she arrived home. They walked hand in hand to the door and she watched as he unlocked the door for her reminding her of the time Grissom had done that.

_Grissom._

They sat and talked, each telling the other of the past couple of weeks and the feelings of betrayal by each when the phone calls had not been returned.

"I can't remember numbers very well. When I lost my cell phone, I tried reaching you at the office but when you didn't return my calls…" he started.

"Me too. I'm sorry. New receptionist didn't give me the messages until several days later. I would have called you back immediately."

"I know that now."

"I'm worried about you," he said tracing the outline of her face with his fingertips.

_Grissom says that…._

_Vincent means it…_

_Grissom…_

_Why does it hurt so much?_

"It was a tough case…"

"Sara, you've never lied to me before…please don't do it now."

_I've lied…._

_I never told you I was helping Brass…_

_I never told you I suspected…._

_I don't anymore…._

_I never meant to be so deceitful…_

"I need to tell you something," she said. She was stopped by his lips on hers. They had kissed before. The brushing of lips slightly parted always teasing but never lingering. This time his lips lingered until she felt herself allowing him entrance and he deepened the kiss until she was breathless.

_I could love you…_

_I could let myself…_

_Grissom…_

_I need to let go…_

_He doesn't love me…_

_He never loved me…_

_God, why does it hurt so much…_

He felt her slowly pull away and he released her.

"As I was saying, I'm worried about you. You've been so sad lately. You try to hide it but I know better. I want you to know I'll do anything to make you happy. If you're having doubts, then I'll step back…If there's someone else…just let me know Sara. I just want you to be happy and I don't think I make you happy," he said quietly.

His honesty hit a nerve and she found herself crying. He held her tightly trying to comfort her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset," he said. "I'll go." He started to get up when she grabbed his arm.

"Please, stay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

They sat and chatted. This time they shared hurts and wants and desires and needs. As it grew later, Lurie looked at the clock. "I think you need to sleep before your next shift."

"What about you?"

"I have a late surgery in the morning, 8:00 am."

She smiled.

"I don't call 8:00 am late," she said as she yawned. "You look tired."

"It's been a long day," he admitted. He leaned over and whispered softly in her ear, "I love you Sara. If you need me, call me."

He pulled her close and kissed her lightly on the lips. She pulled him closer deepening the kiss until they found themselves grasping at their clothing. He gathered her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom. Sara's mind was reeling as she felt his weight on hers. She closed her eyes tightly forcing herself to accept him.

_He loves me…_

_I could love him…_

_I could…._

_Grissom…_

She felt his hands move slowly down her body and she felt her body responding to his touch while her brain screamed to make him stop. She pulled away from him as she pushed his body at arm's length. He struggled to his feet pulling his shirt together as he heard her soft sobbing. He gathered her into his arms kissing her gently.

"Sara, it's okay. I won't push...when you're ready…I can wait…please don't cry…" he said as he held her tightly.

"I have to tell you something," she gasped.

"It's okay."

"I agreed to get close to you to see if you killed Debbie Marlin….it wasn't an accident that I was there outside the interrogation room…I've lied to you."

Hurt crossed his face as he sat on the bed and combed his hands through his hair. Suddenly he was there again in Debbie's house and he wanted to curse.

**Note from author:**

Deep breath…cliff hanger…yes I know. Give me the reviews…let's hear the ranting…let's hear from the readers I adore and then let's quickly get another chapter posted. I can't wait for you to find out what happens next. You know the infamous scene at Sara's apartment is coming soon. Right? Take care! Penny


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

"I never meant to feel anything for you…I never meant for you…it happened…I don't believe you killed Debbie. I don't think you're capable of hurting…"

"It's okay Sara. I kind of suspected Grissom put you up to this…"

"It wasn't Grissom."

"It doesn't matter. I'm glad you know the truth." He said as he sat there.

"I'm sorry for deceiving you. I'm sorry I did this to us…" she choked and looked away.

"You told me. You believe me. I meant what I said. I love you and I'll wait until you're ready. I won't push," he said softly.

"I can't forgive what I did…I uhm…trying to put the past behind me…I'm really trying but it…you know it hurts…to love someone and they…don't even try…they won't even risk…"

She began to cry softly.

"Sara, I know how it feels. It hurts like hell."

_I know…._

_I know what it feels like…_

"It's late. Try to get some sleep. I'll let myself out," he said as he stood to leave.

"Wait, you could stay. You could sleep here, if you want," she said as she extended her hand.

He smiled and joined her in the bed. "I'll just hold you. Okay?"

She kissed him before yawning.

"I trust you," she whispered.

"I love you. Go to sleep."

_You're mine now Sara…_

_It's a matter of time…_

She saw them huddled into the conference room and wondered if she was late. She glanced at her watch and knew that she had overslept but she had still managed to get to work on time. Vincent had left early but she had awakened when he left the bed letting himself out. She groaned when she saw their faces.

_It's a decomp case…_

_Please don't let me be up next…_

"It's a decomp case, isn't it?" asked Sara as she entered the room. "I don't think it's my turn but if it is, I'm not feeling well…"

"Howard Tripton was found dead in his car," said Warrick.

"How?"

"He was shot in the head…gun was found in the vehicle…possible suicide…waiting for Doc to make a ruling," said Nick.

"Oh…" she said as she folded her arms about her.

"I don't have to tell you…who they suspect," said Warrick.

Sara's eyes jerked up to stare at them both.

"Time of death?"

"2:00 am," said Greg softly.

"Vincent didn't have anything to do with this," she said.

"He came in a little while ago to ID the body. It seems they were friends," said Nick. "Grissom intends to ask him some questions…"

Sara didn't wait for Nick to finish as she ran down the hallway to the morgue. She entered just as Grissom began the questioning.

"Can you identify the body?," asked Grissom as Doc stood by.

"It's Howard Tripton but then you already know that since you questioned him during the Marlin case," said Lurie.

"We need someone other than us to make the identification," said Doc.

"Where were you last night?" asked Grissom.

"That is none of your business unless you're accusing me of…" began Lurie.

"Why not answer if you have nothing to hide?" asked Grissom.

Sara ran in just as Brass arrived at the other entrance.

"I just heard," she said panting. "You can't do this," she said to Grissom.

Grissom held up his hand to stop her from interrupting.

"Dr. Lurie came to ID the body. It would help if he would tell us where he was last night," said Grissom. His stern look made Sara step back. He turned again and faced Lurie.

"If you have nothing to hide…" began Grissom.

"I don't have to tell you unless you have proof I was involved," said Lurie as he glanced at Sara. "You know I've had enough of this. You went after me last time and now Howard." He turned away and stood with his back to them.

"He didn't do this," said Sara.

"Sara…" said Grissom as he stopped her once more.

"I don't see why you would object to a simple question if you had nothing to do with his death," said Grissom.

"He was with me," said Sara

Grissom glared at Sara.

"For how long?" he asked.

"All night…he spent the night at my apartment….he didn't leave until early this morning…he couldn't have been involved," said Sara.

Grissom looked at Lurie and then Sara. "Is this right, Dr. Lurie?"

"Yes. I didn't want to get Sara involved but yes, I was at her place all night."

Grissom closed his hands into a tight fist as he walked out of the room. He walked past Sara as she stood there with arms folded suddenly feeling as if she had been punched. She could see the hurt in his eyes and she looked at Brass who averted his eyes.

"I'll give you a moment with the body," said Doc as he followed Brass out of the room.

"I'm sorry about Howard."

"He's had a drug problem for a couple of years. It increased after Debbie's death. He took her death harder than anyone. He'd been stealing drugs from the nurse's station and was caught this week. He knew it was a matter of time before he would be fired. His wife had already left him because she found out about Debbie….you know what I don't get…he had a family and yet he threw it away for her…I used to think that my career was more important than a family…not now…"

She placed her hand on his arm but he pulled away. His actions caught her off guard.

"Tell me. I have to know. Did you suspect me when they told you…did you doubt my innocence until you heard the time of death?"

"I trusted you last night," whispered Sara.

"Last night…I guess you did with the unmarked police car out front…my attorney told me this morning….the speech you gave me…I believed you and I forgave you….when all along you were still…that's probably the reason why you wouldn't…God Sara, I told you how I really felt. I exposed myself once again only to…" He choked and quickly turned away.

"I didn't know!"

"I can't go through this again and be wrong…I couldn't…"

She grabbed his arm.

"I didn't know!"

"Answer me. Did you suspect me? Did you think of me as a suspect until you heard about the time of death?"

"I uhm..I…" it was her turn to choke on the sobs as she covered her mouth.

He shook his head.

"I want to trust…"she began.

"A relationship has to be based on trust and no lies."

She stepped back as he turned and walked out.

Sara felt the walls moving in as she covered her mouth to stifle the sobs. She had lost him.

_The only person who ever loved me..._

_The only person who never hurt me…_

_The only person who thought…_

_I was worth the risk…_

She felt hands enveloping her now and she turned into the arms needing to feel some kind of warmth.

"It's going to be okay. I promise," said Brass as he held her. Sara pulled away from him.

"You did this! You had the unmarked police car there that night. You did it and never told me!"

"Kiddo, he's not for you. He's…"

"You had no right!" yelled Sara.

"I won't be called out to your apartment when he's…"

"I trusted you! More than anyone else, I trusted you! You were the closest thing I have to…You hurt me far worse than he ever could." She whispered.

"You think so? What if he got mad because you rejected him and he raped you or worse killed you? How do you think I would feel being called to your apartment to find your body…he's capable of doing that Sara…you're just hurt because Grissom won't get off his ass and do something. He's too scared of being hurt.…"

"Grissom had his chance. He made it perfectly clear I wasn't worth the risk. There isn't anything that leads me to believe Vincent is capable of violence. He has never hurt me. Grissom...I don't want to talk about this with you. You hurt me. I won't forget that."

It was his turn to feel the slap behind the outbursts as she fled the room leaving Brass to stand quietly alone cursing under his breath.

Note from author:

Thanks for the reviews. Okay, so you don't like Lurie. Well, Grissom needs to get off his #$

(taken from a reader) and do something. It's coming. I promise. Take care! Penny


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:**

He banged on the door until Grissom opened it.

"Better have a bottle," said Brass as he walked past Grissom without waiting for an invitation to enter.

He looked at Grissom with the chilled glass in his hand and smiled. "Started without me."

He followed Grissom to the counter as he poured another drink handing it to Brass.

"Final findings on Howard Tripton?" asked Brass.

"Doc says that it appears to be a suicide but he's not so convinced by the entry of the bullet and the positioning of the body in the vehicle but there's not enough to rule otherwise."

"No suicide note…"

"Wife insists the man would have fled before harming himself. She's not convinced it was suicide….but then again the one million dollar insurance policy is not going to pay off on a suicide and she's the beneficiary," said Grissom as he emptied his glass.

They sat in silence before Grissom continued.

"Doc told me about what transpired in the morgue," said Grissom. "The tape was still running."

"You never know in our business whose recording,"

Grissom glanced at Brass. "Confession is good for the soul. I wish I had better timing when it came to mine."

Brass watched as Grissom downed the amber liquid before responding.

"I wire tapped her apartment."

"You did what!"

"You couldn't expect me to just let him go in there and be alone with her. I had it wire tapped."

"I take it she didn't know."

"No, but she agreed to work under cover…I know…I should have told you…yeah I know you think I have shit for brains..Look, I'm giving you the tape. You need to hear…"

"No, I don't."

"Yes the hell you do! She didn't sleep with the guy…she couldn't…she's still in love with you. If you don't get off your ass she's going to…she's going to let that bastard…and it's going to be your fault!"

He slammed the glass down along with the tape and left. Grissom picked up the tape and threw it across the room.

Everyone expected her to call in sick but she didn't, working as though nothing had happened. Greg followed her around until she threatened him with bodily harm. Grissom kept his distance. He was so preoccupied with the suicide of Howard Tripton he had not noticed the case Catherine had assigned to Sara.

"Look, all I am asking is to have a black-and-white do regular welfare checks," said Sara as she walked down the hall with Catherine.

"Did the wife ask for help?"

"Well, that's kind of hard to do when you don't speak English and you're a sex slave. I'm sure she doesn't know her rights," replied Sara.

Catherine sighed, "You can't arrest someone for marrying the wrong person."

"You would know." Catherine stood there shocked by the comment but she ignored it and moved one.

"If the guy's an abuser, if he killed his first wife, we will build a case and we will nail him."

"And in the meantime, he can just keep using her as a punching bag."

"Sara, I was there -- there wasn't a mark on her."

"Not that we could see, Catherine."

"You know ... every time we get a case with a hint of domestic violence or abuse, you go off the deep end. What is your problem?"

"Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head."

She didn't know why she felt compelled to attack Catherine but at the moment she wasn't going to back down. She cringed when Ecklie yelled at her and told her to get into his office. She stood there prepared to defend herself knowing that she had stepped out of line but no longer caring about her job or her future with the department. Sara had had enough.

"Willows is a supervisor -- that means you treat her with respect. Insulting her in front of coworkers ..."

"She's not my supervisor."

"All right-- your superior. Sara, you berate witnesses, you disrespect the people you work with, you luck your way out of a DUI. Take a look -- you got a half a dozen complaints in your jacket. And if Grissom really documented your performance, there'd probably be a dozen more-- that's not the kind of person I want in my lab."

"The only reason this is your lab is because Grissom doesn't kiss ass. You couldn't hack it in the field, so you fail your way up, you break up our team, and now you just hang out in the hallways waiting for one of us to screw up."

"Sidle, you're on one-week suspension without pay,"

"Great."

"... and when you get back, you're apologizing to Catherine."

Sara shook her head, "No, I'm not."

She turned and walked out of the lab, ignoring the calls from Greg and the others. She sat at her desk, a beer bottle in her hand, trying to force herself to write a resignation. She knew that to leave immediately following a suspension would not look good on her record and might cost her a future as a criminalist. At the moment she didn't care. She just wanted to get away. She was surprised when the knock came at the door and she stood face to face with Grissom. She sighed as she turned off the stereo by remote.

"Well, if you're here, it can't be good."

"Can I come in?"

She stepped back to let Grissom in. She lifted her beer bottle at him, "Want to ask me if I'm drunk?"

"We both know that's not your problem."

"I spoke to Catherine."

"Ecklie?"

"He wants me to fire you."

"I figured." She sighed almost feeling a sense of relief that she would not have to write the resignation.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Sure. An explanation."

"I ... lost my temper."

Sara walked around the room and stopped in front of the chair near her desk. The room suddenly felt too small with his presence and she wished he would soon leave.

"That seems to be happening quite a bit. Do you know why?"

"What difference does it make? I'm still fired."

"It makes a difference to me."

_Please Sara, let me help you…._

"I have a problem with authority. I choose men who are emotionally unavailable. I'm self-destructive. All of the above."

"Have you ever gone a week without a rationalization?"

Sara took a breath, but before she could reply Grissom continued, "It's from the "Big Chill". One of the characters explaining a basic fact of life -- that rationalizations are more important to us than sex even."

Sara sat down. "I am not rationalizing anything. I crossed the line with Catherine, and

I was insubordinate to Ecklie."

"Why?"

Sara shook her head. "Leave it alone."

"No, Sara."

"What do you want from me?"

"I want to know why you're so angry." _Do you know about the wiretap?_

"My personal life is in shambles…what little I had…all I wanted was something besides work…I work…I come home…I work…I'm alone…The cases keep getting worse…the reminders…things I want to forget…things I need to forget…"

"You've never told me…"

I tried to tell you...when I returned from my time off…. My PEAP counselor told me to talk with you…to let you know about…" She stopped suddenly searching for the words, needing to tell him but not knowing how he would react to her past.

"I'm here now. I'm sorry that I didn't sit down with you and talk with you about it before. It's my fault."

They sat facing each other. The light from the setting sun filtered through the darkening room. Grissom tried to mentally prepare himself for what she was about to tell him. The danger words danced around in his mind as he tried to focus.

_Fine, Home, family, rape, domestic violence, love…._

He felt his stomach begin to knot as she stared off into space as she spoke.

"It's funny ... the things that you remember and the things that you don't, you know. There was a smell of iron in the air. Cast-off on the bedroom wall. There was this young cop puking his guts. I remember the woman who took me to foster care. I can't remember her name. Which is strange, you know, 'cause I couldn't let go of her hand?"

He saw her vulnerability as he heard it in her voice.

"Well ... the mind has its filters."

"I do remember the looks. I became the girl whose father was stabbed to death. Do you think there's a murder gene?"

"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behavior."

He looked at her demeanor. Her legs were drawn up as she wrapped her arms around them in a protective stance. He caught sight of the slight trembling on her hands and the quiver in her voice. He knew she was struggling to maintain her composure.

"You wouldn't know that in my house. The fights, the yelling, the trips to the hospital. I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When my mother killed my father, I found out that it wasn't."

The words hung in the air and she tried to hold back the tears but suddenly she no longer cared and buried her head in her arms as she let herself cry. He had seen her cry before but this time they were racking sobs and he felt his heart lurch at the pain he felt for her. Grissom reached out and held her hand as she cried. When the sobs did not stop, he pulled her into an embrace holding her gently as she cried.

"I'm sorry Sara. I'm sorry I never gave you a chance to tell me. I know it must have hurt to work on some of these cases."

It felt right with her in the crook of his arm. He breathed in the scent of her hair as he held her close. He had always loved her scent. He berated himself for letting it get to this with Sara. He had been the one to ask her to come to Vegas, not thinking of the sacrifices she had made in order to come there. He knew she was too much like himself to open up to anyone and knew that if he had not pushed her away she would have told him much sooner avoiding the recent problems of her drinking and now the incident with Ecklie and Catherine. He even prayed that she would not have turned to Lurie for comfort if he had been there for her.

"I'm not firing you."

She was silent.

"I'll talk with Ecklie. This is just as much my fault as it is yours. You should have been able to talk with me Sara. I'll handle this. Promise me, if you ever need to talk you'll come to me. I'll listen."

"We used to talk…before I came to Vegas."

"I know. I looked forward to your emails. I miss that."

"Me too," she said softly.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked.

"You need to get back," she said as she started to pull away.

"I can stay if you need me," he offered.

She smiled slightly before moving away to pull up her legs and wrapped her arms around them as he placed a blanket around her.

"Call me," he said.

"I'm fine. It's not necessary." She said.

_She's not fine…she said that damn word_

"I'll call you," he offered as he stood and looked down at her. He started for the door and turned. She seemed quite tired and fragile. Without a second glance, he leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Sleep, okay?"

She smiled and then he was gone. He stood outside the door for a moment and sighed. He did not want to leave her but he knew he would have to meet with Ecklie immediately. He found Ecklie with Catherine as they were discussing a case.

"You wanted to talk to me about Sara?" asked Grissom.

"I haven't received her disciplinary action. What's the holdup?"

"Well, I'm not firing her."

"What action are you taking?" asked Catherine.

"I've taken it."

"I thought I was clear."

"You were. Now let me be clear. Sara's behavior is a direct result of my management."

"So I should fire you."

"But you won't."

"Look, Gil ... I've been there. We're human. We get attached to people; we try to fix their problems. It doesn't work."

"She's a great criminalist, Conrad. And I need her."

"I'm sure you do. You know what? She's loose cannon with a gun. And she's all yours."

He turned and left the lab without speaking with anyone. Already the rumors were running rampant in the grapevine that Sara had been suspended and he avoided the questions from Nick and Warrick. He walked out as Greg stood outside the lab glaring at him.

_The fool kid loves her as much as I do…._

_Love….Sara…of course…._

Note from author:

Well, we see he is taking those steps now…Love the reviews. I am getting excited because you're getting close to chapter 12….

Take care! Penny


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:**

She was surprised to find him a second time at her door in less than a few hours. He stood with food in hand and a box in the other.

"Have dinner with me," he said.

She half smiled. He could tell she had been crying but he pretended he hadn't noticed.

"You should be sleeping," he said as he headed for the kitchen counter.

"I tried."

"I thought you might try to skip dinner so I brought food," he said. The box made a soft scratching noise and Sara glanced at it.

"The box…"

"Oh yes…I almost forgot," he said as he handed her the box.

She opened the box and smiled taking out the kitten.

"I found him wandering around on the streets….looks like he was abandoned…I didn't want to take him to those places…would never survive with me…I'm not very good at taking care of things…I seem to hurt the things I love."

She glanced at him but then turned away trying to hide her face from him, swiping at her eyes from time to time. He pulled out the containers and they sat side by side on the couch eating the food. Grissom chatted about the lab as Sara petted the kitten.

"I've already talked with Ecklie. The matter has been resolved. One week suspension with a follow up with your PEAP counselor."

"How did Catherine take the news?"

"Catherine will be fine."

"I owe her an apology. I said some not so nice things to her. She didn't deserve it."

"Give her a call or better yet go to lunch one day. You know you two have a lot in common."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Well, you're both stubborn and pig headed and need to get in the last word. You both do not back down from a fight…"

"I get the point," she said. "Grissom, I appreciate all of this. I really do. I'm glad I have a boss who is also a friend."

"I always wanted to be more than a friend. I still do," he said with a grin. Sara sat speechless. He began talking about another case as she sat there trying to decipher the meaning behind his words.

It had been difficult for her to return to work knowing that everyone knew of the suspension but she put it behind her telling herself that Grissom had taken a risk by defending her to Ecklie and she was not about to let him down. He had come for another visit during the week of her suspension telling her he was checking on the kitten. She was glad to see him despite she had not bothered to answer her phone during the week when the others called. They had each called one by one including Catherine. She had checked the caller ID expecting him to call but he didn't. It had hurt. She told herself it was probably better this way since a relationship could not be based on lies or deceit and she felt she had lied too many times to Vincent.

She had accepted phone calls from Grissom telling herself it would not look good to dismiss her boss when in reality she had longed for his companionship. She tried very hard not to read anything into his behavior telling herself that he was acting in a supervisory role. She did not think she could endure another rejection forcing herself to accept his friendship and nothing more.

She kept her distance at work only making contact with him when it was absolutely necessary. It was the hardest thing to do since she seemed drawn to him now. She found herself jealous of Sophia's relationship with Grissom. As she approached Grissom's office, she saw Grissom and Sofia sitting side-by-side at the table with their backs to the door. She envied the ease of their relationship.

She sighed. There always seemed to be tension when she entered the room with Grissom. She wondered if she would ever have this sort of relationship with him. She remembered the kitten and his comments that night and she longed to have him feel something towards her. Of course every time she thought he did, hurt followed. Her heart wanted to trust him but her mind told her that things would soon change. They always did.

That was the story of her life. Things had never been easy for Sara. She had been told to accept change; change was a part of foster care system and she had learned the rules obeying them, biding her time so she could escape. The many faces of her foster parents flashed before her eyes. There had been so many. She had been a good girl. She did what she was told. She studied and studied knowing that the only way she would be able to escape is getting a scholarship that would pay her way to a better life.

_A better life…_

_Love…_

_A home…._

_a family…_

The plan had been simple but even now after all these years her goals seemed far from reach.

_I have my job…_

She forced herself to concentrate on the case and proceeded to discuss the recent murder of a young mother. The husband was the prime suspect. Grissom studied her body language as she stood there discussing the case with them. He knew that Sara had seemed a bit detached since her return. She avoided him in the break room as well as the lab.

He told himself she was just embarrassed over breaking down in front of him but she seemed to be trying to distance herself from him and he didn't like it. Her initial gaze at them let him see the jealousy even if it was only briefly before she masked her emotions. He would return the expression when he overheard Sara and Greg together in the hallway discussing their shower together. Although Greg told Sara he did not look at her while in the shower, he knew that if it had been him, he would have.

The relationship with Brass remained strained. She was tolerant of him responding to his questions that were work related. She avoided any further contact with him and Grissom watched as his friend struggled to make up for his deceit. At the end of each shift, it was Grissom who came to Sara's desk and wished her a good night sometimes walking her out to her car or before returning after a crime scene, he would insist they stop for a bite to eat.

She would accept his offers but he knew that she was still fearful of his actions, waiting for him to turn and run like he had done so many times before. Just as he thought he was making progress, Lurie returned.

She had returned from the field with Nick when she saw him waiting for her in the lobby. He called for her as she tried to hurry to her desk without being seen. Nick stood and watched, not wanting to leave her alone.

"Sara, please. Could I talk with you," he said softly.

She glanced at Nick and then waited for Lurie to follow her. They sat in the break room drinking coffee.

"I've missed you," he said.

"You never called. If you missed me…"

"Sara, when I'm hurt I do what makes me comfortable, I work. I now have more IOUs than any other surgeon at the hospital. I even tried to work around the clock until I became so exhausted I passed out for days. It's not been easy. How about you?"

"I got suspended for a week. It seems I have a problem with authority and I tend to strike out at others when I'm angry."

"I'm sorry. It's my fault. I should have called."

"I don't think it would have mattered. You were right. I have trust issues…"

"I have to confess something. I did some digging…I know about your past," he said softly.

Sara stood up to put away her coffee mug, wanting to get away from him.

"God, Sara. You should have told me. No wonder you can't trust. I've kicked myself for being so hard on you. I believe you when you said you didn't know about the unmarked car."

"The past is the past. It was a long time ago…."

"You don't get over things like that…not by yourself. I'm sorry. I should have been there for you. I will be if you let me. My feelings for you have not changed, I still…"

"Don't say that…not now…"

"Sara I may have been angry but I never stopped loving you. I can't."

He pulled her close and held her for a moment and he smiled when she did not pull away. He lifted her face as he kissed her, deepening the kiss when he saw Grissom approaching.

"Let me love you Sara. I promise I won't hurt you…not like him." He kissed her again and then left her standing there. She kept her back to the doorway as Grissom stood there and let Lurie pass by him without saying a word. He watched as she swiped at her eyes and he saw that she was trembling. He backed away and returned to his office where he swiped the contents on his desk into the floor.

He told himself he should work the case alone but there was no one else available. When he told her about the case she seemed to be fine with the location despite the fact that she seemed apprehensive the moment they drove up in front of the asylum. He had tried to keep her nearby but she insisted on collecting the evidence on her own telling him they would be able to leave sooner if they split up the responsibilities.

She knew she was in trouble the moment she heard Adam's voice from behind. When she turned around she came face to face with Adam. She heard the click of the door and knew that Adam had now locked them in together.

"Are you a spiritual person?" asked Adam.

"Sometimes."

"Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? That bad things are there to teach us a karmic lesson?"

Adam moved slowly toward Sara as she backed away casually, reaching behind her, grabbing a syringe from the counter top.

"You know, maybe all our problems can be cured by tuning in to a higher frequency."

"There's this one guy I read, he believes that illness, anxiety and fear all occur when people are vibrating at ten thousand cycles a second."

Sara uncapped the syringe as Adam moved closer and tried to jab it at Adam but he was too strong and soon overpowered her, causing the syringe to fall to the floor.

Sara felt herself being pulled to the floor and she frantically fought to get free. She stared at the window praying that Grissom would return soon. Sara struggled against Adam trying to elbow him in the chest, but his hold on her remained firm as she felt the pointed piece of hardened clay against her throat.

"If they could just get up to a hundred thousand cycles per second they'd be in the realm of sound, light and spirit, and everything would be just fine. Right?"

Sara nodded, "Yeah."

"You know what I think I'm just vibrating at the wrong frequency."

Sara struggled once more against Adam's hold on her.

"Don't"

"It's okay." She pleaded.

She could hear Adam crying, "Do you think I'm smart?"

Grissom and the security guard returned to find the door unlocked. Grissom stepped to the side to look through the window and his stomach lurched when he saw Adam holding Sara. Sara continued to talk with Adam as Grissom appeared in the window. Her pleading eyes told him she feared for her life and that they would need to get the door opened immediately.

"Oh God, open the door," said Grissom to the orderly.

He watched helplessly as Adam pressed the ceramic tip against Sara's throat.

The orderly fumbled as he tried different keys. "I can't. I don't have the right key."

"Just open it," said Grissom quietly.

As the orderly struggled with the keys, Adam saw Grissom standing there and it had angered him making him press the makeshift knife firmly against Sara's neck.

"Please open the door."

"Don't you move a muscle. I will grind you, you bitch. You hear me?"

Sara nodded.

"Do not look at them!"

"Okay."

"Keep your eyes on the floor!"

Suddenly, Nurse Joanne McKay ran to the nurse's station, pressing her hands to the window glass. Adam released Sara and pointed the knife toward the nurse and Sara took advantage of the situation and ran.

Sara opened the door and ran outside, ignoring everyone as she hurried past them. She walked quickly to the end of the hallway, getting as far away as she could. Sara reached the window and slammed both her hands, palm forward on the metal grate resting her forehead against the metal. He came and stood nearby as she stared out the window watching it rain, noticing how the rumble of the thunder made her shiver.

"When my father died, my mother came to a place like this for a while for evaluation. It looked the same, it smelled the same. It smelled like lies."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Crazy people do make me feel crazy."

"If you want, I can have somebody take your place."

She declined finishing the case as he stayed nearby watching for her resolve to break any moment but she insisted on interviewing Adam's mother and watching as they led her away in handcuffs. He left her there to seek solace in his office. As he walked away, Sara felt herself letting go. She hurried out the door and into her vehicle. She had wanted to remain strong during the case for him. She did not want to appear weak.

The entire shift had been too much. He wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep. He knew he would find no rest after the events of the day.

_I almost lost her…_

_She could have been killed…_

_she would never know how I feel…_

He went in search of her and was told she had already left. He checked outside and saw that her vehicle was gone. He had wanted to talk with her once more. He had wanted to make sure she was okay. He knew that it had unnerved her and he wondered if she would be able to get any rest.

He found himself at her door. He wasn't sure why he was there only that he needed to be there. He tapped on the door lightly and when she did not answer immediately it alarmed him. He picked up his phone and called her and he listened as he heard her phone ringing inside. He tapped again waiting for her to answer but when there was no response he suddenly remembered the spare key she had given him years ago when she first moved to Vegas.

"_I'm always locking myself out of my apartment…I don't know anyone else I can trust to give it to."_

He had taken it and placed it on his key ring and forgotten about it. He fumbled through the keys, and he suddenly remembered the orderly trying to unlock the door as he stood there helplessly and watched Adam with the knife at her throat.

_I could have lost you…_

He quickly produced the key unlocking the door and stepping inside. Her jacket was lying on the couch along with her phone. He was surprised that her hand gun now lay beside her jacket.

_She doesn't feel safe anymore…_

He heard the shower and he breathed easier. He stood in the doorway of her bedroom and listened. He could hear the sound of the water in the shower as it shut off. He glanced in and saw the steam bellowing from underneath the door. It was her sobbing that made him react.

Note from author:

We are almost there…the big GSR scene but then it's mostly GSR all the way now…okay you know I like angst and therefore with every fluff some angst must fall….leave the reviews and make me happy. Take care! Penny


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve:**

He quickly threw open the bathroom door forcing his eyes to adjust to the steam. He found her sitting on the edge of the tub with the robe loosely placed about her body as she cried.

"Sara?" He asked softly and she jumped from the sound of his voice trying to close the robe.

He stared at the blotched skin and the puffy eyes and he immediately knelt pulling her into his embrace.

"It's okay honey. You're safe," he whispered as he pulled her up and led her into the bedroom sitting her on the bed.

"I couldn't get the smell off. I could still smell the place…him…God Grissom I can still smell him like he's here…"

He pulled her close, cursing under his breath at his lack of sensitivity.

_Of course she's not fine…_

_How could she go through that and be fine…_

_He could have raped her while I stood helplessly by and watched._

_He could have killed her…_

"He's not here, Sara. I'm here. It's just me."

He gently rocked her as she cried. Once he felt her relax, he released his hold on her.

"Your skin feels like it's on fire," said Grissom as he surveyed the red blotches made by the excessive scrubbing.

His hands caressed her thin frail body reveling in the feel of her skin beneath his fingers. He had never been this close to her before. He had touched Heather. He had placed his hands on her and kissed her. He had wanted to do more that night but then reality had stopped him from proceeding. He was now glad it did.

He gently caressed each red blotch kissing it as his hands roved over her entire body. She stood still with eyes closed as he made his way up and down her body. He heard a slight moan when his hand slightly touched her breast and suddenly, all caution was disregarded as he pulled her into his embrace taking her lips into his and rejoicing in the feel of her tongue as it met his. He no longer cared for propriety and office rules.

He wanted to make love to her but he suddenly remembered that Lurie had been there. Lurie had slept with her and he felt a bout of jealousy as he visualized Lurie lying with her, kissing her, groping her, touching in places…and then he remembered something else.

_The wire tap._

He kissed her deeply and held her for a moment before releasing her.

"Sara, get dressed. I want you to come with me."

She started to protest when he kissed her more urgently this time and whispered into her ear.

"Please honey. Come with me. I need you to be with me. Okay?"

She nodded slightly and stood up. He stood in the doorway with his back to her, glancing slightly every now and then to make sure she was getting dressed. She saw him looking as she dropped the robe displaying her nudity and she blushed.

"Greg never looked," she said softly.

"Pity for Greg," he said. "Pack a bag, just a few things for overnight. Okay?"

She stood by the bed waiting not sure what they were doing. When he turned, he saw how tired and vulnerable she was at that moment. He took her hand and led her to the door.

"Grissom, the kitten…"

"He'll be fine for the night," he assured her as he led her to the vehicle and they left.

They drove in silence. She pressed her head against the glass of the vehicle seeking the coolness. Her head throbbed as she tried to keep her emotions in check. She had wanted to seek sanctuary in her apartment before falling apart but there had been no comfort. She picked up the phone and almost called Vincent but then she felt Adam's hand on her body and she had retreated to the shower, scrubbing her skin over and over trying to rid herself of the stench of the hospital and the feel of his hands on her body.

He glanced at her and saw her head tilted against the glass. He reached over and took her hand kissing the palm. She gently eased her hand from his and sat with arms folded about her as if protecting herself from some unseen force. He saw her trembling and he turned on the heat, pulling a blanket from the back and handing it to her. She wrapped herself up in it leaning her head back against the glass. He watched as she closed her eyes once more.

"It's not much further, Sara," he said softly.

She felt her head throb to the sound of the windshield wipers as the rain continued to pour. She kept her eyes closed and was surprised when she felt the door open and he was standing there by her side. He gently guided her to the entrance unlocking the door and then locking the door behind her. It startled her when she heard the sound of the alarm being set and their eyes met.

"You're safe here," he said as he made his way to the kitchen.

She stood there looking around the room. She had been to the townhouse before. Grissom had been removed from a case and the others had come to the townhouse. They had made a make shift office out of the townhouse. As she looked around, she noticed that very little had changed since her last visit. She pretty much knew the layout of the townhouse and she did not recall two bedrooms.

"Are you hungry?" he called.

She didn't respond but sat down on the couch. She placed her head in her hands as she longed for her bed. She felt something being slipped into her hand and she raised up to find him sitting across from her.

"Take these. They'll help with the headache," he said softly as he handed her a glass of water.

She took them and leaned back on the couch.

"I don't remember seeing you eat anything all day," he said.

_I didn't think you ever noticed…._

"I'll fix us something. Try to relax but don't go to sleep yet." He called over his shoulder.

He was a very good cook remembering her vegetarian lifestyle and the veggie omelet was better than anything they had gotten at the diner. Her head seemed to feel better once she had eaten. He smiled when she cleaned her plate and then yawned.

"I think you could sleep now," he said. He led her to the bedroom pulling down the covers and removing the clock from the stand. She watched as he opened the top drawer of his dresser and removed his nightclothes and placing them on the bed. She stood and watched as he did all this without regard to her presence.

"You can change in the bathroom," he said and he ushered her inside closing the door.

She changed and then frowned remembering the prescription she had left at her apartment. She smiled at the neatness of the bathroom.

"My place is not this neat. It's rather messy," she said as she stood in the doorway to the bathroom. His back was to her and he had already changed into pajamas.

"I have to confess I have a cleaning lady who comes every couple of days. You were lucky she came today," he said as he turned around. His breath caught as she stood in front of him.

"Better," he said softly.

"I left my prescription…I'll need it in the morning," she said.

He seemed puzzled for a moment but stood staring at her.

"I really don't mind taking the couch…. I don't sleep very well… I'm going to take the couch," she said as she headed to the living room.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?" she asked as she turned to face him.

"You once asked me if I would sleep with you,"

"I remember," she said as she struggled to breathe.

"Would you sleep with me?" he asked extending his hand to her.

He held his breath as he watched her stare at him. He felt her hands tremble as she placed them in his and he guided her to the bed.

"Since you're guest, you can pick any side," he whispered.

She slid in between the sheets moving over to the right side of the bed. He clicked off the lights as she felt the bed give way to his body as he slid in beside her. He moved over until he could pull her close to him.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"The prescription you need in the morning…"

"It's uh birth control pills."

"Good. That was going to be my third question."

"What's your second?"

"Would you let me make love to you?"

**Note from author:**

Grissom has come a long way, hasn't he? Feel the love…feel the build up…and yes I miss calculated and thought the GSR love scene was in chapter twelve…sorry…next chapter. I will release in the morning. Take care! Penny


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

He felt her tense and he wondered if he was too late. He leaned up on his elbows so he could look at her.

"Do you love him?" he asked.

"I uh…I um" he heard the crack in her voice and he felt his own constrict. He swore under his breath.

"It's okay. You can tell me," he said quietly.

"I…could…I could if I tried…he says he loves me…he wanted to…I couldn't…I couldn't because of you…I can't do this anymore…I can't reach out to you and then you pull away. It hurts too much..." she sniffled.

He smiled.

_I have a chance._

_I have that second chance._

"I want you to know something. I'm not going to run any more. I'm not going to push you away…I know I've hurt you before and I'm sorry. I'll never do that again. I love you Sara. I think I've loved you since San Francisco. I wanted you then. I want you now."

He felt her smile as he kissed her gently on the lips taking in the sweet moisture from her lips. Clothes were suddenly no longer on their bodies as bare skin met bare skin. He heard her gasp when his hands explored her body coming to rest below her abdomen slipping further as he deepened his kiss. She never imagined she could feel so complete when his body met hers under the sheets while he guided his hands over every inch of her body until she was sure she would beg him at any moment to make love to her.

He was as meticulous at lovemaking as he was with his work, never leaving an inch of her body uninspected. His hands were warm as they traveled across her body teasing her most intimate places. He felt her tense when he inched himself closer in preparation of entering her. She trembled and her breathing increased as if suddenly she was going to panic. He stroked her hair and kissed her gently on the lips.

"Sssh, it's okay Sara. I'm not going to hurt you." He felt a slight trickle of moisture on her cheek and he eased back letting her get accustomed to the feel of his body on hers.

"Sara? You're in control, if you tell me to stop, I will." He whispered. When she kissed him, he proceeded slowly ever mindful of her reactions. When he entered her, he waited for her to adjust to the feel of him inside before whispering softly, "I love you Sara, I can stop if you need me to…" She pulled him down to her, kissing him with such intensity that he thought he would lose control and take her.

He eased back checking to ensure she was fine when he heard her rasp in his ear, "Please don't stop." He began to move inside her gently at first and he grinned when he heard her moan softly. With each thrust, he kissed her until she felt herself floating above him and then her muscles tightening as she neared her climax. She felt herself calling his name as he followed her over the edge. He pulled her up close to him kissing her gently on the lips and then whispering softly into her ear.

"You've always been worth the risk, Sara."

It took him off guard when she began to weep. He pulled her into his arms and berated himself, telling himself he should not have pushed.

_She wasn't ready…._

_The incident with Adam…._

_It was must have reminded her…_

"I'm sorry Sara. I should have waited. I didn't mean to push you," he said as he kissed her on the forehead and held her tightly. He waited until she seemed to calm down before releasing her.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

She nodded.

"There have been six words that I've associated with you," he said quietly. She turned so that they faced one another.

"I don't understand," she said softly.

He leaned over and kissed her before proceeding.

"The first word is 'fine' for example. You always say that when you're upset. I learned to look

for that word. The second word is 'home'. You don't like to use that word…now I

know…you've never really had one…the third word is 'family'…I'm sorry you never really had

one…I know you've been lonely for most of your life…the fourth word is 'domestic

violence'…I understand now when those cases bother you since you were a part of that hell.

The fifth word is 'love'…I don't think you've ever felt loved or that you were worthy to

be loved…I love you Sara…you are very worthy…" He watched as she began to weep silently

as she listened to him. He leaned over and kissed her tenderly wiping the wetness from her

cheeks.

"You said six…what's the sixth word?" she asked.

"That's the one I don't know about," he said quietly. "The sixth word is 'rape'."

He watched as his suspicions were proven correct as she crumbled before him. Somehow he had always known by the look she would get in her eye when they worked a case or when she came face to face with a victim. Little by little it had been taking a toll on her but he could not bring himself to prove what he knew would hurt both of them. He felt her pain as he pulled her close not letting her push him away. He soothed her cries and gently whispered over and over that he was sorry to bring it up but she needed to talk about it so she could heal.

She had always been so strong, never wanting to display her emotions and over the years, he had seen the cracks in her foundation slowly giving way giving him glimpses into the severity of her pain. He had lain awake many a night worrying about how she was coping with the latest rape case and praying she would someday just blurt it out so that it could be out in the open between them. Things always seemed to get in the way and he had not given her a safe haven to share her darkest nightmares. That was going to change.

"I know it hurts Sara. I'm here," he whispered.

"How…"

"I've watched you for years. I know how you react to…"

"I can do my job…I don't let it…"

"I know you can. I've always been very proud of you Sara. Despite the hell you've been through in your life, you've managed to work through some of the hardest crime scenes and never skip a beat but you don't always have to pretend it never happened. It did."

"I'm glad it was you," she whispered.

"Me?"

"I'm glad you're the first person since…I never could bring myself…I never trusted anyone…"

_You almost let Lurie…_

_I'm glad you didn't…._

_He wouldn't have…._

_You're too fragile…._

"I'm glad too," he said pulling her close. "When you can talk about it, I'm here. Okay?"

She yawned and he glanced at the clock. "We need to sleep. I'm afraid the shift will be here soon enough. Think you can sleep?"

She nodded. She turned over to face the other side and he spooned his body up next to hers.

"Night Sara."

"Night, Grissom."

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you name the kitten?"

"Gizmo"

He grinned.

"Night Sara."

He grinned as he sat there on the edge of the bed that morning watching her sleep. He glanced at the clock and knew he would have to wake her soon. She had slept for the past seven hours not waking for his shower or the constant shaking of the bed as he sat with her for awhile and then leaving her only to find himself drawn back to her once more.

He was relieved when she rolled over and quickly sat up in bed. She seemed to panic at first not knowing her whereabouts until he gently reached out to hold her hand.

"Morning sleepy head," he said as he smiled. She glanced down and noticed she was still naked and she pulled up the covers.

He grinned.

"Sorry, but I don't seem to have the same will power as Greg," he said as he leaned down and kissed her.

She smiled.

"Would you be offended if I asked you to stay home today and rest?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she said.

"Fine as in really or you just don't want to stay home?" he asked.

"I need to work," she said.

"Sara, anything you have on your desk, can wait a day," he said.

She frowned.

"Okay. No special treatment from the boss. How about some breakfast?" he asked.

She yawned. "I need my…"

"We can run by there…"

"I can do it," she said.

"Okay." He said as he stood to get up.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"I have to talk with Vincent."

"Promise me, you'll tell him in a public area," he said.

"Grissom, he didn't…"

"Promise me," he said again.

"I promise," she said.

"Good, are you really hungry or can it wait until your shower?" he asked.

"I usually don't eat…"

He frowned.

"After shower," she smiled.

"Good," he said as he pulled her back into his arms.

"Do you think you can…" she began.

She was already pulling at his clothes as he grinned. He made love to her urgently as he whispered her name over and over. He kissed her lovingly as he felt her body begin to shudder and soon he found his own release. It was then he saw the bruise on her neck and the realization of what might have happened came crushing back down upon them. He kissed the bruise lightly and then proceeded to make love to her again. It felt right. It felt good.

It felt exactly the way he imagined it could be. This was love. Sara was love. It could never be sex. This was nothing that he could have ever experienced with Heather. He wondered if she had felt anything for Hank or Lurie. His jealousy over Hank did not compare to his jealousy over Lurie.

_He's touched her…_

_He's kissed her…_

_He almost made love to her…_

_I hate him…_

The thought of Lurie made him pull her to him tighter and he did not want to know how far she had given herself to Lurie. He didn't think he could bear it if she told him.

He pulled her closer until her head lay in the crook of his shoulder. He lay there taking in what had transpired. He had made love to her. He had crossed the line as supervisor and employee and it felt damn good.

"Hungry?" he asked.

"Actually, yes."

"Good. Shower…it will be ready when you get out."

She smiled.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"No one needs to find out." She said quietly.

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at him.

"I'm glad I figured it out before it was too late."

She smiled. It was not her usual smile but the one that began from one corner of her mouth and spread across her face. He had missed that smile.

They smiled together.

Note from author:

I think Grissom stepped up just nicely. Thanks for the reviews. Keep them coming. Take care!

Penny


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

He watched her when she wasn't looking. He no longer viewed her as the same. Their intimacy had changed them and he struggled to understand the feelings that overcame him.

_She's not my employee…_

_She's not my friend…._

_She's my lover…_

_My life…._

A strong sense of protectiveness came over him as he watched her work.

_I almost lost you…_

_I almost waited until it was too late…_

She stood beside Greg as they viewed the evidence from their crime scene chatting quietly. Her mouth would curl to a slight grin when Greg whispered something making him want to be a part of the conversation. She acted as though the night before did not occur.

She kept her distance from him only making contact when the need arose. With her behavior no one would suspect they had made love just a few hours ago. But he knew. He could still feel her beneath him and he found himself drawn to her. He made several unnecessary trips through the lab in search of her. Each time he found her diligently reviewing evidence and searching the database for a match to their Jane Doe.

When he entered the room, he no longer felt her eyes on him and he wondered if she regretted what had transpired between them. Once the shift was over, he went to her desk to say good night but she had already left. His insecurities got the better of him as he made his way back to his office pulling out his book to try to calm his nerves. An hour passed when his phone rang.

"Grissom."

"You should be home sleeping," she said.

"I was waiting for you to tell me good night. I missed you."

"I wanted to tell you here after breakfast," came her reply.

He smiled when he arrived to find that she had cooked. They sat and ate breakfast chatting about the cases during the night.

"You know, you don't look at me anymore," he said.

"I don't need to. I have other thoughts to keep my mind busy," she said with a smile.

"I was afraid you were having regrets," he said.

"The only regret is that I don't think you got much sleep last night," she said.

"I had too much on my mind," he admitted.

"Are you afraid someone will find out?"

"I'm afraid I hope someone will. Like a moth to a flame… I find myself drawn to you," he replied.

"Are you afraid you might be burned?" she said hesitantly.

"I'm afraid you might realize that I'm not what you want," he said.

"I was afraid you would think the same of me," she said softly.

"I think we can put those fears to rest," he said as he caressed the palm of her hand.

"You know, I don't expect you to come here every night. I know that you…"

"Let's agree that if the one needs the other then we're here for each other."

"I'll try not to be so needy," she smiled.

"Being needed is good, being lonely is bad."

She smiled. She cleaned up the kitchen with his assistance. She glanced at the clock and knew that he needed to sleep.

"You could stay," she said.

"I have a confession," he said.

"Already?"

"I can't stay here knowing that Lurie was here with you…I'm jealous," he admitted.

"But we didn't…"

"There are many forms of sex…love…I…hate that I didn't get my act together sooner…I put you in a position where you needed to reach out to someone else…it hurts," he said.

She looked away not knowing what to say.

"I don't want to leave you here alone…not until you've cleared this up with Lurie…"

"Grissom, he wouldn't…"

"Come home with me…please." He asked.

"I have the kitten…my things….I uhm…"

He knew he was being too pushy and he started to offer a compromise when his beeper went off along with hers.

"Looks like we'll have to talk about this later." He said as he smiled. They worked a double. She smiled when she caught him staring at her and tried to ignore the slight brush or touch during the investigation. The shift flew by and soon they were on their way home.

"You did that on purpose," she said staring at him.

"Did what?" he asked with a grin.

"The touch on the knee, the arm, the hip…"

"I think you've become sensitive…"

"You never touched me before," she said with arms crossed. "If you did, you immediately apologized."

"I'm sorry but it was just you and me," said Grissom.

"And Brass…he was there," she said softly as she looked out the window.

"Sara, how long are you going to…."

"Don't."

He stopped but it bothered him that she was still with Brass.

_He was only trying to protect you._

_She still sees him as innocent…._

_He's not…._

_I don't care what the evidence says…._

_I just thought that right?_

Grissom had always relied on the evidence always teaching the new recruits that feelings should be checked at the door when they arrived. "Evidence will speak for itself." He wished the hell the evidence would scream at Lurie. Instead, it was letting him get away with murder. She was surprised when they drove up to the townhouse. She looked at him and he grinned.

"I'll cook?" he quickly offered.

"I'll stay."

They both smiled.

She stood staring at the butterfly case on the wall glancing at Grissom as he cooked in the kitchen. She glanced down and saw the small tape near the plant on the floor.

"You have a tape over here in the floor," she said as she picked it up. She looked at him odd as she read the title, "Sara."

"Grissom?" She stared at the tape and was surprised how quickly he was suddenly there in front of her.

"Sara…" he began.

"Why does this have my name on it?" she asked.

_Lie…._

_Make up anything…._

_Don't tell her about the wiretap…_

_She'll be hurt…_

_She won't trust us again…._

"It's a tape someone gave me," he said quietly.

"Brass," she said matter of fact.

"Yes."

"What does it have on it?" she asked.

"He loves you, Sara. He just wants to protect you like me…"

Reality sunk in.

"Wiretap….he wiretapped my apartment." She said numbly.

"It was at the beginning of your relationship with Lurie…he wanted to make sure you were safe…"

"He wire tapped my apartment….my bedroom…Oh God…he's been ….you've both been listening to…"

She stepped back as he walked toward her trying to get her to calm down.

"Sara, I never listened to it. He brought it over and warned me I needed to get my head out of my ass and do something before I lost you…"

"You never had me," she cried.

He flinched.

"You never tried. You wouldn't risk… wait…that's why you did it…you saw that I now had a personal relationship with someone and you decided to pull me back…for how long this time? How long before you dump me and toss me aside? How long before…"

"It's not like that! Sara, please. Let's sit down and talk."

"You did it when I was dating Hank. Don't think I didn't notice that the minute I planned a date with Hank, I was called in to work or what about the time we went to…a two hour drive all the way back here and you sent me to work that case on my own…it wasn't even subtle…you're doing it again."

"I'll admit I was an ass and tried to get you to step back and realize Hank wasn't good enough for you…"

"So now you're doing it with Vincent…you've had so many chances before but you never took them until now…" she threw the tape at him. "Now, I know why. Did you get a kick out of listening? Is this something you picked up while dating Heather?"

"It's not like that…it scared the hell out of me when Adam had you…I was afraid he…I was afraid I wouldn't get the chance to show you how much I loved you…Sara, please…"

"When? Are you going to wait until I tell Vincent and then it will be over between us? That way I won't have Vincent anymore and you'll still have a CSI for that damn lab! I hate that lab! I wish I never came here. I wish I had never left San Francisco."

She turned and headed toward the door but he caught her arm.

"You don't mean that," he said softly. "I promise I'm never going to hurt you again. Sara, I could have lied about the tape. I could have made up some story but a relationship has to be based on honesty and trust."

She covered her mouth trying to hold back the sob.

"Vincent said something like that…he also said you would do this…you would hurt me again. He's never hurt me. You could have told me about the wiretap but you didn't…you chose to keep that from me…you're no different than Brass…that hurts…" she turned away as he watched her shoulders shake from the silent sobbing, "Why? I don't understand? Why do you have to hurt me so much? All I've ever wanted to do is love you….I've never hurt you…"

"You hurt me with Hank…with Lurie…." He cursed at himself regretting it the moment the words left his mouth. He had hurt her far more than she ever did. Sara was not capable of hurting…not intentionally but he could. He could do a lot of things that he never dreamed he was capable of until now.

"What about Sophia and Lady Heather? Is it okay for you to have a relationship but not me? That's it…I'm supposed to be here when you need me…but I can't have a relationship…"

"That's not it! You know why I pushed you away. I was afraid…"

"I never asked you to risk anything! You hear me! If you had wanted a relationship with me then we could have made it work," she sobbed. "You just didn't…"

"I did…I am now…God Sara, I'm so sorry for the hell I've put you through. I love you…I'll do whatever it takes to prove that to you," he said as he reached out and tried to touch her only to watch her move away.

They stood there in silence before Grissom spoke.

"We all have things in our past that hurt. I'm no different. I almost waited too late. Please tell me I haven't waited too long."

"Why now? When I went through hell forcing myself to let someone get close…"

"I can't stand to see you with him. Sara, he's a …"

"Stop it! There's no proof. You just want to believe that you're right! You're wrong! He has never hurt me. He could have that night…when I asked him to stop he could have….but you already know that…you have the tape."

She again made her way toward the door but he blocked her path.

"If you want to hurt me, then do it. Tell me Sara, how long do you want to punish me? I've punished myself for the last five years. I know what hell is because I've been in hell every day I saw you but couldn't touch you. I could only watch from the side…I'm taking the risk Sara. Please, honey. Let me love you," he said brokenly.

"I need to think," she said as she hugged her arms tightly around her.

"If you need time, I'll give it. Just don't…throw this away…we've waited for so long…my fault…I take full responsibility but I promise you I'm going to work on those things that you need," he said.

"What do I need?" she whispered.

"You need someone to love you for who you are, past and present, someone who will make sure you know you're worthy of being loved, someone who will make a home with you and start a family with you and won't let the rape or the domestic violence rob you of what you deserve."

"What do I deserve?" she sniffled.

"You deserve to be happy."

He drove her home trying to replay the conversation in his head trying to formulate a strategy that would convince her that he was sincere this time. His past rejections stared him in the face and he knew there was no one to blame but himself. He had put the doubts and hurt and pain and fear into Sara. He had pushed her away so many times that the damage was now visible by the sadness in her eyes. When they arrived, he had wanted to touch her, to tell her she was wrong about him but she quickly got out of the vehicle and fled to the apartment without a glance back.

He sat there wondering if he knocked would she let him in but then told himself he had said he would give her space to think through the mess and he would give her that. He was not prepared to see Lurie drive up.

**Note from author:**

You know I always follow angst with the fluff but then fluff comes back around..Okay on to the next chapter. By the way I am going to throw in a few more episodes but then I go out on my own. Thanks as always for the reviews…keep them coming…with each review a chapter follows. Take care! Penny


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

She cursed when the knock came to the door. She did not want to talk with him again needing to sit and think through the events of the last several days. She swung open the door and was surprised to find Vincent standing there. He looked tired and he appeared to have just come from the hospital. He looked the way she felt and she half smiled before bursting into tears.

"Could we talk?" he asked.

"Not here," she said as she glanced back into the apartment. She stood and waited until Grissom drove away before grabbing her jacket.

"Let's go somewhere. It's not private here," she whispered as she took his arm leading him back to his vehicle. She looked in the rear view mirror to make sure they were not being followed before leaning back and sighing heavily.

"Sara, are you okay?" he asked. He started to reach for her hand but stopped not wanting to risk the rejection. It was Sara who took his and it made his pulse begin to race.

"They not only put an unmarked police vehicle to keep an eye on my apartment but it was…wiretapped," she said.

"Wiretapped? Without your knowledge? Sara, they can't…"

She looked at him. "They did…I'm pissed…they did that without letting me know."

"How did you find out?" he asked.

"I found a tape…at Grissom's house," she said sadly.

"I can talk with my attorney, if you want him to file any charges against…"

"No…no thank you…Vincent, the tapes were about us…when we almost…they were afraid you might…"

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

"You've never hurt me…yes I trust you. I wouldn't be alone with you if I didn't."

"Good. I trust you also. Let's get a drink…Do you want to go some place or do you want to come to my home? I'm pretty sure there are no wiretaps…"

She kind of half smiled.

"Your place," she said.

Grissom stretched out on the couch in his office and tried to keep the migraine at bay. He groaned when his phone rang.

"Grissom."

"What the hell are you doing in the office?"

"How do you know I'm in the office?"

"I just drove by your place and you were gone."

When there was no response from Grissom, Brass continued.

"Is there a reason you're not sleeping?"

"She found the tape and knows about the wiretap," said Grissom

Brass cursed.

"I've got a piece of information about Lurie."

Grissom closed his eyes. "What is it?"

"Mrs. Tripton found Lurie's cell phone in their closet."

"They were friends…he lost it."

"In the closet? Look, she says she knew Howard had a gun and she hid it in the closet so the kids couldn't get to it. She says she did that just a day before she took the kids and left him after she found out about Debbie Marlin. She says Howard didn't know where the gun was but she told Lurie. She didn't want Howard to do anything crazy…especially since he was now under investigation for stealing drugs from the hospital."

"Wait…why tell Lurie where the gun was…didn't she say Howard would run before killing himself?"

"She was afraid Howard would use the gun on her…he had a temper.."

"Which incriminates Howard as the potential killer for Debbie and Michael Clark…nothing incriminating toward Lurie…"

"I'm getting there…She tells Lurie…Lurie gets the gun…he hires a hitman by the name of Franklin who by the way was seen on surveillance tape leaving the parking garage…APB out on him now…He has his alibi with Sara while the hitman kills Howard."

"Why kill Howard?"

"Maybe Howard had something on Lurie."

"You need evidence….."

"A large amount of cash was deposited into Franklin's account. It was traced to New York City…Lurie was there for a convention…we're trying to find out who transferred the money…if we prove the money was sent by Lurie…"

"Any cash withdrawals from Lurie's accounts?"

"Need a warrant…still working on that…the fact that we didn't have anything on him hasn't helped the situation. It seems his attorney is chummy with the judges."

"You have no evidence…."

"Damn it, it's there…we just have to…"

"Unless you have evidence Sara is not going to believe any of this….she believes Lurie is innocent."

"You need to keep her away from Lurie."

"You need to remove the wiretaps."

"I'm not going to do that as long as he's…"

"Get the damn wiretaps out. She found the tape at my place…"

"Got your head out of your ass finally," sighed Brass.

"Yes I did."

"Don't screw up. There's a lot at stake."

"You have no idea," said Grissom as he closed the phone.

Grissom set the phone down and glanced at his watch. He grabbed his medicine taking it along with some water before confining himself back to the couch. He stretched out and tried to will the throbbing in his head to stop. He mentally worked the details in his head sorting through each piece of information hoping to come across some connection they had not thought to consider but finding none.

_He's going to mess up…._

_He's going to make a mistake…_

_What if Sara figures it out…_

_What if he confides in her and let's something slip…._

_He'll go after her…._

_She needs to stay away from him…._

She looked around the house as he poured some drinks. He handed her a glass and she grinned.

"You're idea of a drink is juice?"

"My idea of helping you sleep later is not giving you any alcohol. It doesn't help the mind deal with pain."

Sara sat on the couch while Vincent sat across from her in a chair.

"Vincent, I need to tell you something," she said softly.

"You slept with Grissom," he said quietly.

"Yes, I did," she said.

He sighed and then placed his glass on the table.

"Do you love him?" he asked.

"I think I've always loved him but …"

"He hurts you."

"Yes, he does."

"I won't say that this doesn't hurt. It hurts like hell. I know you would never just jump into bed with someone unless you cared for them. The fact that we almost…gave me hope that you cared a little…"

"I did…I do."

He smiled sadly. "Just not enough."

He saw the sadness in her eyes and he leaned over to hold her hand.

"It's okay Sara. I kind of always knew about Grissom. I also know he's hurt you in the past. I don't like to see you like this…was the wiretap his idea?"

"No, someone else did it but he knew…he could have told me about the wiretaps but he didn't. "

"You feel betrayed by him."

"Yes, I do."

"Was this after you…"

"Yes! I would never…"

"I'm sorry Sara. Old hurts resurfacing. Be careful. Don't let him hurt you again."

She swiped at the tears.

"Listen, if you're hungry, I can fix up something or order out…"

She declined the offer.

"You're tired. You could sleep here if you want. I have an extra bedroom. You're welcome to stay. I won't put any pressure on you."

She smiled. She was tired.

"Good. Come with me," he said as he led her to the room.

He pulled the covers back.

"Just rest, Sara. If you need anything, just call."

"Vincent?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I love you and I want you to be happy. Hurting the person you claim to love is not really love."

She pulled him down and kissed him on the cheek before closing her eyes. He leaned forward and kissed her once more on the forehead before leaving the room.

He waited until he was in his own bedroom before he let his fury show. He snatched a book lying on the bedside table and threw it across the room.

_Bastard…_

_Just couldn't leave her alone…_

_Waited for the first sign of trouble between us…_

_She would have given herself to me…._

_You knew that…_

_You've made a mistake now…_

_She doesn't trust you anymore…_

Note from author:

I know you hate Lurie...sorry. I read all of the reviews...some just made me laughed out loud. Continue with the reviews. Take care! Penny


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:**

He jumped when he heard the ringing of her phone and snatched it before it could wake her. He carried it out into the hallway and swore when he saw the caller ID, "Grissom." He flipped open the phone.

"Sara?" he heard Grissom's voice come through the line.

"She's asleep," replied Lurie.

"Lurie?"

"Yes. Look, I really don't care what you think of me but Sara's exhausted. She's had very little sleep…"

"I need to talk with her. Where is she?" asked Grissom.

"She asleep in my bed…she can call you when she wakes up," said Lurie as he started to hang up.

"I need her. She needs to come in…we have an investigator missing," said Grissom.

"Who?"

Grissom hesitated and then replied, "Nick Stokes."

"Nick?...hold on. I'll wake her." He placed the phone down letting Grissom over hear the conversation. Grissom wondered if it was done intentional but he didn't care if it meant he would get Sara back at the lab and away from Lurie.

"Sara? Honey, you need to wake up…I know you haven't slept much…I kept you up too late…I'm sorry…honey, something's happened to Nick."

"Nick? What's wrong with Nicky?" she asked as she slid up from the covers sitting up quickly.

"Grissom is on the phone…he'll fill you in…I can drive you to the lab or where ever you need to go but honey, I think you need to go in for Nick."

She grabbed the phone and immediately grilled Grissom on the details.

"What happened?"

"Nick was called out to a location and he disappeared. I need …. I need everyone on the case as soon as possible."

"A kidnapping?"

"Not sure."

She received the address of the location and soon she was jumping out of the vehicle and running to assist. Grissom watched as Lurie drove away.

They avoided the obvious questions as to her whereabouts and focused on the case. If it was a kidnapping, time was of the essence. He refused to think about the consequences of her being with Lurie and if she had acted hastily out of anger and slept with the man as a way of getting back at him. He couldn't bring himself to think about the mistakes he had made with their relationship and went into work mode knowing that Nick meant a lot to Sara. If he were honest, Nicky meant a lot to him as well. Grissom had been his mentor and he was proud of Nick's accomplishments over the years.

The package confirmed their fears and they stood in horror as they watched Nick struggle inside the box. They watched the clock as each tried desperately to figure out the location of where Nick was being held. The ransom was not an option for the department as Grissom's request was denied bringing with it a sense of foreboding for everyone in the lab. It was Catherine who slipped out of work mode and into parental mode rushing to her father, Sam Braun and begging him for the money. She brought the money into the office and dumped the bag onto Grissom's desk.

One look at her and he knew where she had gotten the money.

"You got all of it?" he asked.

"One million dollars…he knows he might not get it back," she said as she looked at Grissom pleading with him to proceed with the ransom demand.

"Okay but I'm making the drop," he insisted.

They walked together into the conference room where the others had joined and he held Catherine by the arm as he began to call them together.

"Catherine was able to get most of the money but we're a little short," said Grissom. Catherine looked at Grissom but said nothing. Brass came to stand by Grissom.

"How much?" he asked.

"A hundred thousand…" said Grissom. The others moaned.

"You mean we have nine hundred thousand and we can't come up with another hundred thousand for Nicky?" asked Sara.

"Nicky's parents have come up with as much as they can. The bulk of it came from Sam Braun but we're still short," said Grissom. "We can offer the kidnapper what we have and hope he takes it."

"I can make up the difference," said Lurie. Sara turned and stared at him in disbelief.

"It would take me a couple of hours to have the money transferred but I can do it."

"How fast?" asked Brass appearing to be hopeful.

"At least two to three hours, its standard procedure for a large sum of money to be transferred…"

"We can help expedite things. If you'll sign a waiver giving us permission to access the accounts we can do it electronically here," said Brass as he looked at Grissom who confirmed it was possible.

"Give them to me. I'll sign," said Lurie.

"You realize you could lose the money…you stand to lose it all?" asked Brass. He then turned and addressed Catherine. "You did explain that to Sam?"

"He knows it's a big risk."

Grissom and Sara glanced at one another.

Brass hurried out of the room and returned with the forms shoving them at Lurie who signed and then he left immediately. Lurie pulled Sara out into the hallway.

"I have to go… I'm due in surgery…keep me posted about Nick," he said as he started to walk away.

"Vincent?" she called.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"Sara, don't worry. He'll be back soon and we'll be eating at the diner again."

She smiled as she watched him walk away. She left the room and headed back to work. Catherine pulled Grissom aside and whispered.

"What the hell was that all about?"

"Brass needed access to Lurie's bank accounts and now he just got it."

Catherine smiled. "That was devious. Remind me to always keep you on my side."

Brass returned later with a scowl. "Son of a bitch didn't make any bank transfers in the last six months."

"It rules him out then," said Grissom.

"What do you want to do about the money?" asked Brass.

"Return it. We'll tell him that Sam Braun came through with the rest of the money," said Grissom as he headed out the door to make the drop.

"You don't have to make the drop," said Brass.

"Yes, I do. He asked for a CSI. I'm not letting any of my people make the drop," said Grissom.

"Be careful," called Brass as he watched him leave.

The blast knocked him off his feet as he tried to stop the ringing in his ears. His head hurt like hell and he wondered if he was suffering from a concussion. He tried to get to his feet but found himself unable to move. He heard the sirens and glanced around. Money floated around his head and he closed his eyes in hopes of getting the room to stop spinning.

"One hell of crime scene to clean up," he muttered. He closed his eyes and fought back the nausea feeling that overcame him when he moved his head.

_One hell of a headache…_

He thought it was best to lie still until the others arrived. The fire was not as close and he knew that help would arrive soon. He lay there cursing at himself for taking such a damn risk which almost cost him his life.

_Why didn't I take a risk with Sara?_

_Why did I waste all these years?_

_What the hell are they going to do…_

_Fire me?_

_Oh my head…_

He felt himself being checked. He tried to force his eyes open but the pounding in his head told him to remain still. He listened to the pain. He could make out Brass's voice followed by others. He knew the paramedics had arrived when he felt someone taking his pulse. He groaned as he forced himself to consciousness. He tried to get up but was pushed back down.

"Stay down," said Brass.

"Nick?" asked Grissom

"Nothing yet…the son of a bitch did a good job blowing himself up…a few more inches and we would be scraping you off the wall," said Brass.

"Jim, help me up. I can't help if they send me to the hospital…I'm fine really," said Grissom.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" asked Brass.

"None. That's your thumb," said Grissom. Brass grinned and helped him up.

"Sir, you shouldn't be up. You took a nasty blow to the head…" said the paramedic as Grissom waived him back.

"Sit here until the others get here," said Brass. He started to walk off but stopped. "Get up and this paramedic will take you to the nearest hospital. Comprende?"

Grissom nodded. He was in no condition to argue.

He sat there with oxygen mask on as the paramedic held the gauze to his head. He had not realized the cut until he felt the pressure and jerked away from the sting. She saw him as soon as they drove up. The reports had been sketchy but she knew a bomb had exploded. She felt the lump in her throat as she tried to swallow praying they would get there soon. She glanced at Warrick who had the same uneasy feeling.

"Cookie, let's not jump to conclusions. Let's wait…holy cow! What a mess!" yelled Warrick as he pulled up to see the fire trucks trying to put out the blaze. He turned to look at her but she was already out the door and running to the ambulance. She ran around to the side and stood there breathlessly as their eyes met.

"Look for Nick…we're running out of time.…"

"I'm not supposed to move yet," he said. He watched her go into work mode as they spread out searching the area. He sighed. He was handed the remainder of the money bag from Brass.

"Start counting. If he gets confused, throw him in the back and take him to the hospital…don't forget we have to return as much of this as we can to Sam," said Brass as he took off to check on the others.

Grissom frowned but started counting. He knew that Brass was checking to see if he truly had a concussion and he was not about to let him know the truth. He started to count.

They sat in the lab and watched Nick slowly deteriorate in front of their eyes. He pulled up the gun so that it rested near his head and then took the recorder and began talking into it.

"What's he doing?" asked Sara.

"I think he's recording his last will and testament," said Warrick.

"He's giving up," said Sara. "He can't give up."

Grissom motioned for Warrick to take Sara out of the room. He closed his eyes as a wave of nausea washed over him.

_Concussion…_

_Not yet…_

Warrick pulled Sara aside whispering softly to her while Grissom sat there and read Nick's lips.

"No, Nicky, you never did. I was never disappointed in you," said Grissom.

"You know what he's saying?" asked Sara.

"Yes I do. I can read his lips."

She seemed a bit puzzled and started to ask him something when they watched in horror as ants began to pour into the box biting him. Grissom practically glued himself to the monitor attempting to find out what kind of ant had entered the box. He became excited the moment he was able to get a picture of one of the ants determining it was a fire ant. With this information they were then able to pinpoint the different locations in Vegas where the pesky ants had taken up residence. Sara remembered that Walter Gordon's daughter had worked at one the nursery's that had reported an infestation and now the crew was racing to the location in hopes of finding Nick.

Note from author:

I am posting again because one of my readers has been really sick and I thought one more chapter tonight might help. Please continue to review each chapter. The comments have been great! Take Care! Penny


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

He watched the ambulance drive away with Nick inside. He was finally able to let himself feel the effects of the last two shifts and he suddenly felt like hell. He had managed to hide the concussion but now his resolve was slipping. He knew he should go to the hospital but the thought of running into Lurie made him resist. His head throbbed as he stood there watching the ambulance drive away and he had the strong urge to knock the hell out of Ecklie. He had broken up his team causing chaos in the lab and now he wanted to see the man on the ground as a result of his fist hitting his face.

_a concussion…_

Sara watched as he swayed on his feet then steadied himself by leaning against the Denali.

"Grissom you should be checked out at the hospital. I'm not going to be held responsible if you fall out in the lab," said Ecklie.

"I guess if I have a concussion I shouldn't be held responsible for my actions," said Grissom.

"No you wouldn't," said Ecklie.

Grissom grinned despite the pounding in his head.

_I have a concussion…_

_I'm going to hit the bastard…_

He turned to face Ecklie but Brass was already pulling him to the Denali as Grissom yelled, "I want my guys back you son of a bitch. Do you hear me Ecklie? Get them back or I'm going to kick…" He felt himself being jerked into the Denali as Brass jumped in the driver seat.

The slamming of the passenger side door caused a sense of nausea to return and he held his head trying to steady his balance.

"Want to get suspended or worse fired?" asked Brass. He turned to watch Grissom in the seat next to him, and he began to curse, "You stupid bastard, you've had a concussion all this time."

"I have a concussion. I can't be held responsible for my actions. He said it himself. I would have hit the bastard if you hadn't pulled me back," yelled Grissom. He moaned from the throbbing in his head.

He felt his door open and he came face to face with Sara.

"What the hell was that?" she asked.

"I have a concussion. I can't be….Sara… you need to step back…I'm going to be sick," said Grissom.

Sara jumped back as Grissom vomited.

"Stupid bastard has a concussion," she said. "Brass, get his ass to the hospital."

"Glad you care," said Brass. "Get in and I'll give you a lift. You can check on Nick while I sit on him and make him get checked out."

She jumped into the back seat. As they drove, she rummaged through the field kits pulling out contents. She found an emergency ice pack and placed it on Grissom's head. He mumbled thanks as he kept his head still and his eyes closed. He smiled when he remembered the look on Ecklie's face.

"If I get suspended, it'll be worth it," he said softly. He leaned back and remained quiet for the rest of the trip. Sara held the ice pack in place as she glanced at Brass every now and then.

She sat with Nick holding his hand. From the moment he had been rescued from the box, he had grabbed the first hand and held on to it as if it were his lifeline. Even now, they took turns keeping a hand in his while they reassured him he was fine. It was now Sara's turn and she placed his hand near her cheek and softly told him what Grissom had done bringing chuckles from the tired man.

"That will be told over and over through the grapevine at the office," said Nick.

"He's here right now," she said. "He's being checked out. He may have a concussion."

"They told me. Just like Grissom to ignore his own needs until he knew they'd found me," said Nick. "You know, he's done nothing but sacrifice for us these past few years…making sure we were kept as a team until Ecklie. He tried to get Ecklie's decision overturned but then…"

"Then what?"

"I think he decided it was Catherine's big break to become supervisor and he wanted her to be given a fair chance. If he made waves, Ecklie would have made it rough on Catherine. I think he also believed he could transfer you to Catherine's supervision."

"He wanted to get rid of me?" asked Sara.

"Sar, you're as blind as he is sometimes. He could never have a relationship with you while you were under his supervision. It would have been the ammo Ecklie had been waiting for to split us up. No team has stayed together as long as we have. There's a reason, Grissom."

"Who's to say he ever wanted a relationship with me?" asked Sara.

"We've all noticed the way he looks at you. He's always been protective of you. Let's face it Sara. Sometimes, I think you can't see the forest for the trees."

She frowned. "Why didn't he transfer me then? Catherine has been supervisor for …"

"Something about you having issues that he wanted to handle before transferring you to Catherine. He thought he could better handle it than Catherine…Catherine offered but he turned her down…good thing cause right after that you two got into it and you got suspended. If he had transferred you, Ecklie probably would have gotten you fired."

"How do you know all of this?"

"Catherine talks. She told us…and Judy listens in to most phone conversations… place is virtually…"

"wiretapped," she asked with a frown.

"Grapevine is better than a wiretap…besides wiretaps are illegal."

She frowned again.

Nick's parents arrived and Sara reluctantly released his hand. She stood outside the door and watched them briefly before turning to face Vincent.

"How's he doing?"

"He's pretty rattled but he's going to be fine," said Sara.

"How are you?"

"Exhausted," she said.

"I heard they brought Grissom in," said Lurie.

"He may have a concussion from the blast..."

"Concussion was confirmed but he refused to stay."

_Stupid bastard…_

"I have to get back. I have a surgery in a few minutes. Call me later?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"If you need to stay at my place…"

"I'll be fine. I'll call you," she said.

"Hope Grissom is okay. Tell him to keep still… you're going to check on him aren't you?"

She nodded.

"I wouldn't expect anything less," he said as he turned and walked away.

She felt torn at that moment. Here, the man was letting her go, knowing that she would return to Grissom.

She had gotten a lift back to her apartment and quickly drove her car over to Grissom's. She knocked lightly, knowing that Brass was there. He opened the door and smiled.

"He's resting…wouldn't take the bed but insisted on lying on the couch." She stepped in and glanced at him.

"I can stay awhile but if you…"

"I'm not leaving," she said.

"Then I'll get to the lab and check on things. He shouldn't be alone. You need to wake him in couple of hours. If he wakes up without any problem, then he can go back to sleep but wake him again…the instructions are on the counter…if he has any problems… call me…if you need to leave…," he said.

"I won't leave him," she said as she stood there with arms crossed. She stood there for a moment as Brass left leaving her alone with him. She poured a glass of juice and curled up in the chair intending to read the magazine she had found on the counter but instead she found herself staring at him. His head was bandaged from the cut and she noticed a few other cuts and scrapes that appeared after he must have showered removing the grime and blood from the force of the explosion.

"Stupid bastard…" she didn't finish her statement as he began to stir. She sat there quietly and watched him try to wake. She had hoped he would remain asleep but his eyes were opening now and he turned slightly grimacing as if he was in pain.

"Grissom?"

"Thought I was dreaming…did you just call me a stupid bastard?"

"Yes I did." She said matter of fact.

"I should write you up for that," he said.

"You won't…of course if you do, we both could possibly be suspended at the same time…how would that look… I can hear the gossip in the grapevine…Sara Sidle gets suspended for calling boss a stupid bastard while her boss gets suspended for calling his boss a son of a bitch."

"Should have used the word stupid in my outburst," he said.

She grinned.

He tried to sit up but thought better of it once he felt the pounding in his head.

"I think you better stay down," she said.

"I think I will," he said.

"Do you need anything?" she asked.

"Something to ease my throbbing head…" he pulled himself up any way and she frowned.

"Stupid was the right word…just have to prove it over and over don't you?"

"Sorry but I have to get up…I think I'm going to be sick…"

She was there immediately helping him to his feet and assisting him to the bathroom. He pulled away and closed the door behind him leaving her to stand there at the door.

"Grissom?"

"Fine." He said quietly.

She waited a moment.

"Grissom?"

"Still fine," he said.

She waited again.

The door opened slowly and he stood there.

"Why are you here?"

"Brass left. I told him I would stay with you."

"Okay…Sara…why are you here?"

"You have a concussion."

"Right."

She looked at him.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember how you got the concussion?"

"Of course. I got too damn close to that bastard and he blew himself up along with a million dollars."

"Good. I was getting a little worried."

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here?"

"Are we back to that question again? She sighed.

"Come and lie down," she said pulling him toward the bed.

"No…I'll lie on the couch," he managed to get out avoiding the bed.

"What's wrong with the bed?"

"I can't sleep there."

She didn't press him.

He sat down on the couch and looked at her.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Why…"

"I'm here because I want to be. I want to know that you're fine. I'm worried about you."

"Why?"

"Because…stop asking so many questions….okay."

He nodded closing his eyes. She noticed he had fallen asleep and she returned to her chair only to have him suddenly open his eyes and look at her.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Why…"

"Grissom, do you want me here?"

"Yes but…"

"Go back to sleep."

He looked at her confused but closed his eyes. She got up and gathered her phone intent on calling Brass if he did not appear better soon.

She watched as he seemed to try to sleep but opened his eyes and looked at her. She waited for him to ask the question already putting her finger on the speed dial button for Brass.

"Sara?"

She closed her eyes dreading the impending confrontation they would have when they would have to drag him back to the hospital.

"Yeah?"

"Do you love me?"

Note from author:

What do you think will be her reply? Hmmmm. Thanks as always for the reviews. Keep them coming. I am buried right now with work but I will continue to post daily if the reviews continue so don't disappoint. Take care! Penny


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

Her mouth dropped as she stared at him.

"Grissom…"

"You don't have to stay…you could call Brass…why…"

"I'm calling Brass. You need to go back to the hospital…"

"No, I don't. Why…"

"Stop with the 'why'. You're not thinking straight."

"Yes, I am."

"You're confused."

"How am I confused? Hurt? Hell yes! Let me recap the last forty eight hours. You get angry at me for not telling you about the wiretap….you have a sleep over at Lurie's and then Nick gets buried alive followed by the bastard who blows himself up in my face along with a million dollars that belongs to Sam Braun and then we find Nick only to risk getting blown up again …did I mention the concussion and the pounding headache that by the way is still here and let's not forget my outburst at Ecklie …I believe it was quote 'son of a bitch'…you show up here and call me a stupid bastard…tell me am I thinking straight?"

She stared at him.

"You're right. I must be the one confused."

"Sara?"

She closed her eyes willing herself to remain calm.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here?"

She sighed.

"Because I love you, you stupid bastard."

"Good. I was getting worried you were here because I'm your boss and you're my employee. It's better if you're taking a risk being here."

"I'm what? Grissom, are you okay?"

"Never better…Sara?"

She sighed. "Yeah?"

"Is it true? Did you sleep with him? When I called your cell to tell you about Nick, he answered and said you were asleep in his bed."

"I stayed at his house in his guest bedroom."

"Did he…"

"Grissom go to sleep."

"Sara?"

She sighed. "Yeah?"

"Did you want to sleep with him?"

"Oh for the love of…I'm calling…"

"Why…wait, I didn't mean to say that word…Sara, I'll shut up."

He leaned back and closed his eyes. He slept. She watched the clock as the hours ticked by and he slept. She got up and read the instructions again wishing she could let him sleep but she went over to the couch and nudged him gently.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"I need you to wake up."

He opened his eyes and stared at her. "I'm awake."

"Good, how do you feel?"

"Like I've been blown up, cursed my boss out, made a mess of my life and have one hell of a headache… did I leave anything out? Oh yeah, I love you too."

"Go back to sleep," she said.

The next morning, he was up and walking about, his headache now a dull throb. She had fixed breakfast and they sat at the table.

He watched as she moved the food about on her plate.

"Would you let me explain some things," he asked.

She looked at him and then leaned back in her chair.

"Last year...I wanted to stop this pulling away…hurting you…but I couldn't…"

"I think you've said that before," she said as she got up and placed her plate on the counter.

He came and stood across from her.

"I was losing my hearing. For months I had managed to get away with reading lips."

She stood and stared at him.

"It's a genetic disorder I inherited from my mother…she went deaf…I could have unless I risked having surgery. I did."

"Your hearing…"

"Your voice is like music to my ears," he said softly. "There were times when I couldn't hear your voice …those were the hardest times…I love to catch you working by yourself…you hum…sometimes even sing softly…I love those moments when you don't know I'm watching."

"Who else knew?"

"Catherine. She found out by mistake. I didn't even tell Brass. I couldn't"

"Why not?"

"Your hearing is one of the necessary senses for being a crime scene investigator. If I missed something, I could place the case results in jeopardy."

"Oh….I'm sorry. I didn't know…I mean I knew something was wrong when I would ask a question and you would ignore it or I would make a comment but then you would act as though I never said it…it was frustrating…it must have been really hard for you."

"Yes, it was."

"You could have told me."

"I know. I should have. I was scared."

"Why?"

"Sara I'm fifteen years older than you. I always felt I was too old for you….that you deserved someone younger…imagine how I felt when I stood to lose my hearing."

"I never thought about the age difference," she said.

"You need to know that I have never had a relationship with Sophia…she's an employee."

"You two are always so close…"

"Sophia has a flirtatious side to her. I tolerate it…most supervisor's wouldn't. I would never allow her to cross the line. Sara, you're the only person I've ever wanted."

"Heather Kessler," she said.

He sighed. "You were with Hank…I know because of my failure to take a risk… I met Heather. It was a time when I was going through a lot at the lab…facing the surgery….I never slept with Heather," he said.

"There are many forms of sex…love," she reminded him.

"Okay, I kissed her. I touched her cheek…I held her in my arms and then I called for a search warrant," he said.

"I can see why you have trouble with relationships," she quipped before she realized what she was saying.

He grinned. "I'm glad I didn't sleep with her. I am glad I made love to you…not sex."

She sniffled and turned away.

"What about Hank?" he asked.

"We kissed. I think I patted his rear…I know…I had a few drinks at Nick's that night…we did a lot with Nick around…safety net I suppose…I know I held him…nothing else….he was a jerk," she said.

"I heard. I'm sorry…no I'm not….okay, I'm sorry he hurt you but I'm glad you found out he's a jerk," he said.

He stood and assisted with cleaning up the kitchen. When they finished she leaned against the counter while he stood on the other side.

"You didn't ask me about Vincent," she said.

"I don't want to know," he said.

"You're wrong about him."

"What if I'm right?"

"You said follow the evidence…the evidence never lies…just people," she added.

"He destroyed the evidence…." He sighed, "Look, let's agree to disagree."

They stood there staring at one another.

"Sara…can I hold you?"

He stepped closer and they stood face to face.

"Can I?"

"I'm still angry…don't think that just because I'm here I've forgiven you for all the crap you've put me through…you had no right…"

"I'm sorry. What do I have to do to get you to forgive me? How long do you want me to suffer? Five years? Okay…I will…in the meantime what do we do? Do I stand here and watch you go back to Lurie time and time again until he finally persuades you to have sex with him?"

"If I did it would be love…not sex, and it would be because you've hurt me again. I'm not going to let you do that anymore. I can't. It stops now. " she said matter of fact.

"I don't know how to fix this…"

"May be it can't be fixed. Maybe we're better off not being together…"

"Would you rather be with him?"

"He's never lied to me….He's never hurt me…"

He sighed letting his shoulders droop as he looked away.

"I know what you're capable of…you hurt the things you say you love….I don't want to be loved that way."

He stepped closer until his head was beside hers. She felt the heat from his body and she wanted so much to feel him but felt herself trembling from the thought of being so vulnerable.

"Griss?"

"Yeah," he said in a whisper.

"Please don't hurt me again."

He flinched.

"I almost let Vincent…we kissed…he touched my face, my hair…I did the same….he held me…I held him…he wanted me…I wanted him…we were practically undressed…nothing was hidden from sight…I let him touched me in places…"

"Don't," he whispered.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yes."

"Good."

He flinched again.

"I could have let him love me…don't forget that…"

"I won't."

_Is this what Lurie felt?_

_To know the person you love…._

_Wanted someone else…_

_Was touched by someone else…_

_Was loved by someone else…_

_NO, he didn't love her…_

_Not yet…_

_If she gives me…._

_my second chance…._

_It's my last one…_

_I would risk everything…_

_To make this work…_

She watched as the pain played across his face and she felt her stomach knot.

_I can be a bitch like her…._

_I hurt him on purpose…_

_If I give him another chance…_

_And he walks away this time…_

_I stand to lose myself…._

_I have to risk everything…_

_To make this work…_

"You can break me this time… I won't be able to…"

"To lose you now is to lose myself," he said simply. "I stand to lose as much as you."

He closed his eyes and imagined his arms around her. He could feel her body even though they did not touch. He did not know he was holding his breath until he felt her body move into his and her arms circled his waist. He felt her lips on his and suddenly he was returning the kiss and his hands grabbed her to him.

"Sara…"

"Don't forget," she whispered.

"I won't."

"We still need to work out some things…I need to make sure you're not going to keep things from me…I can't live like that…"

He felt his head pounding at how she would react to their ongoing investigation of Lurie.

"Sara, Lurie is still under investigation."

"Why? Because I was seeing him?"

"No, because we think he got away with…Sara…let's agree not to discuss Lurie. I'm being honest with you. He's still a suspect."

She stepped back and folded her arms.

"What else?"

"I think I need to lie down…I'm not over the concussion."

His admission made her spur into action pulling him to the bedroom even though he pointed to the couch.

"You're going to bed…stop being…Griss?"

"I'm going…Sara, I think it's just a migraine…I have a prescription…"

"I know where it is." She disappeared and returned shortly giving him the medicine followed by a glass of water.

"Stay put," she said sternly.

"I'm not moving," he whispered.

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you like the bed anymore?"

"Cause I made love to you here and I thought I had lost you. It hurt."

"You didn't lose me," she said softly.

He slept. Brass dropped in to check on him giving Sara an update about Nick.

"Ecklie has pulled the swing shift to cover graveyard because of this," he said.

"This?"

"Ecklie has never seen Grissom down. He won't be getting his suspension. He has gotten himself a couple of days off until a doctor can convince Ecklie he's back to normal. I told Ecklie we were taking turns staying with Grissom. He said you didn't have to come in tonight…I know hell has frozen over…I think he's afraid Grissom is going to quit."

"Grissom has never said…"

"He's considered it. Look, you can think what you want about me but Grissom had nothing to do with the wiretap or the unmarked vehicle watching your apartment. I did that. I don't regret it either. I'm worried about him…. and you."

"He's better. He got a migraine earlier but I've given him something and he's sleeping now…in bed."

Brass grinned.

"What?"

"He said he'd never sleep in that damn bed again unless…"

"Probationary period."

"Just give him a chance, Sara. He's really trying."

She stayed curling her body up next to his and then falling into a deep sleep. She had lost count of the last time she really slept. He had already become to stir when she came to bed but she was too tired to stay up with him.

He lay there staring at the ceiling. He held her while she fell asleep feeling the tension slowly drain from her body as she relaxed and then drifted to sleep. He couldn't sleep. His thoughts returned to her confession about Lurie and he could not rid himself of the picture in his head. He had wanted to make love to her but he knew that he would have to build her trust back slowly. He would wait. He would let her initiate the lovemaking letting her feel that she was in control of their relationship.

_I've always been in control…_

_Letting her get close…_

_Letting her feel secure…_

_Then pushing her away…_

_Making her feel…_

_You lose your edge after sixteen hours…_

_No evidence…_

_Bracelet…_

_Verified by Howard Tripton…_

_Who's now dead…._

_Hired hitman seen leaving the garage…_

_Someone transferred him money…_

_Money transferred from New York…_

_Coincidence maybe…_

_Maybe there for someone else…_

_Lurie never transferred any money in six months…._

_Does Lurie have access to any other money…_

_Shit!..._

_I still have nothing on the man…_

_Maybe Sara's right…_

_He's still a bastard…_

Note from author:

Of course she loves him…she's still pissed but she still loves him. I loved the comments in the reviews…I chuckled quite a bit. Take care! Penny


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

He returned to work in a few days trying to put the last couple of days behind them. Nick was released from the hospital and was spending some time with his family in Texas. He seemed a bit on edge when Brass had told him about his conversation with Sara.

_Of course I'm on probation…._

_I'm not going to mess up…_

_What if I do?_

_Is she going back to Lurie…_

_How bad do I have to screw up before she…_

_I'm not going to screw up…_

The ultimatum had hurt Sara far more than Grissom for she knew that despite her bold stand, she would crumble the moment she thought he did not love her. She now knew that she could never love Vincent that same as she did Grissom. She had always loved Grissom and his lovemaking had sealed her fate. She would always belong to him. It hurt to know this. No one had ever held such power over her. While they each sought security in the relationship, it was the silence that threatened to do more harm than any action. She knew she would forgive him for any screw up and it panged her to know that she was willing to endure any pain that he might inflict. Her parent's relationship and volatile ending was a constant reminder to Sara of her own inexperience of being part of a healthy relationship.

_I am not my mother's daughter…_

_I am not going to let myself be hurt…._

_I am not going to hurt the person I love…_

_I hurt Grissom…_

_I love him more than life…_

With Nick gone, the unit was busy working into doubles and having to rely on the swing shift for assistance. Sara had found time to get away and talk with Vincent letting him know she planned to try to work things out with Grissom. He seemed less surprised by her decision but let her know that he was there for support if she needed him. That was that. Nothing like Grissom warned her would happen.

Nick returned to work and although he said he was fine, Sara worried about him helping him with his cases and checking up on him each night until he told her to stop. Although he would not admit it, Grissom worried about their relationship and Sara's contact with Lurie. Brass was not having any luck with his search for the hired hitman, Franklin who seemed to have vanished. They had been so busy pulling doubles, Grissom had forgotten about his commitment to teach a class at the body farm.

When he received the phone call reminding him, he sighed. He would have to leave the next day and he was not anxious to leave at this time. Although they appeared to be working through their problems Lurie was still a concern. While he hoped Sara had broken off any contact with Lurie he knew he could not demand this from her.

She was a bit surprised when he opened her hand to kiss the palm before closing it over the key.

"Stay here while I'm gone…please. I'll be back in two days," he said while he packed.

"Grissom, I'll probably stay at my apartment. It will be good to stay there while you're gone. Gizmo misses me. Spending a couple of hours before and after shifts is not enough. Besides, with you gone, we'll be pulling doubles anyway."

"Promise me," he asked again.

"Why?"

"Because I'll miss you and it will help knowing that you're sleeping in our bed…with Gizmo of course."

_Our bed…_

She smiled. She had grown accustomed to curling up next to him. The dreams were less volatile and sleep came more quickly. She glanced down at the floor. She would miss him. She was sure of it.

"I'll keep your spot warm," she said as he finished packing. Her response made him pull her close and kiss her.

She stood in the doorway to the house with coffee cups in hand staring at Nick who was preoccupied with watching the coffee pot perk.

"Grissom called me from the airport. He's teaching a human remains recovery class at the body farm. He said you needed backup, and I figure you needed coffee, but ... looks like you already took care of it," said Sara.

"It was set on auto," said Nick. She looked around the house and saw the blood pools.

"Looks like three victims," said Sara, "but four persons lived here."

"One could have been taken hostage," said Nick.

"A kidnapping?" asked Sara.

"It's possible."

She looked at him intently. She knew the thoughts of his kidnapping were probably playing out in his head.

_Work through it Nick…_

_Focus on the facts of the case…_

She pulled up her sleeve and began to work side by side with him. As the shift progressed, she knew they would be pulling a double. Their bed would remain cold. As the hours passed, she saw the look of hope in Nick's eyes. She recognized it. It was the same look they had the night they searched frantically for him. Despite the odds they remained hopeful of finding him and in the end, they had done just that. Sara watched as the others packed up their things and headed out while Nick remained behind.

"You coming?" asked Sara.

"No ... no, you go ahead, I'll catch up," said Nick.

"You think she's alive," said Sara.

He nodded. She felt her stomach lurch. If they found the body of the young girl, it was going to hurt Nick.

"You don't?"

Sara shook her head. She expected them to find the bodies, all four of them.

"None of her blood was found at the house," he offered.

"I think she was drugged, and ... she was lucky if all they did after that was kill her," said Sara quietly.

_Go away…._

_Leave me alone…_

_I don't want to remember…._

_Not right now…_

_Grissom is gone…_

"I don't think she was drugged. She's a smart little girl. She hid that cough medicine in her shoe; that's like hiding green beans in your napkin, you know?" said Nick.

"I hope you're right. But everything in our experience tells us they're dead, all four of them," said Sara.

"Doesn't mean we just give up," he said.

"No one's giving up. It's just that ... you're acting like you're going to rescue a person, not recover a body. And on this job ... that's just not usually the case."

Nick shrugged. She had hit a raw nerve and she had wished she had not pointed out this fact seeing the pain displayed on his face.

"I was rescued."

"It was not your day to die. When it's your day, it's your day, you know?"

"I don't think it was Cassie's day."

_It wasn't my day….._

_All those years ago…_

_I survived…_

_I shouldn't have…_

He was right. She watched as they searched the water late into the evening dreading that nightfall would soon end the search. They were about to have to turn back when Nick spotted the small body on the bank. She held her breath while Nick searched the body for some sign of life and when a pulse was found, she felt herself saying that some persons were stronger than others. The three were proof.

He found her curled up on the couch with the kitten when he returned from the trip. By her appearance and clothing, he could tell she had indeed worked a double. He tossed a blanket gently about her and sat for awhile beside her just content to watch her sleep. She stretched and then smiled when she opened her eyes and found him sitting there.

"Hey," she said as she smiled.

"Hey. You should be in our bed."

"I needed a shower. I was too tired…long shift. I must have fallen asleep. How was the class?"

"Glad to be back. How was the case?" he asked.

"Nick found a survivor. I think it helped him. I was worried about him for awhile. I think he's going to be fine now."

"Good."

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"I uhm…later. I think I'll get that shower now," she said as she got up from the couch.

She didn't know why she felt the urge or the need to tell him about her own private hell but she found herself pulling back once again. She knew she was not ready. He watched as she disappeared into the bathroom before taking up her place on the couch. He grinned as the kitten purred contentedly curling its body comfortably into his lap. He thought about the look on her face and he wondered if she would ever tell him.

_She's not ready…._

_It will come…_

_When she feels safe enough…_

_I can wait…_

He refused to accept the key back but instead told her it was only fair since he had one to her apartment. He told her the key would give her the freedom to come and go as she pleased. He made Brass remove the wiretaps despite his objections and he regretted his actions when she returned to the apartment with the kitten.

_If she left the kitten…_

_She would consider this home…_

He sighed. He wanted Sara in his home. Sara was his home.

He began his own ritual. At the end of each shift, he would find her to wish her good night. She would watch as he'd walk away eventually following him out and leaving as well. Initially she stayed at her apartment asking him over from time to time. It built up her confidence when he emphasized she was in control and set out to prove this to her. Although it bothered him that she did not initiate lovemaking, he told himself it was because she did not believe he was committed to their relationship. If she still had contact with Lurie she didn't mention it and he could not bring himself to find out.

Over time, her behavior seemed to change. Sometimes, she would go to her apartment staying there for a couple of hours before driving to the townhouse and popping in. He didn't mind. It was her absence he minded. His mind would go into overdrive wondering what she might be doing…who she might be with…he didn't want to know. She started to come more often to the townhouse sometimes beating him home. He smiled one day when he found the kitten curled up on the couch.

He picked up the kitten and petted it before nodding off. He was awakened by the pressing of light kisses on his lips and he smiled when he noticed she had cooked dinner, having set the table already. He took note of the sparkle in her eye and he ignored the urge to comment about the special occasion not wanting to tease at her lack of interest in cooking. What she lacked in interest she made up for in taste. Sara was a good cook.

He did not comment about the kitten or the clothes that now cluttered his closet or the many different shampoos and lotions that covered his bathroom. Sara was slowly moving in. He hurried home one day cutting his shift short and cleaned out a closet for her things. He then removed his clutter out of the bathroom lining up the bottles in a neat row. He waited for to come to arrive that afternoon and was disappointed when she did not come immediately. He sat on the couch with kitten in lap and waited pretending to read a journal.

She arrived fairly late dropping into a chair. She glanced at him but he did not say anything but kissed her telling her he had missed her. She waited for him to ask where she had been but when he didn't she got up and headed for the shower. She found the closet. She found the extra space. She sat on the edge of the bathtub and smiled. She showered quickly but he was gone when she came out. She found a note on the counter letting her know he had been called into work on a case.

_He leaves me notes…_

She curled up on the couch with the kitten and for the first time Sara felt like she was home. It was a sudden realization that made her swallow the lump in her throat swiping away the tears before they had time to drop. She felt a sense of urgency suddenly, needing to tell him that for the first time in years, she felt safe. She felt loved. The feeling of urgency continued until she found herself pacing, excited for his return. There were so many things she needed to tell him.

She wanted to tell him she had been meeting with her PEAP counselor and trying to work through the details of the rape and her childhood and her love for him but fearful he would reject her, hurting her far worse than anyone had ever done before in her life. She found herself no longer wanting to wait for his return but rather, she would go to him.

_He comes to me now…_

_Saying good night…._

_Not pushing…_

_Ever gentle…_

She grabbed her keys and headed to the lab imagining the expression she would see on his face the moment her declarations were made. She searched the lab and when she could not locate him, she sought out the front desk. She felt the contents of her stomach rise to her throat the moment she was told Grissom was not there. No one had called him from the lab.

_He lied._

Note from author:

Okay, the kitten comments were hilarious. It seems everyone wants the poor thing to play a bigger role…Now, let's move on. I am completely buried these days but I am trying to find the time to finish this…yes, I have the ending in my head but I am reluctant to finish it…sounds like "The Sessions." As I have hinted in this chapter, it will be GSR from here on out but you know me and angst. Thanks for catching the mistake about the age thing…didn't proof read it but just released it…will have to be more careful next time! Keep the reviews coming!

Take care!

Penny


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

She returned to the townhouse telling herself there was a reasonable explanation. She sat on the couch with kitten in lap and forced herself to wait. Her mind raced through several scenerios and was relieved when she heard the click of the lock and knew that he was returning. He stared at her and smiled.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I thought you got called into the lab?" she asked.

_Please don't lie to me._

"Actually I had to meet someone about a case…turned out to be a lead on an ongoing investigation," he said as he leaned down and kissed her fully on the lips.

The smell of perfume on his shirt made her pull back.

_It 's familiar_...

_had to be in close proximity to get this on your shirt..._

_an embrace..._

"Oh," she said.

"Have you eaten?" he asked.

"I wasn't…"

He looked at her in his disapproving way.

"I was waiting for you."

"Good, I didn't eat either," he said as he leaned down and kissed her again. "I could cook or if you would like to order out…"

"I'm not really hungry," she said.

"Come help me fix something," he said as he pulled her up from the couch. He took the opportunity to pull her into his arms whispering into her ear. "You make coming home nice."

She seemed to tense for a moment but he was already releasing his embrace and pulling her by the hand into the kitchen.

"Want to try a vegetarian omelet?" They cooked working as a team to put the meal together, each chatting about their day. Sara set aside her doubts as they sat down to eat.

"Who did you have to meet with?" she asked.

"Brass."

_You said you wouldn't forget…._

She seemed a bit quiet the rest of the night. He pulled her into his arms when they retired kissing her gently and waited for her to initiate anything further but she kept her back to him. He kissed her softly again and then whispered, "love you Sara." It bothered him that she did not return the endearment.

The kitten disappeared. The closet held less clothes and the bathroom was less cluttered again after his return from a double shift. He sat and wondered what he had done and then it hit him fully. She was still having contact with Lurie. The previous night's events replayed in his head as he swore.

_He was surprised when he arrived at the secluded restaurant to find Lady Heather seated beside Brass. The shock on his face made Brass chuckle._

"_You wouldn't believe me if I told you on the phone," smiled Brass._

"_Heather, it's nice to see you again but I seem to be at a loss as to why you are here with Brass," said Grissom as he sat down._

"_Mr. Brass agreed not to get a warrant if I gave him certain information about my financial dealings with Mr. Lurie," said Heather as she sipped her glass of wine._

_Grissom smiled. _

"_Lurie didn't have to transfer any money out of his account, he does business with Lady Heather and about three months ago, he made a withdrawal from their business," smiled Brass. "Give you three guesses, how much."_

"_Fifty thousand," said Grissom._

"_Now see, that's why you're boss_," _grinned Brass._

"_Lady Heather, we're going to need proof of the transaction…"_

_She slid over a file and smiled. "I assume there will be no need for a search warrant this time?" she purred. _

"_Doesn't appear so," said Grissom. _

_Heather slid out of the chair causing the men to stand as she prepared to leave. She leaned in and hugged Grissom giving him a slight kiss on the cheek before strolling toward the door._

_Brass wiped the lipstick from Grissom's cheek and grinned. "Sara would have your ass if you came home with another woman's lipstick on you." Grissom wiped at his face._

"_Now all we have to do is tie him closer to the hit man," said Brass "and I'm working on locating him as we speak."_

"_Does Lurie have any idea about this?" asked Grissom_

"_Unfortunately his attorney does. I'm sure he knows about it…it doesn't matter… maybe this way he'll stay away from a certain person," smiled Brass._

_Grissom didn't return the smile. Things just got scarier where Sara was concerned._

He waited to hear from her. He glanced at his watch and he cursed as the hours passed and she did not come home. He paced. He walked the floors and counted the number of butterflies in the case and the number of times he had told her he loved her and then he tried to recall the number of times she had done the same and he still had a hand left over when the counting was done and it bothered him.

_She's always shown me her love through her actions..._

_she wouldn't say it unless she meant it..._

_She loves me..._

He heard the click of the key and he told himself to remain calm. She emerged looking tired and worn out. He stood and waited for her to initiate some kind of interaction but she merely threw down the keys along with her phone and dropped into the nearest seat.

"I was worried about you," he said softly.

"I had a meeting that ran over…I'm really tired Grissom," she said as she pulled herself up and headed to the shower.

"Sara?"

She turned to face him. He had not seen her so tired in such a long time. It worried him.

"I think we need to talk," he said.

She stood and stared at him.

"Shower and then let's talk," he offered. She hesitated for a moment before leaving the room.

_How do I accuse you of seeing Lurie…._

_You say you're friends…._

_You can't be friends…._

_With someone who wants you in their bed…_

_I don't want you to see him anymore…._

_It's too risky…._

She returned looking more exhausted and he felt the urge to put her to bed immediately and forget beginning something that would take hours to work through.

"You said we needed to talk…" she yawned.

"It can wait, Sara. You're tired. Have you…"

"Yes." She cringed with the lie.

"Is there something bothering you?" he asked.

_Is there something…._

_Yes…Us…_

_I come and go as I please…._

_You say nothing about it…_

_I take some of my things back…_

_Again you say nothing…._

_We don't….._

"No, there's nothing bothering me," she said. His shoulders slumped in defeat. He watched as she headed to the bedroom and curled up on her side of the bed. He came and sat down on the edge of the bed. It bothered him when he saw the redness and puffiness that could only be associated with crying. He reached out and gently traced his finger tip along her cheek.

_God I love you so much…_

"Sara?"

She rolled over and faced him.

"If I've done anything…The kitten…the clothes…three slacks, two blouses, a jacket, my favorite nightgown, your black…"

"I didn't think you noticed," she said softly.

"I noticed. I've noticed you come and go…I don't push you…I want you to feel in control this time…not me…I thought you were getting used to this being your home but then I come back and you've started…"

"The perfume on your shirt," she sniffled.

He knew better than to lie.

"Lady Heather's," he said.

He regretted his reply the moment he saw and felt her reaction.

Note from author:

Can you just feel the tension in the room as Sara hears Heather's name? The angst of it….

Reviews another chapter a happy Penny.

By the way, we got a really bad storm last night so we got very little sleep. Tomorrow I have to take my father to the hospital for a procedure…very long day… I hope I can sit and write while I wait. I am posting this tonight in the event I don't get the chance tomorrow.

Take care!

Penny


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One:**

He grimaced when he felt the blow from her arm as she pushed him away trying to scramble out of bed.

"Sara, sit down!" he said. She sat back down in the bed pulling her legs up glaring at him.

"I met Lady Heather and Brass at a restaurant down town. She had some information about one of her partners. She wanted to avoid the whole search warrant thing again," he said.

"This partner?"

"Lurie," he said.

"I already knew that," she said. Grissom felt the beginning of an ulcer.

"You knew?"

"Vincent told me some time ago. He was quite embarrassed that Howard and the other surgeons talked him into getting involved in the business. It seemed to be a good investment but he doesn't approve of what goes on," she said. She looked at him. "If you had mentioned it, I would have told you the connection but…"

"Do you know he withdrew fifty thousand dollars during the time that a hitman by the name of Franklin received a deposit for a hit and was seen the leaving the parking garage where Howard's body was found?"

"Howard's death was a suicide….the parking garage holds over three thousand cars. Who's to say he was meeting about another hit," she said. "I'm sure if you asked Vincent about the money he will tell you…located Franklin yet?"

"No." he said.

"Grissom, do you have anything to connect Lurie with the murders?"

"You know the answer to that," said Grissom.

She sat there quietly.

"Sara, I was never alone with Heather. Brass was there the whole time. She hugged me before she left. I guess that's when the perfume was transferred to my shirt," he said.

"I'm sorry. I jumped to conclusions."

"I don't want to pry into your business…"

"Grissom if we're going to have a relationship then we need to be able to ask each other anything including where we've been…you never asked me…"

"I'm trying really hard not to screw up," he said.

"Asking me where I've been is not screwing up…telling me where and what I can do…that's screwing up."

He sighed.

"Want to know?"

"I'm not sure." He admitted. "Is it going to hurt?"

She frowned.

"Not trying to tell you where and what you can do…"

She half smiled.

"I've been meeting with my PEAP counselor every chance I can get."

"Oh…oh," he said sounding relieved.

"I've been…trying to work through the domestic violence stuff and the…the rape. It hard facing that…I'm still trying to do that. I've also been trying to work through all of this," she said.

"Are you still unsure about me? Sara, I'm not going to push you away…."

"I think I know that now. I don't like it that you're obsessed with Lurie but I don't want you to think I'm slipping around meeting him. I'm not. I did see him once to let him know about us…"

His head jerked up.

"Look, I'm still in one piece."

"That's not funny," he said between clenched teeth.

"Sorry."

"Sara?"

"Yeah"

"How are you dealing with the counseling sessions?" he asked needing to change the subject.

"It's exhausting. I think I cried so much during the last two sessions I was afraid you would get a call…I listed you for emergency purposes," she said.

"You should have told me," he said quietly. "I could go with you…"

"No…I need to do this on my own," she said sadly.

"You don't have to be alone. You have me. I'm your family….if you'll let me," he said.

"Even after I almost slept with Vincent and then threw it up in your face to hurt you. I did that intentionally. I wanted to hurt you," she said between swiping of tears.

There was silence.

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"I can imagine how much it would hurt me if you…were that intimate with Heather."

"It was my fault…If I didn't push you away…I'm sorry…I made you doubt us even after I made love to you… that's what really hurts Sara. I did that to you."

She swiped at her eyes and then pulled him over until he was lying on her. She pulled his head down bringing his lips to hers and he moaned when her tongue sought out his as she arched her body toward his. He deepened the kiss as he caressed her cheek with one hand and his other explored the rest of her body. He released her lips and grinned when she moaned. He began to move away but she pulled him back again, this time locking her legs around his waist. His lips trailed down her neck and she arched her back when his lips lingered on the delicate skin above her breasts. He tried to pull back once more but she stopped him again.

"Grissom?"

"Sara…when you're ready…when you're sure about us…I don't think we should…"

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?" he said gruffly.

"Stop screwing up and make love to me," she whispered.

"You're in control here," he said smiling.

He made love to her. It had been too long. He sensed she did not care to bother with foreplay and he quickly entered her, feeling her already moving in a rhythmic motion beneath him until he was sure who was really in control. He grinned letting her set the pace and then finding himself begging for his own release. He heard a soft moan that was his undoing and they climaxed together each still clinging to the other as they tried to slow their breathing.

"Were you waiting for me to…" she began to ask.

"Yes, I was."

She slightly jabbed him in the ribs.

"I've been waiting for you…I was afraid you didn't want to after what I said about…"

"Sara, I was only trying to show you I was willing to be the submissive here…letting you be in control…"

"Sounds like some of Lady Heather's teachings," she said.

"How would you…"

"Vincent told me about the type of business Heather runs."

"Did he ever…no I'm stopping…I don't want to discuss Lurie while I'm in bed with you."

"No he never and neither do I." she said.

He wished she had not agreed so easily.

"Sara?"

"We haven't discussed this but now that you're in counseling, this will…"

"I submitted the paperwork to Catherine and Ecklie to be switched to her supervision."

He leaned forward to stare at her.

"When?"

"A couple of days ago."

"Are you sure you want to switch?"

"I know I don't want to hide our relationship much longer."

"Good. Neither do I. Now that we have that out of the way, Sara…your things?"

"Are you sure you want me here all the time?" she asked. "Sometimes, I'm a mess after the counseling sessions."

"I want you all the time."

"I guess we can discuss merging of things."

"Good. Could we keep this bed?" he asked.

"Has anyone else slept in it besides me?" she asked.

"No."

"Then yes."

"The first day we get off, we can work on moving over your things," he said as he pulled her close.

"Griss?"

"Yes?"

"I'm glad this is home now," she said with a sniffle.

"Our home Sara," he whispered as he kissed her lovingly.

He watched her that night while they were out in the field glancing at her when her back was to him watching for signs of fatigue but there were none. They spent little time sleeping while catching up for lost time. She worked with Greg combing through the debris of the wreck. It was situated on a steep hillside blocked by several boulders.

"I'm going to try to get to the other side and get a better shot of the vehicle. Hand me the kit when I'm positioned," called Sara.

"Wait, why you?" asked Greg.

"Because I've done rock climbing and I weigh less than you," smiled Sara.

"Anything on Franklin?" asked Grissom to Brass.

"Not yet."

"Did get permission to bring Lurie in for questioning about the fifty thousand…going to do that this evening," said Brass. "How's Sara?"

"We're going to merge houses. She's already requested a transfer to Catherine's supervision."

Brass grinned. "Well, you really have gotten your…what are they doing over there?"

She started to climb up easing her way over to the side when the rocks gave way causing the vehicle to slide. Sara suddenly found herself on top of a moving vehicle sliding down the hillside. It stopped and she tried to catch her balance without moving too much.

The noise had caused the others to look up when they saw Sara in immediate trouble. Once the vehicle stopped, Sara quickly snapped the pictures and then noticed something sticking out of the broken windshield. "There's something here," she leaned forward and slowly pulled out the bag containing several packaged drugs and several different forms of identification.

"Looks like we have a drug dealer with several fake or stolen IDs…" The car began to move and she threw the bag to Greg who caught it.

"Sara, get down from there," yelled Grissom.

"Already ahead of you," said Sara as she tried to inch her way off the back end of the vehicle but the rocks gave way once more causing the vehicle to slide down the hillside. It tilted downward causing Sara to be thrown forward. She disappeared from their sight as the others ran toward the last sight of the vehicle. Sara held on as she looked downward knowing she would have to jump off or risk going down the entire hillside.

She jumped as the vehicle continued to slide until it flipped several times down the hillside. She hit the hard ground wincing as she landed on a rock. She gasped at the pain in her side as she felt her ribs cracking from the hit. She could hear the others calling her as she tried to catch her breath before letting the darkness overtake her.

Note from author:

Thanks for the thoughtful notes. My father is fine..had tests run today…got little writing done but there's always tomorrow… I am excited about the ending….turning out to be long…several chapters with just our geeks love birds far far away….keep the reviews coming.

Take care!

Penny


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two:**

"Sara!" yelled Greg as he crawled down to where she lay. He pulled out his water, soaking a cloth and began to swipe it across her face.

"Stop it Greg, you're drowning me," said Sara.

"She's conscious," called Greg.

The others were soon by her side as she tried to sit up only to be pushed back down by Grissom.

"Don't move until we've checked you," he said softly.

"I was…" she winced as she felt Grissom touching her ribs. The intensity of the pain made her lose consciousness.

"She's not fine," he said hoarsely. "Call for an ambulance right now!"

Brass called for backup as they tried once more to assess Sara's injuries.

"Griss, the only thing holding Sara here is this huge rock and the ground is already shifting as we stand here. We're going to have to move her," said Warrick.

"Let's do this gently, okay guys?" said Grissom as they lifted her away from the rock as it slid down the hill following the path of the vehicle.

"She's light as a feather," said Warrick as he started to pick her up but Grissom blocked him.

"I'll carry her, just get the rest of the equipment and follow behind," said Grissom as he gently pulled Sara into his arms and carried her to the top. He gently laid her down on the grass as Catherine placed a blanket on her.

"How long has she been out?" asked Catherine.

"Just a few minutes," said Grissom. "We need to get her conscious."

He poured some water onto a cloth and gently wiped it across her face.

"Greg, I said stop it!" said Sara as she tried to swipe at the cloth.

"Sorry dear, but you have to stay awake…okay?" said Grissom as he checked her pulse.

She nodded.

"Sara, you need to tell me where it hurts. Okay?" he asked.

She nodded again.

She immediately reacted once he pressed on her right side biting her lower lip to keep from crying out.

"Sorry honey. I know it hurts but I had to know. Any trouble breathing?"

She nodded. He frowned.

_Possible punctured lung_

"I want you stay perfectly still, okay?" asked Grissom.

She nodded slowly.

Grissom grabbed Brass by the arm and pulled him to the side. "She's got several cracked ribs and a possible punctured lung. We need to transport her immediately."

"Ambulance is on its way. The hard part is getting it out here on these back roads…"

"We can meet them at the main road. It's better than waiting…they could take a wrong turn in this place," said Grissom as he tried to remember the number of off roads they passed on the way in.

Brass called dispatch before turning back to Grissom.

Grissom tossed Brass the keys. "You're driving. I'll keep her still in the back seat."

"Sara, we're going to have to meet the ambulance so I'm going to lift you into the Denali, okay?" said Grissom.

She gasped from the pain when he lifted her and carried her to the vehicle. He gently placed her inside and then got in beside her.

"Lay down sweetheart. That's it, I've got you," whispered Grissom as he helped her to lie on her side.

"Kiddo, this is going to be a bumpy ride so my apologies up front," said Brass as he took off.

"Talk to me Sara," said Grissom.

"No allergies," she said.

"What?'

"No allergies…no known allergies… O positive…no broken bones…until now…not on any medication…except…you know….insurance card….same as yours….Griss…"

"What?"

"Sorry"

"It's okay…Sara?" he reached for her wrists and checked her pulse.

"She unconscious again…Jim, you need to hurry."

They made it to the main road and still there was no sign of the ambulance. She had regained consciousness now as Grissom talked with her softly. She grabbed his hand and refused to release it when the ambulance arrived and she was placed on the gurney.

"Don't leave me" she pleaded.

"I'm not leaving," he said as he squeezed her hand.

"Meet you at the hospital," said Brass as he watched Grissom get inside the ambulance with Sara. He watched helplessly as the attendants checked her vitals and then asked the basic pertinent information.

His grip tightened when they pushed on her abdomen and she writhed in pain pulling at his arm.

"She's very tender in her abdomen," he said.

The ER was a flurry of activity when they arrived. Nurses and doctors hurried out to meet the ambulance rushing her into the first vacant room. He felt his hand being released as she lost consciousness again.

"Call Dr. Lurie. This is his girlfriend. I've seen them together in the commissary," called one nurse to another. Grissom started to correct the woman but then the nurse's were yelling for another doctor.

"What's wrong?"

"He's just an intern….this is over his head…We need someone else."

Lurie appeared out of nowhere and began yelling at the nurses.

"What's her condition?"

"cracked ribs…pulse is thready…pressure is not stable….sir, abdomen is tender…."

"Dr. Lurie, what are you doing down here?" asked Dr. Fletcher.

Lurie looked at the nurses. "Who else is on duty?"

"Jennings just left…Smith is tied up….Dr. Fletcher is the only person at the moment…"

"He's not touching her! Get the chief of staff down here now…try Jennings on the phone…"

"Now look, she's my patient," began Fletcher.

"You're not touching her….not after last month…She has all the signs of a collapsed lung and …"

"The ER isn't your territory...we don't need a surgeon …."

Sara suddenly came to and began moaning. The nurse leaned down to try to find out what she was trying to say.

"She's getting sick," said the nurse as they turned Sara to the side.

Grissom's hand shot to cover his mouth as bright red blood poured out of Sara's mouth.

"She's bleeding out!" yelled a nurse.

"That makes her a candidate for surgery," said Lurie. "I'm taking her up now!"

The nurse quickly began to prepare Sara for removal when she yelled, "She's crashing."

Lurie quickly went into work mode.

"Come on Sara, stay with me," he pleaded.

Grissom felt a nurse pushing him out of the room. He grabbed her arm just as she was returning to the room.

"Is there another surgeon on duty" he asked.

"Honey, he's the best. You want him," said the nurse.

"What was wrong with Fletcher?" asked Grissom.

"He almost killed a patient last month and he's under administrative review," she whispered before re entering the room.

He sat there in the waiting room as he stared at the floor. He glanced up when he saw a cup of coffee shoved into his face.

"Probably not good but better than nothing," said Brass.

"Thanks," said Grissom as he took the cup and held it. They were soon joined by the others as they took turns checking in with the nurse's station.

"Any word?" asked Catherine as she sat beside Grissom.

"Not yet," replied Brass.

Nick hurried back to the others, "The nurse that came out a little while ago said they were almost finished and someone would be coming out soon."

Grissom watched as the door to the end of the hall opened and Lurie walked out taking the first seat in the hallway. Another man stood beside him talking quietly.

"Vincent, are you alright?" asked Doctor Jennings.

Vincent leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. He opened them and then stared down at his clothing.

_Sara's blood is on my hands…._

_It's on my clothes…._

_So much blood…._

_I can still feel her organs in my hands….._

_So warm…._

He wiped at his hands even though there was no blood on them.

"Vincent?" asked Dr. Jennings once again.

"I'll be fine. I…I just wasn't prepared for this…to have her life in my hands," he said.

Dr. Jennings patted him on his back.

"That's why you don't operate on a relative…too much at stake," he said.

Lurie glanced down at Grissom and the others as they stood there looking at him.

"Do you want me to tell them?" asked Dr. Jennings.

"I uhm," said Lurie.

"I'll come with you," said Jennings as he helped Lurie to his feet. Grissom watched as the two men talked in hushed tones as they approached.

Grissom suddenly had a sinking feeling.

Note from author:

Leave a review and keep happy thoughts. Reminder: No harm was done in the writing of this story i.e. no character deaths so hold the tomatoes please.

Take care! Penny


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three:**

Grissom felt a hand slip into his and he knew it was Catherine's as they watched Lurie and the other surgeon approach. Warrick and Nick stood on the other side of Grissom as Brass stood to the side. Greg remained in the back not wanting to hear the news.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes"

"Ms. Sidle is in recovery. It was touch and go there for quite a while...there was a lot of bleeding. She bled out as fast as we could give her a unit…she has three cracked ribs on the right with two on the left. Her right lung was punctured causing her some initial distress but …"

"How is she?" asked Grissom.

"She's going to be fine…she's in ICU so we can monitor her lungs but we should be able to move her to a room by tomorrow. She's one lucky lady. I don't think she would have made it if Vincent didn't insist on taking her up when he did. We had very few minutes to spare."

Grissom glanced at Lurie for a moment and then back at Jennings.

"Thank you…both," he said. "When can we see her?"

"In a couple of hours. Immediate family may see her," said Jennings.

"I am immediate family," said Grissom as he looked at Lurie.

"Yes… he is," said Lurie. "I'll have a nurse come and get you when you can see her," he said as he turned and walked away.

Brass stood and watched as Lurie disappeared "I think I'll wait on the questioning."

Grissom glanced at Brass.

He sat down and sighed out loud. "I thought he was going to come down here and…"

He sighed again. The others headed down to the commissary for something to eat as Grissom remained with Brass.

"Think we're wrong?" asked Brass.

"No, he killed Debbie Marlin and Michael Clark but he saved Sara."

He followed the nurse when she came to take him into the ICU. He sat there holding her hand listening to the machines wondering how she would react to the IVs in her arm. He rubbed the palm of her hand and cursed inwardly.

_What the hell do you think you were doing?_

_Getting up on that damn car and…_

_Didn't you see how the ground was unstable…_

_God, I almost lost you…_

He stood and stretched his legs as he walked over to the window to look out. It had begun to rain softly and he watched as the rain trickled down the window pane. He heard voices outside the door and recognized one to be Lurie.

"I'll put it in her chart…did she say anything to you?" came the female voice.

"No, she didn't. I know she's been trying to tell me something but it's been crazy here with all of the rescheduled surgeries. How far along is she?" asked Lurie.

"Not long…about ten weeks."

"ten weeks…I would appreciate it if you would keep this quiet. Sara's been going through a hard time…we're not together anymore…the pregnancy is not going to help…"

"But you two seemed so happy together…"

"bad timing…I guess…anyway, keep her comfortable…whatever she wants or needs…just keep her calm…her body doesn't need any more stress."

"You know the odds of miscarriage after the trauma of surgery…"

"I know…find Brooks in OB…she's good…keep her posted abut Sara's condition," said Lurie.

"I'll be happy to."

"Vincent?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll keep you posted too, congratulations. I know you've always loved kids."

"Thanks," he said

Grissom struggled to breathe. He thought back in his head trying to remember ten weeks ago.

_We made love…._

_She found out about the wiretap…_

_She stayed at Lurie's…._

_She said she didn't sleep with him…_

_She said he never…_

She began to stir and he stood there wondering if she had given in and let him touch her only to feel guilty about it later.

_Sara wouldn't lie…_

_Would she?_

_Not about this…_

_She seemed at odds about something…_

_She said it was the counseling…_

_What if it was the pregnancy…_

_What if she couldn't tell me…_

_Because she doesn't know…_

_Who's the father…._

He cursed inwardly. She stirred again and this time she began to call for him. He stood there and listened not bringing himself to move.

"Grissom?" she said softly. She tugged on the IVs and the stand shook as she began to try to pull herself up pushing at the IV s again. She winced and he reacted. He quickly was there by her side grabbing her arms and bringing them down to her side whispering softly that he was there. She calmed and returned to sleep holding tightly to his hand. He brought the hand to his lips kissing it lightly.

_It's mine…_

_Not his…_

He reluctantly left her side after the nurse pushed him out when visiting hours were over. He stood outside in the waiting room staring out the window trying to digest what he had overheard. He jumped when he felt the hand on his shoulder.

"How is she?" asked Brass.

"Still unconscious…only woke briefly," he said as he turned back to the window.

"Okay, something's wrong," said Brass.

"It's nothing," he said as he sat down.

"Bullshit."

"I overheard a conversation in the hallway between Lurie and a woman."

"This could be juicy," he said.

"She told him Sara's medical tests came back and she's pregnant…"

Brass smiled.

"ten weeks….ten weeks ago….we…she also spent the night at his place after she found out about the wiretap…"

"Wait. Sara would be pissed but she would not go and jump in bed with Lurie."

"Nurse also mentioned that the odds of miscarriage after major surgery…"

"One thing at a time," said Brass as he sat down beside Grissom.

"Ready to bring Lurie in for questioning?"

"One thing at a time," replied Grissom.

"Trust Sara."

His words gave little comfort. He worried how Sara would react to a miscarriage. He also worried how he was going to hide this until he felt she was strong enough to discuss it. He was tired but he refused to leave knowing that Lurie would no doubt stay at the hospital now that he had access to Sara.

"How long before she gets moved out of ICU?" asked Brass.

"Maybe tomorrow…if there are no complications," said Grissom.

"I'll go get us some coffee," said Brass as he started down the hallway.

"No need for you to stay," said Grissom.

"Needed a night off anyway. The gang will be here as soon as shift is over. Catherine said not to worry about anything; she has you covered."

Grissom watched as Brass started to walk away when a nurse hurried out of the ICU calling his name. Brass stopped and looked.

"I'm Grissom," he replied.

"Ms. Sidle is a bit agitated and is calling for you. We normally wouldn't let anyone in but we don't want to give her anything to…"

"I'm coming," said Grissom.

She was pulling at the covers trying to get out of bed when he arrived. She resisted the male nurse and immediately Grissom saw the fear in her eyes when the man placed his hands on her arms pinning her down.

"That's not necessary!" called out Grissom.

Sara struggled against the man causing the IV to become dislodged. The man cursed as Sara went into a fit of coughing. The other nurse hurried to the side of the bed.

"You're scaring her…get your hands off her!" said Grissom. The man released Sara as the other nurse motioned for him to leave.

Grissom sat down beside her. "Sara, it's okay. I'm here."

She grabbed his hand pulling him close as the coughing persisted. Grissom glanced at the nurse.

"It's part of the lung trauma…she needs to cough," said the nurse who positioned the bed so Sara was sitting forward which seemed to relieve the coughing. The nurse reinserted the IV while Grissom held Sara.

"She's fine now. I'll stay with her."

"She's still under the effects of the anesthesia and meds. She…"

"She doesn't respond well to drugs," said Grissom remembering their conversation. It then hit him.

_The drive in…._

_She told me the pertinent info…._

_Blood type…_

_Medications…_

_Medical history…_

_She would have said something about the baby…_

_If she had known…_

He looked down and she was asleep again.

"She doesn't know about the pregnancy," said Grissom.

"It just got put in the medical chart…"

"That man…she gets frightened when she's restrained…don't do that again."

"He's new. He was just trying…"

"I'm sure he was but I don't want her restrained for any reason," said Grissom.

"I'll be sure and make a note in the chart. You can stay as long as you need," she said as she turned and walked away.

He brushed her hair back kissing her forehead before trying to sit back only to be pulled back by Sara. He grinned. Her hand firmly held his and he leaned forward to keep the contact. Minutes passed before the door opened quickly and Lurie stepped inside. He appeared to have been awakened from sleep. He was surprised to see Grissom sitting there.

"One of the nurses told me Sara was a bit agitated…how is she?" he asked.

"She's fine now," said Grissom. "She's still getting over the effects of the meds…she asked for me and they let me stay."

Grissom watched for his reaction.

"Good. I was afraid she might have some complications to the anesthesia…she saying meds make her loopy…everybody reacts differently…She needs to remain still at all costs right now." He glanced through the medical chart and then checked her vitals. He listened to her breathing for several minutes.

"Any coughing?"

"Some."

"There's a risk of pneumonia with her type of injury…they'll keep a close eye on that…Grissom there's another medical condition we're worried about."

"The baby," said Grissom, "our baby."

The two stared at one another.

**Note from author**:

Feel the angst…Now, I have to say the next chapters are chopped full of angst but loaded with GSR so…I promise that there will be fluff to follow. Keep the reviews coming…Take care!

Penny

P.S

It's turning out to be long….I got another angle to this the other night…I don't think you will mind….


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four:**

"She chose you…I've never hurt her and I'm never going to…I don't think you can say the same thing. I'll do whatever Sara wants…I won't get in the middle…I will if you hurt her…she deserves to be happy. She may not want to admit it but she wants children and she would be a good mother…she just lacks confidence," said Lurie.

He folded his arms and stared at Sara as Grissom watched him go into work mode.

"There is a chance of miscarriage after major surgery…I've consulted with one our OBs who's monitoring Sara's condition. We're making sure everything is done to ensure the survival of…" he stopped and turned away. "I'm worried about how she will react to a miscarriage…she's going to feel guilty…I understand she climbed up on top of a car on the edge of a hillside…she's going to feel responsible…if she suffers a miscarriage she's going to need help processing the loss…she doesn't deal very well with…she has a lot of stored up…you know…what's she like…anyway, you need to step up to the plate and give her that support."

He quickly left the room leaving Grissom alone to think through what had just transpired.

_In just a few months…_

_He knows her as well as I do…_

_He seems to really care about her…_

_He didn't deny or confirm…_

_What if they…_

_What if he is the…_

_Sara?_

The doubt ate at him.

_Trust…_

_Honesty…_

_Can be no relationship…._

_Without the two…_

He didn't recall when he had fallen asleep. He felt a hand gently on his cheek and he awoke to find her staring at him. He smiled and then stretched, groaning inwardly from the stiffness in his neck and the rest of his body.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Confused," she said.

"Confused?" he asked.

"Drugs…must have had some good drugs," she said.

"What do you remember?" he asked.

"I remember the car, jumping off, Greg trying to drown me…the ride to the hospital…Brass drove?"

"We had to meet the ambulance…what else?"

"You rode with me in the ambulance…I remember your hand…I remember feeling your hand here…nothing more."

"That's good. You missed the ER…scaring us to death…surgery…recovery…need to add a few things to your loopy description," he said as he yawned.

"Surgery?"

"They'll come and fill you in soon. Don't want to bore you twice. If you're good, they'll move you to a private room."

"Where am I?"

"ICU"

"ICU! I'm not that sick…I may have a few cracked ribs..." she winced, "Yes I definitely have a few cracked ribs but…"

"You punctured a lung… there was internal bleeding…kept everyone on their toes."

"Oh…Grissom I'm sorry…I didn't think it was unsafe to climb…"

"It's okay. It was an accident…you did recover that evidence that will probably crack the last couple of cases on the stolen identity thefts…one of the IDs belonged to the John Doe from the other night. We now have a name to put with the body. We wouldn't have been able to do that without that evidence. It would have burned with the vehicle."

"So I don't get lectured for being…"

"I think we can skip that."

She smiled and then closed her eyes. "Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't leave me."

"Just sleep. I'm here."

Grissom seemed to feel better once Sara was moved to a private room. The others were permitted to visit although Grissom kept the visits short. She seemed to tire easy dozing frequently. Catherine brought paperwork to keep him busy while he sat with her refusing to leave until he felt she was stronger.

He began to take short walks out into the hallway stretching his legs. Vincent had come by that morning for a visit sitting with her. He had been reluctant to leave them but stepped out telling himself Sara had chosen him and not Vincent. Brass and the others had offered to stay with Sara so he could go home but he refused. He was thankful that Brass had a key to his place and picked up a change of clothing. He remembered the kitten and sent Greg to check on him.

He was surprised when Brass was tapping at the door and pulling him outside.

"We have a problem," said Brass.

"What's wrong?"

"Greg arrived at Sara's apartment and found it ransacked. It was totaled…the guys are over there going through it…could have been vandals…nothing seems to be stolen but we don't have an inventory of the contents…" said Brass as he tried to keep his voice down so no one else could hear.

"I could do that through the scene photographs," said Grissom.

"They're still processing the scene but no kitten yet…maybe it ran out or someone took it…could have been a bunch of teen vandals," said Brass.

His phone rang and Grissom peeked back into the room while Brass answered the call.

"Greg found the kitten…It was in the fridge…it's dead. I know you're going to think I'm crazy but I think the bastard had something to do with it. His attorney found out about the possibility we're going to call him in for questioning about the fifty thousand…he could also have been pissed when he found out Sara is pregnant with your child…it sure as hell isn't his."

"Have the gang salvage what they can and deliver it to the townhouse. No one says anything to Sara yet. She's not ready for this. She's…"

He was interrupted when he heard Sara calling for him. He hurried inside and began to panic when he saw her doubled over.

"Brass, get a nurse in here now," he called as he went to sit with her. He grabbed her hand holding it tightly as she struggled against the pain.

"Something's not right," she said between clenched teeth.

He felt himself being pulled from the room as it was flooded with doctors and nurses. He stood outside along with Brass and waited. He noticed a woman hurried inside and he took note of her Id badge, Brooks.

_OB doctor…._

_She's having complications with the baby…_

_She's having a miscarriage…_

_She didn't even know…_

_I didn't tell her yet…_

An hour passed as they remained in the waiting room. Brass had left for a brief time picking up coffee. Grissom stood immediately when Doctor Brooks came out to speak with them.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes."

"I've just examined Ms. Sidle. I'm sorry but she's had a miscarriage. It's not uncommon for this to happen right after a major surgery…I've given her something to help her sleep. She was pretty upset…she didn't seem to know she was pregnant…we have someone here on staff who can talk with her…"

"She has a counselor she's been seeing and I'll notify her. Is she going to be alright physically?"

"Yes…no reason she can't get pregnant again although I wouldn't advise it until she's been seen by her own gynecologist and is given an okay to try again."

He nodded and watched as the doctor walked away.

"I'm sorry Gil," said Brass.

He nodded.

"Bring him in for questioning," said Grissom.

"Want to wait for the guys to finish…"

"He's been there…we know that…they won't find anything," said Grissom.

"Stay close to her…she's going to need you right now," said Brass.

"Don't say anything to the others about the…she needs time to deal with everything…no one mentions anything yet."

Brass nodded as he watched Grissom head back to her room.

She slept for hours, moving very little as the nurses came and went checking her vitals and marking her chart. The IV was removed and still she remained asleep. It worried him that she was pale and her body appeared much more battered than it had just a few hours ago. He kept her hand in his remembering that she had felt his touch before. He wanted her to know he was there needing her to know that she was not alone and that he had no intention of running this time. He was stepping up to the plate and he was not going to let her down this time. He felt the wetness on his cheek and he quickly swiped it away with his sleeve.

He had been so worried about her that he had not really given any thought to himself. The pregnancy would have complicated things but then his whole relationship with Sara had been complicated or was it? He thought back over the years and it had come down to one word.

_Risk_

He had been alone for so many years he never knew what it would feel like to have someone in his life. Sara had given him glimpses over the years and she would have given him more if he had just accepted her love.

_Risk_

It hadn't even been hard to do in the end. Taking her into his arms and loving her he had felt what they had both longed for all their life, a home. His home was Sara. He looked forward to leaving the lab after each shift not wanting to stay behind and observe life through a microscope. Sara had not complicated his life; she had given him life.

In just a few hours, he had learned about the pregnancy and now he was facing the loss of it.

The true meaning of it hit him full force and he found himself choking back sobs as he sat there holding her hand praying she would not wake and find him in such a state. He dealt with death everyday and it never bothered him. There wasn't a body to observe but the mourning was there just the same.

_It was part of her…_

_It was part of me…_

_It was us…_

_The best of us…_

As the hours passed he came to terms with the loss and he was grateful for the time he had to prepare himself for what he was sure would be one of the hardest things he would have to do and that would be to help her grieve. She needed to grieve. They needed to grieve together. He pulled her hand up close to his lips and kissed her palm. There would be time for mourning but now he was glad she was sleeping. With sleep came rest and with rest came healing. He waited.

Note from author:

Okay, I know I will receive hate mail. Please hang in there. For those of you who hung in there with me through "The Sessions" then you know that good things happen to those who wait…so don't toss that tomato just yet. Keep the reviews coming…I absolutely love them even if it's just one word or two or more. It lets me know you like it…which is the reason I write.

Take care!

Penny


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five:**

His wait was over as he watched her eyes open. He tightened his hold on her hand but she kept her eyes locked on the window.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

She turned and stared at him. He waited for her to say something but she remained quiet.

"You gave us another scare. Sara, can you tell me what happened?"

"It was…it was nothing. Just a side effect I suppose from the meds. I'm better now," she said sadly.

He felt hurt by the lie but then he knew she was protecting herself. The lie was easier than the truth. It hurt less. He kissed her lightly on the lips whispering softly how much he loved her. He saw the slight beginnings of a tear forming and he swiped it away for her, and then pulled her gently into his arms and held her. He waited once more for her to tell him but she didn't. He told himself it could wait. There would be time.

She was restless the remainder of her stay at the hospital. She ate and slept very little saying she could not rest in the hospital and begged to be released. Lurie came by dropping in a few times to check on her progress. He said very little to Grissom although he knew that he had been summoned for questioning. Grissom was ordered back to the lab by Ecklie to report on the upcoming questioning of Lurie. He was reluctant to leave her but Nick came to sit with her assuring Grissom that he would not leave her side until his return. Once he returned, she was begging to be released again. Despite his initial hesitation he allowed her to persuade the doctors to release her telling them she would recover much quicker at home.

_Home…_

_She'll feel better telling me there…_

_Than here where it happened…_

_Home…_

He brought her to the townhouse on the day of her release forcing her to lie down for at least a couple of hours. She had asked about work several times but he had avoided the subject until now.

"I want to go back to work."

"The doctor said in a couple of weeks…"

"I don't remember…"

"I talked with him."

"Why didn't he…"

"You were having some tests done."

He watched as she sat there upset.

"Sara, we need to talk about some things," said Grissom.

She looked at him suddenly and he saw the fear in her eyes. He grabbed her to him holding her close, kissing her urgently as he felt her trembling.

"Sara, what's wrong?" he whispered.

"Nothing…I just want things back to normal. I need normal…where's Gizmo?" she asked as she looked around the townhouse and then suddenly remembering she had left him at her apartment.

"I left him at the apartment…"

"I know. It's okay. I sent Greg over there right after the accident."

"Why didn't you bring him…"

"Oh," she said softly as she folded her arms about her waist.

_You don't want me here anymore…_

_You blame me for the accident…_

_It was no accident…_

_It was my fault…_

_Do you know about the…_

"Sara, that's what I need to talk with you about."

"It's fine. I…can stay at my apartment…"

_Please don't send me away…._

"That's not it. This is your home now… our home Sara." He pulled her back to him and held her for a moment.

"Sara, your apartment was vandalized. Catherine and the guys worked the case. It was a mess…they salvaged what they could…it's boxed up in the extra bedroom…"

"Boxed up? All of it? How could all of it be in just one room…"

He saw the hurt in her eyes and he pulled her back to him. "I'm sorry Sara. We can go through it if you like."

"What about Gizmo?"

He thought to lie.

He wanted to lie but then he knew she would read the report and find out.

He sighed.

"Sara, he died."

"How?"

"Someone killed him."

He stood there and watched as she stared at him before turning away.

"How?"

"stabbed."

He waited for her reaction.

"Sara?"

"It's fine. He was just a stray….strays usually wind up dead anyway…it was just a kitten…it was just…"

"Sara?"

He thought it was odd for her to react so strongly toward the loss of a kitten that she had only had for a few months but then he realized she was not grieving just for the kitten. She turned away as he watched her body shudder from the sobs that overcame her.

_Vincent…._

_He's never hurt me…._

He tried to hold her but she pulled away. He waited for her to come to terms with the loss but she didn't. She continued to cry despite the knocking on the door and the sound of the phone going off. He let the sounds go. He tried once more to hold her and when she tried to pull away, he didn't let her.

"Let me hold you, honey. You don't have to grieve alone. I'm your family now…that's what families do," he whispered.

She let him, grabbing him tightly despite the pain she felt from the fractured ribs. He held her while the pounding on the door continued and the phone began its shrill noise once more. He led her to the bedroom sitting her down and wrapping her up in a blanket while holding her for a moment. Once he felt she was better, he stepped away.

He opened the door to find Greg.

"I heard…"

"It's okay Greg. I had to tell her about the break in and the kitten."

"Listen, Grissom. I can get her another one…I know someone who has some…"

"Not right now, Greg. You can't replace the loss of a life with another. She needs to get over this."

"Didn't know she loved cats so much," he said.

"Greg, we need some time to…"

"I understand. I'll put the word out. If she does want another one..."

"I'll let you know," he said as he closed the door.

He checked the caller ID and saw that it was Brass. He sighed as he quickly returned the call.

"Grissom."

"Are you okay?"

"I was telling Sara about the kitten."

"How'd she take it?"

"Not good."

"Has she said anything about…"

"No."

"Lurie came in."

"And?"

"Said he gave it to a charity he is associated with…we're trying to get confirmation…"

"He'll have someone to vouch for him…I can't deal with Lurie right now…I need to focus on Sara."

"Good you have your priorities straight."

He heard the click.

He turned the phone off this time setting it on the counter before returning to the bedroom. He lay down with her pulling her into his arms. She grasped his hands and held them tightly. Her arms were cool as her body shivered and he pulled up the cover pressing his body closer to give her warmth. He held her whispering softly how much he loved her. She cried. The room was silent now only the occasional whimper and the steady flow of water that dripped onto his arm let him know that she still cried.

_Grieve Sara…_

_If you tell me we can grieve together…_

_I need to grieve with you…_

_We need to grieve together…_

He watched the hands of the clock slowly make their way around the face of the clock a few times before he felt her body give into sleep. He remained with her not wanting to break the contact but knew that soon he would need to contact her counselor. Catherine had obtained the name and number of the counselor and eventually he would need to call to get Sara an appointment to discuss the miscarriage.

_Miscarriage…._

_Easier to say than…_

_Loss of the baby…_

_Loss of a life…_

_Loss of part of them…_

He let his own tears mingle with hers as he slept with her.

Note from author:

The reviews were nice…not too many tomatoes. Some have asked about the length of this story and I can honestly say, I don't know. It will not be as long as "The Sessions". I am on chapter forty three and have the ending all mapped out, just have to find the hours to finish it…I am very pleased with how it is progressing. Now…saying that, I know you like fluff and it will come but there is going to be some tough chapters ahead…needed to set things up so hang in there! I can say there is several chapters of fluff (almost suffocated in them LOL) to those of you who are just now leaving reviews…thanks you so much for coming on board!

Take care!

Penny


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six:**

She was up before him, her body curled up on the couch with the throw wrapped around her. He had panicked when he woke to an empty bed and had hurried out of the room. He sighed out loud when he saw her there and leaned down to kiss her.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep anymore," she said.

_Vincent…._

_He's never hurt me…._

"Hungry?"

She shook her head.

"Sara, you have to eat. You can't get better if you don't…"

"I thought I could go in and look at the report," she said hesitantly watching for his reaction.

"I'll have Brass bring it by," he said as he headed to the kitchen.

She was silent.

He cooked a light meal and insisted on her eating keeping note of how much she actually ate and how much was misplaced about her plate. She watched as he sat at the table and reviewed some reports. Her constant staring made him stop and join her on the couch.

"You don't have to stop…"

"I would much rather be here with you…besides I just thought you wanted to be alone for awhile."

"I do…not really…I'm not sure what I want," she said softly.

"Want to talk?" he asked. He waited.

_Please Sara…._

_You need to tell me…_

_We need to get this out…_

"What's been going on at the office?" she asked.

"The office is fine." His response was short and he felt her bristle.

"I'm sorry Sara. I've got alot on my mind."

She was quiet. He was quiet.

The house was quiet.

He watched as days passed followed by nights. He watched as she slept little tossing and turning, and grew angry when he mentioned the lack of sleep or food she was giving to her body. He watched as she began to talk less and less and then became irritable when he refused to let her return to work.

"I can work now," she said.

"You're not ready," he had said.

"I'll stay in the lab," she offered.

He considered it but then refused.

"I need to work," she finally said.

"Why?"

"I need to keep busy…I've always been busy," she said.

She watched as he struggled with what he needed to say.

"Nick returned to work after he met with a counselor. I think you need to do the same thing."

"Nick was buried alive. I was stupid and careless and injured myself….I did this to myself."

"Get a counselor to say you're ready and you can come back."

She fumed.

He watched as she threw things about the house and then retreated to the bedroom and then retreated into herself.

"I'll make you an appointment…" he offered.

"I'm not going."

"You've been going…it seemed to be helping…you said…"

"I don't want to go."

"Then talk to me."

"I can't."

"Sara…"

"This is stupid. I don't need to talk to someone in order to go back to work."

"What if I met with your counselor…"

"No!"

"Sara, you're not eating…you rarely sleep…you're not getting better…"

"I want to go back to my apartment."

It was out. It floated through the air and she watched the hurt play across his face.

"I didn't mean it that way. I just need..."

"Tell me Sara, what do you need ….there's nothing I wouldn't do for you…you know that right?"

"I don't… know what I need…I need to work."

He sighed.

_Maybe she's right…._

_Maybe she needs to work…._

_Maybe I need counseling…_

_Maybe… _

He felt out of place. He wondered if Sara felt the same when she came. He stood there fidgeting waiting to be called. He would have to remind himself that it was not a good idea to come early for a counseling session. Work..yes..counseling..no.

"Mr.Grissom?" called Ms. Randle.

"Yes."

"You wanted to talk with me about Sara Sidle."

"No..yes..She didn't want me to talk with you."

"I see. As her boss…"

"She's waiting on a transfer…they're waiting for her to return…I don't want to be her boss anymore."

"Is there a problem with her job performance?"

"No."

She looked perplexed.

He began.

"I think I've loved her the moment we met at a lecture in San Francisco. She wore her hair in a pony tail and asked too many questions. She knew the answers already but I think she just wanted to talk. It's when I learned to listen…listen to someone you love. I wanted her then…to come to Vegas but I didn't think she would come. I waited. We exchanged emails until one day I asked and she came. I became her boss and she became my employee."

"But that's not what you wanted?"

"Yes…no…I needed her here…for the lab…for myself…I…I'm fifteen years older than she is…I spent my whole life letting my job become my life…Sara offered me more… I wasn't sure if it was right…she deserved someone younger…I wasn't sure I could take the risk and let myself love her."

"But you already said you loved her?"

"The mind has its filters," he said sadly.

"You mentioned the transfer…that would change your roles."

"I took the risk…we both did…we were happy."

"You said 'were'…what has changed?"

"Sara was involved in an accident; she's recovering from surgery."

"She's going to recover?"

"She had a miscarriage…she was ten weeks pregnant…she didn't know…we didn't know."

"How is she dealing with the loss?"

"She's not. She never told me about the miscarriage. I know it happened…I was there at the hospital…I spoke with the physician…she acts as though it never happened."

He sighed.

"She won't eat. She doesn't sleep…she's not getting better. I'm worried. She keeps asking to go back to work."

"How are you?"

"What?"

"How are you?"

"I'm worried about her."

"Mr. Grissom…she calls you Griss?"

"My first name is Gil."

"Gil, how are you?"

He stared at her.

"Have you grieved?"

"I… I've grieved. I…I need for her to grieve. I need to grieve with her."

"Do you think she should go back to work?"

"That's why I'm here….I don't know. She says she needs to work…perhaps she does…but she has to eat…she has to sleep…she has to be better."

"Have you told her this?"

"Yes."

"Do you think she needs intervention?"

"Intervention? Isn't that what I'm doing? Asking for advice?"

"Yes, it's a start but if she won't deal with the grief…if there are other things that have built up that she can't face and she's depriving herself of food and sleep and risking her health, perhaps she might benefit from a stay at…"

"No!, I won't do that to her…I won't let that happen to her…she would not be able to handle…no."

"Mr. Grissom…Gil…based on what you've told me if you're asking me if I think she's ready to return to work then I have to say no. Would you like for me to write a report…"

"No."

"Were you aware of her recent counseling sessions?"

"Yes, she had been coming regularly to discuss the domestic violence and the rape."

"I would like for her to return…we were not finished."

"She won't come."

"As her supervisor, you can require that she return."

He considered the option.

"An intervention…Could you meet with Sara at our home?"

"Sara would have to ask for the visit…her supervisor could require it…you could wait until the transfer and then speak with her new supervisor."

"I wanted to resolve this before the transfer…Sara does not open up to everyone. She trusts me…now…I lost that trust for awhile but…I'll talk with her…if she refuses then as her current supervisor I'll require it."

"Gil?"

"Yes"

"You haven't dealt with this completely."

"I know."

"How can I help?"

"Make her smile again."

**Note from author:**

Okay, so I warned you the chapters are going to be a bit sad…but hang in there. There is a reason for all of this…be looking for clues…we're about to see a change in Sara's feelings toward Lurie…I know you've all been waiting for it but remember she doesn't trust many people but she trusted him…

Take care!

Penny


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven:**

"Sara, would you like to go back to work?" he asked as he held her in bed.

"Yes…yes I would."

"Then…have a counseling session with Dr. Randle."

"Okay…I'll schedule it while I'm at work tomorrow."

"No. You have to be seen by Dr. Randle first."

"I don't need to be seen."

"Good then meet for an hour with her and she'll release you. You'll be back at work tomorrow."

"I…"

"Sara, she can come here."

"You've spoken with her," she said accusingly as she tried to pull away but he held her tight.

"I did."

"I told you no!"

"Sara, I didn't ask her about your counseling sessions. I went for myself."

"Yourself?"

"Yes, I needed to work through some things…I still do."

"Oh…"

"It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but I felt I needed to…I'm glad I did. I go again next week."

"Next week?"

"Yes. Would you meet with her?"

"I…Not right now….maybe after I've been back to work for awhile then…"

"Sara, you can't go back to work until you meet with her."

"That's not fair."

"I can call her…"

"What if I don't go?"

He sighed.

"Talk with me Sara. Tell me what's bothering you."

_Vincent…._

_You told me not to trust him…_

_I trusted him…_

_I never should have trusted him…_

"I'm fine."

"Then meet with her."

She turned away. She folded her arms about her and she returned to her inner self. He watched as she lay curled up. He watched as she refused to eat or sleep or talk. He watched for the last time.

He paced. She watched him pace. She sat curled up on the couch. She had tried to sleep that night. She had tried to eat. She had tried to live the same routine but she couldn't. The past was pulling her down and each time she closed her eyes she fought to keep her balance. Her work had kept her grounded. She could always count on the complexities of her job to keep her mind busy but he had taken that away from her. Now there was no avoidance to this pain. Now, she would have to face it.

He glanced at her when they heard the knock on the door. She watched a different expression cross his face as he walked toward the door. She had not seen that expression before or had she? She rested her head on her arms as she listened for him to open the door. She waited to hear a familiar voice from Brass or Greg or Nick or Warrick or even Catherine but there was none.

Her heart fluttered a bit then skipped a beat then fluttered. She stared at Dr. Randle. She stared at Grissom. She then saw Brass standing near the door. This was odd. This was different. This was an intervention. She shot a glance at Grissom who kept his eyes on Dr. Randle. Her eyes pleaded with him to look at her but he didn't. He couldn't.

"Sara, your supervisor has requested me to have a counseling session with you to determine if you can return to work."

"I didn't agree to this."

"You have no choice if you wish to remain employed. You cannot return to work unless you complete the session. If you disagree or if I determine you are not capable of caring for yourself I can declare that you are incompetent and can request the court to appoint someone to act on your behalf. Do you understand?"

She didn't understand. She felt trapped. She suddenly could not breathe as she sat there needing to find a way to leave. Brass stood ready at the door and Grissom stood there ready to catch her if she fled.

_Trapped._

"Fine."

_I've done this before…_

_I can pass this…_

_I can make her believe anything…_

_I can…_

"Sara, why have you not been able to sleep or eat?"

"I sleep. I eat. I just don't perform for others. I can function. I can make decisions. I can rationalize. I'm not crazy."

"Are you afraid that I might determine that?"

"Of course not."

"You said the word…does that bother you?"

"No."

"Why do you have trouble sleeping?"

"I don't sleep as much as others…I never have…it's never been a problem before…I've pulled doubles …even triples…you never minded before."

She directed it at Grissom but he remained silent.

"Tell me about the accident."

"It was my fault. I did something stupid. I stood on top of a car on the side of a cliff and I had to jump when it rolled."

"Did you intend to hurt yourself?"

"No! It was an accident."

"Did you think you were going to get hurt?"

"No. I wouldn't have done it. I don't have a death wish."

"You were injured. What were your injuries?"

"Read my medical report."

"You tell me."

"My supervisor can tell you."

"I want to hear it from you."

"fractured ribs, punctured right lung… I had internal bleeding…it required surgery…I was in ICU for awhile and then I was released but he won't let me return to work."

"You had another crisis after you were placed in a room."

She looked at Grissom.

"Sara?"

"What do you want me to say? I became ill…I recovered…I'm fine."

"I have your medical report," said Dr. Randle.

"I didn't give you permission to get that," she looked at Dr. Randle and then Grissom.

_Grissom_

"As your supervisor, I have the right to access your medical records," said Grissom.

_First restraint…._

She felt betrayed.

_He's Grissom, the supervisor again…_

_He can be cruel…_

_He can be unfair…_

_He can hurt me…_

_He can break me this time…_

She closed her eyes and let her head drop to her knees. She hid from them. She did not want to watch them strip her. She did not want to feel them pick her up and carry her out. She did not want to feel the restraints and the strange hands on her body. She did not want to leave this. This was her home. He told her that. She believed him.

"Sara?"

She did not respond.

"Sara?" It was him this time. She felt him beside her. She felt him holding her hand. She felt him kissing her hand. She felt him breaking her heart.

_He promised he wouldn't forget._

"Sara, it was an accident," said Grissom.

"Sara?"

"It was an accident," she whispered.

"You didn't know," he said.

"I didn't know," she whispered.

"It's not your fault," he said.

"It's not…" She stopped.

"I climbed up on top of the car. I climbed even though I saw the ground shift… felt it…I saw the evidence…I climbed up there and stood…I felt it slide abit…I reached for the evidence. I could have jumped off then…I would have been fine…I had to get the evidence…I reached for the evidence…I didn't think about anything else…just getting the evidence…it was my fault."

"What's your fault?" asked Grissom.

"I..Grissom?"

_I trusted him…_

_I shouldn't have trusted him…_

"I'm here. What do you think is your fault?" asked Grissom.

"It's my fault I lost…"

"Lost what?" he asked softly.

"I lost the baby," she choked.

He tried to pull her into his arms.

"Don't! I… I risked..." she gulped…"It's my fault."

"Sara, it was an accident," said Dr. Randle.

She kept her head down. She wrapped herself tighter.

"Sara?" asked Grissom.

No response.

"Would you let me hold you while you sleep?" he asked.

"I don't want to sleep. I want to work…please Grissom, let me work."

"Why? Why is it so important that you work?" asked Dr. Randle.

"I need to work. It keeps me busy…I need to be busy…I won't have time to think…I don't have time to…I don't want to…"

"What?"

"I don't want to feel this…I don't want to feel like I killed something…that's what I did. I put my job before…I should have known…I thought about it…when my period didn't come and I felt sick and I…but I was on birth control pills and I took them…I'm not some teenager who forgets to use protection…I wasn't supposed to be pregnant…I climbed up there on top of that damn car knowing there was a possibility but I saw the evidence and I had to get it…Oh God, Grissom, I'm sorry. I did that. What kind of person does that? What kind of person puts their job before their unborn child?"

_Second restraint…_

She covered her mouth as her body racked with sobs.

"Sara?"

"You bitch! I didn't want to feel that…I could have gone back to work… I could have done what I always do and worked until my mind had time to process this…I don't want to feel this."

"Sara, I don't blame you," said Grissom.

"You don't have to," she said. "I do."

"Then you have to stop. Grieve Sara and then let it go. I'm here. I won't leave you."

"You're acting as my supervisor."

"Yes,… I am. I also…"

"You're not very nice when you're my supervisor."

"I know. I know I've hurt you before when I pushed you away."

"You don't play fair."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Sara that I've hurt you," he choked.

"Can I work?"

"You have to sleep. You have to eat. You have to come to counseling. You have to let us help you."

"I tried."

"Sara, if you don't…"

She was angry now. She wasn't going to be bullied into this. They had no right. It was her pain. It had always been her pain. She could leave. She could walk out the door. She could leave…she couldn't leave. This was home.

"Grissom please don't do this," she pleaded. She grabbed him and pulled him so forcibly toward her she winced from the pain.

"Please, I don't want to leave…Don't let them take me…please…please…you said you loved me…you said you wouldn't hurt me this time…you said…"

"Sara, you can't continue like this. You're making yourself sick…I won't sit here and watch you …is that what you want Sara? Is that why you've wanted me to take a risk? So I can stand here and watch you slowly let yourself die? I can't do that. I won't," he choked.

"Sara?" asked Dr. Randle. "Can we have an agreement?"

She rocked herself back and forth. "Sara?" asked Grissom.

No response.

"Sara, I need your word," said Dr. Randle as she shook her head toward Grissom.

He began to panic. He didn't want this to happen. He didn't want to do this.

"Sara," begged Grissom. "I need you."

She stopped and whispered, "You?"

Grissom tightened his hold on her hand, "I need you honey. You're my home. Please Sara. Will you agree to Dr. Randle's terms?"

"I'll agree," she whispered. He glanced at Dr. Randle.

"Sara, you have to show me. When I come back tomorrow, you have to show me you're following the rules. If you don't, you can't stay here."

"Grissom? You won't let them take me. Will you?" She looked at him. He wanted to say no. He wanted to hold her and tell her he wouldn't do that. He wanted to tell her he would kill the first person that tried to restrain her and frighten her. Instead, he said, "Yes, I will."

Her head jerked back as though she had been slapped. She scrambled from the couch and headed toward the door but saw Brass standing there. She heaved in deeply fighting for air in her lungs and feeling little enter. She felt her knees give way as she slumped to the floor and she knelt there struggling to breathe. He was there on the floor now with her. He was holding her as she felt her lungs refuse to take in air. He was yelling now for someone to come. She stared at the door as Doc Robbins appeared. He had been outside. She wondered who else was waiting to make their appearance.

She felt herself being lifted from the floor as she begged him not to let them take her. She grabbed Grissom's shirt and felt her mind giving way to the pent up fears she had repressed until now. She was pleading out loud now to not take her away from the only home she had ever known. She was no longer sobbing but fighting to take in air as she felt herself being lowered to the bed. She felt Doc's hands on her now. It was fine. He had touched her before.

She didn't have to resist. She was too weak anyway. He listened to her lungs and she watched his face as he spoke in hushed tones, and she wondered why she couldn't hear him very well. There were too many voices in her head screaming for attention. She kept the firm grip on Grissom's shirt as she watched Doc pull out something. It was a needle. It was a shot. She began pulling at his shirt.

"Don't…"

"Sara, you have pneumonia. I have to give you an injection. It's going to help. Okay?"

She nodded.

She closed her eyes as she felt the prick of the needle.

"Grissom, I would feel better if she went to the hospital," said Doc.

"No hospital…Grissom…Please…I promise…whatever you say…Please…don't send me away…"

His jaw twitched. Her pleading tore at him.

"If she's not better by tomorrow, then I'll make sure she's admitted."

She curled up into a ball and cried softly.

_He's going to send me away tomorrow…_

_I trusted Vincent…._

_I shouldn't have trusted Vincent…_

"I'll come back tomorrow and check on her."

Doc Robbins left along with Dr. Randle. Brass tapped at the door.

Grissom turned to look at him.

"I brought the things you wanted. I put them away. I picked up the soup she likes at the diner."

Grissom nodded. He disappeared for a moment but returned with a small soup cup.

"Sara, you have to eat."

"Grissom?"

"Sara, you have to eat."

He helped her up. He placed the bowl in her trembling hands and waited. She slowly brought it to her lips and she sipped on the soup. He smiled with each drink. She sniffled with each drink. He held his breath as she finished it handing it back to him. He kissed her gently on the lips. She curled back into the covers and closed her eyes. She was asleep within minutes.

He sat there with her watching her struggle with each breath and he found himself taking her pulse.

_Strong…_

_Like Sara…_

He swiped at his eyes and then he felt his shoulders shake as he struggled to maintain some composure. It had been hard. It had been hell. He had survived. He had stepped up to the plate. He had taken the risk and felt hopeful.

**Note from Author:**

Please continue to hang in there with the angst. Please continue with the reviews…I wait for them to post before I post another chapter. Can you feel the tide turning with Lurie…

Take care!

Penny


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

He sat with her until he was sure she was asleep. He pulled himself away returning the soup cup to the kitchen. Brass looked up at him from his position at the table. He sat there and watched Grissom place the cup in the sink and then stood there as if he were in a daze.

Brass got up and fixed another bowl of soup sitting it on the table. He then fixed some coffee and motioned for Grissom to sit. He sat down and stared at the bowl.

"Dr. Randle left instructions for you as well. You have to eat, Grissom. You have to sleep. You have to make sure you don't let yourself fall apart. You need to be strong for Sara. It's not going to be easy the next couple of days."

Grissom chuckled at the statement, "Not going to be easy? What did she think this was?"

"How are you?" asked Brass.

"I didn't think it would be this hard. I thought she would cave as soon as she saw Dr. Randle. I thought she would break down and tell me immediately….and then she did but then she wouldn't agree and it scared the hell out of me…she didn't care…she didn't care what she was doing to herself…she was punishing herself. All I could think of is what happens if she tries..."

"Sara wouldn't. She's strong. She might punish herself like she's doing now…not eating…not sleeping…but she wouldn't do anything else…I think she's used to punishing herself like this…no eating, no sleeping and throwing herself into her work…only this time she's recovering from surgery and the miscarriage and all the crap that goes with that and she was in over her head."

"If she hadn't agreed…I don't think I would have been able to make her leave and go to a hospital…I don't think I…"

"Hell you wouldn't! You would have picked her up and carried her out. You knew the alternative…this…she was deteriorating every day…you wouldn't have stood by and…"

"It hurt…it hurt to hear her beg…to want to stay here…to call this home and to make me feel like I was taking that away from her…God that hurt."

"I know. I felt it too. You've learned one thing tonight."

"What's that?"

"You can be tough as nails too….something you two have in common. Get some sleep. I'll take the first watch. Doc said he would be back in the morning to check on her. I don't think I've ever seen the man cry. He was pretty upset when he left here."

Grissom got up to return to the bedroom.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"The others were outside also. They were ready to take her if you didn't. They want to see her in a couple of days. They know about the miscarriage…I told them…I thought they needed to know."

"Thanks."

He turned and headed back to her. He glanced at the clock when he awoke and looked at her. He smiled. She had slept for five hours. It was a start. He felt her body slowly moving as she lay there curled up. He pulled her close and he felt her body bristle before relaxing.

"It's just me, Sara. You're safe. Go back to sleep," he whispered as he kissed her gently.

She lay there with eyes closed and tried to will herself to go back to sleep. He lay there listening, feeling her body. He knew that she was still awake. He caressed her cheek and waited for her to move again. She lay there, not moving until the pain in her chest made her sit up.

"I tried…I ate…I slept…five hours…that's good…right?" she asked gasping between breaths.

"Yes. That's good Sara. You're trying. Having trouble breathing?"

"Chest hurts…not much…I don't have to go back to the hospital…I'm better…better than yesterday….I'll be better tomorrow…"

"Sara, Doc is going to come by here in the morning and check on you. If he says you need to go to the…"

She closed her eyes.

_He's going to send me away…_

_They're going to take me to the hospital…_

_They'll say it's for my health…_

_Then they'll admit me…._

"Sara?"

She didn't respond.

"I think you're better. I don't think you'll need to go…don't worry…I .." He stopped himself. He had almost said he would not let them take her. He couldn't say that. She needed to know that she had to keep her agreement. He watched as the fear spread across her face. He watched as she began to tremble. He watched as she summoned all of her strength to appear to be much stronger. He knew better. He knew that she would not be able to keep up the disguise for long.

He left her briefly and returned with something to eat. She looked at him and then the plate. She sighed and took it. He watched as she forced herself to eat. Once she was finished, he took the plate and kissed her.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm trying," she whispered.

"I know."

"Can I stay?"

_God yes Sara…._

_I never want you to leave…_

_I never want you to feel like this again…_

_I never want to have to put you through this…_

_I never want you to feel like I don't love you…_

_I love you…_

"We'll see," he said softly.

She sighed. She remained in bed. He wasn't sure if she thought it was part of the agreement or if she was too weak to get up. She thanked him softly when he propped up her head easing the ability to breathe. She dozed ever now and then jerking herself awake and staring around the room to make sure she was still there in their bed. Once she settled back again, she was dozing again. He calculated the times she slept and she had managed to get in another four hours.

_Nine hours…._

_That's good…_

_Her body needs the rest…_

_Her mind needs the rest…_

She awoke when she felt the stethoscope on her chest and she started to resist until she felt the familiar hand on her arm.

_It's just Doc…._

"How do you feel?"

"Better."

"You're not better," he said and watched her eyes water.

"I ate…I slept…I haven't gotten out of bed…I'm better."

"Sara, you have double pneumonia. Both lungs are…it would be best…"

He watched her resolve slowly drift away. She felt defeated again.

"Stay in bed…get up only to shower and bathroom trips….drink lots of fluids…you're a bit dehydrated…I'm going to give you another shot…I'll have to give you one every day…you have to…"

"eat…sleep…can I stay?"

"Yes. You can stay," said Doc.

"Doc?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

He patted her hand as he inserted the needle and then joined the others, closing the door behind him.

"Doc?" asked Grissom.

"Pneumonia is in both lungs…right lung appears to be worse than the left…she's a bit dehydrated…I'll need to come every day to treat her for the pneumonia…she has to drink lots of liquids…no getting up except bathroom and shower. I told her. She agreed," he said.

"Doc?" asked Grissom.

"Yes?'

"Does she need to be in a hospital?"

"I can treat her here…I couldn't make her go…we can work this out…I don't think it would help her emotionally if we forced her to go to the hospital after…"

"She ate…she slept…she's trying," said Grissom.

"Yes."

It was funny how such simple words had become huge tasks for each of them to comprehend.

A routine began. Grissom would bring the meals and she would eat. She would return to sleep and then awaken to have him sit with her while she drank juice and he read to her from a book. It had become soothing to her. There was no push to talk. The first couple of days were devoted to getting her to eat and drink and sleep and rest. Grissom now associated those words with her and nothing more. Once the pneumonia began to get better, she was permitted to get up and roam about the house. She did very little for the first day, being skeptical about her new found freedom.

He went about his business of doing paperwork at his office desk in the house ever mindful of her whereabouts in the house. She kept to herself at first and then she slowly found herself seeking him out. He would notice her standing at the doorway or sliding into the chair across from the desk. He would stop and offer conversation and she would slip away. He then began ignoring her when she made her presence. She would then sit with a book and read finding comfort just being in the room with him.

By the end of the week, the shots were now gone along with the need for Doc to come by every day. She knew he would be returning to work soon and wondered when she would be allowed to return. The counseling had begun again. Dr. Randle would arrive sitting in Grissom's office while Sara chose to burrow herself into a corner with her throw while she struggled to talk for an hour. She had seemed a bit despondent when Dr. Randle would leave and he wondered if the counseling had started too soon.

When the next session began, he became alarmed when he heard her sobbing and then cursing. At one point he thought he heard something crash against the wall. He paced in the kitchen telling himself that counseling was needed. He told himself it would not be an easy process for Sara since she had always tried to work through things on her own. He wasn't sure however if she was ready to return to work. Grissom stood there in the kitchen and watched as Dr. Randle closed the office door.

"How is she?" he asked.

"She's making progress. She's talking…we're getting back to where we were before she stopped coming. I think it would be good for her to return to work next week."

"Any restrictions?"

"No."

"What about the types of cases?"

"Use your judgment."

"She's still not talking…about things."

"Mr. Grissom, Sara knows how to avoid hurtful issues. It was only because she was ill that she conceded so easily last time."

"You call that easy?'

She smiled. "Push her. She's not going to break. She's probably testing you to see what she can get away with. Don't give an inch."

"But…"

"Have you ever heard of tough love?"

"No."

"You have homework then," she said as she left. He stared at the office door and wondered if she was really ready.

He chose something different for dinner. He asked her to dress and she was surprised when he took her by the hand and they went out. It had seemed like such a long time since she had been outside the townhouse. He chose a quiet restaurant with a patio so they could sit outside while dining. It made him feel good when she smiled several times, even offering up conversation between the appetizer and the meal. She ate and then nibbled a little on his plate and he grinned. They then spent a short time walking in the park near their home and she sat on the park bench watching the people.

"What do you see?" he asked.

"People…guy over there trying to get up the nerve to be more intimate with the girl sitting next to him…the woman is trying to ignore her son who's determined to climb that tree and she's trying to not to be overprotective…the guy can't figure out why his dog will not drop the Frisbee…he should have brought treats…it helps…the guy over there can't give up his cell phone to spend a minute with his wife and kids…wife seems pissed…probably would like to shuck the phone in the lake…dog just trained the guy to chase after him…he has his work cut out for him…Grissom, why are you looking at me like that?"

He smiled. "It's the most you've said to me in a long time. I was enjoying it."

She looked down. "I'm sorry."

"What else do you see?" he asked.

"I see families... lots of them."

"You're my family," whispered Grissom as he pulled her into his arms. "I'm so glad I have you."

"Really?" she asked. "I seem to be a mess these days…"

"You're my mess then," he grinned.

She kissed him lightly at first and then deepened the kiss until they were breathing hard.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"If you want to start a family, we could…"

"No! I don't," she said pulling back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm happy with just us…but if you ever wanted to…we could."

He watched as she walked to the car and got inside. He cursed inwardly remembering Dr. Randal's advice.

_Push her…._

_She's been pushed enough…_

_I'm not sure I can do this to her…._

_I'm not sure I can…_

She was silent the rest of the way home. He glanced in her direction every now and then hoping to see something other than hurt. Once they were home, she began picking up in the kitchen and found herself quite tired from the evening events.

"We need to talk," he said staring at her while she stood and finished off the glass of juice.

She turned and nodded.

"I want you to tell me how you feel about the miscarriage."

"What?"

"Tell me Sara."

"We've already been through this."

"I want to talk about it," he said.

"I don't."

"Did you want the baby?"

"No…yes…Grissom, I don't want to talk about this," she said quietly.

"Does it hurt?" he asked with arms folded.

"Yes." She admitted.

"Good."

She stared at him in disbelief.

"I'm glad it hurts you."

She bristled and stepped away.

Note from author:

Now, don't jump to conclusions just yet. Grissom is getting better at conveying his feelings and prying it out of Sara. Keep the reviews coming…I am so buried here…I now have men who are supposed to come and rip up all the floors and replace with hardwood….Lord give me strength…

Take care! Penny


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine:**

"It hurt like hell for me."

"It was my fault," she reminded him.

"This is not about blame, Sara. There is no blame. It was an accident."

"Then what is it? Do you want me to hurt?"

"I want you to feel something…to accept what happened…to grieve…with me."

She looked at him. "I didn't think about how you felt…I'm sorry….Grissom…I'm sorry."

"No, you didn't. You crawled inside yourself and shut me out. You said we were family. You moved in here letting me think we were family and then you shut me out."

"I uhm…"

"I sat and watched you withdraw from me, from the others and then the world."

"I uhm…"

"You wouldn't talk with me. You still don't talk…are you happy? If I don't make you happy Sara…"

"That's not it."

"Then what is it? I can't take back the things I did in the past but I'm here now." He stepped forward, "I'm here."

"I've always fixed myself."

"Then I guess you're telling me you don't need me."

"No, that's not it."

She stared at him. She saw the pain.

_I trusted him…_

_I shouldn't have trusted him…_

"I never had to rely on anyone. I don't know how to share my…it's my own hell…" she was surprised when she looked around and found they had somehow left the kitchen and was now in the living room and she had not even noticed. She looked around as she saw him standing there leaning against the wall with arms folded. She didn't recall retreating. The conversation angered her. He was being Grissom, the supervisor.

"You don't share…when did you ever let me in? When did you ever open yourself for me to see your pain…" she shot back.

"Fine. You want to see my pain? This whole week has been pain. It's been hell watching you go through what you have and being shut out by you. You beg me to let you stay and I'm begging myself to have the strength to stand up and give you the help you need."

"Stop," she said. She turned and found herself in his office and she suddenly felt trapped because there was only one entrance and he was now standing there with arms folded.

"Let's share, Sara. Tell me what could possibly be worse than what I just went through with you. Let's compare pain."

"Grissom, please…stop."

_I trusted him…_

"My father divorced my mother when she was going deaf leaving me behind because he was afraid I would turn deaf as well. Perfection was something he valued. I wasn't perfect. I was different; I didn't act like other kids. I didn't have the same likes as other kids and then mother went deaf and that made me even more different. My mother didn't kill my father but I cried every night wishing he were dead….and then he died…I felt guilty as hell because I thought I had caused his death."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I have pain, Sara. Talk to me."

"I always thought that when and if I ever got pregnant I would know. I mean I know my body. I know my quirks…my periods were never normal but I could still rely on some predictability…after we made love I felt different…I felt complete…I felt loved…that feeling remained with me despite the hell we put each other through…the feeling remained... I had this little voice inside my head that whispered I might be pregnant and I scoffed at it. It wasn't possible…then I was sick…the unexplained nausea…I thought it was nerves…I had been pushing myself hard at work…I climbed up on top of the car and my little voice told me not to but I did. When…they told me in the hospital that I had suffered a miscarriage I already knew. I didn't feel complete anymore…the feeling was gone and I thought I did this to myself…the best thing that ever happened to me and I did this."

His arms were no longer folded now. He was no longer standing at the entrance but he was sitting in the chair and she was curled in his lap. She did not remember when it happened only that they were there together and they were sharing in the pain. His arms were wrapped around her firmly as she hugged her body tight to him as if wanting to crawl inside him for protection.

"Thank you Sara, I need this. I need to feel connected to you. There's nothing you couldn't tell me, you know that, right?"

"I'm sorry I put you through this. I haven't been myself. I let too much build until I couldn't process the feelings anymore…I'm not going to let that happen again, Grissom…I promise. My sessions with Dr. Randle were getting difficult and I thought I could get through it by diving into work…work helps me cope…but then the accident happened…and then the miscarriage and I felt so guilty…I still do."

"Let it go, Sara" he whispered as he kissed her lovingly on the forehead.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"the hospital…I'm glad you didn't send me…I don't think I would have been able to…"

"I'm glad you got better."

"I don't like…"

"restraints?"

"yes."

"Most people don't like being confined…."

"It reminds me of the rape."

"I'm sorry," he gulped, "I uhm…"

He was silent for a moment before speaking, "Did he restrain you during the…"

"I had been working a scene by myself. I just finished up and was packing up my kit. I put the kit in my car and was about to leave when I was pushed against the car. I was startled at first feeling the air knocked out of my lungs. Before I could react, I felt the jab. I saw the needle and felt myself sliding to the ground as he picked me up."

"I remember waking and finding myself in some hotel room. My head was groggy but I wasn't hurt. I tried to get up and that's when I found myself restrained. I panicked. I had never been confined before and I remember breaking my wrist from twisting my hands, trying to get free. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't fight back. I had to ….I saw him…I remembered every detail praying I would live long enough to give an ID. It was then I realized he fit the description of the rapist we'd been trying to catch. We…didn't make the connection that he was burglarizing houses and then raping the victims later. I just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I expected him to kill me. I expected to die. When he left, I worked and worked until I was able to get free. I knew that if I didn't get away before he returned, I would be dead. I made my way back to my car. I sat there and glanced at the clock and told myself I would be late for work…my shift started in just a few hours. I sat there Grissom and I couldn't bring myself to call the police. As soon as I did, I would become a victim. I didn't want to be a victim."

"You didn't report it?"

"The police scanner was going off in my car. I sat there and heard a burglar had been cornered in a home and there had been gunfire. He had been shot and paramedics were on the way to the scene. I found myself driving there saying it would not be him. I pulled up and I stood there as they carried him out with the sheet over his head. I pulled the sheet back and smiled. It was him. The whole time he was…I wanted him dead and then there he was lying there dead eyes staring back at me and I'm smiling."

He heard her crying softly as she now paced the floor having left the comfort of his arms the moment she began to speak about the abduction.

"It was so surreal. Donnie arrives on the scene and starts kidding me about my scanner. He tells me I can help out with the crime scene but it's just a burglary gone bad. I then start laughing. I can't stop. They think it's just a burglary and he's a serial rapist and killer and he's being labeled a poor stupid burglar. I keep laughing until I find myself sitting on the steps to the home and I'm sobbing. Donnie is going nuts trying to figure out what's wrong and then he sees my wrist and then the bruising on my arms and he is then yelling for the paramedics to return."

She stops and stares into space.

"I went to counseling a couple of times but I dropped out. I promised I would start back once I got settled in Vegas. I really was going to but then when I came here, no one knew and I thought I could…"

"Work through it while pulling doubles and triples?"

"Yes."

"I can see why your counseling has been so hard for you."

"I never told Dr. Randle about the rape…I feel safe with you."

He smiled. "You are safe."

She smiled through the tears and found herself back in his arms but now they were in bed and she curled her body up next to his. She was asleep immediately letting the exhaustion overtake her.

_I think you're ready to go back to work…_

_I think I can let Catherine take over supervision now…_

_I think you're better…_

_You feel safe…._

He sighed. He slept as he held her close. He was up before her sitting in the office with a cup of coffee. He heard her footsteps in the living room and waited for her to come into the office but instead he heard the door to the guestroom open.

_One last thing to do…._

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Greg offered to get you another kitten."

"It wouldn't be the same. You gave me Gizmo…you can't replace something you love with another."

"I'm glad to hear that."

She smiled. He smiled with her.

"I thought we could get a dog," he said.

"A dog? I never had a dog," said Sara.

Grissom smiled. "Me neither."

"Grissom, when can I see the file on my apartment?"

"Whenever you want…ready to go through your things in the guest room?"

"I didn't want to see how much was gone…I didn't have much to begin with…I only began to collect keepsakes when I worked in San Francisco."

"I can help you …go through it."

She nodded.

"The guys have been asking about you."

"I'm…not sure I'm ready to go back to work."

He sighed then grinned.

"Let them know you're okay, especially Greg."

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you ever want children?"

"I never thought about it until now."

"Did you mean it when you…"

"Yes, I did."

"Oh."

"Did you mean it when you said you didn't want to try to have another child?"

"No…I didn't mean it."

He squeezed her hand and then kissed the palm.

"When you're ready."

"Grissom?"

"Yeah"

"I love you."

He felt the lump in his throat.

"I love you too."

They spent the morning going through the boxes in the guest room. Sara pulled out the books and stacked them in a pile, feverishly hunting for a particular one.

"It's not here," she said sadly.

"What's not here?"

"The book you gave me for Christmas one year…remember?"

He smiled. "I'm not very romantic, am I?"

"I'm not complaining…now anyway."

He rummaged through some more boxes and then smiled pulling out the book. "The guys must have packed some of this stuff…Catherine packs orderly while the guys…they just pack."

She held the book in her hand flipping through the pages. She pulled out a Polaroid picture tucked between the pages and she stared at it.

"What's that?"

"Gizmo."

"I didn't know you had a Polaroid camera…"

"I don't."

He reached for it but she held the ends of it. He saw the look on her face.

"I'll get a bag." He returned and she dropped the photo inside.

"Grissom…someone killed Gizmo…then put that picture of his body…inside this book. You gave me both."

Their eyes met.

They slowly went through the rest of the things, sifting through all of it carefully finding only the one photo.

Grissom looked at the photo.

_I think Lurie is becoming unhinged._

"I'll give this to the lab and let them check for prints."

"I can do that."

"Sara, you can't…"

"I'm sorry. You're right."

"Grissom?"

"yeah?"

"Do you think Vincent had anything to do with this?"

He glanced at her but remained silent.

"Me too," she said softly.

_She doesn't trust him anymore…_

As they searched through the boxes, Grissom noticed a copy of a case file that was stuck inside a binder. He pulled it out and stared at it. She saw his face and pulled it away from him.

"That's mine…the police report…when I was raped."

He looked at her.

"I'm sorry. I uhm…would you let me see it?" he asked.

She looked at him and slowly handed it back to him. He left the room taking it to his office and then shut the door. He sat down at his desk and breathed in deeply. As he read through the file, he heard her voice recounting the details. It had sickened him to listen to the details and now as he sat there with the report in his hand, he wondered how she had been able to endure the pain and manage to work in such a profession that she faced the same horrors every day. As he stared at the report, he made the following observations.

_Abducted from behind…_

_Still sensitive to these kinds of cases…_

_She's strong…._

_She would have wanted to fight…_

_Explains why she doesn't like restraints…._

_Or shots…._

It was a different kind of dream, returning each night since she had begun sleeping again. She felt the restraints but looked to find none on her wrists. She rubbed her wrists as she feverishly told herself to wake up and leave the nightmare behind but there was no waking. She felt the sting of the needle as the sense of loss washed over her causing her to burrow herself into a ball wishing the dream would end so she could once more feel his arms about her but she felt nothing but emptiness. She cried out his name until she was sure she was hoarse.

It was the kiss of her palm and the tenderness in his voice in her ear that made her grab for him clinging to him until she heard only his voice inside her head. It would end the same way as he held her while she silently cried in her sleep until he gently woke her. He did not push her about the dreams letting her cling to him until she slept again. The same broken pleas followed by the same outburst convinced him that Sara still held something within that she could or would not face and he was convinced it occurred at the hospital.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty:**

He had been waiting for some time when Dr. Brooks returned to her office.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes, I'm glad that you remember me. I need to talk with you about Sara Sidle." He followed her into the office sitting down.

"What can I do for you?"

"I would like to see the list of medications Ms. Sidle received while she was admitted here, particularly on the day she miscarried. Was she given any injections on that day?"

"I don't recall anything in her report…wait, let me check."

Dr. Brooks pulled the case up on the computer screen. "There was no order of any meds that morning."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I just reviewed the medical notes from her physician as well as the list of daily medications. We're required to complete the information electronically by the end of each shift."

"Was there any blood drawn on that day…anything after the miscarriage?"

"As a matter of fact, I did for research purposes. Sara signed a waiver so I could add her data to a research I am doing on women who are pregnant and receive hospital care during the first trimester. We check for deficiencies, probable causes for miscarriage…in her case it was probably the trauma from the surgery…"

"But you can't confirm that until you check the blood drawn…"

"I also collected tissue samples from her uterus…again she gave me consent."

"What are your findings?"

"I haven't received it back yet."

"I'm going to need a copy of the results along with samples of the blood and tissue cells if any are remaining."

"Well, yes, there is. I can get those and send it to your lab. May I ask what you're looking for?"

"An explanation."

He watched as she walked down the hall with Greg by her side. She smiled in his direction as they headed out the door. She seemed better after returning to work but he found himself struggling to let her return without any conditions. Nick took it upon himself to look after her working closely with her on a new case that had just come in. A young woman's body had been found in the desert. As the case progressed, Grissom found himself face to face with Lady Heather once more when she arrived to identify the body as that of her daughter, Zoe Kessler.

The details of the case were strange and he found himself a bit distracted with wondering if Sara should be pulled from the case. Lady Heather's insistence to find her own sort of justice did not help matters. She suspected a certain doctor and was determined to prove his involvement. He found himself comparing her vigilance to his own actions with Lurie.

Grissom walked out of the elevator and headed for his vehicle. He stopped when he saw Lady Heather waiting for him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I think I might be able to help you."

"I'm listening."

"You would have liked Zoe. She was a lot like you…thoughtful, pragmatic, patient. She was studying psychology. I appreciate that it would have been difficult to have someone like me as a mother. But if I stressed anything, it was empowerment and independence. So when she called me from Boston last year to tell me that she was pregnant with her therapist's baby, I got angry. Not with her, with him. He violated an oath. Not only was he married, she was a patient, a junior in college with her whole life in front of her."

"And you didn't want him to screw it up."

"I called the AMA, filed a complaint. They revoked his license. Zoe stopped speaking to me."

"Did she have her baby?"

"Your coroner couldn't confirm. I assumed you might need a DNA sample from Mr. Wolfowitz."

He watched as she reached into her bag and took out a rolled ziplog baggie, giving it to Grissom. His head shot up to look at her when he saw the baggie contained a condom inside.

"How did you get this?"

"The rage was stronger than the repulsion. People have used sex for much less worthy causes."

"When did you ..."

"Last night. You may not approve, Grissom, but you can't arrest me for sleeping with him. He was consenting. I am playing by your rules. But if I had it my way, this man would die the same way, my daughter died."

The conversation had haunted him. It haunted him even more when they were able to obtain the search warrant and found a trapped door containing horrors that he had not seen in his entire time in Vegas. Wolfowitz had tortured his victims. He stared at the location where Zoe had been restrained forcing herself to chew off a hand in order to escape. He could not imagine her desperation but then he also thought of Sara's desperation when she had been abducted and raped.

He remembered the fear and terror she had felt knowing that she might die at any moment. He wondered if she had thought that death was better once the man had taken her against her will. He prayed she had not. He turned quickly to come face to face with her. Sara stared at the small room, her eyes focusing on the restraints that were used against Zoe. She glanced at her own wrists imagining the feel of the restraints on them. She walked past him and began snapping pictures. She pulled out some swabs and began checking for blood, finding herself recalling every minute detail of her own abduction.

_He didn't tighten mine…._

_He didn't think I was strong enough to break free…_

_He didn't think I would break my wrist in order to escape…._

_Wolfowitz probably didn't think Zoe would chew off her hand…_

_Her will was stronger than her fear…._

_She wasn't going to die here…_

_Any place is better than here…._

She had not noticed him calling her name nor the fact that he was now standing intimately close to her. His hand on her arm caused her to look up.

"I can finish this," he said softly.

"I'm fine. It's almost done," she said as she resumed working. He heard someone yelling for him and he walked away looking back over his shoulder. His reluctance was evident on his face as he motioned for Nick to assist her. She placed the swabs in an evidence bag along with the few finger prints she had managed to lift.

She stood and stared once more at the restraints. Nick came to stand beside her.

"You know when we worked that murder suicide case in the bunker, I was afraid to enter it at first. I got the same enclosed feeling I had in the box. I thought I was going to hyperventilate. It was hard. I had nightmares for weeks after that. I shouldn't have pushed myself," he said as he touched her arm. "Grissom noticed immediately. He refused to let me work in situations that were confining. I don't think I ever thanked him."

She looked at him and sighed. "You think she believed she was going to live when she escaped here?"

"I would like to think she felt better at letting go out there than in here where it was pure hell."

She walked out needing to find fresh air. She found herself struggling to breathe without letting out the sobs. She hid behind the Denali pacing back and forth forcing her lungs to take in deep breaths.

_I have to try break free…_

_From those damn restraints in my mind…_

_I can feel them…_

_They're there…_

_If I let them…_

_I won't let it…_

She jumped when she felt the presence behind her.

"You okay?" asked Nick.

"I'm….no Nicky, I'm not….I don't understand that in there….I just don't."

"I don't we're supposed to" he said softly. He hugged her before releasing her.

"Hey, let me take you home. Catherine said they have this under control," offered Nick.

"It's fine. I'll wait for Grissom…"

"He left. He called in a little while ago. He found Heather beating Wolfowitz. Brass is there now on the scene. Heather is…"

"I hope she killed the bastard."

She squared her shoulders and returned to work. Grissom was surprised to see her still there when he returned. He said little as they packed up the evidence checking it into the lab and then clocked out.

He spoke very little on the drive home except to pick up dinner. They sat there at the table eating quietly. She glanced at him a time or two and saw the pain in his eyes.

"I heard about Heather…that she slept with Wolfowitz in order for us to get a DNA sample and…then what she did to him."

"Vengeance is never good. She hurt herself far worse than him."

She watched as he retreated to his office closing the door.

She was not used to this behavior. She walked into the kitchen to make some tea and stood there staring at the folder that lay underneath his jacket. She glanced at the office door and then opened the file to look at the photos.

She had become so entranced in the photos she did not hear him cross the room snatching the folder from her hands.

"Don't do that again!" he yelled.

She stepped back. "I didn't think there was anything wrong with it since I worked the case…what am I not supposed to see?"

"Nothing…what were you trying to prove tonight?"

"What?"

"You could have excused yourself…Nick could have…"

"I can do my job…I did it today…I don't want any special treatment."

"You think Nick thinks of it like special treatment when I don't ask him to go crawl into an attic or under a house or…don't stand there and tell me it didn't bother you to see those restraints…to look at them and… "

"No one would understand…only you know…" she stopped and looked at him.

"I've told no one…not even Catherine." He combed his hands through his hair and stared at her.

"You don't have to prove anything to me…God Sara, do you think any of us wanted to see that tonight? You don't have to push yourself all the time."

"I'm sorry."

She stood there with arms folded in front of her. "Grissom, would you uhm hold me?"

He was there instantly pulling her to him whispering apologies for snapping but letting her know how much it had hurt him to see the pain in her eyes.

"When you hurt, I hurt," he finally said. They sat and talked through the case from beginning to end, each sharing their feelings. She was surprised to see his vulnerability. She had never thought any of the cases affected him but now she saw a different side, a side he kept hidden until now. She could see the tiredness etched on his face. Since the beginning of the case, he had slept little and there seemed to be something else that bothered him although he never spoke of it. She pulled him into the bedroom sitting him on the bed and then proceeded to lay out their clothing, turning down the bed as she kissed him lightly on the lips. She then came to stand in front of him.

"Griss, would you sleep with me?" she asked.

He smiled.

Once they were in bed, she leaned up so that brown eyes were staring at blue. She kissed him softly at first but deepened the kiss and then whispered, "Would you let me love you?"

He felt his heart skip a beat. It had been the first time since her miscarriage and while he was reluctant because of the healing ribs, he did not refuse. He took extra care not to cause her any pain keeping his weight from her while enjoying the splendid pleasure of her body. He closed his eyes and felt her love enclose around him and when they were spent, he was glad that they had given themselves to one another. He was not sure how he would have coped if he did not have Sara with him at this moment. He pulled her close kissing her lightly on the lips.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"What for?"

"Loving me," he said.

They slept little, each needing to feel the other. They made love until late in the evening, ignoring the need for anything else except the warmth of their lovemaking. He was the first to wake feeling her body on his chest and he smiled remembering the events of the last few hours. He kissed her lovingly knowing that they had made great strides in their relationship.

She seemed happier, getting back into the normal routine again. When he arrived, he found Dr. Brooks waiting for him. He quickly escorted her to his office and was suddenly relieved that Sara was already out in the field assisting Greg.

"I was ready to file a complaint when the blood and tissue samples did not arrive after three weeks." He said looking at her.

"Mr. Grissom, I'm going to be frank with you. After our Atlanta lab reviewed the samples, the hospital administrator was notified immediately. Needless to say, we've been discussing Ms. Sidle's case ever since. I was told not to give you the samples but to delay in hopes that…I don't know what they were expecting…perhaps they are trying to get their attorneys ready for…the Atlanta lab found something inconsistent with the physician's orders. I have been threatened with termination if I say anything further."

She handed him the samples, "I'm giving these to you anyway. I'm sure they will eventually know that it was me but at least I can say I let you come to your own conclusion." She stood to walk out.

"I can assure you I knew nothing about this. I'm very sorry," she said as she began to leave.

"Dr. Brooks, thank you," he said as he watched her leave.

His stomach lurched and he stared at the samples.

_I was right…._

_I was hoping I was wrong…_

_Just when she was feeling better…_

_Just when things were normal again…_

He was tempted to run the tests himself but forced himself to turn them over to Hodges giving him strict instructions to bring him the results immediately. Now he waited. Brass sat on the couch and watched his every move.

"What do you suspect?"

"Nothing…everything. Dr. Brooks all but confirmed that Sara was given something."

"Did Sara say anything to you?"

"It's what she hasn't said…it's what she can't say."

The knock on the door startled him. It was Hodges.

"I waited until I saw Sara leave. I have the results you wanted."

"Give them to me."

He started to hand them over and then stopped. He looked at Brass. "Are you going to stay with him?"

Brass looked at Grissom.

"Give me the report, Hodges."

He handed him the report and then reluctantly left.

Grissom opened the report and began to read. He felt himself struggling for air. He stared at the page and read it over and over.

_Methotrexate…._

_Given for medical abortions…_

_Bastard gave her methotrexate…_

_He saves her life and then…._

_He risks her life…._

_To cause the miscarriage…_

Brass stood and watched the emotions play across Grissom's face.

"Gil?"

"Sara was given a medication to cause the miscarriage."

"Bastard! You know he did it!"

"Lurie risked her life after saving it to get rid of…we can't even get him for murder. We can request a medical review board to look into it and strip him of his license…can sue the hospital…but he's still a free man."

"He risked bodily harm to Sara… we can get an arrest warrant…"

"There's no proof he administered the medication…it will take months to go through a medical review of all of the medication administered. It's not listed on Sara's medical report. We have no proof who gave it to her….unless…I need to talk with Sara."

He was up now rushing out the door with Brass following. He headed to the Denali and started to get in when Brass blocked the driver side door.

"I'll drive. You need to calm down. You don't want to talk with her like this." Grissom started to argue when he felt the hand on his shoulder. He nodded and handed Brass the keys.

They spoke little on the drive. Grissom still held the report in his hand as he cursed inwardly.

_Bastard will not get away with this…_

_Not this time…._

_How is Sara going to react?_

She thought it was odd when they drove up. She had seen the vehicle from the front window of the bedroom where she was busy swabbing for blood. She smiled when he appeared in the doorway.

"Kind of you to come out here but Greg and I can manage this…Grissom? Is there something wrong?"

"Sara, I need to talk with you."

"Okay."

"Do you remember what happened on the day of the miscarriage?"

"Yes…I'll be done in a couple of hours…couldn't this…"

"Can you tell me?"

She looked around unsure of why he chose a crime scene to discuss it but she sat on her knees and focused.

"I slept until about 7:00 that morning…you were there with me. We sat and talked until you went out into the hallway to stretch your legs. Vincent had come to visit. I don't think you wanted to be in the room with him…."

_Why didn't I stay in the room that morning…_

"What did you talk about?"

She stared at him. "He wanted to know how I was, how I was feeling. He asked me every time he visited. I think he was concerned I might miscarry although he never mentioned the pregnancy until after I did but thinking back now I think he was concerned about it."

"Do you remember who administered your medication that day?"

"I didn't receive anything except…Vincent gave me a shot. He said it was just a precautionary measure…Grissom what's this about?"

"Sara, did anyone else give you any other medication?"

"No… except Dr. Brooks after the miscarriage."

There was a moment of silence.

"Grissom?"

"Sara, do you remember signing the release with Dr. Brooks?"

"Yes."

"We obtained your blood and cell samples. I had Hodges do a toxicology work up."

"Why? Wait, you know what caused the miscarriage, don't you?"

"Yes I do."

She turned to face him.

"Sara, you were given an injection of Methotrexate…. it's used for medical abortions…"

She was shell shocked. She stared at him in disbelief as she forced her mind to accept what she had suspected all along.

_I trusted him…._

_Vincent had never hurt me…_

_He gave me the shot…._

_He told me things would be back to normal soon…_

She was standing now, arms folded about her as she turned her back to Grissom.

"Sara…you didn't know."

"I trusted him…you didn't…you told me….I didn't listen…tell me it's not my fault this time…tell me..." she said brokenly.

He pulled her close but he did not feel her arms wrap around him. He held her any way.

"Lurie did this to you…to us…Sara, don't put yourself through hell again because of what he did."

She said nothing.

"I'm sorry but this couldn't wait. Brass is pulling him in for questioning again…we know the woman lied when she confirmed his story about the fifty thousand donation. The charity records say something else. The records were forged to cover the lie. Brass is also going to question him about the medication. Sara…"

"It's just a misdemeanor….you can't charge him for murder…statutes do not cover ten week gestational periods….I need to get back to work," she said as she looked around the room.

"I'll have Warrick come out and help Greg…"

"No! This is my case. I'm going to finish it."

"Sara…"

"Don't…don't take my work from me this time."

He kissed her gently on the lips but she did not return the kiss.

"Sara?"

"I'm fine. I need to work…I need to focus on finishing this."

He stood there and watched as she returned to work. He watched for her to break down but instead she continued to swab the wall ignoring his presence. He slowly walked away cursing that he had to do this at a crime scene.

He sat in his office refusing to go near the interrogation room for fear he would not be able to resist the temptation to assault Lurie. He was surprised when Brass returned so quickly.

"Lurie's attorney showed. He said that Lurie didn't show up…"

"Has Sara and Greg returned yet?" he asked quickly.

They were rushing now. The Denali still sat outside the house where they had seen it earlier. Grissom hurried inside with Brass following. They received nothing but silence as they called out. The uniformed officers began to search the house and despite their protests Grissom hurried to the bedroom where he had last seen Sara. The evidence bags were stacked neatly against the wall. There was no evidence of struggle.

"Grissom!" called Brass.

He turned and followed the voices to the garage where they found Greg passed out on the floor.

"Got a pulse but he's out cold," said Brass.

_Where's Sara?_

His hand shot to his mouth as he thought of the implications.

Note from author:

Don't hate me for the cliffhanger. I do expect some good reviews so don't disappoint. Take care! Penny


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty One**

Her mind drifted back to another time in another place and she waited for death to come. She lay there trying to focus but feeling the effects of the drug still in her system. By the pale light coming from the window she knew that it was now daylight. She glanced around the room and knew that it was not Lurie's home. She panicked when she heard the click of the door knob and she watched as he entered the room.

"You're awake. Good, I was getting worried. You really do react to meds. How do you feel?" he asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I trusted you," she whispered.

"Yes, you did." He said. "Part of the reason I love you so much."

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"He wouldn't stay away from you and you let him touch you."

He sighed. "You were going to let me make love to you…you almost did that night. I didn't learn about the rape until later. I should have done a better background check. I thought that once we had made love and you were pregnant, you would break all ties with him. Replacing your birth control pills with placebos was easy. I hadn't anticipated him making a move…he hadn't in the past…when I heard that you were pregnant, I knew it was his fault. I lost my temper. I'm sorry about the apartment…the kitten…you didn't need any reminders of him."

"You gave me the injection."

"I was hoping you would miscarry without….you're strong…very strong. I knew that if I got rid of the baby, you would return to me."

"I didn't."

"He wouldn't let me near you."

"You killed my baby."

"It wasn't a part of us…it's over now. Things can be different now."

"Vincent?"

"Yes dear?"

"Please remove the restraints."

"Do we have an understanding?"

"Understanding?"

"Yes. If you behave, your friend lives. If you misbehave, he dies."

He watched as the fear spread across her face.

_Greg…_

"I understand."

He smiled. "Good. Let me release those so you can use the bathroom and get a bite to eat."

He released the restraints and she quickly rubbed her wrists that were now black and blue from the constant twisting in hopes of breaking free. She got up and went into the bathroom shutting the door behind her. She leaned against the door and gulped back the fear as she quickly assessed the contents in the room.

_Nothing…_

_If I try to run…._

_Greg…_

She returned a few minutes later and saw him standing near the window.

"Ready for dinner?" he asked.

He led her to the dining room where he pulled out a chair for her to sit. She quickly took note of the room and tried to devise a plan on escape.

_I can't run….Greg…_

She ate very little. He smiled when she refused the wine. "Come, come, Sara. You can drink…I won't let Grissom know that you've had alcohol. You promised him you wouldn't drink didn't you?"

She did not reply.

"Drink it," he said.

She took the wine to her lips and felt the effects of the drug.

He smiled, "just something to help you relax, Sara."

She watched him cross the floor. She felt her body being lifted as he returned her to the bedroom, laying her back on the bed. She protested when he began to place the restraints back on her wrists.

"Vincent, please. Don't put the restraints back on…I kept my promise….I haven't resisted…Vincent, I don't feel very well," she said as she gasped for air.

He checked her breathing and then cursed. "Like I said, you react too quickly to meds." He pulled out another needle from the bag sitting in the floor.

"Please Vincent…Please don't…"

"I gave you too much…I need to give you a counter shot…hold still honey."

She winced from the sting of the needle. He checked her pulse and sat there with her as her heart continued to race.

"Sara? Don't fight it. Just relax…that's it. Better. I'm sorry honey. I didn't take into account the loss of weight in determining the dosage. I won't let that happen again."

He continued to monitor her breathing and smiled when she seemed to recover.

"Feeling better?"

She nodded.

"Now, let's talk about what we're going to do."

She stared at him.

"Oh yes! I think he had you to dress into your gown, I took the liberty of dressing you already… then he asked you if you would sleep with him and you did…of course that is when he asked you to let him make love to you. I was hopeful when you resisted a bit…you're not like Debbie…I don't blame you…I blame him. What's wrong, Honey?"

"How did you…"

"Oh, wiretaps…your friend Brass and I think alike," he said as he smiled.

She closed her eyes and let the darkness take her.

Nick glanced at the clock as they worked the crime scene.

"Who's to say the evidence we collect belongs to the murder or the abduction?" said Nick as he felt the force of his hand as it connected to the wall.

"We have to start somewhere. I don't know how Grissom's holding it together," said Warrick.

Grissom stood outside the hospital room as he waited for the doctor. He was relieved when he was told Greg had regained consciousness. He stood there now beside the bed urgently waiting for some detail that only Greg could provide.

"Greg?"

"Grissom."

"Can you tell us what happened?"

"I was getting a sample of the blood on the garage floor when I felt a jab in my shoulder blade. I fell back against the wall and I watched as Lurie turned and walked into the house. I tried to get up but I couldn't move. I was still conscious when I saw him carry Sara out past me. She was completely out…he must have drugged her also. He looked down at me and cursed saying something about getting the dosages mixed up…I think I got the dosage meant for Sara because I was still conscious but not able to do anything… I must have passed out cause I don't remember anything else."

"Do you remember him saying anything to Sara? Any clue as to where he was taking her?" asked Grissom.

"Nothing."

Grissom cursed.

Hours turned into days as days turned into weeks and yet there was no sign of Vincent or Sara.

The first twenty hours were spent going over every inch of the crime scene until finally Brass pulled Grissom away warning him that nothing would be accomplished if he worked himself until he dropped. When he hit the seventy two hour mark, he felt himself crumbling, his resolve breaking as statistics proved that most abduction past this hour became homicides.

_He wouldn't kill her…_

_He claimed he loved her…_

_He would want to keep her…_

_She'll fight him…_

_She'll fight him until he kills her or…_

_He breaks her…_

The endless possibilities of how he would kill her ran through his head each time he closed his eyes. As he sat there now on the office couch with head in hands, he felt some pills being slipped into his hand and he looked up to find Doc sitting there in his office.

"Gil, we've been friends for years. You're going to kill yourself at this pace. Take these. They'll help you sleep. You need to sleep so you can work tomorrow."

He took them, washing them down and welcoming the blessed feeling of release once they hit his system. While sleep came, there was no peace that he felt once he awakened on the couch and knew that it would be another day of searching for her while working and processing the bodies of someone else's loved one. With each day that passed, Grissom's faith that she would be found alive diminished and yet he could not stop himself from spending every waking hour in search of her. Vegas was filled with fliers along with radio and TV commercials displaying their photos in hopes that sooner or later they would be spotted.

He sat there in his office one day when Nick came by shutting the door behind him. Grissom looked up in surprise.

"I need to tell you something," he said.

"What is it?"

"When we were packing her things up in her apartment, I ran across a police report…"

"I know," he said not wanting to be reminded.

"She never let any of us know. I mean…we suspected it…the way she would act some time. She's strong Grissom. If there is anyone who can get out of this, she can. I don't think she's gone. I think she's still out there…with him."

Grissom's jaw twitched. "I hope you're right. I hope she keeps it together long enough for us to find her."

"We're doing everything we can on our time off…we just want you to know that if there is anything we can do…"

"Thanks Nick."

"She would want us to make sure you were taking care of yourself. You do that, okay?"

He nodded feeling the lump in this throat hoping the young man would leave.

Nick walked out shutting the door behind him as Grissom swiped at his eyes and returned to work. He had taken up residence at the lab, leaving only to change and shower before returning. With each Jane Doe he found himself praying it would not be her and yet he could not fathom the horrors she endured with Lurie. Catherine tapped on the office door waiting for him to acknowledge her presence. He glanced up at her fearful of what she might say.

"There's a Jane Doe that just came in…Doc is requesting to see Sara's dental records for identification."

_It's happening…_

_They've found her…_

_I'm going to finally know…_

_She's gone…_

"Grissom?"

He opened the drawer in his desk taking out a folder.

"I uhm got them a few weeks ago in case…this ever happened," he said. He stood and walked to the doorway.

"Gil, I can do this. I can take them…we'll let you know."

He slowly shook his head, leaving her to stand there. She followed. As they walked past the lab, she motioned for the guys to follow. Grissom hesitated before entering the morgue. Doc was surprised to find him standing there with the report.

"I told Catherine…"

"I have Sara's…I got them a couple of weeks ago," he said as he walked toward the body.

"Gil, I can call you with my findings. There's no need…"

"I need to be here," he said simply as he stood and stared at the body the lay where so many had lain before. He stood and stared at the body.

_This can't be how it ends…_

_This can't be all that's left…_

_She was so much alive…_

_She was love…_

_My love…_

_My life…_

_God, please don't let it end like this…_

**Note from author:**

**If I told you that I really didn't expect the chapter to end with another cliffhanger you probably wouldn't believe me…you guys are getting too smart. Anyway, give me a review and let me know what you think about the turn of events… Sara thinks Lurie has Greg and Greg was left behind…Grissom is a mess…remember Natalie…I wish they had expanded on Grissom's reaction a little more so I'm sorry if I decided it needed to be done here. **

**Take care!**

**Penny**


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty Two:**

"What was the cause of death," he managed to get out.

"The chest and skull were crushed…blunt force trauma," replied Doc.

Something caught his eye as he stood there staring at the skeletal remains. He picked up the arm and examined it.

"Doc, does it appear this woman ever had her wrist broken?"

Doc examined the body.

"No. Did Sara…"

"Yes." He closed his eyes and sighed out loud.

_It's not her…_

_Thank God, it's not her…_

It had taken its toll on him as he sat there in his office while his mind went through the "what ifs." He heard the tap on the door and found Brass standing there.

"I heard."

"I keep waiting for us to be called out…I keep hoping it happens on another shift but then I find myself needing to be the one….where the hell is she, Jim?"

"Besides Nick's abduction, it's the first time we've been on the other side…victim's side…it's pure hell…not knowing."

"I should have insisted she come with me that day. I knew she was upset. Instead, I came back here so I could hear firsthand about the interrogation. I couldn't wait. I was after vengeance and I let him get to her."

"Sara needed to work. She needed some time to process what you had just told her. You didn't see this coming…hell neither did I and we've both been obsessed with getting the bastard. If you're going to blame yourself then include me."

"I'm not sure how much more I can take," he whispered softly.

Brass stared at him. It was the first honest confession from the man since the abduction. He had refused comfort from anyone, keeping to himself and avoiding any personal contact with the others. Brass had ignored the 'no' reply coming by each night to sit with him and helping with fliers or checking out leads. The others began doing the same once they saw Brass was not taking no for an answer. He knew his friend was in trouble the moment he accepted the sleeping pills from Doc. Grissom did not approve of the things saying that the mind needed to process the information on its own time table and would shut down when it needed to. He revised that theory when he met Sara. Sara's did not always shut down placing herself in jeopardy of burn out. He now included himself as he felt his grip diminishing.

"Still taking the sleeping pills?" he asked.

Grissom nodded.

"Are they helping?" he asked.

"I'm sleeping," he replied.

"Look, you can't keep staying here at the lab. You've got to go home and get some rest. She would want you…"

"I can't sleep there. I can't lie there and know she's somewhere in hell. I sit there and I can feel her…I can smell her. I'm considering resigning," he said.

Brass shuffled his feet. "If you have to go, take a leave of absence…don't resign."

"I'm losing my edge. I can't seem to focus some days. I go to these scenes and I wonder if one day I'm going to come across her crime scene and I say to myself, 'there you are, we've been looking for you.' I think a resignation would be better than a leave of absence."

"You're not thinking straight right now. If you resign, you won't have access to the lab. You won't be able to continue looking for her."

He had not thought about that.

He sighed.

He was tired, so very tired.

"Do you want her case to become a cold case?"

"No."

"Then stop talking about a resignation."

He nodded slightly before leaning back in his chair.

"Have you eaten anything today?"

He did not respond.

"Let's go to the diner. The guys would like to go to the diner with you this evening."

He shook his head. "I don't think…"

"Exactly stop thinking and get your ass up. They need you right now. They hurt as much as you do. You need to let them in more. They've been staying all hours, sneaking around you, doing whatever they can to follow up on these leads. You need to sit down with them. When was the last time you did that?"

Grissom did not respond. He had been letting Catherine hand out the assignments to avoid contact with them. He even kept his door shut most of the time. Nick had been the first to cross the imaginary line and speak with him about her.

He felt himself being pulled up from his chair and then his jacket thrown at him. They stood at entrance to the break room as the others huddled around the coffee pot.

"Grissom was wondering if you guys wanted to go to the diner for dinner?" asked Brass.

There was a flurry of replies as they hurried to grab jackets and head out the door before Grissom changed his mind. He sat there in their old spot. Catherine now sat where she usually sat while Brass sat across from him.

"So, what do you want?" asked the waitress.

_I want her back no matter what…_

_I need her back…_

_I don't want to go on living every day like this…_

_I want my life back…_

_I want Sara…_

"Just coffee," replied Grissom.

Brass scowled at Grissom.

"What he meant to say is that he wants the biggest, juiciest hamburger along with the heart attack fries and a big glass of milk to coat his stomach so he doesn't upchuck," said Brass. "By the way, I'll have that too."

They all went with the choice, knowing that each of them had missed several meals since the beginning of her abduction.

"If you're good, I'll pick up the tab," said Brass. "I know, I don't often do that so here's your chance."

He ate. They watched as he took small bites forcing down the food. He glanced at the fries and stared at Brass. "Heart attack fries?"

"Oh yeah!" said Greg. "They're loaded with grease. Sara would…" he stopped suddenly.

"Sara would what?" asked Grissom.

"She would make faces each time we ate them…she being so health conscious and all," he said softly.

Grissom chuckled. "She made tofu lasagna one day…it was the worst thing I ever ate."

Nick joined in, "She fixed that for you too? She brought over some of that right after I came back from Texas. She was mad at me for a week because I wouldn't eat it. I told her that men from Texas eat meat not that imitation stuff."

Warrick and the others laughed. "I bet she wanted to kick your ass for that."

"I'm sorry, it was awful. I bet Grissom didn't eat it either," said Nick.

"I ate two helpings…the antacids helped later but I couldn't resist. She worked so hard that evening to make dinner…she doesn't cook very well but she tries. She can mix up anything in the lab when it comes to experiments but she can't follow a simple recipe."

He was smiling now remembering her standing in the kitchen with the apron on leaning against the counter deep in thought while reading a recipe book.

"I began cooking for us…it was safer. She on the other hand kept the house in order. I haven't run out of towels or clean sheets since she moved in. My maid was a little upset when I let her go after all these years of service but she told me she knew it would happen someday. I would find someone, get married and I would no longer need her services."

They were quiet now.

"I should have married her," he said as he got up picking up the check despite Brass's protests. "Thanks for dinner. We uhm need to do this again…tomorrow. Okay?"

They nodded, letting him go knowing that he needed to be by himself for a moment.

"He's not okay, is he?" asked Nick.

"Doc's been giving him sleeping pills to help him sleep," said Brass. "Look, I don't know if we're ever going to find her or not but you guys need to stay close to him… don't take no."

"I keep thinking a lead will come in or we'll find something…you guys found me," said Nick.

"Let's keep going through those leads. Eventually he has to surface," said Brass.

They returned to the office. Grissom was quiet on the drive back with Brass. He sat down at his office and for the first time in weeks felt better. Brass handed him an antacid.

"Didn't know if you had any here," he said chuckling.

Catherine came running into the office, "We have a lead. An old coworker of Lurie's has been out of town and just got back and found out about Lurie. He said he recommended a rental place about seventy miles from here. We checked with the local realtor and he confirmed Lurie rented out the place two months ago. Get this, he picked up the key on the day Sara was released from the hospital."

Grissom called out the address to Brass as they rushed out.

She felt a warm hand caress her cheek as she tried to awaken but moaned when she felt the side effects from the drug. While he had been giving her less and less of a dosage she continually felt the effects now. Slowly she forced her mind to focus and she opened her eyes to stare into his.

"Vincent?"

"Yes?"

"Do you really love me?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then please release the restraints. I won't do anything. I can't. I'm not feeling well."

He released the restraints pulling her to a sitting position.

"Better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"I'm sorry about the medication. I've been slowly decreasing it since you've had so many problems. Your blood pressure seems better today. You didn't sleep very well last night."

He said as he caressed her arm.

"You didn't eat either, would you like something?"

"I would like to sit up for awhile. Could I have a glass of water?"

"How about a change in scenery? Why don't we sit in the livingroom?" he asked.

"That would be nice." She swung her feet off the bed and stood but quickly sat down.

"Could you help me? I'm a little unsteady on my feet."

He picked her up, carrying her into the living room and sat her down in a chair.

"Stay right here. I'll get you something to drink."

She watched as he walked away going to the sink and pouring a glass of water.

He returned and handed her the glass.

"Thanks," she said as she drank the water but held on to the glass.

He was kneeling down now in front of her.

"Better?"

"Yes."

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Can I hold you?"

She smiled.

He tumbled back from the force of the blow from the glass as shards of glass spewed across the room. She jumped out of the chair and ran towards the door but he caught her leg sending her sprawling to the floor. It was the kick to her ribs that doubled her over as she tried to breathe through the pain.

"That wasn't very nice Sara. I'm going to have to teach you a lesson," he said as he kicked her again making contact with her ribs. She tasted copper in her mouth and she tried to block the next blow but felt the cracking of ribs again. She gasped for air as she tried to fight through the pain. She cried out when he twisted her wrist until she felt it snap.

"Forgot about your friend?"

"You're going to kill us anyway and today I decided it's my time."

"Are you sure? Would you like to see him again so that you'll know it was your fault?"

She grimaced as she felt herself being dragged to a door. He flung open the basement door pulling her to the entry so she could look down into the dark room at a body lying on the floor. She gasped as she saw the blood soaked CSI jacket and the body that now lay in the puddle of blood on the floor.

_He's dead…._

_He killed Greg…_

"Taking risks can be dangerous, Sara. That's what you get for last night. You caused me to kill him. How does it feel to be responsible for causing the death of another?"

"You killed him! He never did anything to you…" He blocked the blow from her arm as she continued to strike him as he pulled her back into the living room.

"You're mine, not his."

Note from author:

I know the angst of it all. They are reunited in the next chapter so hang in there. If the reviews come in quickly, I will try to post again tonight. I know we need some fluff…

Take care!

Penny


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty Three:**

"Over my dead body," she yelled. She winced from the strike to her cheek and she fell onto her back.

"Debbie was a waste…she wasn't worth the risk…you Sara, I would risk everything to have you….you've been worth the risk and the wait."

He came to stand over her body. He grimaced when he felt her knee connect to his groin as he doubled over hitting the floor. She scrambled to the kitchen and saw him crawling to get on his feet. She searched through the drawers and pulled out a knife turning around as he ran toward her. She felt the tip of the blade enter his chest and she pushed him back causing him to stumble backwards. She started to run when she felt him grab her injured wrist twisting it until she was on her knees. She watched in horror as he reached into the drawer and produced his own knife.

"You did say over your dead body," he said as he sliced the knife into her wrist. She plunged her knife into him once more feeling it sink deeply this time into his abdomen. She kicked him back as she grabbed for a dish towel and ran back to the door struggling to get the door unlocked as she saw him walking slowly toward her still holding the knife.

She felt her legs running now as she ran into the wooded area. She could hear him calling her name as she ran further and further while trying to make a tourniquet to stop the flow of blood. She looked ahead and saw no sign of help as she continued to run. She suddenly felt herself slowing until she was on her knees gasping for air. She looked down at her arm and tried to tighten the dishtowel that was now blood soaked.

She listened for any sign of Lurie and began to panic when she heard the sound of her name being called. She forced herself to stand once more and continued walking.

_Not here…_

_Not yet…_

_I just want to see him once more…_

_Is that asking too much?_

_I just want to tell him…_

_How thankful I am that he took a risk and loved me…_

_Loved me…_

_God Grissom…_

_Hurry…_

They arrived at the rental house to find the front door wide open. The uniformed officers immediately entered the house and called for Grissom. He ran inside stopping immediately to stare at the blood trail that began at the entrance and led to the kitchen.

"There was a blood bath in here," said the officer as he stared at the pools of blood in the kitchen.

Brass stared at the floor.

"Two blood pools…more than one vic," said Brass as he looked at Grissom. Warrick and Nick ran in but stopped when they saw Grissom studying the blood splatters in the kitchen.

"There was a fight in here…blood continues through the living room and continues outside."

Grissom looked back at the others. "He's chasing her." As he began to run, he could hear Brass calling for an ambulance and emergency search crew. He found himself running a long side the house following the blood drops leading him further and further into the wooded area. Nick and the others followed.

He stopped when he saw Lurie's body lying on the ground ahead. Grissom turned him over checking for a pulse and found none. (a moment for all readers to get up and do the happy dance.)

"He's dead."

"Where's Sara?" asked Greg.

Grissom continued to follow the trail of blood calling out her name as they ran. She stumbled again and this time could not bring herself to get up. She winced as she pulled out a stick that had jabbed her foot.

_So much for having tender feet…_

_Should walk barefoot more often…_

_Grissom always said I have soft skin…_

_Not tough enough…_

_I'm not tough…._

_I should have fought harder…_

_A long time ago to get away…_

She felt her lungs burning as she struggled to take in air. She crawled to a nearby tree leaning up against it. She held her arm up and sat there forcing herself to breathe.

_Breathe Sara…._

_Don't let him win…_

_Grissom…._

_Where are you…_

She heard the crackling of twigs behind her and she covered her mouth. She closed her eyes and prayed he would not see her. She tried to struggle against the hands that made contact with her body and she found herself screaming. It was his voice that calmed her as she opened her eyes to face blue eyes.

"Grissom?" she whispered.

"I've got you," he managed to get out as he struggled with his emotions.

_I never thought I would find you alive…_

_I never thought I would hold you again…_

She was sobbing now, trying to pull herself to him. He quickly removed his jacket placing it around her. Her skin was ice cold from the freezing weather and the gown was no protection. He looked down at her bare feet looking at the cuts and scratches, amazed she had managed to run this far without shoes in her condition.

"Lurie…" she gasped out.

"He's dead," he said quickly trying to control the fear in her eyes. "We found his body. He can't hurt you anymore. Did you hear me Sara? He can't hurt you anymore."

She gasped for air and struggled to remain conscious as she felt herself slipping away. It was his turn to face fear as he felt her struggling to survive.

"Sara, you have to stay with me…don't leave me now honey…keep your eyes open. Okay?"

She nodded.

She began to sob. "He killed Greg."

"No he didn't. Look Sara, Greg is right here."

Greg knelt down. "Just knocked me out."

She began to laugh followed by quiet sobs.

"He told me the body in the basement was Greg. I thought it was Greg. It was all a lie."

She bit her lower lip as Grissom checked the laceration on her arm and cursed when he saw the severity of it, taking the gauze handed to him by Greg and rewrapping the cut tightly. He then began to check her for injuries causing her to cry out.

"I'm sorry honey."

_cracked ribs…_

_possibly reinjured the same cracked ribs…_

_Possible lung damage again…._

_Bruised cheek…_

_Knot and cut on forehead…._

_Broken wrist…_

_Cut on arm…._

"Grissom, thank you…I need to thank you for loving me…you didn't have to…take the risks…your life would have been much simpler…if you…"

He felt her grip lessen as she lost consciousness. He began to panic now as he felt her pulse weaken.

"We need to get her back… she's lost too much blood."

He carried her now while Greg ran ahead to alert the others to be on standby. She heard his voice calling to her as she felt her body being placed inside the ambulance and then the sound of the sirens faded as she sunk back into unconsciousness.

He held her hand firmly quietly begging her to hang on as the paramedics worked to stabilize her.

_Don't leave me now…_

_Not after we found you…_

_Not after I've gone through hell to find you…_

_Not after you've endured hell to come back…_

The smell returned. She hated the smell. She felt the sting of the needle as the IV was placed in her arm and she tried to pull away only she was too weak to resist. She felt her clothes being removed and then the sound of a familiar voice, Catherine. She felt her body being positioned and she tried to tell her to stop but couldn't.

_No need for an SA kit…._

_Not raped…_

She struggled to awaken and began to panic the moment she felt the restraints. She tugged now causing her to scream from the pain but she refused to be restrained anymore. It was his voice that made her eyes fly open as she felt him holding her hand while the technician tried to make a cast for the broken wrist.

"Sara, he's going to release you in just a minute." He stroked her hair but already she felt her eyelids drooping again even though she could hear herself sobbing.

He tried to work out the kinks in his neck as he sat there in the chair next to the bed. The door opened slightly and Catherine stepped in.

"I have the results of SA kit. I did it myself."

He glanced at Sara's sleeping form before stepping out into the hall with Catherine. She handed him the report slipping her hand into his.

"How is she?"

"They're keeping her pretty sedated. She's in a lot of pain. I spoke with her physician this morning about some of their concerns…we'll have to wait and see…she injured three of the crack ribs again, two new ones, lungs took a hit but didn't collapse but there's a chance with her weakened state the pneumonia might return, broken wrist, twenty two stitches on her arm, several bruises, cuts…"

"She must have fought hard."

"Yes, she did."

"Lurie's death is being ruled self defense. They'll have to talk with her but that can wait when she's better. You know that Greg and Nick are camped outside the door here. I had Warrick go back and finish the paperwork on Lurie."

"You can send them in but she's not going to be conscious for quite some time."

"Why don't you go home and shower and try to sleep while…"

"I'm not leaving until she wakes up."

"Thought that's what you would say. Brass is bringing a change of clothes for you so you can shower here."

He stared at the report in his hand.

"Are you going to be alright?" she asked.

"I uhm..yes. Catherine…"

"I've already talked with the guys. No one is going to bring up the abduction. They just want to see her…to know she's okay."

He smiled.

"Call me if you need anything. I'm going to get back to the lab. Don't worry, Warrick and I have it covered."

"Send in the guys," he called before returning to the room.

He sat there in the chair placing the report under his jacket.

_Not now…_

_I'll look at it later…_

Note from author:

I couldn't leave the readers hanging. I remember staying up late one night writing these chapters. It just about drove me nuts…I thought they will kill me if I don't post these back to back. Please review and I promise the next chapters will shed light on what has happened to Sara. By the way, more angst will follow but lots of fluff is thrown in there with something nice. I think this will exceed sixty chapters…still haven't finished it.

Take care!

Penny


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty Four:**

He turned when he heard the tap at the door. Nick and Greg came in to stand near the bed.

"How is she?" asked Nick.

"Pretty sedated," said Grissom as he watched Greg's reaction.

"We'll need to sign her cast," said Greg.

Grissom grinned, "I think she'll like that."

"He told her, I was dead. Didn't he?"

"He took your jacket and placed it on Franklin…he's been hiding Franklin at the rental place for the last couple of months…must have killed him when he became too much of a liability. I think he intended to show Sara the body as a means of keeping her in line," said Grissom.

"He really didn't know Sara. She's tough," said Nick.

"Yes, she is," said Grissom.

"Grissom, she wouldn't admit this but I heard her crying right after you left the crime scene that day," said Greg.

"She feels guilty for trusting Lurie," said Grissom.

"He was pretty convincing," said Nick.

Grissom was silent.

"Has she said anything? You know about the abduction?" asked Nick. Greg refused to look at Grissom keeping his eyes on Sara.

"No, she hasn't and I don't want to bring it up," he said.

"Don't worry. We won't say anything. We just want to see her when she wakes up," said Nick.

"I'm sure she'll like that," said Grissom.

"You'll let her know we were here, right?" asked Greg.

"Yes Greg, I will," he said. "Greg, she's going to be alright."

"As soon as she's up to it, we'll bring her some heart attack fries," he said with a grin.

"I'm sure she will no doubt have a remark or two," said Grissom.

They looked at him. He was exhausted, not sleeping since her admission. Brass had told them he refused to let them restrain her when she had gone into a screaming tirade the moment they tried to run tests. He sat with her holding her, whispering to her that he would not let anyone…any man harm her. Once the tests were completed, they had sedated her forcing her body to rest.

"Get some rest, Grissom. We can come back and sit with her," said Nick.

He smiled, "I'll be fine…we have her back…I just want to stay with her."

"If you need anything, call. We'll be back tomorrow," said Nick as he patted him on the back as they left.

He was relieved when the guys left pulling the chair closer so that he could hold her hand. He traced the purple and blue bruises along her wrists and cursed. She began to stir and groaned when she tried to move. He kissed her hand but she pulled it away trying to scramble away from him.

"Sara, it's me," he said softly.

He reached for her hand again taking it as she lay there now with eyes wide open.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked.

She shook her head looking around the room and then stared at her wrists.

"Does your wrist hurt?" he asked.

"Vincent…"

"He died from the stab wounds."

"I killed him."

"Rest…"

_I took a life…._

_He took one…several…._

She lay there with her hands pressed firmly on her abdomen. He watched as she sat there quietly.

"Are you in pain?...does your abdomen hurt?"

"I hate this feeling," she whispered.

His stomach clenched.

"It's going to take time, Sara. It's going to…"

"He took a life from me…I took his….it still doesn't seem fair..."

"Would you like for me to call Dr. Randle for a visit?"

"No."

"It might be best if you talked with…"

"He wiretapped our house….he's been listening."

"I'll have Brass to send a crew to find them."

She lay there staring at her wrists.

"Sara?"

"I still feel the restraints."

"Sara, do you know how long you've been gone?"

"A few days…I couldn't keep track."

He squeezed her hand tightly.

"Nine weeks," he said quietly.

"Nine weeks?...that can't be," she said shaking her head. "I wasn't gone for nine…I don't remember…"

He watched as her hand covered her mouth to prevent the sob from escaping.

_She didn't know…_

_She just went to hell and back…_

He made them reduce the medication forcing her to remain conscious more often. She was more restless at night, refusing to release his hand. He remained at her side, refusing to leave. He showered and changed at the hospital relieved that Brass did not insist he leave. He was surprised when he noticed his book on top of the things Brass handed him.

"She told me she likes it when you read to her from this book. I thought you could use it," he said. "Not what I would be caught reading but…"

"Thanks," he said as he slipped into the bathroom to shower quickly while Brass sat with her.

He sat there holding her hand while she slept. He took note of the bruises and cuts. He brought her hand to his lips kissing it lightly. She quickly tried to pull away begging him to release her while calling for Grissom. He rushed out immediately, grabbing her hands as she tried to climb out of the bed.

"Sara!" he called as he grabbed her into his arms holding her until she stopped resisting. A nurse hurried in standing there between the two.

"We can give her…"

"She's fine. She's doesn't need anything," he said as he continued to hold her.

"It's my fault, I startled her. She didn't know it was me," said Brass to the nurse. He then turned to Sara. "Sorry kiddo…I wasn't thinking."

The nurse turned and left. Grissom continued to hold her as she burrowed her body into his ignoring the IVs or the monitors on her arm.

"Sara, you're going to pull out the IV," he said softly.

"I'll step outside for a moment," said Brass as he quickly left the room.

"No more meds, please Grissom. Please no more meds. I'm so tired of being drugged," she sobbed. "I can't tell the difference from dreams to reality…please don't let them give me anymore."

"I'll talk with the physician. Okay?" he said gently caressing her hair. "It's going to get better," he whispered to her as he kissed her on the forehead.

She smiled slightly.

"The guys are outside and would like to see you. Greg wants to sneak in some real food."

"I'm not ready," she said as she once again felt the energy leave her body and she slumped back into the bed. "No more drugs, promise me…" she said as she closed her eyes.

The medication was discontinued and she became more lucid over time having more strength to remain awake and move about. She asked for the guys and they came in to sit with her while Grissom showered and talked with Catherine about the office.

"How's the hospital food?" asked Nick.

"I don't remember much about the food…I think that might be good," she said with a slight grin.

Greg opened up his jacket producing a bag. "I snuck you in a veggie burger and some heart attack fries."

She smiled. He was surprised when she opted to eat the fries rather than the burger.

"These are good…I'll probably get sick but these are good."

They chuckled.

Greg slid into the bed with Sara and she bristled at first but then he grabbed her hand and she smiled.

_I've missed you…._

"Watched any TV?" he asked.

"No…Grissom has been reading to me."

"Poor kid," said Greg.

"How's he been?" she asked.

Nick and Warrick looked at one another.

"He seems so tired," she said. "He needs to go home and rest. I don't think he's left since I arrived."

"He hasn't," said Warrick.

"He doesn't mind Sara. He's probably rested more here with you than he has since you've been gone. It was really hard on him."

"He needs to take care of himself," she sniffled.

"Once you're out of here, I think both of you will be just fine," said Warrick. "I think we had better go so you can rest."

"Tomorrow, I'll bring you something else. Chinese?" offered Greg.

"That would be good," she said.

Grissom opened the door just as Greg was sliding out of the bed. He grinned at the young man.

"She ate the fries," smiled Greg.

"You'll need an antacid later," said Grissom. He waited until they left before making his way to the side of the bed and sliding in beside her.

"It seems Greg is always getting in my place," he said as he leaned down and kissed her.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"That last day…you came to tell me about Lurie…you held me and I didn't…you even kissed me and I didn't…It's all I thought about…what if I missed my last chance to…" she gulped back tears. "I'm sorry…so sorry."

"It's over now. I should have insisted that you come with me…I never should have left you there. If I had, he wouldn't have…"

"I don't want to talk about him. I hate him. If there is a hell, I hope he's there."

Grissom picked up his book and opened it, "One half of me is yours, the other half yours-  
Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours, and so all yours!"

He kissed her on the head and then tilted her chin so that brown eyes and blue were staring at one another. "There is a hell and we've both been there…I never want to lose you again. We can get through this Sara as long as we're together." She rested her head on his shoulder and listened while he read to her.

"I've missed this. I used to close my eyes and imagine I heard your voice reciting Shakespeare to me. I heard your voice every time I wanted to beg him to kill me. Read some more," she whispered as she closed her eyes holding tight to his arm as he continued to read.

Note from author:

Finally, a happy spot so let's rest there this weekend or until someone begs and I can't resist. I am such a sucker. (don't tell my kids). Leave the reviews for each chapter! You're on an honor system. Take care! Penny


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty Five:**

Her stay was much shorter this time although he was reluctant to bring her home. He had met with her physicians reviewing her medical records and tests along with the medication instructions. She retreated to the bedroom curling up on her side of the bed but her stay was brief as she quickly got up and took refuge on the couch watching him as he completed a few things in the kitchen that needed attention. He then sat down removing her arms that were wrapped tightly about her and gently held her. He leaned over and kissed her hair.

"Sara…"

"A bath…I need a bath," she said as she struggled to get up from the couch. He pulled her up but forced her to sit on the bed while he prepared the bath. He returned and started to unclothe her when she stopped him.

"I can do this," she said as she stood there looking down at the floor.

"I need to wrap your cast so it doesn't get wet," he said softly. Once the task was completed, he started to walk out when she grabbed his arm.

"Stay…close."

He sat on the bed pulling out his book and began to read as she entered the bath room. She stood unbuttoning the blouse letting it fall to the floor and then slipped out of the sweats. He glanced into the bathroom and found himself staring at her body. Purple and blue intermingled with green throughout her body. She disappeared into the bath as he closed his eyes and fought down the anger. It had become a part of him since the moment they had found her. He had wanted to kill Lurie and yet death had cheated him.

He sat and listened for her.

"Sara?"

"I uhm fine," she said.

He heard the crash of a bottle followed by a soft curse. He waited. Another crash followed.

"Sara?"

"I can't…"

"I could help," he offered.

There was no response.

The sound of another crash sent him into the bathroom without permission. He undressed without a word and slipped into the tub gently pulling her against him. He proceeded to wash her hair meticulously lathering it, fingers gently scrubbing the scalp while massaging her neck and shoulders. He rinsed her hair and then began to wash every inch of her body counting each bruise and cut until he felt the moisture on his cheeks. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

_I was afraid we would find your body…_

_I was afraid I would never be able to hold you…_

_I was afraid…so very afraid Sara…_

Dinner was light each trying to pretend to eat. She retired to the couch wrapping herself in the throw that lay cross the couch. He cleaned up the remnants of dinner and then came to join her on the couch. He thought to ask her about the abduction but could not bring himself to do so.

_Not yet…_

_She's not ready…._

_I'm not ready…_

He sat with her that night keeping watch over her as she lay there in their bed staring at the wall. He waited for her to fall asleep but she remained awake. He cursed inwardly as he watched her retreat once more. He glanced at his watch leaving her briefly to return with her medication.

He opened her hand placing the medicine in her palm and waited for her to take it.

"It'll ease the pain so you can sleep."

"I don't mind the pain," she said softly.

"It will also help you sleep. Sara, you need to sleep."

"He kept me drugged most of the time. I couldn't keep up with time. He would curse each time he gave me the medication. I don't think he could find the right dosage…I'm not sure he wanted me to pass out just unable to escape."

"Did you try more than once?"

"No…not until that day. I was afraid for Greg. Besides as long as he…I thought I could wait until you found us…but then he didn't give me the meds and tried to…I fought him. He gave me an injection…I don't think he cared about the dosage... I had trouble breathing that night. I think he was afraid I was going to die. He tried to keep me awake but I must have passed out anyway. I knew he would try again and I knew that I would rather die trying to escape than let him touch me."

She gulped back the sobs, "I felt so guilty thinking about myself and not Greg. I was choosing to save myself and leave Greg behind. When he showed me the body, I thought he had killed Greg because I fought back that night."

"I'm sorry Sara you had to go through that."

"When I couldn't breathe, I thought it might be better to not struggle…just stop breathing but then I heard your voice and I remembered how I didn't kiss or hold you that day. I just wanted another chance."

She began to sob pulling him to her as she held him while she kissed him feverishly.

"Sssh, it's okay now. I'm never going to leave you. I'm here."

She swallowed the pills and then drank the water, handing him back the glass. He watched as she lay back closing her eyes.

He turned out the lights and spooned his body up next to hers. He listened while she struggled to sleep. He felt the wetness on his arm where her head rested. He kissed her gently whispering comforting endearments into her ear as she cried herself to sleep.

He stood looking through the glass as she sat there beside Brass and the others answering their questions. She gave no hint of emotion giving short deliberate answers relying on her skill and training to get through the deposition. Grissom had insisted they wait until her release before questioning her about the abduction. While he knew it was just a formality, he did not like having her to relive the events once more. He noticed how Brass's hand came to rest around her chair.

She leaned back a time or two feeling his hand there but she did not seem to mind. When it was over, she exited the room quickly hurrying to the women's restroom and splashing the cold water on her face forcing herself to feel something for taking a life but feeling nothing. Catherine appeared soon pretending to check her makeup and then wash her hands. She sat there on the small bench with hands folded as she stared at the floor.

"He's standing out there, isn't he?" asked Sara.

"He's worried about you."

"I'm fine…he needs to go back to work….so do I," she said. "Catherine, please could I try to work. I need to work." Her eyes pleaded with Catherine.

_Grissom is going to kill me…_

_Maybe she needs to work…_

"Greg needs some help with a burglary this afternoon," said Catherine as she started to leave.

Sara pulled herself up and headed to work. He stood talking with one of the technicians about some lab results when she walked out with Catherine.

It made him angry that she was going to work despite his objections. He cornered Catherine later.

"She is physically and emotionally not ready to return to work," he said.

"Gil, she begged me to let her return to work…"

"I don't give a damn what she did. Send her home!" he demanded.

"Do you think that's wise? At least if she's here, she's not sitting around thinking about what happened to her."

"You're risking her health… I'll get a medical statement from her physician," he said as he walked away.

The shift came and went. She sat there trying to concentrate on the files that had been assigned to her but she could not seem to focus.

"Catherine told me you started back to work…Sara you're not ready. You're still too weak."

"I know," she said as she continued to sit there. He was surprised by her admission.

_I need to work…_

_I can't work…._

_I can't focus…_

_I can't remember details…_

_I'm so tired…_

_So very tired…_

"Let's go home."

"Home?"

She watched as he began to walk away, stopping to hold out his hand in her direction.

She assisted with dinner talking very little but the slight brush here and there told him she had wanted him near. He watched as she displaced the food on her plate taking a bite every now and then.

He could not seem to keep his eyes off her as she began to clean up the kitchen. A slight bruise remained on her cheek while the bump had now disappeared leaving the small cut on her forehead. The cast on the wrist was now signed by her friends. The stitches were healing nicely and although there would be a scar he was thankful they had gotten to her before she had bled out.

The pools of blood that day were etched on his brain. He had lost count of the number of times he had awakened in a cold sweat reaching for her reminding himself she had not died that day but had survived the attack.

_So much blood…_

_Her blood…._

_A trail of blood…_

_To her…._

Her nightmares frightened him. Her screams and sobs would cause his heart to race as he tried to calm her as she begged him to remove her restraints. She slept although the sleep was filled with screams and sobs and mournful cries. While she tried to avoid sleep, it came any way, the medication acting as a sleeping pill. She avoided Dr. Randle again and although she had made a house call a few days after her release, Sara had not kept an appointment since then making excuses until Dr. Randle was now calling him.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and glanced at the clock. It would be time for his shift soon. He had slept little himself spending the time to think about their future. He had always assumed he would remain in the lab until his retirement but now his purpose was no longer the lab. His purpose was the brunette who lay on their bed. He rubbed her back bringing her hand up and kissing her palm. He was content to sit there quietly with her. He was surprised when she whispered, "I'm tired, Grissom. I'm so very tired."

It tore at him. He watched as she struggled to find the inner strength to pull herself up. He found himself taking charge, demanding that she remain in bed. She did not protest.

He promised he would make his rounds at the lab and then return home immediately. He was surprised when she fell back to sleep too exhausted to argue. He made his rounds through the lab and then his office collecting all of the opened case files and placing them in a box. He then carried the box to Catherine's office and deposited them on her desk.

She glanced at Warrick and Nick who stood nearby.

"Giving me a present?" she asked.

"I'm leaving," he said.

She stared at him.

"I'm taking a leave of absence with Sara. She needs to get away from here…we both do."

"Have you spoken with Ecklie?"

"I left my request leave on his desk along with Sara's. I've given him Dr. Randle's recommendation for a medical leave. He can accept it or he can consider it my resignation."

He turned and started to leave but stopped.

"I'll keep in contact to let you know how she is...how we're both doing," he said before walking out. They watched as he walked down the hall and out the door.

"I never knew anything to be more important than the lab," said Catherine.

"Sara is…Sara's that important to him," said Brass who came to stand beside them.

"Have any idea what he's planning?" asked Nick.

"Mentioned leaving town for awhile," said Brass, "It'll be good for both of them."

He found her lying on the bed much in the same position as when he left her. He came to sit beside her taking her hand into his and kissing the palm.

"Trust me?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied.

She watched as he pulled out suitcases from the closet and began to pack. She felt her throat constrict as she watched him, trying to calculate how long he would be gone by the amount of clothing that was placed in the suitcase.

"You're leaving?" she asked.

"We're leaving," he corrected.

"But…"

He stopped and looked at her.

"I submitted our leave requests to Ecklie this morning. Sara…we need to get away for awhile. I've rented a cabin …some place away from everything here."

"I've never stayed in a cabin before."

"Good…we have to pick up something on the way as well as some supplies."

He smiled as he pulled her up motioning for her to pack.

"I think you need to pack. You might not like my choices."

She looked at him hesitantly but began throwing things into the suitcase.

He smiled when he saw that she had fallen asleep in the vehicle. He gently brushed the hair from her face as he eased the blanket up to cover her shoulders. He sighed as he pulled into the lot and was reluctant to wake her but knew they would need to get back onto the road soon if they were going to make it to the cabin before night fall.

He nudged her gently and smiled when she yawned.

"Sorry but we have a passenger to pick up before we proceed," he said as he stepped out of the vehicle. "Be right back."

Sara sat there staring at the building. She grinned when he returned with a slightly over eager boxer pulling on the leash. He opened the car door and the dog jumped in immediately squirming around to find a comfortable place to sit. He chose to climb over the seats and sit in the driver's seat licking Sara as she tried to push him back.

"I don't kiss on first dates," she announced.

"Who says?" teased Grissom as he pulled the dog back toward the back seat jumping in quickly to avoid having his seat taken again.

"This is Bruno. He's three years old. He's ours. Yours and mine," he said as he drove out of the parking lot.

Sara turned to stare at the dog who sat in the middle of the back seat and drooled.

"He drools."

"Yes, he does."

He lurched up and licked Sara in the face causing her to jump back.

"Lucky dog," grinned Grissom. "She doesn't let me do that."

"He won't either," she said as she wiped the wetness from her cheek.

He chuckled.

The next stop consisted of supplies. He pulled out his list and promptly told her to sit with the dog while he collected the items.

He disappeared only to return within thirty minutes with a buggy of things. She gawked when another load of things was delivered by a store employee. She stared at him as he packed the vehicle.

"How long have you been planning this?" she asked.

"Nine years."

She frowned.

Note from author:

I had to get them out of Vegas for awhile. I thought they needed to be alone…I couldn't resist the idea of a cabin in the woods…Grissom is so versatile…he would certainly be at the top of my list of things to pack. LOL. Please review. Take care! Penny

p.s. the groveling worked.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty Six:**

He arrived a few hours later than he anticipated but it was still daylight. He had not considered the number of stops for a dog much less the number of times Bruno would manage to get away from them. He pulled her out of the vehicle and she grinned when he insisted on unloading the car by himself while she inspected the cabin. By the time, he had emptied the vehicle she had managed to start a fire in the fireplace. He found her curled up in the floor with Bruno by her side.

He smiled.

She was asleep.

He prepared a simple meal letting her sleep for a couple of hours before waking her.

"Fresh air seems to be working," he said as she yawned.

She smiled.

It warmed him.

They spent the remainder of the evening lying in front of the fire. It was comforting. He watched as she methodically petted the dog as he lay there beside his favorite master.

_Poor fellow…._

_He'll be forever at her feet…._

_Begging for attention…._

_Longing to be touched…._

_Loved by her…._

He gently stroked her head kissing her gently on the top every now and then. He wasn't sure when he noticed she had fallen asleep again but he found himself dozing himself as he leaned against the couch with her tucked protectively in his arms. The bed would have been much more comfortable but he could not bring himself to disturb the two figures that lay there with him.

It was Bruno's whimpering that woke him. He opened his eyes to find himself alone. Bruno sat at the door pacing back and forth.

_Sara…._

He searched the inside of the cabin and began to panic when he could not locate her. He opened the door forgetting to snap on the leash and cursed when Bruno ran out. He grabbed the leash and ran after the dog that immediately ran to the porch swing. She sat there with legs drawn up with arms hugging them tightly as her head rested against her knees. Bruno sat there at her heels licking her hand as she kept her head burrowed from sight.

"Sara?"

He came to sit beside her pulling her towards him.

"Sara?"

He heard the soft sniffling and kissed her lovingly on the top of her head.

"It's chilly out here. Why don't we go back inside?"

"I'll be in soon," she said softly.

"I'll just sit with you," he said as he rubbed her arms.

"I don't want you to sit with me," she said pulling away.

He stood not sure of what to do.

"Sara, it's late, let's go to bed and get some sleep."

"Sleep? I don't want to sleep. Sleep brings…things I want to forget."

"I'll hold you while you sleep," he said refusing to take no this time.

She dressed for bed while he turned down the covers and checked on the dog that had made himself a bed on the couch in front of the fireplace. She curled up on her side of the bed waiting for him to mold his body next to hers but he remained on his side of the bed. She turned over to face him.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

He turned to face her.

"For what?"

"For risking your job for me."

He leaned over and kissed her.

"The only thing I've risked is losing you."

"I should have seen him for what he was. I lost my perspective…I …" she stopped.

"Let it go, Sara."

"He replaced my birth control pills with placebos…he never expected you to…he thought that if I was pregnant I would never leave him…what if I had let him…I would have been pregnant with his child…I would have…"

"You didn't. It was ours…"

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I should have trusted you….I was so hateful to Brass...I said things to him…"

"I should have let you know how much I love you…I should have showed you. Brass loves you…he doesn't blame you…he blames me."

He pulled her close.

"I love you," she whispered.

He smiled. He felt her lips kissing his as he gently rolled over ever mindful of her healing ribs. She refused to release him teasing his tongue with hers until he pushed her away gently.

"You're not ready for this," he said gruffly, "sleep."

He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds outside the cabin. The wind was blowing softly as the chimes clanged on the front porch. The crackling of the fire in the next room sounded inviting. The shadows of the flames danced on the walls. He could hear Bruno sleeping on the couch and he grinned.

_The dog snores…_

He then listened for her even breathing which told him she was asleep. He slipped out of the bed clicking on the lamp as he sat in the lounge chair in front of the fire with the file in his hand. He took a deep breath and opened it. He read the contents and then sat there staring at the fire. An hour passed and still he sat there. His anger rising with each minute until he thought it would consume him.

_How do I tell her…_

_She's going to be angry for my deception…_

_It's a matter of time before she realizes…_

_How do I tell her about the pregnancy…._

_How do I tell her it could be mine or Lurie's…_

_How do I put her through that hell…_

He smiled when he recalled when they had decided to try to have another child.

_Grissom stared at the birth control packet sitting in the bathroom. Her OB had given her a packet after her visit to ensure her body was recovering from the miscarriage. _

"_I'll need to start my birth control pills again," she said glancing at him in bed one night. He looked over his glasses._

"_Are you hinting that we can be intimate again?" he asked._

"_Soon…she told me…she told me there was no reason I couldn't get pregnant again if we wanted…yes, soon," she said quietly._

_He continued to read his book and once he noticed she had fallen asleep, he slipped into the office scribbling a note and then snuck into the bathroom. He opened the birth control packet and placed the note inside before heading to bed._

_A few days later, Sara sighed as she picked up the packet and opened it. She glanced around when she saw the note stuck inside: _

_Sara,, when __you're __ready, we can try again. Love Gil._

_She felt her heart flutter as she grasped what he was saying to her. She smiled._

_Grissom stood in front of the mirror. It had been a horrendous day. He had not intended for Sara to work Zoe Keppler's murder and had been angry for the case brought back painful memories of the rape. He had wanted her to leave the scene and let the others finish but she refused working until the case was complete. He was still angry when they came home. He retreated to his office where he tried to work through his insecurities as a partner. Grissom had felt like a failure. He had wanted to shield her from anything that remind her of the rape but instead she had stood face to face with restraints that had caused a young girl to gnaw off her own hand in order to escape._

_He had snapped at her the moment he saw her with the file. He had wanted her to yell at him but instead she had reached out to him. They had made love each needing the other to overcome the scars from the case. He stared down at the birth control pills on the counter. He quickly glanced around and then pulled them out finding a note stuck inside:_

_I'm ready. Love, Sara._

_His heart fluttered. He stood there and stared into the mirror trying to grasp what had just happened. "we just made love without any protection…she could get pregnant…" _

He closed his eyes intending to rest them only but found he was soon asleep, the file falling to the floor.

The night air was disturbed with the screaming in the next room. Bruno jumped up excitedly and ran into the room with Grissom following. He pulled the dog back commanding him to sit as he made his way to the bed trying to pull her into his arms. She scraped at the imaginary restraints on her wrists as she begged him to let her go.

"Sara!"

She stilled. The silence returned except for her gasp for air and the sobs that escaped her mouth.

She stared at him. "Why won't it leave me alone…It's the same…I'm back in the hotel room with ….and then I'm there in that house with Vincent…the restraints again…the knife…"

"Sara, it might help to talk about it," he said. "It might help it go away."

She leaned back wincing at the pain from her ribs. "I've already talked about it in the deposition."

"You need to talk with me," he said quietly.

She inhaled and slowly released the air. There was a rumbling outside.

"A storm is coming," he said.

"I know," she whispered.

He wondered the true meaning behind her words.

Note from author:

Storm indeed. Please leave the reviews…have faith. I know where I am going with this and GSR is safely intack. Take care! Penny


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter Thirty Seven:**

They slept little. One minute she was restless and then the next she would find herself lying on the couch, too exhausted to move. He made some tea handing her a cup and motioned for her to remain on the couch.

"We're going to talk," he announced.

She nodded slightly bringing the cup to her lips. Its warmth slid down her throat. She felt so tired. The fire was inviting as she rested her head against his chest but he gently pushed her back.

"Sara, talk."

"Not right now, please. I'm so tired, Grissom."

He wavered but then held firm.

"We're going to talk. We're going to talk, then sleep then eat or else…"

She looked at him.

"Or what?" she asked.

"We go back. We go back and you meet with Dr. Randle."

She swiped her sleeve across her eyes and stood becoming agitated at the ultimatum.

"Fine. Vincent arrived at the house. He grabbed me from behind and I felt the needle prick and then nothing. When I awoke, I was sick. He gave me too much…he told me he had Greg and if I cooperated, nothing would happen to Greg."

"You…"

"I cooperated. I didn't try to run away when he would release the restraints so I could shower and dress. I was permitted to walk to the kitchen for dinner and then around the living room for some exercise. I didn't have much energy…he kept giving me drugs until I was asleep more than I was awake. Days were foggy…I could hear voices. I would hear him coming up from the basement. There was movement down below so I knew someone or something was down there. I thought it was Greg. "

She sat there positioning herself so that she took up the small corner of the couch.

"What changed? What happened that day…"

"He began decreasing my dosage. He thought that if he spent enough time with me, I would…give in…let him…I refused. That night I was more lucid. When he tried…I fought back. He beat me. I managed to get to the door but then I felt the needle… I had difficulty breathing. I think in his haste he gave me too much."

She pulled her legs up burrowing herself under the blanket as if she felt a chill.

"He looked afraid as if he was expecting me to die.. He stayed with me all night monitoring my blood pressure and forcing me to stay awake…I must have dozed anyway because when I woke it was morning."

She gulped before proceeding, coughing as though she was trying to catch her breath.

He sat quietly as she described the struggle that occurred, the knives, the body in the basement and finally the escape. He sat and listened to her talk about understanding how Zoe felt when she escaped, needing to find someplace else to die.

"You didn't die. We found you in time."

"Found in time…" she repeated.

"Sara, Catherine did an SA kit…"

"I remember. I tried to tell her it wasn't necessary…he never…" she looked at him. "You don't believe me. He had me pinned on the living room floor but I kicked him. He never…"

"Sara, the SA kit came back positive."

"That's impossible…" she quickly got up taking her cup to the kitchen. She turned to find him standing behind her.

"Sara.."

"There was a mistake. I would remember…he didn't…" she stood there shaking her head. He reached out to touch her but she swiped his hand away.

"Sara, your tox screen came back…he used rohypnol, a drug similar to the street version of date rape drug. It renders a person immobile but conscious. I think in your situation, it rendered you unconscious. I think he was trying to adjust your medication so you would be conscious."

"It isn't true," she said with arms folded. She glanced down and saw the file sitting on the counter. Her hand reached for it but he placed his on top of hers.

"Don't."

She snatched it any way retreating to the couch. She opened the file and her mind read the words over and over glancing at the name on the report and then continued to read the words until every detail was memorized. She sat there and stared at the file. She didn't resist when she felt it being lifted from her hands. He knelt down in front her trying to pull her close.

"Don't…I uh let this happen. I trusted him…he took our child…then he took me…and I didn't even know it…" she was sobbing now, deep racking sobs as she struggled to breathe, the cough becoming persistent.

"Sara, don't honey. You're causing yourself pain…"

"You've known all along."

"Yes. Catherine gave me the report in the hospital. I hoped I would never have to tell you….but the nightmares….I had to…I'm sorry."

"This is why you've been angry," she said.

He sighed.

"Yes, it is."

"Good." She said as she got up. "You should be."

"Sara…"

"You told me not to trust him but I wouldn't listen…if I had I would still be pregnant…"

He stared at her

"You don't know that…you still could have miscarried…"

"He touched me Grissom. He was the last person to…" she turned away.

"Sara, don't run from this. You need to deal with…"

"Stop it! For once, would you just face your own emotions! You didn't deal with your emotions for nine years," she screamed at him.

"Fine! You want me to face my emotions, I will. I'm angry that Brass got you involved. I'm angry that you had anything to do with Lurie. I'm angry that you climbed up on top of that damn car to prove to me you're as obsessed with your job as I am. I'm angry that when I found out you were pregnant I wondered if you could have slept with him. I'm angry that once I came to my senses that you would never do that, you suffered the miscarriage. I'm angry that I lost something I never even thought I wanted…I do..I want children with you. I'm angry cause I should have made you go with me that day. I knew you were upset. If I had taken you perhaps he wouldn't have gotten to you. I'm angry that the bastard touched you…violated you…you have enough scars. I'm angry that I didn't protect you Sara. All this time I knew what he was capable of and I didn't protect you! That bastard had you for nine weeks."

He stood there heaving as he watched for her reaction.

"You're angrier with me than him," her voice barely a whisper.

"I'm…. I'm angry as hell at you."

He saw that his words hit home.

"I'm angry because you're letting Lurie hurt you still. You're letting him hurt us."

"It shouldn't be this hard. Ever since, we…I used to think that once you let me in, we would be happy…no more running or pulling away…but it's not that way…It's still hard. I don't think I was meant to be happy and now neither are you."

"I was happy…I thought you were…we were both happy," he whispered.

"I'm not," she said brokenly.

He crossed the room and once more tried to hold her only to have her step back.

"We're going to get through this. We can be happy again."

"I don't want to feel like this anymore," she cried. She began to cough uncontrollably and he sat her down in a chair and then retrieved a glass of water handing it to her. She drank staring at the glass.

"Better?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Sara, can I hold you?" he asked.

She bolted running into the kitchen as if fleeing from a demon. He watched as she pulled out the knife from the drawer and stood there ready to kill him once more but the demon was gone except in her head. She heard his voice still whispering to her. The memories of those weeks came flooding back as she shut her eyes tight and slumped to the kitchen floor.

_Sara, you're mine now…. _"Vincent?"

_He'll never want you now….now that I've had you… _"That's not true…Grissom?"

He was there immediately. He watched in horror as she sat there with the knife in hand staring at the blade.

"Sara, honey, give me the knife," he said gently as he knelt down in front of her and reached for the knife.

"Grissom?"

"Yes, honey. Give me the knife," he said as he grabbed the knife by the blade.

_I'll kill you before I let you go back to him…._ "Stop Vincent!"

She jerked the knife back as it sliced through his hand. She watched in horror as his hand began to bleed following the blood as it pooled onto the floor. She covered her mouth to cover the scream. He pulled her to him as she dropped the knife.

"Oh God, Grissom I'm so sorry. I've hurt you…I've…"

"It was an accident. I shouldn't have grabbed the knife by the blade. It wasn't your fault." He grabbed the dish towel and placed it over his hand as he pulled her up.

He led her to the chair in the living room, sitting her down.

"Sara? I'm going to take care of this. Stay here," he said as he hesitated for a moment before leaving her. He quickly went into the bathroom to clean the cut and then placed a bandage over it.

He returned and his stomach lurched when he found the chair empty and the front door was left wide open. He ran outside as the lightning lit up the sky. There was no sign of Sara or the dog.

He cursed.

_How did I let this happen?_

_What the hell did I think I was doing?_

The rain began to pour as he stood there trying to decide which direction she would have taken.

_There's no trail this time…_

_No blood trail…_

_God, Sara where are you?_

Note from author:

I know this was a difficult chapter but I promise I will post again as soon as the reviews come in. Also there's only a few more hard chapters and there will be so much fluff we will all be choking on it. Also you get to find out what Grissom has been waiting for nine years to do…take care! Penny


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter Thirty Eight:**

Grissom followed the trail down to the lake and he felt his heart sink when there was no sign of her or Bruno.

_Bruno…_

_He'll stay with her…_

_If I can hear him…_

_I can find her…_

He began to yell for both of them between the thunder and lightning. He glanced at his watch and cursed.

_She's been out here for over two hours…._

_In a gown…_

_No shoes…_

_I just put her back in hell…_

He ran down the other trail that made a loop back around the lake and then the cabin. He called until he was hoarse and yet there was no sign of them. He was beginning to panic now. He glanced once more at his watch.

_Three hours …._

It was a faint bark that caught his attention. He stood and prayed that it was getting closer. He waited until the thunder quieted to stop and listen again.

_A bark…_

_Bruno…_

He was calling the dog now and as he turned the corner of the trail, the dog stood there in the path.

"Bruno!" he called. The dog ran towards him and sat. He whined and then began to bark incessantly.

"Where's Sara, Bruno?" he begged. He prayed the dog would lead him to her.

"Please, Bruno." He said. The dog began to run back down the path and he ran also. His lungs burned but he refused to stop for fear he would lose sight of the dog. He saw a small figure now as the thunder and lightning filled the sky. She sat there on her knees sobbing between bursts of coughing. He was there now, falling to his knees and pulling her into his arms.

"Grissom?"

"I've got you," he said between his own gulps of air as he struggled to maintain any sense of composure.

_Don't ever do that again…_

He pulled off his jacket and placed it around her even though it was soaked. It was better than the thin gown that clung to her wet body. Bruno sat next to her, whining.

"Good boy, Bruno," he said as he patted the dog's head.

"I didn't mean it…I would never want to hurt you…I didn't mean it," she sobbed uncontrollably.

"Sara, it was an accident," he said looking into her eyes. She held his injured hand.

"Sara, if you don't want to hurt me...don't do this again. Don't run," he said pulling her close again. He was thankful for the rain, letting his emotions go, feeling his tears slide down his face freely. He lifted her now, carrying her back as the rain continued to pour.

They were both shivering by the time they arrived at the cabin. He took her to the bathroom helping her to strip from the wet clothes and then they both stood under the hot water as she clung to him. He felt the cold leaving their body and once they were showered, he helped her dress. He frowned at the soaked cast. He tried to dry it as best as he could and then rewrapped his hand.

He built up the fire and then pulled her close to him, wrapping the blanket around them.

"Sara?"

She turned in his arms seeking out the warmth. She began to cough. He felt her forehead and cursed.

_Four hours in the elements…._

_Fever…_

_Cough…_

He slipped out of the covers leaving her by the fire. He rummaged through the emergency kit and found some medicine.

"Sara, I need you to take this," he said. She took it and then burrowed her head back into his chest.

"Sleep," he whispered. He closed his eyes but his heart continued to race.

_I was afraid I had lost you again…_

_I can't take that…_

She was awake a few hours later. She sat up quickly as if she was not sure of her surroundings.

"Sara?"

She whirled around.

"Grissom?"

"Lay back down," he whispered as he pulled her gently back into his arms.

She lay there staring at the fire.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"Your hand…"

"It's fine. How do you feel?" he asked.

"I …uhm…I think he broke me…I think I'm broken," she gulped through the tears and the coughing.

He pulled her around to face him.

"You're only broken if you choose to be. You're strong Sara. You've always been strong."

"Not any more…I'm too tired. I…don't know what happened tonight. I hurt…you, Grissom. I was seeing you and hearing his voice…then the blood…your blood…," she said.

He took her firmly by the arms, "It was an accident. I never should have grabbed for the blade. You didn't hurt me…I hurt myself."

"I hurt you," she said through tears. "I'm so sorry." She continued to cough.

He felt her forehead and scowled. "You still have a fever."

She felt her eyes closing as his lips touched hers.

He pulled her close ignoring the protests. They spent the evening, wrapped up together in a blanket each needing to feel the other. They listened to the rain pouring off the roof top.

"The rain should be gone tomorrow. It will be better tomorrow," he whispered.

"Better tomorrow," she echoed.

He carried her to the bed and slid in beside her pulling her tightly to his body. He found himself jerking awake from time to time reaching for her whenever she moved away from him. When he awoke the next morning, the rain continued outside. He reached over and felt of her forehead and he sighed.

_No fever…_

She lay across him. It had been another restless night. She had cried in her sleep for most of the night begging him to not leave her, begging for forgiveness and then pleading for Vincent to leave her alone. He had held her whispering over and over that he was there. When it did not seem to calm her, he quoted Shakespeare whispering his love for her between verses.

"My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite. I love you Sara," he whispered as he kissed her tenderly.

"Doubt thou the stars are fire; doubt the sun doth move; doubt truth to be liar; but never doubt I love. Don't ever doubt my love for you, Sara," he said as he felt her tears on his chest.

"Love comforteth like sunshine after rain…love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain. I promise our love will get us through this. I'll give you the strength…just lean on me, Sara," he whispered as he felt his own tears spill forth.

"Grissom?" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"He said you wouldn't want me anymore…"

"I'll always want you…need you…don't ever leave me Sara."

She turned her body against his so that her face lay next to his. She caressed his cheek with her fingertip sending shivers down his back. He gently pulled her hand to his lips kissing the tip of each finger. She closed her eyes.

_I would know your body from anyone's…._

_Your hands…._

_Not like his…_

_Your gentle touch…_

_Always kind…_

_Never hurting…_

_But I hurt you…_

_Your sweet voice…_

_I don't want to hear his voice anymore…_

_Always comforting me…_

She kissed him suddenly forcing him to allow her tongue entrance as she deepened the kiss. Her hands roamed over his body making circular motions as it descended. He grasped her hand bringing it back to lie on his chest. She refused to stop. She ignored the pain in her chest as she leaned forward planting soft kisses down his neck and onto his chest. Her hand descended once more touching him intimately and he jumped from the slightest touch of her hand.

"Sara, you're not ready…"

"Please…" she begged as she stood to remove the gown and returned to lie beside him. He felt her bare skin against him and he groaned. He wanted her.

"Let's wait…"

She ignored his protests, pulling his clothing until there was none between them. He returned her kiss and gently caressed her body with his hands trying to give her pleasure without inflicting pain. He felt her trying to position herself underneath him.

"Sara…no…"

"Love me…I want to feel you…please I need to feel you…" It was his undoing. He cursed inwardly as he relented and entered her slowly, keeping his weight from her broken ribs. He moved slowly despite the urgency from her body. He stopped when he saw the pain cross her face.

"Sara?"

"It's okay…don't stop," she whispered. She hugged him to her so that he could not see the pain inch across her face. He kissed her gently on the lips, letting his lips glide gently over her forehead, placing kisses there and beside her temple. He lips were perched above her ear as he whispered. "I want you, Sara."

Her eyes shot open and she scrambled to break free from him, pulling herself away despite the pain she was inflicting to herself. He grabbed her wrists pulling her back to him.

"Look at me, Sara," he said. "It's me, not him."

"Not him," she laughed. "He's dead. I killed him." She laughed again and then began to sob, "He killed me and I just don't know it…."

"Stop it! Fight him Sara! Don't let him win. You didn't go through hell to let him win."

"I couldn't…the drugs and the restraints…I couldn't fight," she sobbed.

"And that's what hurts the most…because you couldn't fight back."

She nodded.

"You're still not fighting," he said releasing her wrists. "You could if you wanted but you don't. You don't love me enough to fight."

"I uh do," she said swiping at her eyes, "I do."

"Then show me," he said. "Come and sit by the fire with me," he said as he extended his hand to her. He felt her body trembling. He picked her and carried her to the living room placing her on the couch. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it protectively around them.

"I'll just hold you," he said pressing his lips to her cheek.

Her hand reached up to caress his cheek and she felt the moisture there. His hand reached up to caress her cheek and he felt the same.

"No running anymore," he whispered.

"No running anymore," she whispered.

Note from author:

Okay, so hang in there and I promise the fluff is coming. Of course there is always fluff when you have GSR together…give the reviews. Take care! Penny


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty Nine:**

They spent the remainder of the day wrapped in the blanket each taking turns confiding in the other about their feelings and how they each were vulnerable.

"I'm scared, Grissom," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Because, I'm not the same anymore."

"You're the same. He may have hurt you but you're the same person I fell in love with."

"Even though he…"

"Sara that was not your fault."

"I feel responsible."

"That's him trying to hurt you. Don't let him."

She was silent.

"Sara, I feel guilty," he whispered.

"Why?"

"I didn't protect you from him. I let him get to you even though I knew what he was capable of. I was so hell bent on vengeance…I didn't keep in sight what was most important…you."

"It wasn't your fault."

"I feel responsible," he said with a sigh.

She gulped between the tears, "That's him trying to hurt you. Don't let him."

He was silent.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"We're not broken," she whispered.

"No…we may be battered but we're not broken," he gulped between tears.

They remained near the sanctuary of the fire for the remainder of the evening, leaving only to care for the dog and to give their bodies nourishment. When exhaustion came, they remained there not wanting to break the intimacy they had established.

He woke to find himself stretched out on the couch with Sara lying on him. Her body was so light he had not even felt her. He grinned when he looked out to see the sun shining.

He refused to move letting her sleep as much as she could. Bruno began to whine and came to lay his head on her back. She opened her eyes and smiled up at him. He returned the smile.

He walked Bruno as she fixed breakfast. He grinned when he returned to find breakfast sitting on the table along with juice and toast.

"You could spoil me this way," he said as he fed the dog and quickly slid into his chair beside her.

Once breakfast was out of the way, they dressed. He insisted on a trip into town forcing her to see a doctor to examine the cast and to listen to her lungs. Once she was given some cough medicine, they were back. It was a bright sunny day and he pulled her outside. They walked along the trail near the cabin that led to the lake stopping for short breaks to give her time to rest.

_She hasn't built up her strength…_

_She still weak…_

Once they reached the lake, they stood hand in hand and admired the scenery as Bruno played in the water.

"There's fish in here."

She watched as a huge smile spread across his face.

"We're going to fish this evening," he announced.

"I don't fish," she announced.

"I'll teach you," he announced.

The task loomed. She sat while he wrapped her cast, staring at his features while he worked diligently.

"Expect me to get wet again?" she asked.

"Expect the unexpected," he said.

"Who said…"

"Me." He said pulling her up and then thrusting a fishing pole in her hand while he grabbed another along with a tackle box.

The sun was warm and it made her sleepy. She wanted to lie back and enjoy the rays but she knew he was determined to teach her how to fish.

He smiled when she caught on to casting a line.

"Now what?" she asked once the bait sunk into the water leaving the bobber to float on top of the water.

"We wait."

She stood breathing in deeply before exhaling. "The air…"

"feels better," he finished. "I used to get away a lot…away from the city even if it was only for a day...helps your body to revitalize."

"You've rarely been off a day since I came to Vegas," she said.

"Once you came, I couldn't bring myself to go."

"Why?"

"Afraid I would come back and find you gone…especially after one of our encounters. I used to lie awake at night wondering if I had pushed you away for the last time and would find your resignation on my desk."

"I'd written it before…just never turned it in."

"See…" he grinned.

"So, you've been waiting nine years to have some time off…"

"Not quite. I've been waiting nine years to do something else."

"What?"

His reply was lost on the bobber now disappearing below the water and she felt the huge tug on the fishing pole. He grabbed it before it was jerked out of her hand.

"Reel it in!" he yelled excitedly. He held the pole while she reeled helping when he saw she was beginning to tire. He held up the huge bass that danced at the end of her fishing line.

"Dinner!" he announced.

"I'm not eating that!" she announced.

"Good then Bruno and I will eat it," he said.

She chuckled at his excitement of removing the fish and placing it on the stringer.

"Your first fish!" he gleamed.

She smiled.

_Today is better…_

It didn't seem to bother him until she pulled in the third catch of the day and yet he had only managed a nibble or two. She grinned as he removed the hook from the fish's mouth and then placed it on the stringer. They stood side by side once more. She tried to conceal the snicker when he quietly nudged her taking over her spot on the bank. She yawned. He surveyed the lake envisioning them sitting in the boat fishing together.

"Tomorrow we'll use the boat," he announced. He waited for her reply and when there was none he turned to find her slumped down on the bank with eyes closed. He grinned as he watched Bruno approach. The dog had spent the last hour wading in the shallow end of the lake snapping at the fish that swam by. He knew the dog would be muddy and wet but he was not prepared for what he did next.

Bruno ran to them, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. He stopped at the edge of Sara's feet and proceeded to shake himself dry causing mud and water to fly at them. Sara was suddenly on her feet. Grissom chuckled.

Her feet were dragging as they walked back to the cabin and once they returned, she headed to the shower. The fish were placed in the kitchen sink while Bruno was given a much needed bath outside in the wash tub. Once the task was completed, he returned with dog in tow to find her curled up on the couch fast asleep. He grinned. It had been a good day.

_It was better…_

He cleaned the fish and then began the task of cooking them. Bruno sat on his haunches letting his tongue swipe across his mouth several times.

"Not sure I should give you any…I don't think she would approve." He slipped the dog a bite and watched it disappear with no trace left behind that a crime had been committed.

He chuckled.

She tried the fish although he did not push, taking a small bite while he sat in anticipation.

He smiled watching her hold the fish in her mouth.

"Sara, it's okay if you want to spit it out."

She shook her head and chewed slowly. She smiled once she swallowed. "Not bad," she said.

"You don't have to…"

She took another bite followed by another and she grinned when his smile spread across his face.

"The guys would never believe this…"

"Don't tell them," she said as she continued to eat the fish.

"My lips are sealed," he said.

"And I was hoping for a kiss later," she pouted playfully. The evening was spent sitting in the front porch swing while Bruno chased the squirrels that chattered in the trees.

"The next bath is yours," he said as she laughed at his antics.

The days past and Brass grew restless. He picked up his phone trying Grissom's cell and grumbled when it rolled over to voice mail.

_Bastard should have called by now…_

_Hasn't told us anything about Sara…_

_It's been too long…_

_No word…_

_Two more days and then I'm going up there…._

Grissom laughed as Sara tried to teach Bruno to fetch a stick. They had been at it all afternoon while he lay in the hammock reading a book. He closed his eyes and felt himself drifting off to sleep. Sara patted the dog glancing over at Grissom and saw that he had fallen asleep.

_Last night was better…_

_Nightmares not as bad…_

_He's so good to me…_

_He's so…_

_I want him so much…_

_Don't want to disappoint him…_

He grinned when he woke to find her sprawled out on top of him. Her head was nestled in the crook of his shoulder and her hand rested on his chest. He gently picked up the hand admiring his handy work. Each morning he would wrap the cast in saran wrap keeping it free from dirt and water. It had worked so far. He looked at the bruises on her arms along with the cut and saw that they were disappearing. Soon, all traces would be gone. Of course, the scar on her arm would remain along with the scars she wore on the inside.

He kissed her lightly on the lips and when she opened her eyes he deepened the kiss.

She smiled.

"I couldn't resist climbing in here with you…you looked so…"

"Comfortable?" he asked.

"Not the word I thought but it will do," she said as she turned her hungry eyes from him. He grinned.

Dinner consisted of salads and baked fish again. He grinned as she devoured the fish while Bruno sat watching each bite enter her mouth. They challenged each other to a game of checkers delighting in the simple game that led to rematch after rematch. It was late when they finished the last game. Sara leaned back against the couch.

"Have you talked with anyone from the office?" she asked stifling a yawn.

"I've had my phone off. I haven't checked….I'll check tomorrow," he said pulling her close.

"Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today," she said through another yawn.

"One call and then bed," he said.

She smiled.

"Who should we call?" he asked.

"Jim," she said.

He answered on the first ring.

"Where the hell have you been? Don't answer that. How's…"

"We're fine. Everything is good."

"Really, how is she?"

"She asked me to call you."

"She did?"

"Yes."

Brass smiled. "When are you… never mind. Come home when you're ready…no we'll come up for a visit when you're ready to come back…how's that?"

"I'll let you know…bring a fishing pole," he said as he closed the phone.

Brass chuckled.

**Note from author:**

See, the fluff is already beginning. I know…you've needed it. Please leave a review.

Take care!


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty:**

He glanced down and found her asleep. He carried her to bed placing kisses on her cheek.

She yawned as she whispered, "He's okay?"

"He's fine," he said.

He spooned his body up next to hers and closed his eyes. He was awakened in the night when he felt her kisses on his chest. She smiled moving her lips to rest on his. She opened her mouth to deepen the kiss and he moved away.

"Sara…"

She was persistent this time, following him as he retreated. "I would follow you anywhere," she whispered. She lay on top of him now as she leaned down and kissed him deeply. He found himself returning the kiss as his hands caressed her body. He lost track of time as he soon found themselves naked writhing in each other's arms. Memories of their last attempt made him pull back but she snaked her legs around his waist inching her body down to position herself while pulling his head down to drink deeply of his kiss.

He entered her quickly and before he could move, she was moving for them slowing building up the pace. He tried to slow her but she whispered to him, "I love you, Grissom…show me you love me." It was his undoing. He matched her thrusts as he felt her body clench forcing his own body to give its own release. He lay there grinning when he found her panting matched his.

She kissed him rolling herself back on top in order to look at him.

"You make me happy," she said softly.

His voice cracked, "I love you Sara."

He found her in his arms once more and he found himself being pursued again. When the sun came up, she was sprawled over him once more. He yawned trying to gently pull himself free of her in order to take Bruno for his morning walk.

"Don't," she stretched. "It's my turn."

"You just want me to cook breakfast," he chided.

"I think I'm gaining…"

"Good, waffles with blueberries?" he asked. She pulled on her robe and then leaned in for a kiss. "With strawberry jam?" she asked.

He grinned as he watched her pick up the leash and headed out.

_She's better…._

_Maybe it's time…_

_Maybe today…_

She sensed something was different the moment they began their walk to the lake. She stopped to watch him drag the boat to the edge of the water, placing the fishing tackle inside along with their rods before holding out his hand.

"Today we use the boat," he said with a smile.

"But…"

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Intimately," she whispered.

Suddenly she was pressing her body against his as her tongue sought his. He groaned when he felt his body react to hers.

"Sara, this is painful…get in the boat."

"But we could…"

"Yes we could but let's fish first," he said.

"You would rather fish than…"

"Trust," he said.

She frowned but entered the boat trying to balance as she sat down on her end. Soon he was paddling them out into the middle of the lake.

She sighed out loud as she picked up her reel and began to reach into the tackle box for bait. He sat there and watched. She flipped open the tackle box and stared at the small black box that lay on top.

"What?"

"Oh yes, I wondered what I did with that," he said as he picked it up and then opened it to display the diamond ring. Her mouth gaped open as he leaned over and planted a kiss squarely on her lips.

"Marry me, Sara" he whispered.

She blinked back the tears as they dropped one by one onto the tackle box. When she did not reply, he said it again.

"Marry me."

"Yes!" she said quickly. He slipped the ring on her finger and smiled at the perfect fit. They found themselves standing now each grasping for the other as their lips locked right before the boat tipped sending them over into the cool water. They lay panting on the bank as Sara began to laugh. It was a slight giggle followed by an all out burst of laughter that made her hold her sides. She winced from the pain but continued to laugh.

"Never imagined I would ever be proposed like that," she said.

He rolled over planting a kiss on her lips to stifle the laughter.

"I've imagined it that way for the last nine years…except for the boat capsizing of course."

"You mean…"

"I've had that ring ever since San Francisco…just never dreamed it would take me this long to…."

She was kissing him urgently now, and he quickly remembered the cast on her wrist.

"The cast…"

"It's dry….you wrapped it this morning…see?" she said as she tried to kiss him once more.

"Let's head back to the cabin…"

"Grissom…we could…there's no one around…" she said as she struggled to get out of the wet clothes.

"You're shaking…come on. It's not far," he said pulling her up for a warm embrace. He rubbed the finger that wore the ring.

"Good thing you put it on my finger…I think the tackle box is at the bottom of the lake," giggled Sara.

By the time they made it back to the cabin, it had started to rain once more. They smiled as it began to pour.

"Good thing we're already wet," she said.

"I'll be glad when I can get you out of those clothes," he called as he pulled her along.

"Me too," she called.

They spent the remainder of the evening lying in front of the fireplace. Bruno took over the couch, stretching out as he slept.

He grinned as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"I love the curls…it reminds me of the first time we met in San Francisco. You wore your hair in a pony tail…you had so many questions."

She smiled, "I was trying to get up the nerve to ask you to dinner…I didn't think you would ask."

He smiled.

"I remember while I sat there listening to your lecture all I could think about is how much I wanted to kiss your mouth."

"I wanted to do something more than that," he said as he kissed her. His hand stroked her breast and he grinned when he heard her gasp at the touch. He made love to her in front of the fire holding her close as she fell asleep in his arms. He stared at the ring on her finger and closed his eyes.

_Sara…_

_Sara Grissom…_

_She'll have to call me Gil…._

He smiled.

_Need to make that call.._

He waited another week before making the call. He wanted the time for them to get used to the engagement before bringing the others up. Although they had not mentioned anything, he hoped for a simple wedding.

When he woke, he found her sitting in the porch swing. He opened the door and found Bruno sitting beside her in the swing.

"You're spoiling him," he said as he came and took Bruno's place in the swing.

"Griss, I've been thinking," she said softly.

"Thinking as in a good thing or you're already having second thoughts," he said as he kissed the palm of her hand.

"The wedding…I'm not into weddings…a small group with just the justice of the peace…"

"Have I told you how much we're alike?" he said with a grin.

They returned from the walk to the lake and saw the others drive up. Grissom pulled her close for a moment kissing her tenderly on the lips before releasing her.

"Griss?"

"I've liked having you to myself…now I have to share," he shrugged. She leaned her body against his kissing his lower lip.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" she asked.

He smiled.

They stood by the vehicles waiting for the couple to return. Bruno ran up to Greg and he patted the dog. They waved at them as Sara hurried ahead of Grissom. They were surprised when she ran to Brass pulling him tightly to her and whispering something into his ear. He swiped at his eyes and whispered something back. It made Grissom smile.

_She's telling him first…_

Nick picked up Sara swinging her around and then commented about the extra pounds she had put on. She took it as a compliment telling him he would not get any blueberry waffles for breakfast the next morning.

"Just kidding, Sar," he smiled. "I've missed you."

It was Greg's turn to pull her into an embrace, followed by Warrick and then Catherine. She immediately returned to Brass's side kissing him gently on the cheek making him blush.

"Missed you the most," she said as she released him once again.

"Me too Kiddo. Me too," he said gruffly.

Sara then turned to Greg. "Did you bring it?"

He smiled as he opened the back seat and pulled out the bag, "veggie burgers."

She grinned. "Greggo I could kiss you about now!"

He smiled and then frowned at the expression on Grissom's face.

"Be careful there Greg. That's the boss's girlfriend you're after," said Nick.

Grissom smiled, "she's more than a girlfriend," he called over his shoulder as he led them inside.

Catherine and Warrick glanced at one another. "Okay, there's something in that statement, what is it?"

Sara beamed but said nothing. It was Catherine who spotted the ring.

"You're engaged!"

"She told me first," said Brass as he made his way to sit in the chair near the fireplace.

Sara came to sit on the floor leaning up against the chair, taking Jim's hand into hers.

"I can't believe this. You're gone a month and…"

"Hasn't seemed that long," said Grissom as he sat down on the couch watching Sara's hand intertwine with Brass's.

"So…tell us what you've been doing besides popping the question," asked Catherine as she looked around the cabin.

"Walks, lots of strolls around the lake…"

"He proposed to me in a boat on the lake," said Sara smiling.

"Romantic," said Catherine. "Where did you find a ring like that out in the middle of this place?"

"I've been holding it for a special occasion," said Grissom as he smiled at Sara.

"I see," smiled Catherine.

"So…what's to eat out here?" asked Greg.

"I could eat," said Nick.

"Guess you better get to fishing then" said Grissom as he looked at Sara.

"Fish?" asked Warrick.

"Hey, I can fish," declared Nick.

"Sara holds the record so far," said Grissom.

"Sara?" asked Greg.

"I've eaten fish too," she said.

"Wait…this is not Sara. What did you do with Sara?" teased Nick.

"Funny Nicky. I can out fish you any day."

"Oh is that a challenge?" asked Nick.

"Nicky, I wouldn't do that. She's pretty good," said Grissom.

"You're on," called Nick pulling her to her feet.

Grissom watched as they headed out. Sara turned to him. "Coming?"

"Be there soon," he smiled. She glanced at Brass and then left them.

Once the others were gone, Brass looked at Grissom.

"I didn't think you had it in you."

Grissom grinned. "It was a memorable proposal. We fell out of the boat."

He chuckled with Brass.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Nightmares are about gone. She still has some flashes…she doesn't know about the pregnancy yet. I plan to tell her after everyone leaves. I think she needs to see all of you before…I'm not sure how she's going to take it."

"Want some advice?" asked Brass.

Grissom was reluctant.

Brass grinned.

"Smart man. I'll give it anyway. Marry her and then tell her."

The plan had merit.

**Note from author:**

I love Brass. He's so practical…Please give a review and let me know what you think. There's another chapter of fluff and then…well, you know me…sorry but will fluff comes angst…boy is it major!

Take care!

Penny


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty One:**

"Greg, haven't you ever fished?" asked Warrick.

"No, I can't stand the slimy things," he said as he tossed the stick into the water and watched Bruno retrieve it. He smiled at Sara.

"You're going to give him a bath," she announced.

"What? Dogs love water. You can't expect him to come to a lake and not get in," said Greg.

"Just be careful," she warned as she casted the line once more.

Greg ignored the warning and continued to throw the stick.

"Greg, you're scaring the fish!" yelled Nick. "I haven't gotten a bite yet."

"Patience," said Sara as she sat down on the bank. She then pulled Nick down beside her.

"So…how've you been?" he asked hesitantly.

"It's been hard. No, that's not true. It's been hell. I don't know what I would have done without Grissom."

"You know it was really hard on him when you were missing…It bothered us how he shut himself off from us again. Brass made him have dinner with us one evening. We could finally see how much he was hurting."

She was silent. "He really loves me, doesn't he?"

"Yes, he does. Don't ever forget that."

She watched as Bruno came running toward Greg and Warrick.

"Hey guys, Bruno sometimes…."

The warning was too late as they felt the splatter of mud and water splash onto them. Warrick and Greg cursed while Nick and Sara laughed. It was Sara's pole that began to jerk making Nick jump up.

"You have a bite!" he said. She jumped up and tried to pull in the fish.

Warrick and Greg hurried over.

They helped her pull in the line and they cheered when they saw the huge fish. Nick pulled the hook from the fish's mouth and prepared to place it on the stringer just as Bruno jumped and grabbed the fish. They ran after the dog as he hurried down the path carrying the fish.

"Looks like you lost your fish," called Nick.

Sara laughed, "I just hope Grissom doesn't let him back into the cabin. He'll have it in the middle of our bed."

They laughed.

They sat in the porch swing hand in hand as she quietly told him how much she regretted hurting him. He pulled her close kissing her head letting her finish before he told her how much he regretted doing so much behind her back but he would do it over again because that's what fathers did.

It made her cry and he sniffled a bit himself. They continued to talk softly for hours as the others stayed indoors catching up with Grissom.

"Listen Kiddo, I want you to promise me something," he said.

"What?"

"Trust Grissom."

"I trust him with my life."

"He went through hell trying to find you…not knowing if we might find your body…enough of that. Just remember, he loves you and trust that he will do what he feels is necessary to make you happy."

She stared at him for a moment but then began talking about the cabin and the fishing.

Nick glanced at them through the window before turning back to Grissom.

"Grissom, how is she really?"

"She's better. We're not coming back for another couple of weeks yet," he said as he watched Greg stare out the window as well.

"They're still talking," said Greg. "Brass has really been down in the dumps since their falling out."

"You can say that. Poor man was lost with both of you gone," said Warrick.

"Well, Ecklie hasn't helped. He's been upset ever since he found the leave requests in his inbox. He's been asking where you went but since none of us knew until now, he's pretty much left us alone," said Catherine.

"We're going to have to be going soon if we're going to make it back to that hotel before it gets too late," said Nick.

He turned to look at Grissom. "You keep us posted this time….not calling all these weeks…well that was just a bunch of…" he didn't finish.

Grissom understood.

"I'll remember that Nicky. She's safe with me," he said.

"I know that. We just want you back soon," he said.

"Soon," assured Grissom.

Greg smiled but kept quiet.

They stood and waved as they drove away. Sara curled up on the couch forcing Bruno to lie on the rug in front of the fire. She was asleep immediately. He placed a blanket over her and sat in the chair with a book falling asleep himself.

He woke to the sound of vomiting and quickly sought her out. He tapped on the bathroom door.

She emerged slightly pale but smiled. "I think it was the veggie burgers."

He prepared something light for dinner mindful of her nausea. He avoided conversation and she wondered if there was trouble at the lab. He had seemed fine until the others had left.

_Maybe he misses the lab…_

_Maybe Ecklie has threatened him…_

_Maybe he's tired of being with just me…_

_Maybe the others reminded him of that…_

"Griss, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Just tired," he said.

"It was good to see them," she said.

"Yes, it was. You made Brass very happy."

"Do I make you happy?"

He pulled her close kissing her urgently. "Don't you ever think you don't," he said. "You make me very happy."

"Good cause…" she was rushing to the bathroom again. It was worse this time. She sat down on the tub and waited for it to pass.

"Sara?" he called behind the door.

"Give me a minute," she replied. She breathed in deeply before finding herself back on her knees in front of the toilet. She felt a cool wash cloth on her forehead and she grabbed at his wrist.

"Grissom, I don't feel well…" she managed before the next wave hit her. Once it passed, he helped her to the bed, throwing the covers over her as she shivered.

"Better?"

"Better," she said as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

_I have to tell her…_

_How do I tell her…_

She seemed better the next morning. He sat there in bed waiting for the nausea to return but it didn't.

"Marry me," he said suddenly.

"Grissom, you've already proposed and I believe I said yes."

"Marry me today," he said.

"But…"

"Sara, when we get back…we'll be working doubles and triples and trying to set a date and then trying to get away…we're away…let's get married now."

She stared at him.

She grinned. He grinned.

She chuckled. He chuckled.

She laughed. He laughed.

The dog barked.

They drove all day until they managed to obtain a license and then they were married. She stared at the wedding band that now sat next to the engagement ring. She was glad the stomach virus or food poisoning had not come back to spoil their day. They had gotten pictures made to show the others.

"You think the others are going to care that we did this without them?" she asked.

"I don't care. We're married. You're my wife. You're Mrs. Grissom. You know what this means don't you?" he asked.

"No, what?" she asked with a grin.

"It means you have to call me Gil…not Griss or Grissom."

"I have a few other things in mind…honey, babe, bugman…"

"Trying to pick a fight on our first day as husband and wife?"

They had found a nice restaurant where they ate dinner before returning to the cabin. She grinned when he carried her across the threshold. They spent the first part of their wedding night making love in front of the fire. When she became drowsy, he carried her to bed and whispered good night only to have her seduce him.

It had been perfect.

He fell asleep with her soft body sprawled across his caressing her abdomen in a protective manner as he told himself it was his; it was theirs.

It seemed so surreal.

The nausea returned the next morning, causing her to rush to the bathroom before he awakened. She slipped out of the gown and showered hoping the warm water would make her feel better. It didn't. She found herself sitting on the edge of the tub forcing herself to control the nausea. He stood there as their eyes met.

"I'm worried," she said as she looked at him.

"We need to talk," he said as he pulled her up.

**Note from author:**

Angst alert has now been issued for the next several chapters. Readers are urged to take cover and take appropriate action as necessary to get through the next chapters. Again, this is a warning. Okay, leave the reviews and promise me you will trust me through till the end of this story. I promise I won't disappoint…

Take care!

Penny


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter Forty Two:**

He fixed breakfast forcing her to eat at least the toast. He placed the daily pills into her hand giving her a cup of juice.

"Maybe it's the pills," she said as she stared at them. "I don't need them anymore…the pain is manageable. I'm not taking them anymore," she declared setting them down on the table.

"Sara, you need to take them," he said placing them back in her hand.

"I don't…"

"Their prenatal vitamins along with something for anemia," he said softly.

"Prenatal?" she smiled. "Hoping we can get pregnant soon?"

Her smile soon faded as reality set in.

She shook her head. "This can't be happening…this can't…"

"You were nine weeks pregnant when we found you. Sara, it could be mine…not his…no matter what it's ours."

She was struggling to breathe now as she fought back the nausea once more.

"I don't want this…not like this…I don't want this…" she found herself running now slamming the door behind her as she dropped to her knees letting the vomit spew from her mouth in hopes that it would remove the foul stench of bile that threatened to choke her. She tried to breathe only to choke once more causing herself to gasp for air as darkness over took her.

The cool wash cloth on her forehead told her she was not alone. She had wanted to move but she feared the nausea would return. She knew he was there by the feel of his hand in hers and the occasional brush of lips to the palm of her hand.

_It was a dream…_

_A bad dream…_

_It's food poisoning…_

_Never should have asked Greg for those veggie burgers…_

_It's Greg's fault…_

_In a day or so I'll be fine…_

She opened her eyes to find him staring at her.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"It's food poisoning, isn't it?"

_Please…please...please…_

"Morning sickness usually occurs in the third month or beginning of second trimester."

She jerked her hand away from him pulling herself up to a sitting position, ignoring the nausea that threatened.

"How…many weeks am I?"

"Thirteen weeks."

"You've known from the moment I was in the hospital but you didn't tell me…not even the physicians!"

"I told them I would tell you."

"Thirteen weeks….why didn't you tell me immediately?"

"Sara, you were in no condition to handle this at the time…the physicians and I were afraid you would have a miscarriage just based on the trauma your body had sustained. I thought if we took some time off and gave your body time to heal then the baby would have a better chance at survival…"

"I don't want it!"

"You don't mean that…"

"Abortions are legal up to twenty two weeks…"

"No!"

"I don't want his…" she began to sob pulling her legs up to hide her face as she rocked back and forth. "I don't want this…you should have let me work…I don't care if I miscarry…I would be rid of it... of him…"

"Stop it! You don't know if that child is his or mine…want to get rid of mine…want to lose mine…Sara we've already been through this…you almost lost yourself because of the guilt…I wasn't about to let that happen again."

"But it's not yours….it will be his…I can't stand the thought of any part of him still existing…inside me…growing inside me…" she covered her mouth as she felt the bile rise once more and she struggled to reach the bathroom. She found him supporting her as she heaved until she thought she would collapse. There was no more energy within her and she did not protest when he carried her back to the bed replacing the cool washcloth on her forehead.

"You've got to eat something," he said as he left her briefly to return with a handful of crackers and ginger ale.

He offered it to her but she refused.

"Sara…"

"No."

"The saltines will help with the nausea and the ginger ale will prevent…"

"I don't want it," she said as she pushed it away.

"I know you're upset right now but…"

"Hell yes I'm upset! You kept this from me. You knew that if they told me in the hospital I would have pushed for a…" she covered her mouth and closed her eyes.

_That's what he did to me before…._

_A medical abortion…_

_He killed our baby…_

_Why shouldn't I kill his__…_

_It's part of him…_

_It's part of me…_

She felt the tears stream down her face as she recalled how she felt that last time.

"Would you Sara? Would you have insisted on getting rid of something that was part of you?"

He grabbed her arms tightly. "Look at me!"

She opened her eyes to stare into dark blue eyes.

"It's part of you, not just him."

She swiped at her eyes moving away from him.

"Amniocentesis…can be performed."

"at sixteen weeks…the results might not be in for three or four weeks."

She did the math in her head.

_Abortion only viable up to twenty two weeks…_

"The results would be back by the cutoff…"

"There's a risk of miscarriage…Sara, your body doesn't react well to medication…imagine a medical procedure…there were complications from your surgery."

"I don't care…"

"I do."

He sighed. "You need some time to think through this…"

"There isn't enough time…I want to go back…"

"Sara, you can't have an abortion…I won't let you."

"You can't stop me."

"Legally as your husband, I can prevent you from having an abortion. I don't think you are thinking rationally…"

"Stop it! You think I don't know what I'm saying? I'm taking another life…I took our baby's life by my own stupidity, I took his and now I'm taking his…"

"Would you kill our baby, Sara?"

"NO!"

"Then you can't do this. Whether he is the biological father or not, that child you're carrying is now mine. I claim it and I'm protecting it. I will not let you harm it in any way."

He saw the hurt flash in her eyes as she struggled to move away from him. He saw her wrap her arms about herself as a means of protecting herself from him. It made him jerk back as if he had been slapped.

He got up leaving her to sit there in bed while he closed the bedroom door. He opened the front door and stepped outside letting the air fill his lungs. He covered his mouth to stifle his own sobs as he listened to her screaming inside. He heard the crashing of things from the walls as objects were thrown and then silence except for the sobs that tore from her. He sat in the front swing waiting for her to calm.

He sat there patting Bruno as he listened for her. He had not heard anything in the last hour. He left the swing to step inside the cabin hesitating at the bedroom door before going to the kitchen to collect some things. He made a light soup, placing crackers on the tray along with some ale. He tapped at the door before entering. He found her curled up on his side of the bed. He set the tray down and sat next to her.

He brushed the hair from her face and then proceeded to rub her back softly. The circular motions were soothing to her aching body. She no longer cared that he saw the tears. He wiped them away himself before placing a light kiss on her forehead. He ignored the condition of the room. He had stepped over the broken lamp along with a glass that lay at the end of the bed that he was sure had taken down the picture that lay against the wall. The books were thrown into the floor along with the bed covers. She lay there coverless curled into a tight ball as she shivered. He reached for a blanket and placed it over her helping her to sit up while he placed the tray in her lap.

He watched as she lifted the soup cup to her mouth and drank slowly. The crackers soon disappeared along with the ale and then the soup cup was empty. He took the tray returning it to the kitchen and returned to find her asleep on his side. He sighed as he looked around the room.

_She's eating…_

_She's sleeping_

_Round one._

Note from author:

Sorry for the late post but I lost access to the server until just a few minutes ago. If I miss the deadline tomorrow because of the same thing, I will post two chapters back to back.

Take care!

Penny


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter Forty Three:**

She slept fitfully as she tossed and turned fighting with the covers pushing him away only to pull him back. It had been a hard day but they had survived. He lay there listening to her muffled cries as she fought the bastard once more in her sleep. He gently woke her and then waited for her to come to him. She clutched her body to him resting her head on his chest as he felt her shoulders shake. She continued to clutch at him even though he now slipped his fingers through hers and kissed her over and over.

"Don't leave me, Grissom," he heard her say between sobs. He rolled over until he was facing her.

"I'm not leaving. You can't push me away even if you wanted. You're my wife, Sara, mine."

He kissed her fully on the lips and when she opened her mouth he deepened the kiss letting his tongue intertwine with hers making himself lightheaded. His hands ran up and down her body as he continued to deepen the kiss to include her neck sinking lower to her breasts. She gasped at the touch and brought his mouth back to meet hers. She was pulling at his clothing now refusing to let him brush her hands away.

She pulled him inside her already taking the lead in the lovemaking. He let her set the pace holding back only to ensure they did not get carried away. She wrapped her legs around him and forced him to quicken the pace. He was suddenly lost in the feel of her beneath him and they climaxed together. He pulled the covers up around them holding her tight. She grabbed his hand and held it tightly. It made his heart lurch at the vulnerability he felt coming from her.

_She's scared…._

He closed his eyes and slept. He was surprised when he woke, their hands were still together. He looked down at the brunette that lay curled up next to him. He checked his watch and was glad they had managed to get in nine hours of sleep. He tried to slip from the bed but he could not seem to break the contact. He glanced at Bruno who sat there looking at him.

Suddenly he felt his hand being released as she sat up pulling on the robe.

"I can take him out," she said quietly. He watched as she walked out of the room with the dog following. He waited until she had walked outside before rising to clean up the room. He then placed more wood in the fireplace and began preparing some breakfast. He glanced up when the door opened and they returned. She sat down in front of the fire trying to warm herself. It was a cool morning and she had not been prepared for it as she stood outside with Bruno. He came over and began to rub her arms. He smiled at her, kissing her gently on the lips.

"Better?"

She nodded.

She sat down at the table accepting the pills and the juice. She swallowed them trying not to choke on the lump that was forming in her throat. With each bite of toast, she ignored the bile that threatened the contents destined for her stomach. She sat back closing her eyes trying to control the nausea and feeling better once she had managed to sip on some ale that also sat beside her plate.

She opened her eyes to find him staring at her. Blue eyes twinkled as he reached for her hand and kissed the palm. He smiled at her.

_She's trying…_

He chatted about the weather as he cleaned up telling her they needed to go for a walk later.

She offered to help but he dismissed her to sit by the fire while he finished up. She sat there soaking in the warmth watching him move about in the kitchen.

_He really loves me…._

_Doesn't he?_

_Or did he just marry because he thinks it's his…._

_He has to…to accept another man's child…_

_Another man who was a murderer and rapist…_

_The man who will be the father of this child…_

_He's a part of this child…_

_This child will carry his genes…_

_This child could turn out like him…_

_Grissom said he didn't believe in a murder gene…_

_My mother killed my father…_

_I killed the father of my child…_

_Like mother like daughter…_

_I'll probably turn out just like her…_

_She wasn't a good mother…._

_Neither will I…_

_Neither will I…_

"Sara?" He was kneeling now in front of her. It had frightened him when she did not respond to him when he called out to her several times.

He touched her arm and she jumped back losing her balance. He grabbed her before she could fall toward the burning logs.

"Sit over here…you're too close to the fire," he said gently as he guided her to the couch.

She sat there staring into the fire.

"Sara?"

"I don't want this child," she whispered.

_Round two._

"You need to give yourself time to process all of this, Sara. Let's get dressed and go for a walk…the fresh air will…"

"No! I don't want to go for a walk. I want to leave. I want to go back!"

"Sara, you're upset. You have to give yourself time to process this and then we can talk…"

"I don't want it!"

"You lied to me."

"I uh…didn't lie to you."

"You left that note in the birth control pills telling me you were ready. We made love without any protection. We were starting a family, Sara…our family. We have that now…Don't let Lurie take that from us."

"This baby is not yours," she cried.

"It could be ours… not his…but does it really matter? This baby is yours…therefore it's mine," he said.

"How could I have been so blind and naïve!"

"Sara, you were so badly beaten and bruised, we weren't sure…I had hoped you wouldn't notice until we had time to get through what Lurie had done to you."

"He raped me! Say it Grissom! The father of this baby that I'm carrying raped me!"

"Yes, he did." He came to stand close enough to touch her. She felt his breath on her cheek as he spoke, "The sins of the father should not be placed on this baby," he said quietly. "This baby is innocent in all of this."

"I want don't want his…" she stopped suddenly as her eyes widened.

"Sara?"

She instinctively moved her hands down to cover her abdomen.

"What is it?"

The moment passed.

"Nothing," she choked out. "I'm…going to shower." He watched her hurry from the room closing the bathroom door. He could hear the sound of the water as it turned on and he wondered what had just occurred. He waited to hear her in the shower before reaching into the bedside table and pulling out the baby book he had purchased.

_Fourteen weeks…._

_Too soon to feel the baby…._

_Or is it?_

_She needs to feel this baby…_

_She needs to know what she's about to do…_

Sara stood in the shower letting the water run over her body as she covered her mouth to prevent him from hearing the sobs.

_I didn't feel anything…_

_It's nerves…_

_It's…_

_I don't want this…_

_He does…_

_He thinks it's his…_

_I don't…_

_No part of Lurie deserves to live…_

_Lurie wanted a child…_

_Lurie told me…_

_It's not fair…_

_Why do I still feel him…_

_I hate him…_

_I hate this…_

She finished, dressing quickly in order to avoid any contact with him. He watched as she returned to the living room taking up her spot on the couch with Bruno by her side. He showered quickly and was relieved when he found her where he had left her.

"Walk?" he asked extending his hand.

She shook her head pulling him down beside her.

"We need to talk," she said.

"Yes, we do."

Soon she was pacing in front of him formulating when and how to begin.

"I want to go back. I want an amnio. I need to know the truth."

_Round three_

"And then what?"

"I need to know Grissom."

"Suppose you take the amnio and you miscarry. How are you going to deal with the loss…"

"Then this will be over…no more…"

"I went through that with you…it almost…"

She was kneeling beside him now. "We could have another…there's only a small percentage that it would cause a miscarriage…we would know the truth."

"What if it's not mine?"

"I don't want it."

"What would you do?"

"An…abortion."

"I won't let that happen." He sighed. He was tired and he was weakening at her pleas. "I just want you to give yourself time to think clearly. Please Sara. I don't want you to do something that you'll later regret. I couldn't stand what you did to yourself last time. "

She was sobbing now her head lying in his lap as her shoulders shook. "You don't know how hard this is for me…I hate him…I despise him. I trusted him and he took that trust and…he killed our baby…your baby Grissom and then he raped me…not once but…I told myself you would come. It would be a matter of time before you found us. I told myself to not fight so he wouldn't harm Greg…it wasn't even Greg."

"You didn't know that."

"I didn't resist the drug after awhile. I welcomed it. It helped me to block out what he was doing…when he gave me the overdose, I prayed I would die. I wanted to die Grissom. If I were dead, he couldn't…but then I got angry. I had waited so long to be with you and he was taking you away from me and I wanted to fight back. When I did and he showed me Greg's body….I thought it was my fault."

"It must have been hard for you to think that Greg was dead."

"It's still hard…this is too hard…I can't do this…I can't…I would have been better off dying…"

He grabbed her forcibly by the shoulders shaking her as he yelled at her.

"Stop it! Don't you ever say that! Do you know what it was like day after day wondering if you were dead or alive…wondering if the next Jane Doe would be you? After weeks went by, I got your dental records! I kept them in my desk drawer waiting for a body to show up and it did. Do you know how it felt to have to go down there and hand those to Doc praying that it wasn't you because I knew I would not be able to live without you. Don't you ever say that again!"

His anger frightened them both as his fingers dug into her arms but she did not flinch or break away. He saw the pain in her eyes and he pulled her to him quietly sobbing into her neck.

"I'm sorry Sara. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry," he choked.

He felt her hands caressing his back as she hugged him tight.

"I'm sorry Grissom. I'm sorry. I'll never say that again. I'll…" She was rushing again to the bathroom letting the bile rise and spill forth. She sat there panting in the floor trying to breathe.

The tap at the door caused her to rise up wiping her mouth. He sat her down on the bed looking tired.

"We'll go back. We'll do the amnio…promise me we'll talk through the results…look at the options."

She nodded weakly.

She kept her eyes focused on the view from her window the entire trip back. They stopped at a small diner for a light lunch but they had to stop before they reached home since she had become sick. She sat that night on the back deck watching Bruno play in the back yard.

"I called and made an appointment with Dr. Webber to discuss an amnio," he said joining her.

"I thought we agreed?"

"The consultation is just to discuss the reason for the amnio as well as to make sure we are aware of the possible…"

"We know….why can't we just…fine….when?" she asked agitated.

"Tomorrow morning," he said quietly.

"Good," she said getting up to leave him sitting there alone.

She was reluctant to sleep that night but she was too exhausted to fight it for long.

"I'm scared Grissom," she whispered into his neck.

"It's going to be okay."

The nightmares returned that night. He calmed her screams and held her as she cried pulling at her wrists trying to remove the restraints that she felt. In the end he held her wrists kissing them gently as he whispered Shakespeare into her ear until she fell back to sleep.

**Note from author:**

**Okay, it occurred to me that I might lose connection again so I am posting early. Please please please continue to give the reviews for each chapter. Take care! Penny**


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter Forty Four:**

They arrived early. As they started to walk in, she tugged at his arm. "What do we tell them…I…" she looked at him in fear but quickly squared her shoulders and entered the office.

They sat hand in hand as they waited for the physician to review her medical records.

"It says here, you've recently had a medical abortion…"

"No…yes.." she looked at Grissom for assurance. He squeezed her hand.

"Sara was given medication against her will that caused the miscarriage."

"Oh…I'm sorry." He kept his eyes down and continued through the medical records.

"You're fifteen weeks in a couple of days…is there some concern that there might be an abnormality?"

"No…we need to establish paternity," he said.

The man quickly glanced at Sara.

"Is there more than two potential fathers…"

She was up now heading to the door. Grissom excused himself for a moment following her outside.

"I can't…sit there and tell some stranger that I was….schedule it please….please if you love me…schedule this…I need to walk…" she said pulling away as she hurried down the hall.

He watched as she ran out of sight. He was torn wanting to follow her but yet knew they needed to schedule the procedure. He went inside.

Sara turned down the hall following the white walls not remembering this many turns on their way in. She cursed when she realized she had taken the wrong way and now found herself in a different part of the hospital. She stopped suddenly when she found herself on the maternity floor. She backed up slowly needing to find a way out as she felt her stomach begin to churn. She felt warm hands on her shoulders as she whirled around to come face to face with an older lady.

"I'm sorry honey," said Peggy as she smiled at Sara. "I seem to have snuck up on you."

"It's fine…I'm in this area by mistake….I took a wrong turn," she said as she started to walk away.

"Where do you want to go?" she asked as she took Sara by the arm.

"I was waiting for my husband…we were in….you know I think I know where I made my mistake…I'll just go this way," she said as she turned and then found herself in a restricted area.

Peggy smiled. "I get lost in hospitals too. Come with me." Sara followed the lady as they headed down the hallway. The woman stopped suddenly, "Wait right here, our volunteer didn't show up this morning and I'm shorthanded. Let me pick up Katie here." Sara stood outside the room as the woman hurried inside picking up the baby. She motioned for Sara to come in but she quickly shook her head.

Peggy popped her head out, "Honey, I need some help. It'll just take a minute." She said as she pulled on Sara's sleeve. Sara glanced around feeling very awkward.

"She's wet. I'll just change her real quick and then if you could hold her while I check on Thomas here." Peggy quickly changed the baby and then turned around to place the baby in Sara's arms before she could protest.

"She likes to be rocked," she smiled motioning toward the rocker. Sara sat down gently staring at the baby who returned the stare.

"She likes you," called Peggy. "She usually wails her little head off at the volunteers."

Sara glanced over to see Peggy picking up the other infant and placing him on the changing table.

"Oh he's wet…boys tend to wet themselves and everything around…just like men to make a mess," she chuckled as she began changing him.

"Got kids of your own?" she asked.

"No…no I don't."

"Too bad. You know babies are a gift from God. Some people think babies are a mistake but they're not. It's like death, when it's your time it's your time. It doesn't always happen when you want it but something good always come out of it…that is if you believe."

She smiled as she watched Sara rock the baby.

"Take Katie there. She was dumped in a dumpster about three blocks away. Her mother was a prostitute/crack head. The father is doing thirty years for armed robbery and murder. Mother never had any prenatal care…even though she knew she was pregnant…she didn't care…she hoped she would miscarry…Katie had other ideas"

Sara bristled. She stared down at the innocent face looking back at her.

"Katie was born premature…seven weeks to be exact. Mother thought the poor thing was dead or just didn't care. Someone heard the cries and thought it was a small animal, a cat perhaps…anyway she was found and she's been here ever since. Three months tomorrow."

"Three months?" asked Sara.

"She's come a long way. Social services will be coming at the end of the week to get her…I'm going to miss her but I know she will be just fine."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. I've been doing this for thirty years now. I've been keeping track of every baby that comes through my watch…the ones that nobody wants…some people think that when you're born into…well, that's all rubbish. It's not what flows in your body that makes you who you are but who you choose to be…and a good loving home. My kids go to good loving adoptive homes. I make sure. Come look at this," she said motioning for Sara to look at the bulletin board.

"That's my kids. They've all been here and they've all got loving homes…That one there…mother and father both were junkies…he graduates from law school next month with honors….this one here…she's a doctor here…my favorite…I think I spoiled her…she never stayed away," she grins.

Peggy came to stand beside Sara in the rocker.

"You're very good at this," she said patting her on the shoulder.

"Put her up close to you and smell…go on," she said.

Sara lifted the baby bringing her close to her face.

"Close your eyes now and take a deep breath," instructed Peggy. Sara did as she was told. "You smell that…isn't that the sweetest smell …the very reason I've kept this job…it never gets old…I like to think that's what heaven smells like."

Sara smiled. She kept the baby close, patting her on the back.

"She loves for you to hum or sing to her," she said winking before returning to the task of cleaning up the baby's bed.

Sara closed her eyes and began to hum softly at first stopping every now and then to look into the baby's face. She smiled when the baby's hand wrapped itself around her finger. She leaned over and kissed it.

She closed her eyes once more, rocking back and forth humming while Peggy proceeded to check the other babies.

Grissom panicked when he reached the car and she was not there. He returned inside and began walking the halls, hoping he would find her. He was not prepared when he found himself on the maternity hall and started to back out when he caught sight of her. He stood there motionless as he watched her cuddle the baby humming softly. He found himself at the doorway now, motioning for Peggy to not announce his presence.

He felt spellbound as he continued to stand there watching her rock the baby, smiling when he recognized the tune…a song she often hummed when she was…

_Happy…_

Brown eyes met blue.

He smiled at her, kneeling down to look at the baby.

"I take it, it's a she by the pink blanket?" he asked.

"Her name is Katie," she said.

"Is this your husband?" asked Peggy.

"Yes, it is."

"I told…" Peggy looked at Sara. "We've been chatting so much we didn't introduce ourselves formerly. I'm Peggy Napers."

"Sara…Grissom" she said smiling.

"As I was about to say, Sara is a natural. Katie usually cries on the volunteers. It's a shame you don't have any of your own but neither did I…too busy with everyone else's," she said as she sighed.

Sara stared at the baby in her arms and suddenly felt the emotion beginning to lodge in her throat.

"Peggy, could you give us a moment?" he asked almost pleading.

"Sure, I'll just be over here…" she said as she continued cleaning.

"I've scheduled…"

"I can't do it….I thought I could…I can't…" she shook her head as she felt the tears slipping down her face. He wiped them away kissing her on each cheek as he pulled up a chair to face her.

"What are you saying?"

"It's not just the risk…I don't want to feel different toward it if it's not ours… I don't want to do the amnio…you're right…I would blame myself if anything happened..I still don't know how I'm going to react if….I'm not sure I can accept…adoption…I could place it for adoption. Peggy handles adoptions here…she says they find good homes for babies that no one …" she choked on the last part.

"You mean that no one wants…look at this baby Sara…in less than six months you could be sitting here rocking your own…our own…do you really think you could give it away?"

"No….yes….I'm trying Grissom…I just know I can't risk harming it…"

_It's a start…_

_She's thinking about her options…_

_Not just the hurt…._

_Not just the rape…_

_Not just revenge…_

She placed the baby in Peggy's arms thanking her before letting Grissom walk her out. He cancelled the appointment on their way out for fear she would change her mind. She was quiet on the drive home sitting with her hands in her lap. He reached over taking one and kissed her palm.

"You know we get to remove that cast this week," he said smiling.

She stared at it.

"Does it bother you?"

"I don't feel it," she said sadly.

_I feel the restraints…._

_Can't get them off…_

_Never will…_

He insisted on a walk to the park with Bruno. He tugged on the leash and whined when he saw the other dogs.

"Sorry fella, we're not in the country anymore. It's leash here on out," he said as he held her hand.

It was a pretty day. Few people were out and it was easier to manage Bruno for his first trip to the park.

"Sara, do you want me to schedule an appointment with an OB," he asked.

She had not thought about it.

"I'll do it as soon as we get back. I'll call mine and schedule an appointment. I suppose I can run by and get the cast removed also," she said.

"Wanting to be rid of doctors for awhile?"

"Wanting normalcy again."

"Would you like to get back to work soon?" he asked.

"I thought you wouldn't want me to until I talked with Dr. Randle," she said.

"How do you feel about going back now?"

"Yes…maybe…I'm not sure." She admitted.

"Why don't you play it by ear this week…get past the OB appointment and then go in for a couple of hours to see how…"

"If I can handle it? If I'm not going to panic with the first rape or murder or kidnapping…"

"Or being away from a bathroom but needing to throw up."

She half grinned. "That too."

"Of course, you already have a full day of paperwork waiting for you."

"Paperwork?"

"Name change. The business office will no doubt require everything in triplicate."

"Why me? Why not you?"

"My name didn't change…yours did," he grinned.

"I'm glad it did," she said softly.

"Me too," he said kissing her just as Bruno bounded up to lick them.

"He so needs to stop doing that," said Sara.

Grissom chuckled.

Note from author:

See I did give some fluff in there with the angst….be sure to review and let me know what you think. I value your opinion. Take care! Penny


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter Forty Five:**

Once dinner was over she went into cleaning mode when they returned, cleaning the kitchen followed by vacuuming and then changing the sheets on their bed. She scrubbed the toilets and then returned to the bedroom to pick up laundry and began to separate the clothes when he stopped her.

"It's late. Let's go to bed."

"Just let me…"

"Sara, the dreams are going to get better. I'll hold you all night," he offered.

She lay curled in his arms as his hands caressed her arms.

"Worried about tomorrow?" he asked.

"You'll come with me, won't you?" she asked.

"Wouldn't miss it," he said kissing her temple. "Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Have you felt any movement yet?"

"I thought I did that day at the cabin…I'm not sure. It was brief…like a fluttering of sorts…could have been nerves."

"It's possible. We could find out if it's a boy or a girl tomorrow. Do you want to know?"

"No…yes…would you?"

"It would help to know so we could decorate the baby room."

She stiffened. "I don't want to do any of that…not until we know that it's ours."

He stiffened but then relaxed pulling her closer.

_Don't push…_

_She's trying…_

She turned to face him bringing his face close to hers. "I love you Grissom."

"I love you Grissom."

She grinned.

"I love you, Gil."

He raised his head a bit and smiled.

He made love to her helping her to slip out of the gown and discarding his own clothing. She let him be the pursuer tonight relishing the feel of his hands as he caressed every inch of her. He entered her gently slowing letting her build until she was urging him to quicken the pace until he too was lost in the moment. He waited until he felt her release before following, kissing her tenderly as he lay there holding his weight from her. He slowly withdrew spooning his body up next to hers. She yawned as he wrapped his hands protectively around her.

He was awakened in the night by her tossing causing him to pull her body up close to his until it was molded to his. She drifted in and out of the dream as he whispered comforting words into her ear. He found himself massaging her arms and body as she lay there next to him. She seemed to relax and soon the sound of her even breathing let him know she had fallen asleep once again. He stopped suddenly and he rose up gently feeling the slight bulge in her abdomen. He caressed the small bulge and wondered if she had noticed it yet.

_How could she give a part of herself away…_

_How can I let her…_

_I would love any child of hers…_

_I don't think she could live with the regrets…._

_Bastard Lurie…_

She seemed more rested when they woke. She assisted with breakfast being mindful of the nausea when it arrived with a vengeance. She managed to control it but as the hours passed, he could feel the tension mounting as the hour approached for the OB appointment. They sat hand in hand in the waiting room pretending to look at the magazines that were lying on the table. Grissom found himself fascinated at the different shapes and sizes of the women that sat around them. Sara took notice of this and nudged him.

"You're staring," she whispered.

"I'm trying to imagine what you're going to look like in a couple of months," he responded.

"Like a blimp," she said sadly.

He glanced at her and said out loud, "I think pregnant women are beautiful."

She looked at him not sure of his reply. He squeezed her hand kissing it while the other ladies stood staring. He leaned over and whispered, "I think we're being stared at now," he said with a grin.

She sat there as her name was called and he looked at her when she did not make a move to get up.

"Grissom…that's you Sara," he grinned pulling her up from the seat.

"Need to get used to that," she mumbled.

It seemed like any other OB appointment although she seemed a bit apprehensive with Grissom by her side. The questions were now different, once she announced she was pregnant. He produced the medical records from the hospital to the nurse and she looked at him unaware that he had thought to bring them.

"First ultrasound?" asked the nurse.

"Yes," replied Sara.

"No…she had one in the hospital when we discovered she was pregnant…the ultrasound determined she was nine weeks then," he added.

The nurse glanced at Sara.

"Are you currently on any medication?"

Sara glanced at Grissom who rattled off the name of the prenatal vitamin along with the prescription for anemia.

"We'll check that again today to see if we need you to continue with that medication. Have you been eating a lot?"

"She has nausea quite a bit…she's a vegetarian so we're keeping a close eye on the diet to ensure she gets the right nutrients…" He stopped when he saw Sara glaring at him.

"I'm overtalking…I'll let you take over," he said grinning as he leaned back in the chair.

"Second pregnancy?" she asked.

"Yes," replied Sara now wishing he would have answered for her. She felt his hand tighten around hers as she glanced down at the floor.

The examination was completed along with blood drawn and blood pressure taken followed by a consultation regarding diet and rest. She waited nervously on the table trying to appear relaxed as they waited for the technician to arrive for the ultrasound.

_She'll change her mind as soon as she sees it…_

_When she looks at her baby…our baby…_

_She'll change her mind…_

_She'll see that it's a part of her…_

He leaned down and kissed her while holding her hand firmly. The technician arrived pulling up Sara's blouse preparing for the ultrasound.

"First ultrasound?" she asked.

"The first I remember," replied Sara.

"Well, I'll try to make it memorable then," she said smiling down at her.

"Okay, let's take a look at this baby." Sara sat glued to the monitor as Grissom watched Sara's reactions.

"There it is," said the technician. "Squirmy little thing….hold on…I think it's going to let us see its little face…there isn't that precious now?" she said. "Heartbeat looks good…woops…doesn't want to show us the gender…it's a bit shy."

Sara stared at the monitor with no expression.

"Once more…try to see what it's going to be…do you want to know?" she asked quickly.

Sara glanced at Grissom. "yes."

"It's a boy."

Sara stiffened.

"Did you want a girl?" asked the technician.

"We just want a healthy baby," replied Grissom who tightened his grip on her hand.

She looked at Grissom. "A boy," she said.

He smiled at her and then leaned down to kiss her. She did not return the kiss.

She was quiet when they left the doctor's office. He collected the appointment card for her next visit before following her out into the hallway.

"Sara?"

"It's a boy," she said softly.

"Yes, it is."

They started to walk out when she stopped him.

"I need to do something," she said. "I want to see Peggy for a moment."

"I'll come with you," he said.

"No…you go ahead. I'll meet you at the car." She turned and hurried down the hall before he could protest.

She stood there staring at the babies through the glass partition.

"Hey, Sara! Are you going to make my day and tell me you're going to volunteer?" asked Peggy.

"I don't know anything about caring for babies," she said.

"They just need attention and love. The rest comes," she said. "Did you need something?"

"I uhm…I need to learn how to care for a baby…I'm pregnant… fifteen weeks," she said.

Peggy smiled. "You've come to the right place. When do you want to start?"

She returned to the car slipping into her seat as he sat there staring at her.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine…I went to see Peggy. I'm going to come by a couple times every week."

"That's good," he said as he started the car.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know anything about babies. I don't know how to care for them…I don't know what's normal and what isn't…Peggy said she would teach me how to care for a baby."

He smiled. He smiled until he thought he would have to wipe his eyes.

"Neither do I. I could do with a few lessons myself. I have a book at home. We could read it together."

She nodded.

"Hungry?"

She nodded again.

"Good, we can go to the diner…"

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"It doesn't mean I'm going to keep him…if he's not ours."

His stomach knotted.

They drove in silence the rest of the way.

Note from author:

Don't you feel sorry for Grissom…he just wants to love them both….leave a review….I am posting early since I will be out of pocket all day so be kind. By the way, I finished the story the yesterday. I will notify everyone when we get down to the last ten chapters.

Take care! Penny


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter Forty Six:**

She sat there that night in bed looking at the baby book while he reviewed some paperwork that had been dropped off by Catherine.

"When are you going back to work?" she asked.

"Tomorrow…for a couple of hours any way," he said. He glanced over his glasses, "have you spoken with Catherine?"

"Tomorrow…I start back tomorrow," she said trying not to make eye contact with him.

"Good. I think it would be good for you to start back," he said. _ I'm such a liar…_

"You are?" she asked suddenly.

"You've been needing things to be normal again. Have you thought about what you're going to tell everyone?" he asked.

"Tell them? I think they'll notice the wedding ring and the fact that as soon as I go to personnel it will be all over the grapevine," she said with a sigh.

"I was talking about the pregnancy," he said softly.

"I…I uhm…I hadn't thought about it. I just thought I would go back…"

"Sara, Catherine knows….she won't place you at risk…there'll be some things you need to avoid…"

She looked at him.

"Why haven't I thought about this? I mean I didn't even think to bring my medical records or even remember about the first ultrasound…" He stopped her with a kiss.

"Chapter three gets into the part about how the hormones can affect your memory…I think they refer to it as 'scattered brained.' You're not that …you just have a lot on your mind," he said.

"What do I tell the guys?" she asked. "What do I say? Hey, we got married and oh by the way I'm pregnant but I'm not sure who the father is…." She stopped, throwing off the covers and then proceeded to pull on her robe.

He watched her pad off to the kitchen.

He sighed and followed.

She pulled out the orange juice and poured a glass.

"Peggy says orange juice is good for…I don't know what I'm going to say," she said flopping down in a chair at the table.

"Sara, sometimes it's best to face it upfront rather than later. Besides, the only people who need to know about the pregnancy care about you. They won't judge."

"As soon as I tell them how far along I am, they're going to know that it's…" she looked at him.

"Does it matter? Sara, it's innocent in all of this. It's part of you…I don't care if it is part of Lurie…it's not…"

"I care. It matters to me. He wanted me pregnant…he wanted children…he doesn't deserve…he's going to have a son…a son that could.…"

"Hereditary does not determine the kind of person you become… studies have shown.."

"I want it to be yours…"

"It already is. It will have my last name on the birth certificate...my name as the father…"

"Not if the test reveals…"

"It's been a long day," he said getting up and returning to the bedroom. She sat there and watched him leave.

He opened his book and returned to reading. She lay down on her side of the bed and faced the wall.

"I'll tell them the truth tomorrow," she said.

He eyed her.

"I'll tell them it's mine," she said.

He sat there and stared at her for a moment trying to formulate the right words that would make her feel better when she suddenly spoke.

"Did you…marry me because I was pregnant?"

He had been waiting for this discussion.

"No, I married you because the ring fit your finger. Sara, the fact that I've kept that ring all these years should tell you that I've wanted to marry you for a very long time. When you were missing, I cursed at myself everyday that I never got up the courage to do it sooner. I wasn't going to miss another chance."

He heard her sniffle.

He waited.

She slowly rolled over wrapping her arms around him as she laid her head on his chest.

"Took you long enough," she said between yawns.

"Yes, it did."

He pulled her chin up and kissed her.

She was asleep when the phone rang. He slipped out of bed closing the bedroom door to answer it.

"Grissom"

"You haven't called since you got back," said Brass.

"We've had some things to work through."

"You told her," he said.

"I uhm I took your advice. I married her and then told her."

Brass smiled. "Good choice. How did she react?"

"Worse than the intervention."

"How are you holding up?" he asked.

"I'm fine," he said.

"Bullshit. I can hear it in your voice. She wanted an abortion didn't she?"

"She's passed that now. She wanted an amnio to determine…she realized she couldn't go through with an abortion…she's considering adoption."

"Wait until she has the ultrasound…"

"It's a boy. She's still talking adoption."

"Look, she's been through hell…you both have….my money says it's yours…I can't see Sara giving away her child…it would kill her later…"

"She's returning to work tomorrow."

"You think that's wise?"

"She needs to…besides I think it would be good for her to get back with the others…she missed everyone. Could you…"

"I'll drop in to see her tomorrow."

There was a silence between them before Brass spoke again.

"So…why didn't you call sooner, you've been home since…"

"How did you know when we got back…the wiretaps were removed right?"

"Every last one of them…man had a professional job done…bugs everywhere. I've had a patrol car making rounds while you've been away."

"There was no need. The alarm system was on but thank you."

"Listen, I know the timing on this sucks but I need to talk with you about something."

"What?"

"I did some checking...it bothered me that Lurie was able to keep out of sight for so long without anyone seeing him. We had his and Sara's picture plastered all over the media and papers…there were a lot of perishables in the fridge…receipts to local grocery stores but yet no one saw Lurie. I know he didn't let Franklin loose to do the grocery shopping."

"You think he had someone helping him."

"I know he did."

"Brass, don't mention this to Sara…"

"It's why I'm mentioning it to you. Keep an eye on her. I'll let the others know also…better if we all kept our eyes open."

"Thanks, Jim."

Grissom sat down at the table.

_Who would have helped Lurie?_

_Sara…._

_She's just feeling safe again…_

He walked over and set the alarm checking the windows and doors before returning to bed.

They drove in together despite her protests for him to go on without her.

"You shouldn't be late because of me," she said as she held her stomach.

"Is it really bad this morning?"

She nodded.

"Don't push yourself today. Stay in the lab…"

"I'll be fine…Grissom, I think I'm going to be sick," she quickly blurted out as she covered her mouth.

He pulled over as she jumped out.

They were late.

The guys stood around the office door waiting for them to arrive. Catherine came by and looked at them.

"Not here yet?" she asked as she glanced at her watch.

"I'm worried…" Nick stopped when he saw them approaching.

"Hey Warrick, this is a first don't you think?" called out Nick.

"I believe it is," replied Warrick.

"Grissom, I never thought I would see the day that you would be late for work," chided Nick.

"Yeah, but treat us to dinner and we won't tell your boss," said Greg.

"Sorry guys but my leave request was dated through tomorrow so technically I'm a day early…so is Sara," he said as he smiled at them before entering his office.

He stared at the inbox and then looked back at the name plate on the door.

"There's no mail in the inbox," he said.

"Dinner this afternoon," smiled Catherine as she passed the guys.

Grissom smiled. "Dinner…on me….let me know when you want to go…Sara?"

"I'll go check in with my boss…see you later," she said smiling before heading down the hall with Greg and the others following.

"Good to see you too," he called as he watched them leave.

He grinned.

"So, how's the engagement coming along?" asked Greg. "Not too late to dump the bugman for …."

She flashed her left hand out to display the rings. Nick grabbed her by the arm.

"You two got married? Without us?" he asked.

"Smart move," said Warrick as he hugged her. "Good for you cookie…must be why you're glowing…marriage agrees with you…now Grissom, he looks a bit run down…must be keeping him on his toes…"

"Dinner…this evening…okay guys?" she asked.

"Dinner with details…can't wait to hear about it," called Nick. Greg stood there in the hallway.

"Come on Greg," called Nick chuckling.

Sara tapped on Catherine's door, "Sorry I was late this morning…"

"Gil is right, we were not expecting you back until tomorrow so you're not late…how are you?"

She asked.

"It's been hard. Griss…Gil's been great…Catherine, I need to tell you a few things," she said as she stared at the floor.

Catherine was immediately on her feet, standing beside Sara. "You have a wedding ring on! Don't tell me you two got married?"

Sara nodded.

"No wonder he looks so worn out…must have mustered all his strength to get up the courage to walk down the aisle….I never thought he would ever do it. Do you know how much he loves you? You really make him happy, Sara. Sara?"

She sat there swiping at her eyes. "I'm sorry, hormones…I can't seem to…"

"How is the pregnancy? Grissom, was worried about the baby…." began Catherine.

"Catherine…"

"Don't worry, we can work around this."

"I'm still trying to work through it…I'll take it one day at a time," she said staring directly at Catherine.

She returned the stare.

"You can ask…We don't know if…Grissom says it doesn't matter but it matters to me…so since I can't say for sure who it belongs to…let's just say it belongs to me." She said swiping at her eyes once more. "I have to go to personnel to fill out a name change…as soon as I'm done, you can let me know what cases you want me to work on today."

She didn't wait for a reply but quickly left.

Catherine sat there dumbfounded before cursing out loud, "Bastard Lurie."

Note from author:

Things are extremely hectic here so I am posting whenever I can. Please be sure to leave a review. If I post again tonight, please continue with the honor system and give a review for that chapter also.

Take care!

Penny


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter Forty Seven:**

She sighed when she looked at the paperwork she had received from personnel.

_Triplicate…_

_I thought he was joking…_

_Grissom doesn't joke about paperwork…_

She sighed and then began filling out the forms. She finished it up dropping it off as she went in search of Warrick in the lab.

"Catherine wanted me to work with you on the Stanley case," said Sara.

Warrick smiled, "We just got the limo in today… we get to take apart a limo."

"That brings back fond memories. Grissom and I've done that before. You want the front or the back?"

"Want to flip?"

"Wait, I must be missing something if you want to flip over…"

"Guy was found dead in the front…been there for a couple of days before…"

"You know, I'm going to beg for the back…unless something really gross happened in the back?"

He chuckled, "last occupants had a swinger's party…lot's of condoms, party accessories…"

"I've missed this job," she said.

They went to work. Sara opened the door and immediately smelled the odor of rotting flesh.

She covered her nose and willed her stomach to stop churning.

_I've smelled worst…._

_I've hurled worst…_

_I've got to get over this morning sickness…_

"So kiddo, how've you been really?" Warrick said as he eyed her.

"I'm managing."

"Catherine told us you were pregnant."

Sara's head shot up.

"I was going to tell you guys at dinner."

"I think she was trying to prepare us guys…anyway, I asked to work with you today."

"Why?"

"My father never did anything for anyone. He was quite a user…of drugs, chicks, money and family. My mother was a crack addict who was willing to do anything to get a fix. My grandmother took responsibility of me the moment I was born. She whipped my behind if I dared get out of line…you know it wasn't the actual whipping I was afraid of, it was the disappointment in her eyes that made want to do right. I don't know why my father chose to live the life he did. My grandparents were the best. He just had other plans. I never knew much about my mom's family. I was just glad my grandmother didn't think I would turn out like them. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, it's how a child is raised that matters. "

He glanced at her before returning to work. She kept her back to him as she swiped at her eyes. They were done by the time it was dinner. Sara stretched as she yawned taking the evidence and logging it in. She then picked up the files on her desk and began to sift through them.

"Coming?" asked Grissom.

"I think I'll stay…I want to go through these…"

"Sara, you need to eat…"

"They know. Catherine told them."

He sat down. "Weren't you going to tell them at dinner?"

"Yes…I just don't want them…"

"Come and eat dinner…"

"I don't think I could hold it down…"

"Then I'll sit beside you while we watch Greg glare at us," he said pulling her to her feet.

They sat at their normal booth only this time the seating arrangement was different. Grissom now sat next to Sara.

Greg glared.

Grissom smiled.

Warrick and Nick chuckled.

They discussed the cases that came through the lab while Sara and Grissom were away.

"Decomp case was bad…funny how Greg was sick that night," said Nick.

"I was….I provided a doctor's note," he whined.

Sara grinned. "So…whose turn is it next time?"

"Greg's," said Warrick and Nick in unison.

"They're skipping you because you're…" Greg was silent.

Sara looked down at her plate, "I don't need any special treatment…"

"Wait, you mean you would have done the front of the limo? Decomp is all yours next time," said Warrick as he winked. He then chuckled, "Of course Nicky here didn't tell you that he slipped and fell in it…"

"No one told me… you know I smelled like decaying flesh for days…couldn't get the stench off…Sara, are you alright?"

She was pushing Grissom out of the booth now as she ran to the bathroom. They looked at Grissom.

"Morning sickness…it's been really bad," he said.

"How've you been holding up?" asked Warrick.

"Brass talk with you guys about his theory?" asked Grissom as he stared at the bathroom door.

"Yeah, don't worry she won't go out unless she's with one of us," said Nick.

"I'm going to go check on her," said Catherine. Grissom grabbed her arm.

"Give her a minute…if she doesn't come back then go in…she's still adjusting to all of this…she doesn't want a big fuss over…"

"What does she expect us to do? She was gone for nine weeks and she doesn't think we're going to give her special treatment?" asked Nick. "Hell, I know I got it. Don't tell me you didn't assign me to all those crappy cases for nothing."

Grissom grinned. "Just easing you back in…"

"Do you think she should be back so soon?" asked Greg. "You know before we even know who helped Lurie?"

"Greg, she needs to work. She needs to get her life back in order."

"You didn't answer my question earlier, how've you been?" asked Warrick.

"Worried…excited…scared…proud…she's so very strong…yet vulnerable." He smiled when he saw her exit the ladies room.

"Wait until she starts eating everything in sight," said Catherine.

"This I can't wait to see," said Nick.

"You know, we could do baby pools," said Greg.

"Next decomp is definitely yours," said Sara with arms crossed.

The guys chuckled.

The cast disappeared the following week along with the awkwardness of returning after a long absence. Sara eased back into the cases assisting the others until she began to take lead once they entered a crime scene. Their hours fluctuated a bit and he reluctantly let her drive alone again. She began spending a couple of hours every week at the hospital learning as much as she could from Peggy. As she became comfortable around infants, she began to just assist with the care of the newborns waiting for adoption or foster care.

She said very little about her own pregnancy. Peggy sensed there was something more but she did not push enjoying the young woman's friendship and assistance. She would lie in bed at night and tell Grissom what she had learned that day, and then would spend the remainder of the time reading the baby book with him. It became a part of their bed time ritual. They insisted on eating dinner together each sharing in details of their work along with the antics of Hodges and Greg.

"Hodges runs the lab differently than Greg and he is just going to have to get used to it," said Grissom as he finished putting away the dishes.

"It's still funny the way Greg moves things around making Hodges think he's getting senile," grinned Sara.

"If Greg isn't careful Hodges might find himself another job and he'll find himself back in the lab,"

"You wouldn't make him go back to working in the lab would you? After everything…"

Grissom pulled her to him kissing her on the lips, "Just keep that in mind the next time you assist Greg with these antics the two of you are pulling."

She looked at him and frowned. "How did you…"

"I see everything that goes on. It's part of being a supervisor," he said as he walked away.

She stood there watching him as he looked at her with that grin that had always caused such a stir in her in the past. She grinned as she realized it still did.

"You have tomorrow off," he announced as he sat down on the couch.

"I thought I would spend some time at the hospital and then have dinner with my husband," she said as she joined him curling up next to him.

"Dinner would be nice," he said.

"No diner…somewhere nice," she said.

"No diner. You pick," he said as he leaned in for a kiss and received a lick from Bruno instead.

He frowned as she giggled.

"Bruno needs obedience training," said Grissom.

"Bruno needs a bath," said Sara.

"I'll drop him off tomorrow to be groomed…and I'll check into those classes," he said.

He didn't show for dinner. She had already heard about the case on the news and knew that it was going to be a long shift for everyone. She called Catherine offering her assistance even though it was her day off.

"Are you sure about this?" asked Catherine.

"I'm sure," replied Sara already sliding into the car.

"So…you've heard about the details of the case?" asked Catherine.

"Catherine, if you're wondering if I know that it's a rape case…yes I do. I'll be there in twenty," she said as she hung up.

Sara opened the door to the house and immediately noticed the bloodied shoe prints going up the stairs. The snap of a camera shutter led Sara to a woman's room where Warrick knelt snapping photos.

"Hell of a way to spend your night off," said Warrick noticing the kit in her hand.

"How many bodies do you have in there?" asked Sara.

"Three."

"Grissom's down the hall, first door on your right. Just follow the blood."

Sara turned and headed for the hallway bedroom following the bloodied shoeprints on the carpet.

Sara shined her flashlight into the room.

"My date got canceled."

_Don't send me away…_

_I know you're tired and you need the help…_

_I want to help…._

Grissom shined his light back on Sara looking at her. He immediately noticed the kit in her hand and started to say something but stopped.

_She wants normalcy…_

_She wants to work any case like the rest of us…_

_I can watch her tonight…._

_At least we'll be together…_

"I'm sure he had a good excuse."

Sara stepped cautiously into the bedroom and stood next to Grissom who knelt beside the bed

where the lifeless body of the young girl lay.

"Looks like sexual assault. Bound, pants pulled down," she said.

"Yeah."

She swallowed, "Where do you want me?"

"Next bedroom. There's another body in there."

"Well, that makes five. The dispatch said there were six."

Grissom stood up, "According to Brass, the boyfriend of one of the victims found the bodies. Said there were six roommates, all showgirls. Evidently, one didn't come home."

"She picked the right night."

He watched as she turned and left the room. He hesitated before returning to work. Sara walked into the third bedroom where she found a dead girl on the bed. She walked in putting her kit down and steps closer to the bed, studying the scene. She looked around and noticed some blood smeared on the floor next to the second bed in the room.

_Doesn't go with the body on the bed…._

_Where did that blood come from…._

Sara walked over and knelt down to look under the bed shining her flashlight. Suddenly a bloody hand swiped at her scratching her face. Sara pulled back and reached for her gun while yelling, "Hot scene! Suspect under the bed!"

Grissom jumped to his feet hurrying to the next room yelling for Sara.

Sara looked under the bed and saw a young girl huddled in a pool of blood her hands still tied in front of her.

The young woman gasped for air as she pleaded, "Please ... please help me. Please."

Sara put her gun aside and reached for the young girl named Cammie.

"Hold on. Victim down! Call an ambulance!"

Sara could hear Grissom calling for assistance while she held the girl's hand.

"You're safe now, okay? You're safe now. It's going to be okay."

"Help me. Help me," gasped the woman trying to tell Sara.

"Hold on…help is on the way…don't give up now," Sara pleaded. She stared as she watched the young woman die.

"Sara?" He was pulling her up now and away from the body. "You okay?"

"Need to get back to work….another body to process now…I'm going to get some air…I'll be back in a few minutes," she said as she pulled away and started for the door but stopped to turn toward him, "Gil, I'm okay really…Don't worry."

She leaned against the Denali sipping on some water. The strong aroma of coppery blood had made her nauseous from the moment she stepped onto the second floor but she refused to let it hinder her from working. She felt a jacket placed around her shoulders and she turned to find Brass.

"Look, I know this is tough, but did she give you anything?" asked Brass.

"She told me her name. When I went into the room, she thought that I was him."

"Anything else?"

"It didn't make any sense," said Sara.

Greg walked past Sara and Brass and headed inside. Nick was busy on the stairs snapping photos of the bloodied shoe prints on the stairs.

"Looks like he was about a size 11," said Nick to Greg.

Greg looked at Nick.

"You been up there yet?"

Nick nodded.

"You…went in the house where Sara was kept…did you see the blood…her blood?" asked Greg.

"Yes, I did…still have nightmares over it," said Nick.

"Do you think she ever thinks about it when she's on one of these scenes?" asked Greg.

Nick did not reply.

Grissom stood at the top of the stairs.

"Greg, I could use your help up here," he called not giving them any indication he had heard the conversation.

Greg stood in the hallway as Grissom talked with David Phillips as to the time of death for each of the victims. Once David began to leave, Greg entered the room. He watched as Grissom lifted a print from the window.

"What did you find?"

"Partial footprint. Whoever kicked in this window was barefoot," said Grissom as he glanced at Greg.

"She's wearing socks," said Greg as he observed the body of the young girl.

"Yeah, but some of the others weren't," replied Grissom.

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you do it?" asked Greg as he stared at the young girl.

"Greg, I'm sure you know how to lift a print…"

"No, I mean go on these sights and not think about when we found Sara…the blood…She almost didn't make it…if we hadn't gotten to her in time she would have bled out like the girl Sara found…how does she do it? How does she process these bodies knowing that she could have been…"

"It's her job, Greg. She wants to do her job."

"But…doesn't it bother her? I know she doesn't sleep well at night… even before all this…I stayed over one night…we stayed up too late watching these horrible horror flicks and a few hours later she's having this nightmare….It wasn't because of the movies…hers was real…she wouldn't tell me what it was about but she was scared…has she ever told you?"

"Yes, she has. Greg, I can't force her to stop working. She tells me she needs to work so I try to be as supportive as I can. It helps knowing that her friends are looking after her when I'm not with her," he said.

"I do… you can count on it," said Greg as he turned and began processing the scene.

"Greg?"

"Yeah?"

"It bothers me too," said Grissom.

Note from author:

I am posting tonight…afraid I won't have any internet connection again tomorrow at least for awhile.. so be nice and give a review. Welcome to all of those who have come on board. I am reading the reviews and they make me smile and laugh!

Take care Penny.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter Forty Eight:**

She was back upstairs working beside the others just as she had told him. He glanced up once or twice checking on her but tried not to hover knowing it would only make her feel tense. She worked with Nick the remainder of the day.

She found him snapping photos pinned to the bulletin board.

"He used a chair to jam this door," said Sara.

"I heard about what happened. You okay?" asked Nick.

"I'm fine."

They discussed the details of the case. Sara mentioned the few clues Cammie had tried to tell her before her death. The frustration was apparent on her face.

"It was good that you were there for her, Sara. She didn't have to die alone," said Nick.

"We usually show up too late to meet the victim," said Sara.

_It was almost too late for me…._

_Even for Nick…._

_He understands…._

_When your body screams to let go…_

_But your heart wants to hang on to the ones you love…._

_Grissom…_

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"You know when I came back after medical leave, I couldn't go in enclosed places for awhile…Grissom kept me off some cases until I was better….Catherine could…"

"I'm fine Nicky…I need to work."

"Yeah, but cases like this…darling you shouldn't have to face this so soon…"

"I face it ever day…whether it's a crime scene or….I face it…I have to," she said as she walked out of the room.

It had been difficult for her to see the woman die before her eyes knowing that she did not have the strength to hold on for her loved ones.

_Maybe she didn't have any loved ones…_

_Maybe that's why she gave up…_

_If it hadn't been for Grissom…_

She found herself standing in front of the bodies in the morgue. Doc came to stand next to her. Sara studied the cut marks on Cammie.

"How did Cammie Brookston survive until we got there?" asked Sara.

"Well, in her case, there was only a partial transection of the jugular. Shallower cut, slower bleed."

"I found her at least two hours after the attacks."

"She must've applied pressure to her wound. That would've bought her some time."

"So if we'd have found her sooner, she would still be alive."

"Sara, there's nothing you could've done."

He didn't like her silence but he continued. "Well, she has a C-section uterine scar. Hairline, almost invisible."

"She has a child?" asked Sara not remembering any photos of a young child anywhere in the house.

"Well, she gave birth some time ago."

"Any signs of sexual assault?"

"Not with Cammie. I found semen in the vaginas of Emily Wilson and Lauren Walderson. Both had mild reddening and some superficial abrasion at the vaginal introitus. They could have had consensual sex in the hours prior to the attack. This young lady was raped. Rebecca Mayford had lacerations at three o'clock. Contusions extended from four to eight and ten to twelve."

"Any semen?"

"No. But, uh, look at these puncture wounds. Stab wounds have a large cutting component to the margins. Several of these stabs have additional tracks through the organ, suggesting a partial withdrawal and re-thrust of the blade."

"Is that everything then?"

"Not quite. He left something behind."

"The tip of the knife."

Hodges sat there as the cell phone rang debating what to do. The persistent ringing annoyed him and he quickly opened the phone. He stood there while he listened to a distraught woman ask for her daughter. He looked at the contents of the package and found a necklace. It belonged to the woman's daughter. Hodges now knew the young girl was dead. He took a deep breath and began to tell the woman of the death hating that he had become personally involved in a case. It was something he had never wanted to do. To analyze data was what he did. He did not deal with other people or their emotions or any aspect of living. He now knew what those feelings felt like and he hated it.

He sat there analyzing the knife tip on the monitor as Sara stood and listened.

"Ran a laser ablation on the knife tip from Becca's spine. Zirconium oxide, otherwise known as ceramic. Basically, ceramic is glass. Both the exemplar that you got from the reporter and the murder weapon have the same composition, color, texture and thickness."

"The killer could have gotten the knife from a swag bag at the walk-a-thon. Either that or he could have gotten it from the house."

"You find me the broken knife, and I'll match the tip."

Sara watched Hodges. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

Sara turned to leave but Hodges stopped her by the door.

"You ever do the right thing and still feel guilty about it?"

"Yeah. Sucks, doesn't it?" said Sara.

"Yeah."

She left him standing there before he could ask her anything more.

_I feel guilty that I don't know if it's ours…_

_I feel guilty that I let this happen…_

_I feel guilty I made him take a risk and love me…_

She became hopeful when there was a broadcast over the radio that there had been another stabbing that matched that of the six women. They arrived as the paramedics were working to stable the victim. Sophia quickly brought them up to speed on the events.

"Marlon Frost, out of state. Bar patron found him," said Sophia..

" Anyone see the suspect?" asked Brass.

"Mm-mm, no witnesses," replied Sophia.

"Incise wound to the neck?" asked Sara.

"Yeah. Seems to be flavor of the week," said Sophia.

"Did he say anything?"

"I don't think he can."

Sara watched as the paramedics put Marlon Frost on the gurney.

"Hey, Sara?" called Nick.

Sara turned to see Nick holding a bloody knife.

"Tip's broken off. That's probably going to be the murder weapon right there," said Sara.

Nick watched as Sara headed toward the ambulance. "Crime scene's only a couple blocks from here. I'm going to go with the vic. I'm going to collect his clothes."

"You sure that's really such a good idea?" asked Nick.

Sara ran to the ambulance getting in. She grabbed Marlon Frost's hand.

"My name is Sara. Just hold on. You're going to be fine. Do you know who did this to you?"

Marlon looked at Sara as she held his hand not breaking the contact even when he went through the ER. She glanced over at the other side of the room vaguely remembering her brief stay there when she had been brought in from the fall.

_They say he saved my life…._

She waited until they stabilized him before beginning to process his clothing and his body for evidence. She felt a bit giddy knowing that a victim had survived and now with the evidence from his body along with his testimony they would be able to locate the murderer and prosecute.

Sara snapped photos of Marlon Frost's wounds.

"Mr. Frost, I'll be out of your way soon. I'm sure you want to get some sleep."

Sara turned to get the ink and paper. "I just need to get your fingerprints. It's routine. I promise it won't hurt." She took his prints while he watched her. She noticed the smudges on his fingertips. When she finished printing him, she turned his hands over to look at his fingertips. The skin was callused. She turned and looked at Marlon Frost. Suddenly, he grabbed her hard with both hands. Sara tried to get away.

"Get off me! Get off me!" Sara yelled as freed herself from him. In the struggle, his gown slipped off his shoulders, revealing a large discoloration – a birthmark and Sara realized what Cammie had been trying to tell her about the birthmark.

She waited until the uniformed officer stood guard over the victim now turned suspect before leaving. Sara rushed out of the ER not stopping until she found herself out front. She leaned against the building trying to catch her breath.

"Sara?"

She jumped from the sound of his voice. It was Nick.

"It was him…Marlon Frost killed those women…" she held her wrist.

"Did he hurt you?" asked Nick as he came to stand next to her.

"He uhm grabbed my wrists…still tender…" she pulled away from him as she became sick and vomited. Nick rubbed her back until she felt better and then led her over to his vehicle, sitting her down in the front seat. He reached into the back and pulled out a bottled water. She rinsed her mouth and then sat there trying to control the trembling.

"Honey, are you okay? You want me to call…"

"No, don't call him…he's been really tired lately…he'll only worry more. I'll be fine in a minute," she said.

They returned to the lab. Nick pretended nothing had happened just as Sara had made him promise. They stood there now processing a stolen vehicle that had been found near Marlon.

They determined Marlon had met one of the girls in a bar and had followed her home.

"Here we go. Bought at the Trip Wire Bar at 12:48 a.m. same night as the murders."

"That's where Marlon and Becca crossed paths."

Sara continued to search through the clothes and found a gun. "I got a gun. It's plastic. It's a toy."

"Looks real to me. Imagine if you're petrified," said Nick.

"It wasn't even real… a lie…a lie that cost someone their life."

"Sara?"

"He told me he had Greg….I didn't fight when he gave me the drugs because I thought I was keeping Greg alive…instead it was just another murderer…Franklin…how did I get this way….how did I lose my perspective…I held Cammie's hand and the hand that killed her…I let myself care for Vincent and he had killed two people…even when Grissom and Brass warned me…"

"I thought he didn't do it either…he fooled a lot of folks," said Nick.

"I should have known…I risked…I'm going to finish up the paperwork," she said quickly as she walked out.

She needed some closure of sorts for Cammie. She stayed working late until she located the father of the baby, Corey Archfield. Sara sat there looking at a photo of a baby.

"How'd you find me?" he asked.

"Cammie had these in her wallet. We tracked you from the birth certificate. She's a cutie. What's her name?" asked Sara as she held up the photo.

"We named her Fin, after Cammie's grandmother. But her adoptive parents call her Annabelle."

"She kept in touch with them?" asked Sara.

"They're pretty cool. We didn't have contact, but ... they would send Cammie a photo every year on Fin's birthday. And every year, Cammie and I would get together, have a beer, look at it. Biggest regret of my life is not marrying Cammie and raising Fin together. I wanted to, but ... she said we were too young. Maybe if we had ..."

"Corey ... you can't blame yourself."

"Were you with her when she died?"

Sara nodded sadly.

"At least Cammie died knowing kindness."

She returned the photo and watched as the young man walked away.

_Cammie gave her child up for adoption…._

_Seemed to be a good arrangement…._

_Corey seemed to want the baby…_

_Like Grissom…_

_Corey has regrets…_

_Would I have regrets?_

_We could have another…_

_You can't replace something you love for another…_

_Love…_

She sat there with her hands pressed down firmly on her abdomen and wondered if Grissom was right.

Note from author:

Sorry for the late posting but it has been crazy here and I just got my connection back. UGH! Anyway, welcome to all those that are new. Thank you for reading and please be sure to leave a review for each chapter.

Take care!

Penny


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter Forty Nine:**

He found her standing in the break room watching the news report of the killings and Marlon Frost's confession. He knew the case had taken a toll on her although she refused to admit it.

"I held his hand." She said as she looked at Grissom letting him see the tears on her cheeks.

"Just like I held hers. I lost perspective….I lost perspective with this case, with…"

Grissom wiped the tear off her cheek, "Don't…don't this to yourself honey…let's go home…we're both tired."

They sat in bed that night each reading a book. She laid the book down on the bedside table and turned toward him.

"Kammie had a child...she gave it up for adoption." She watched for his reaction.

He looked over his glasses at her. "I see…explains why we didn't see any photos of any children."

"She had one in her wallet. The adoptive parents would send her a photo each year of the little girl. I located the father to let him know about Kammie."

He was silent.

"Kammie tried to tell me something about the little girl before she died…maybe she was trying to say goodbye."

He rolled over so that he was facing her. "It was good that you were with her."

"The guy, Corey Archfield seemed to have regrets about giving up his child…I wonder if Cammie did?"

"Would you? If you gave up this child?"

She was quiet for a moment. "The adoptive parents sound really nice…the little girl is living with a loving family…"

"Sara?"

"I'm not sure. Part of me says I don't think I could love anything that was a part of him but then I look at those babies in the nursery…" he felt her tense and then gasping for air.

"Sara!" He was sitting up now grabbing her hand.

"I felt the baby move…I really felt him move…not just a flutter but…" she said excitedly as she stared at his blue eyes that twinkled with his grin.

She got up from the bed, grabbing at her robe and then headed to the bathroom shutting the door behind her.

He sat there disappointed in her reaction.

_It could be ours…_

_She should be happy that…_

"Sara?" he called.

He tapped gently on the door before opening it to find her sitting on the edge of the bathtub, head in hands as she covered her mouth to stifle the sobs.

"Sara?"

"I…don't know how to feel about this…I want to be happy …it could be ours and then… what if I get my hopes up and then it's not and…. I give it away…. how are you going to feel…I haven't even thought about how you feel…I'm sorry Grissom. I've been so selfish…"

"Let's have a drink….some juice or milk…I could make you some tea…"

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"It's the best feeling I've ever had…that's why it hurts so much."

He held her letting her cry on his shoulder and then pulled her into the kitchen for a glass of milk. They sat quietly at the table holding hands.

"Peggy says…"

"You like her alot don't you?"

"Yes, I do. She doesn't ask me a lot of questions about the pregnancy."

"Does she know that you're considering adoption?"

"I think she suspects it but I haven't discussed it with her."

"I see. Do you think she could give me some pointers on handling a newborn?" he asked.

"I could. You could come by one day and I could show you."

He smiled.

He knew that she was tied up on a case and would not be coming by the hospital for several hours but he did not mind. He saw the last minute case as a means of talking with Peggy. He stood outside the door and waited until she had finished with one of the babies before making his presence known. She turned and smiled at him.

"You're Sara's husband…she hasn't arrived yet."

"I kind of knew that but I was wondering if I could have a moment to talk with you."

"Only if you help," she said as she handed him a baby. She chuckled when she saw the fear in his eyes. She sat him down in the rocker, adjusting the baby in his arms while Peggy held another one.

"Now that we have our hands full, we can talk," she said.

"Sara has talked a lot about what you do…adoptions. She's…"

"Thinking about placing her baby for adoption," she said eyeing him.

"Yes. But…"

"You don't want her to do that. Right?"

"Yes."

"Mr. Grissom. I recognized Sara the moment I ran into her. Her face was plastered over the news for so many weeks. I think everyone assumed she was dead and then by some miracle she was found alive…It's his…isn't it?"

"We're not sure. Sara wants a paternity test when the baby is born."

"So…in the mean time she doesn't know how to feel."

"No…she doesn't."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Sara is afraid that if she kept the baby, he would remind her of him…she's also afraid he would turn out to be like his father…"

"That's rubbish. I've told her…"

"So have I but she's…"

"I can understand her fear. I think I can help."

He smiled. "Could you also show me how to…"

"Yes, I think he needs to be changed also."

She hurried around the corner to stand there in front of the partition but stopped to watch him hold his nose while he changed the diaper. She grinned. Once the task was completed, she came to stand in the doorway.

"You'll appreciate decomps after a newborn's diaper," she said.

He grinned. "I thought I had been stood up."

"Looks like Peggy filled in for me," she said as she came to stand beside him looking at the baby.

"Yes, she did. I've learned how to swaddle, hold, rock, change and burp."

"You've been busy."

"Dinner interest you?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm starving."

"Good."

_She must be feeling better…_

He sat across from her watching her clean her plate.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"The nausea has been nonexistent today. I've managed to hold down lunch and a snack…Greg picked up some fruit smoothies on our way out to the sight. They were wonderful."

"I'm glad you're feeling better. Any…more movements?"

She smiled. "When I hum, he moves…it actually tickles a little."

"I never knew you to be the ticklish type," he said leaning back in the chair.

"I'm not…I wasn't until now," she said.

"I really liked helping Peggy today. She's a good teacher."

"You think she's the same age as Jim?"

"I think she's too good for him."

"Oh, I wasn't…"

"Yes, you were."

"Grissom?"

"Yes Grissom?"

She grinned but then she looked at him solemnly, "do you want to keep the baby?"

"I want you to be happy…I'm afraid that if you give the baby away, you'll have regrets."

"But do you want to keep the baby?"

"Yes, I do."

"Would you hate me I gave it away?"

"I would never hate you no matter what you did."

"I met an adoptive couple today. They're young…they can't have any children of their own. They seemed really nice. They are even open to the idea of having contact with the birth parents…"

"Could you do that? Have contact with them knowing that you have no say in how they rear your child?"

"I could see him….know he's okay…know he's loved."

"You could do all those things."

She glanced at him, "I'm not sure I could love him if he's not yours…I would be afraid that every time I looked at him I would see Vincent and what he did to me…"

"But yet you still want to see him…know he's okay…know he's loved."

She slid out of the seat and he knew that by her demeanor he had crossed the line once more. He quickly paid and then hurried out to catch up with her. He reached her just as she made it to the vehicle.

"Sara…"

"I'm really tired and just want to go home," she whispered. They drove home in silence. He glanced at her every now and then but she kept her face toward the window. Once they were home, she retired to the bedroom, throwing off her clothes and slipping into the tub for a soak while He let Bruno out into the back yard. He came to sit on the edge of the tub.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said softly.

"You didn't. I'm upset at myself. I don't know what I want."

He stared at the growing bulge.

_I'm worried about you…._

_About him…_

_I'm not sure I can let you give him up…_

_Are you going to hate me if I try to stop you?_

_Thank God you haven't asked me that…_

"Gil?"

Her use of his first name startled him, "Yes"

"If I decide to place him for adoption, will you try to stop me?

Note from author:

I can hardly stand the angst here… the reviews are better than the story…for me. I love to hear from you. I promise I will let you know when we are getting to the last ten chapters….we are not there yet. By the way, I started another story….yes just shoot me. I have about seventy pages written so far. It's different…I'll let you know when I'm ready to post. I may hang on to this one until it is fully completed but you know me…

Take care!

Penny


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter Fifty:**

He didn't want to answer. He didn't know how to answer. His heart told him he could never let a part of her be given away like it had no value. Another part told him she was trying to do the right thing but once again he did not think it was right.

"Sara, you'll do the right thing," he said quickly and then made an excuse that Bruno needed to be let back in. By the time he returned, she was tucked in bed and asleep. He joined her later slipping between the covers to pull her close bringing his hand to rest gently on her abdomen as he longed to feel the same thing that she had experienced. He kissed her whispering a few lines of Shakespeare into her ear before drifting off to sleep.

She had not seen him before. He seemed out of place as he approached the nursery coming to stand beside Peggy and giving her a hug. Sara diverted her eyes trying not to stare as they stood and chatted nearby. She returned her focus on the baby in her arms smiling down as it fought to stay awake. She continued to rock humming softly, grinning every now and then when she felt her own child moving inside her.

_He's mine…_

_He's a part of me…_

_I wonder if he'll be tall or…_

_Like his father…._

_Cold blooded murderer…_

She looked away trying to avoid the feelings of despair and uncertainty.

"Sara?" She turned when she heard her name.

"I'm Father Brannigan," he said with a smile. "I'm a volunteer here also…I've been gone for a few weeks and I'm glad to hear that Peggy has had some other helpers while I've been away."

Sara smiled. "I just started a few weeks ago."

"I've been coming for the last five years…ever since Peggy came to mass one day…she can rope just about anyone into helping."

He sat down and grinned when Peggy placed an infant in his arms. "She makes sure all of these babies get held."

"She's teaching me how to care for an infant," said Sara as she placed the baby gently into the bassinet before reaching for another one that was awake.

"Planning a family soon?" he asked.

She nodded.

"It seems everyone has a reason for helping out."

"What's your reason?" she asked.

"I was adopted," he said matter of fact. "I never guessed I was adopted until my sister became ill and needed a bone marrow transplant. I wasn't a match. I'm not very good at science but I did learn a thing or two about blood types and there was no way I could have been their biological son."

"Oh. That must have hurt."

"Not really. I still tease them that's the reason I don't teach…it's not in my blood…they're both teachers."

Sara smiled.

"Have you ever wanted to know about your birth parents?" She asked.

"My parents told me after I was assigned my own church. I think they wanted me to know where I came from…so I would kind of have a better understanding what a person can do with their life."

"They knew your birth parents?"

"My father was well known….he was a serial killer in Pennsylvania…my mother overdosed when I was a baby. My adoptive parents got me when I was fourteen months old."

Sara was quiet.

"You can imagine my surprise when I met Peggy and found out what she did. I mean so many of these kids don't get adopted because people are afraid they will turn out like their parents…can you imagine that? I was in foster care for over a year because no one wanted a murderer's son."

Sara bit her lower lip.

She felt him move inside her and she felt a pang of guilt followed by fear…for him.

_What if nobody wants him…_

_What if he gets stuck in the system like I did…_

_How long will he be here until someone takes him…_

_Who will hold him…_

_Who will rock and sing to him…_

_Who will make sure he knows he is wanted and loved…_

_I won't…._

"I have a confession to make Sara," he said as he stared down at the infant in his arms.

"That sounds strange coming from a priest," she said.

"I recognized you immediately. You were on our prayer list for a long time. I believed you were abducted for nine weeks?"

She nodded.

"Is that why you're interested in adoption?' he asked.

If it had been anyone else who had asked the question, she would have avoided it but it seemed natural discussing such matters with him. Sara had never really given much thought to religion except that she did believe on some level.

"My husband and I….we're not sure…I'm not sure I could keep his child."

"I see. You think it would remind you of what happened to you."

"Yes."

"What happened to you?"

She looked at him strange now no longer wanting to continue the conversation. He sensed her unwillingness and continued talking.

"Sara, God doesn't make mistakes. He was with you through the entire ordeal and he kept you safe. You also received a gift. You received a child. You're child. Now, what are you going to do with your child?"

She stared at him.

"You're making it sound so simple…it's not."

"It's not?"

She didn't reply.

"Then you've already decided what you want to do with it. You want to give it away. Someone will be very grateful. Not everyone gets a child of their own…you're very kind to give yours away…of course it's better with someone else if you're not capable of loving a child…"

The words stung.

"I can love a child…I'm just not sure about this child…"

"I understand…lots of people have children every day they won't love…"

"I didn't say won't…I said can't." she was getting angry now.

"If you're capable of loving then you're making that choice and so the honest answer is 'won't' and not 'can't.'"

She stared at him. "I can't love any part of him."

"But don't you love yourself? You don't really know how to love if you can't even love yourself."

"I know what you're trying to do…you're going to tell me it's part of me and that I can love that part."

"You learn quickly," he said.

"I've heard it before."

"So what's it going to be? You give it to someone else to love or you love it like you already do now and be happy with what God gave you….unless there is some other reason why you want to give it away?"

She said nothing but stood and placed the infant into the bassinet before saying goodbye to Peggy and Father Brannigan.

"Do you think it helped?" he asked.

"We'll soon find out," said Peggy.

She had not seemed herself during assignments and the others glanced at Grissom a few times. She sat there with hands in lap staring at her notepad. She made very little eye contact and it bothered him.

_Something's not right…._

_Something's bothering her…_

_I'm worried…._

_I'm really worried…_

She grabbed her assignment from Catherine and headed out the door before he could question her. She was quiet during work assisting Warrick on a case. He tried to make small talk but she seemed distant and reluctant to talk. She hurried through the case ignoring the offer for a break and was relieved when the case was finished and they were able to return to the lab. She logged in the evidence and then asked to leave early.

"Strange for Sara to take off early…usually let's everyone know up front if she needs to leave early," said Catherine as she stood there talking to Warrick.

"She wouldn't say much in the field…think she has a lot on her mind or she's just not feeling well. You think we should tell Grissom?" he asked.

"I'll go by his office and let him know she left," said Catherine.

Grissom picked up the lab results from Hodges and headed back to his office. He was surprised when Judy came running down the hall calling for him.

"Greg has been trying to reach you," she gasped.

"Greg is off today," he commented as he glanced at the cell number and then the one word message "Sara."

He hurried to his office grabbing his phone.

"Greg?"

"I've been trying to reach you," he said.

"What's wrong?"

"Sara called me to come and drive a u haul to your place…she told me she needed to move her things out….Grissom?"

"I'm on my way," he said as he closed the phone and cursed.

_We pushed her too far…_

_I just wanted her to look at all sides…_

_That's not true…_

_I just wanted her to keep him…_

Note from author:

Thanks so much for taking the time at the end of each chapter and leaving a review. I really appreciate it. After reading this chapter, I can say I will need to post another chapter…too much angst in the cliffhanger so once all of the reviews are in, I will give you another chapter. By the way, some have asked about the other story…yes it is definitely GSR. I've already written over a hundred pages and yes I do sleep but this story is going really fast. As for "Taking Risks" I believe there are 68 chapters. Again, I will notify you when we get to the last ten. Pay close attention to detail….

Take care!

Penny


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter Fifty One:**

He began to panic when he saw the u haul parked out front. Greg stood at the door.

"Got here quick enough," he said.

Grissom unlocked the door hurrying inside to locate her. He found her in the guest room carrying the boxes out.

She was surprised when she saw him.

"I was hoping we could have this cleaned out before you came home," she said. "Since you're here, could you give us a hand?"

He stood there dumbfounded.

_Hell no! I'm not going to help!_

He swallowed hard and then proceeded calmly, "Greg said you wanted him to help you move your things out."

"That's right."

"Why?"

"Because…wait, I'm not leaving Grissom…I'm moving my stuff out of the guest room. We need the space. I was going to store it."

"We need space?" he asked, still trying to slow his heart beat.

"I thought we could paint it a pale yellow. I don't like blue…it's too sad."

"Paint?"

"Yes, paint the room for a nursery," she said.

"But…what if he's not mine?" he asked.

"He's mine and I'm keeping him," she said with strong conviction.

"You're sure? You're not going to…"

"I'm sorry Gil. I've been…"

He was hugging her now pressing so close into her that he was afraid he would injure her.

"Sorry," he mumbled as he released her not before kissing her on the lips.

Greg peaked in the doorway. "Is it safe to come in?"

"Yes Greg. Sara wants her things from her apartment stored so we can turn the guest room into a nursery."

Greg looked sheepishly at Grissom, "should always clarify your requests," he said as he walked past Grissom and began lifting boxes. "I'll get started."

The room was emptied within a couple of hours. She stood and stared at the room.

"You think yellow will work?" she asked.

"I like yellow. Perhaps we can go to that baby store in the mall and look at wall paper. You think they have any with butterflies or bugs or other insects?"

She smiled.

She glanced at the baste boards and frowned. "Needs cleaning…I better vacuum…"

"I think this is enough for one day. We can work on this again tomorrow. I have a day off coming. I could remodel the room for you so it could be a surprise when you get home," he offered.

"I would rather work on it together…bugs may be a bit," she said. He frowned but then grinned "We could go on line and look at some things?"

Chinese was ordered as the two sat there side by side scrolling through the different selections.

"Didn't know there would be so much to consider," she said. "Maybe we should read the reviews for each."

He yawned.

She glanced at him. "You look tired."

"I am tired," he admitted.

He was sent to bed while she sat there reading her pregnancy book while he rolled to his side to listen.

"He seems more active than what it mentions here," she said. "He kept kicking me when I was working today. It's like he kept reminding me he was there."

"Are you being careful when you're in the field?" he asked.

She frowned at him.

"Sara, I'm going to worry," he said as he yawned.

"Go to sleep, you've been really tired lately," she said. "I don't think you've been taking care of yourself."

He grinned. "I'll sleep better now that I know you've decided to keep him."

He pulled her close kissing the palm of her hand.

"Griss, you were going to object if I tried to give him away, weren't you?"

"I couldn't bear the thought of giving any part of you away. I'm not sure what I would have done."

She leaned down and kissed him. "I love you, Gil."

She continued to read and smiled when she noticed he had fallen asleep. She was up before him, doing the laundry and playing with Bruno in the backyard. He came to sit with her on the deck.

"You should have waked me. Shift will begin soon," he said.

"You needed the sleep. Feeling better?" she asked.

"Much better," he said.

"I fixed you something to eat…it's in the oven," she said pulling him up.

He stood gathering her in his arms. "Did you fix my favorite?" he asked.

She grinned, "Any time I cook is your favorite…you know I don't cook often."

"But when you do it's always good." _Little white lie never hurt…_

She grinned. Grissom had taught her a lot about cooking. He was a self taught chef. There wasn't anything he couldn't cook. Sara needed help with just basic meals but he didn't seem to mind. They had seemed to unconsciously divide the chores around the house and cooking had gone to Grissom. He on the other hand would ignore dust and vacuuming and he could not bring himself to do the laundry timely. She had learned this immediately after stepping out of the shower to find no clean towels. It was then she began to do the chore without saying anything. They seemed to fit together like a mold each complimenting the other. He sat there and smiled as he ate the dish not letting on it was a bit overdone. He didn't care. He had needed the rest and while he slept, she had cleaned the house, taken care of the dog, cooked his meal and a stack of freshly cleaned towels sat in the basket near the couch.

The shower felt good as he stood there letting the warm water pour over his body. He felt the coolness when the shower door came open and she stepped inside.

"We're running a little late so I thought we could share," she said.

"Always," he grinned. "Could I wash your hair?"

She smiled. The truth of the matter is that they both knew there was plenty of time. Sara just loved to have her hair washed. She stood there as he scrubbed gently in circular motions throughout her scalp and then gently rinsed her hair.

"Can I assist you with anything else?" he asked. She grinned when she felt his hands begin to travel down her body.

"Griss…we don't have time for…maybe just a few minutes," she purred as she felt him move his body closer.

He grinned at her as they drove into the office.

"I can't believe you put a hickey there…you know I have a doctor's appointment this evening," she pouted.

"I'm sorry. I got carried away. I'll come with you and explain…"

"Never mind," she said.

"I can still come can't I?" he asked a bit worried.

She didn't reply.

_I wouldn't go without you…._

_But I'll let you sweat it for an hour or so…_

He stared at her during the meeting. She had purposely sat between Nick and Greg and so he had to sit across from her. His annoyance grew the moment she refused to look at him. It was not their favorite type of meeting. There were the monthly totals of overtime and doubles along with leave request for the next six months. Catherine continued through the list.

"Could I get you another cup of tea, dear?" he asked out loud.

_I really didn't mean it…_

The others stared.

They were not accustomed to Grissom speaking in such a manner.

Warrick and Nick grinned.

Catherine smiled.

Sara felt her cheeks warm.

Greg gawked.

"No thank you….dear," she replied.

_I know you didn't mean it…_

Catherine returned to the list.

"I could get your jacket if you're cold?" he offered.

They looked for her reply.

"I'm fine," she replied and then added, "really."

Catherine hesitated for a moment and then continued.

"I'm getting my jacket…It's right over here," he said. He quickly got up and returned placing his jacket about her shoulders.

They stared at Sara.

She felt the warmth spread from her cheeks.

"Thank you…Gil," she said softly.

Catherine stared at Grissom. He returned the stare. She continued once more.

"You know I really didn't mean to do it."

The others leaned forward to gawk at Sara.

"You can go," she said.

"Finished?" asked Catherine to Grissom.

He grinned letting it curl into a smile. "Yes…you're doing just fine. Continue."

Catherine sighed and started again but stopped in midsentence. "What did he do?"

The eyes returned to Sara.

Grissom fidgeted.

"I'm sorry Catherine but I have to leave in order to make my doctor appointment in time."

She stood and left the room with Grissom in tow.

"Ten bucks says he said something about her cooking," said Greg.

"Ten bucks says he said something about her weight," said Warrick.

"Ten bucks says he forgot about the appointment," said Nick.

"Twenty bucks says if you guys don't pay attention, I'm going to be pissed," said Catherine.

They looked at one another and then said in unison, "yes, dear."

The room exploded in laughter.

Note from author:

I had to include some humor in here…thanks for the reviews. Another chapter will be posted soon. Thanks! Penny


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter Fifty Two:**

"Sara, don't worry, you heard what she said," replied Grissom as he drove.

"I'm eating. I'm gaining weight…he should be gaining…what if there's something wrong with him? We don't know the side effects of the drugs…" she stopped to hide her face swiping at her eyes.

"Some babies are small. The doctor is not concerned. It was good we told her about the drugs so she can do some research. Besides, I was small," he announced.

Sara whirled around, "You were?"

"I weighed only four pounds. I was a preemie," he announced.

"Did your mom have complications?"

"No. She just said I was in a hurry to be born."

"That figures," she said.

"I heard that."

She smiled.

"Now, for a treat," he said looking at her. "Let's go to the mall and baby shop."

"You think we should? We're only twenty weeks…"

"Sara, in just four months we are going to responsible for a newborn."

She stared at him.

"My book has a list of things that all parents should have."

"We'll buy another book and make sure we follow the list."

He smiled.

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"My clothes are tight also."

"Good that we're going to the mall. You need room to grow."

She smiled.

They sat there in the food court with the fruit smoothies in hand. She leaned on her elbow looking down at the packages.

"My feet hurt," she announced.

"Mine too," he announced.

"Gil, do you think you're going to be able to put the crib together?"

"Of course. How difficult is it?" he asked.

"The man who has four children seemed to think it was worse than taking a car apart and putting it back together."

"I think he was exaggerating a bit."

"You have four months to put it together. The clock starts ticking tomorrow after it's delivered," she said with a smile.

"No problem," he replied.

She fell asleep on the way home. He unloaded the vehicle taking in the packages before waking her. She crawled into the bed and returned to sleep while he busied himself with cleaning the nursery.

Dinner was prepared when she woke. She came to stand in the nursery and smiled.

"You did the painting and the wallpaper already?"

"You said the clock would be counting," he said with a grin.

The furniture was delivered the next day. They stood and stared at the contents of the room.

"It's going to look great," she whispered.

"Yes, it is," he said. "Now all I have to do is put the crib together."

He worked a double. She came by the crime scene and found him on his knees swabbing for blood.

"How long have you been at this?" she asked.

"Tell me you brought something to eat besides your tofu lasagna," he said almost pleading.

"I picked up a couple of deli sandwiches, chips and some drinks. Interested?" she asked.

"That's why I love you. You take such good care of me," he said as he groaned getting to his feet.

They sat outside on the porch. She glanced at him and could tell he was tired and in pain.

"Knees?" she asked.

"Not as young as I used to be," he said.

"I could help," she offered.

"I want you to go home and sleep," he said kissing her on the lips.

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to eat your pickle?" she asked.

"I was saving it for you," he said. "I recall I owe you a pickle."

"You do?"

"Yes. I recall taking one of your pickles for an experiment of mine. Remember?"

She smiled. "I remember. I stood so close to you, I…let's just say I had a cold shower afterwards."

"Me too," he said softly.

She laughed but then stopped.

"What's wrong?" he asked suddenly.

"Put your hand right here!" she said quickly pulling his hand to her abdomen. He grinned and then pulled her closer.

"I felt him move!" he exclaimed. He continued to keep his hand there as the baby rolled. "He must have liked that pickle."

Grissom was disappointed when he stopped moving.

"He must be asleep," she said.

"Thank you. That made this whole night worth it," he said as he kissed her. "Go home and sleep."

"Be home soon?" she asked.

"I'll be home as soon as I can. I have several more hours here."

"Couldn't someone come out and help you?" she asked.

"Nick is on his way. We've been really busy tonight. You've finished up your shift. You don't need to be pulling doubles now."

"Wake me when you get home?" she asked.

"I'll probably wake you even though I don't mean to," he said not admitting he had no intentions of doing it on purpose.

She was awake when he came home. She looked at the clock and frowned.

"Nick got called out to another scene. I finished on my own," he said as he slumped into a chair.

"Feel like eating?" she asked.

"Need a shower and then bed," he said as he yawned.

"Shower and I'll fix you something," she said. She watched as he struggled to his feet and then disappeared.

He showered and returned sitting down to eat. She watched as he cleaned his plate and then drank the juice. He leaned over and kissed her before returning to the bedroom to sleep. She shut the door, keeping Bruno out so he would not be disturbed. When he woke several hours later she was asleep on the couch with Bruno.

He grinned.

_Lucky dog…_

He glanced at the clock and frowned. He did not want to wake her but knew the shift would be starting soon.

"Sara?" he gently nudged.

She stretched and then smiled at him. "I must have fallen asleep."

"Could I interest you in dinner before the shift?" he asked.

"I'm starving," she admitted.

"Go get dressed," he said helping her to her feet. As she started to walk away, he pulled her close placing his hand on her abdomen. "Is he awake?"

"I don't think so," she said smiling.

He seemed disappointed.

"I'll be sure and let you know when he's moving again," she said.

They were relieved when the shift was slow. She sat in the evidence room with Nick going through the bags of evidence collected from the scene the night before.

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you good with your hands?" she asked.

"I don't get any complaints from the ladies," he said with a grin.

"I mean…are you mechanically inclined?" she asked.

"I can't complain," he said. "You need something?"

"Grissom has been really tired lately. We need the crib put together. I know we have four months but…."

"Better start now. Some of them can be hard," he said chuckling. "My sister… it took her husband the entire last trimester to put the thing together and then he was still putting it together when she went into labor."

Sara sighed.

"I've become an expert at the things. Remember, I have lots of sisters. I think I can help. Why don't I come over and take a look."

"You have to do it when Grissom is not around. I don't want him to feel…"

"Like he can't do it?" he asked.

"He's been on his knees enough and I just want the room to be finished. He's already done the painting and the wallpaper."

"No problem."

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you rub my back now?" she asked.

He grinned, "I'm definitely an expert at that."

He came and stood behind, massaging her neck and back. She moaned with delight. "A little lower," she said.

Nick grinned when Grissom walked in.

"You mean down here," he asked motioning for Grissom to come and stand behind her.

"Yes. Right there," she said.

Grissom began rubbing the area. She moaned again. "That's wonderful." He continued to rub her back.

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell Grissom but your hands feel like…" she turned quickly to see his smiling face.

She returned the smile.

"Can I rub another place?" he asked.

"A little lower," she said.

She smiled.

She grabbed his hand quickly. "He's up again."

He grinned as he felt the baby.

"Nick would you like to meet my son?" asked Grissom.

Nick grinned. He placed his hand near Grissom's and he chuckled. "Isn't that the greatest?" he said grinning.

"Yes, it is," said Grissom.

"Guys?"

"Yes?" they asked.

"Could we get a snack? I'm starving," she said.

"Yes, dear," they said in unison.

Note from author:

Sorry I was late posting…for some reason I lost connection again. I guess it's part of the perils of working off a laptop and having wireless connection. Anyway, I am hoping everyone will be on the honor system and will give a review for each chapter.

Thanks!

Take care!

Penny


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter Fifty Three:**

He saw them the moment they walked in. He glanced at the man before walking past them. Judy came and whispered to him. "This couple is here to see Sara. Their names are Mr. and Mrs. James Lurie." Grissom whirled around to look at them again. The man quickly got up and came towards Sara. Grissom blocked his path.

"We need to talk with you," he said directly at Sara.

"Do I know you?" she asked. She looked at him and then backed away.

"I can tell you see the resemblance. I'm told my son and I looked very much alike," he said proudly.

"Are you also a cold blooded murderer?" she asked boldly.

He smiled. "You're feisty. I can see why he was attracted…good stock."

She felt the bile rise and she thought she might vomit as she stepped back further.

"Look. We just want to talk," he said.

"Let's go to a conference room," said Grissom as he took Sara by the arm and led her away. He leaned over whispering into her ear, "Are you okay?"

She nodded slightly.

Grissom was relieved when he saw Brass walking towards them. He motioned for him to enter the conference room also.

Once they were seated, Grissom asked, "What do you want?"

"Our grandchild," said Lurie matter of fact.

He clasped Sara's hand tightly under the table.

"My wife and I are expecting our first child," said Grissom.

"You and I both know that child she is carrying belongs to my son," he said proudly.

"This child belongs to us," said Grissom.

"Prove it," said Lurie.

"We don't have to," he said calmly.

"Look I'll be blunt. I want my grandchild. You don't want to be saddled with someone's else sire. I'm willing to pay…"

"Let me remind you that it is illegal…" began Brass.

"I'm not buying my grandson. I'm merely reimbursing Mrs. Grissom's for the use of her body…"

Sara felt the anger rise within her. She felt his hand on her back supporting her silently.

"My wife and I have no intentions of giving you our child."

"Fine. Then I will demand visitation as a grandparent….better yet we'll seek custody. We have a legal right…"

"You're not getting near him!" she yelled.

He smiled, "So it's a boy. Vincent was a disappointment. He was too much like his mother."

Sara looked at the woman who sat quietly in the seat.

"Vincent said his parents divorced when he was young. He said he had to work his way through college," said Sara.

"Vincent refused to go into the business with me. I had no intentions of supporting his whims as a surgeon so I made him work for it," he said.

"You're a wealthy man but yet you make your son work his way through medical school? He must have really hated you," said Brass. "Perhaps when he was carving up Debbie Marlin and Michael Clark he was thinking about the two of you."

The man scowled. "There's no proof my son killed anyone."

"He did it," said Sara

"And this from the woman who killed him," he said sneering at her.

Grissom leaned forward, "My wife was defending herself. Your son assaulted one of my employees and then kidnapped her. He assaulted her and then tried to kill her. She fought back."

"Her word against my dead son's."

"The evidence doesn't lie," said Grissom. "He also killed a hitman by the name of Franklin who we believed he hired to kill an associate of his."

"We're not here to discuss what you think he did or didn't do. I came here for my grandson."

"You're not getting my child!" she yelled again as she stood face to face with the man.

"I hope my grandchild has your spirit. I could mold him into something," said the man as he reached out to touch Sara causing her to step behind Grissom.

"Don't you ever touch my wife," Grissom warned.

"I think this conversation is over," said Brass as he came to stand between the two men.

"My attorney will be in contact. We will demand a paternity test as soon as the baby is born," he said. "When it proves what we all know, I'll fight for custody."

He stood walking out as his wife followed. Once the door shut, she slumped back down into the chair trying to catch her breath.

He turned quickly and faced her.

"Sara, you can't let him get to you," he said softly.

"They made Vincent into a monster. He'll do the same thing with my baby. I'm not going to let them near my child. I won't let him touch a hair on his head!" she yelled as she grabbed for Grissom's arm.

"Sara?" he grabbed her arms firmly holding her. "You can't do this. It's not good for you or the baby."

She nodded.

"Let's talk about this in my office," he said.

As they walked down the hall, she slowed her pace grabbing his arm. "I don't feel very well," she whispered.

"Get Doc," called Grissom to Greg who was coming down the hall. He quickly carried her into his office getting her to lie down.

"Better?" he asked.

She shook her head now feeling lightheaded as she closed her eyes.

"Sara, Doc is on his way. Any other…"

"My back..." she doubled over. "Griss, I think I felt a contraction…"

He was panicking now. Doc hurried into the room.

"What seems to be the problem?" he said as he sat down in front of her moving Grissom to the side.

"A contraction," she said grabbing for his hand. "My back…"

"Sara, we're going to roll you on your side," said Doc. They gently moved her.

"Now, I'm going to rub your back for a moment and you tell me if this helps." Doc began massaging her back while he placed his hand on her abdomen. He smiled when he felt a kick.

"Little tike just kicked me. Has a strong kick. Getting better?"

"Yes," she said as her breathing slowed.

Doc looked at Grissom. "Braxton hicks contractions….sometimes brought on by stress. Harmless unless they're persistent and increase with severity. Your pulse is better…blood pressure was high…very high. Gil, you need to mention this to her OB. Sara, I want you to stay here on your side for about an hour. Try to sleep if you can," he said.

She smiled as she closed her eyes. Grissom grabbed the blanket from his cabinet and covered her.

He stepped outside with Doc and Brass.

"I think those maternal instincts just kicked in," said Brass as he patted Grissom on the back.

"Gil, she's going to be fine," said Doc. "It wouldn't hurt for her to go home for the night. Be sure to mention this to her OB particularly the blood pressure." He started to walk off and then stopped, "Don't worry. Little tike is just fine as well as Sara."

Grissom sighed.

"Why don't you go home?" said Catherine.

"I'll let her sleep. I'll take her home when she wakes up."

He walked back in and sat down on the edge of the couch.

"Sara?"

"I can't believe this is happening," she said.

He pulled her into his arms and whispered, "He's ours, Sara. No one is going to take him."

"He's vile! He thinks of women as vessels to carry his seed and nothing more. He's sick!" she said. She quickly covered her mouth to keep from vomiting.

"Breathe deeply," he said. He rubbed her back waiting for her to compose herself. "Better?"

She nodded.

"Grissom, I mean it. I won't let him near my baby," she said.

He grinned, "Try to sleep. I'll be here if you need me."

_She's going to be a great mother…_

He sat there and emptied his inbox, finishing all of the paperwork and smiled with satisfaction. She still slept. He reviewed the cases on his desk and then looked at the clock. Shift was over.

He hated to wake her. He stood and stretched before going to the couch and nudging her gently.

"Sara?"

She opened her eyes and smiled, "Is it an hour already?"

He grinned, "About five hours ago. It's time to go home." She suddenly sat up and glanced at the clock on the wall.

"I'm sorry Gil."

"I'm not. I finished my paperwork. My inbox is empty."

They drove home each avoiding the events of the day. It wasn't until they were in bed that Sara brought up Lurie's name.

"Gil, what are we going to do after the baby is born?"

"We're prepared. I still have to put the crib together but I don't think…"

"He's going to demand a paternity test."

"So we'll let him."

"What if…"

"We'll face that when it happens."

"I'm worried."

"I know," he said as he pulled her close.

"I can't bear the thought of letting him take our son even if it's just for a few hours."

"Did you just hear what you said?" asked Grissom smiling.

"Yes, I said…"

"You said 'our son'. It's the first time you've said that."

She smiled, "Yes, I did."

"Sara, he is our son, no matter what. I'm not going to let Lurie harm him in any way."

"I didn't think I would feel this way…even toward…if it wasn't ours."

"Sara, you'll love him no matter what. I have the feeling he's going to have us wrapped around his finger."

She turned to him, "I've been so wrong. I can't imagine what I would have done if I had gotten the abortion. He's so much a part of me now. I can't imagine not feeling him inside me. I go through my whole day waiting for him to wake so I can feel him. I hum and he moves about. I find myself humming more just so I can feel him…thank you Gil. Thank you for making me think through everything and not…thank you." She said through misty eyes.

"You're welcome but I was selfish. I wanted him the moment I learned you were pregnant. I would want any part of you."

Note from author:

So now you know about the other angst I've created…some of you have guessed about Lurie's accomplice but no one has gotten it right. The person was mentioned several chapters ago…

Thanks for the reviews. Take care! Penny


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter Fifty Four:**

"Does she know about this?" asked Grissom as he sat down in his chair looking over the papers.

"No, this was in her inbox so I pulled it and thought I had better give it to you," said Catherine.

"Good," said Grissom.

"So, what do you think we should do?" she asked.

"They can't force Sara to do anything," he said.

_What am I saying?_

_Maybe staying out of the field while she is pregnant is a good thing…_

"Well, I know she isn't going to like it but Gil, between you and me, if anything happens to her they will use this against her to get custody later," said Catherine. "I'm not one to give advice but I've been through a custody battle and you haven't. Eddie tried to use anything and everything against me. My overtime was frowned upon even though it's necessary in this job. He also tried to say I was placing myself at risk and thus placing Lindsey in harm's way. Sound familiar? Look, they've already mentioned her first accident citing she was reckless and was endangering her life."

_Her actions scared me…_

_She never should have gotten up on top of that vehicle…_

"I'm not going to let them bully her," he said.

"I think you need to let Sara decide," said Catherine. "I'll do whatever she wants."

She got up and walked out leaving him to sit and stare at the papers.

Sara came and tapped at the door. "Ready for dinner?"

She saw the look on his face and came to sit down. "What's wrong?"

"Lurie is requesting that you remain in the lab until the birth of the baby citing a possible endangerment to the baby."

"I would never hurt…"

"I know you wouldn't." he said. She saw the papers sitting on his desk and she quickly picked them up. She read through the document and then stared at him.

"I'll tell Catherine I'll stay in the lab…I'll offer to help the others go through evidence and…"

"You don't have to do this," he said.

"Yes, I do. I was reckless last time. I never should have…"

"Stop. Your accident did not cause the miscarriage."

"You can't sit there and tell me you didn't get upset that I climbed up there on that car…I know what I did. I put this job before myself…and the baby….and then there's Vincent…"

"You've got to let this go," he said angrily. "I don't like this. By staying out of the field, it's like they're making you out to be some reckless…"

"You and I both know that every time I walk out that door you worry…I even worry sometimes."

"You've been careful. I'm not worried about what you might do…I'm worried about the potential hazards. The Luries are trying…"

"It's okay. I know what I did and I'm not going to do anything that might harm him. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure he's safe," she said standing. "Besides, I know they will try to use anything against me in order to take him. I'm not giving him up."

He smiled.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?" as she started to walk out.

"You're going to be a good mother."

He saw her eyes glisten but she turned away.

He stood and came to stand in front of her. "You're a natural," he whispered as he leaned over and kissed her.

He pulled her chin toward him so that they looked at one another.

"Don't ever doubt that. You're going to be a good mother."

He held her for a moment before releasing her.

"Dinner?" she asked again.

"You're really hungry aren't you?" he said with a grin.

"We're very hungry," she said patting her abdomen as it moved about.

He laughed.

He wasn't prepared when he received the phone call from Lady Heather. She was quite agitated to speak with him. He stood outside her home as he waited for her to answer her door. He was surprised when she opened the door slightly before fully opening it to allow him inside. Grissom stood and stared at her. He reached out to touch the bruised cheek.

"What happened?"

"I had a disagreement with a benefactor of mine," she said with arms crossed.

"Is this the reason you wanted to speak with me?" he asked looking around to see if they were alone.

"I need to warn you about some things," she said as she motioned for him to sit in the parlor.

"What?"

"I know about James Lurie. He's the benefactor. He's a very cruel man…it was he who brought Vincent into the business. I ran into some financial hardships several years ago and Mr. Lurie wanted a buy in. I agreed. It was an unfortunate mistake. He wanted to use the names of my influential clients to blackmail them. I didn't approve and was not in a position until later to quietly push him out of the business. I wasn't so lucky with Vincent but Vincent was only in it for the money and the occasional visit with some of the girls. He was partial to tall, slim brunettes."

Grissom's jaw twitched.

_Another lie he told her…_

"His father wanted an heir and offered to write his son back into the will if he produced an heir…but not just any heir. Believe me, he considers offspring like someone would choose their livestock…only the strong."

She stopped and looked at Grissom.

"He's determined to get Sara's baby. I heard about the marriage and the pregnancy. Congratulations."

"He's not getting our child."

"Be careful. Vincent was nothing. James Lurie is pure evil and he will stop at nothing to discredit you or Sara in order to get what he wants."

"Why did he do this?" he asked touching the bruise on her cheek.

"I refused to help him."

"What did he want you to do?"

"He wanted me to seduce you. He wanted me to put you in a compromising position and then provide photographs or even a video to show Sara in hopes she would leave you."

"He hoped to get her alone and convince her to give him the child?"

"Yes. He doesn't think she would object if she were alone."

"He doesn't know Sara. She's not about to let him get near that baby."

She smiled. "She'll make a good mother. Tell her to be careful. Do not trust any of the Luries."

"What did he offer you?" he asked.

"He offered to find my granddaughter. If she exists, I'll find her myself," she said quietly.

He stood to leave. "Do you intend to press charges?"

"No, it doesn't bother me. I had no intentions of risking our friendship for…I've had my fill of vengeance and what it can bring you. I'll find my granddaughter. I don't need his help. The price is too high."

He smiled at her and then hugged her slightly before heading to the door.

"If you need me, call me," he said as he left.

She sat there at her desk and opened the manila envelope taking out the pictures. She stared at the photos followed by the date stamp.

_Lady Heather with Grissom…_

_My husband in her arms…_

_He's touching her cheek intimately…._

_In her home…_

_Just the other night…._

She quickly put the pictures away and tossed the envelope on her desk. She stood and headed for the break room. Nick sat there at the table filling out the report when she came in ignoring his presence as she headed straight for the fridge.

"Missed a snack?" he asked with a grin.

"I need something," she said as she shuffled the items around until she came across a jar of pickles. She sat down and pulled one out crunching on the pickle as Nick watched.

"Hard shift?"

"You could say that," she replied as she finished the pickle and reached for another.

"Sara?"

She glanced up to see him standing in the doorway.

"Do you intend to eat the whole jar?" Grissom asked with a smirk.

"I might. I might decide to ask Greg for a fruit smoothie…or some heart attack fries."

He looked at her. "Did I do something?"

Nick grinned, "Don't mind me. You two just carry on as if I'm not here."

"Nick, if you don't mind…"

"Nick, stay put," glared Sara.

Nick looked at the two. "Okay, I can see this is not going to be a nice conversation so I'm going to just…"

"Stay. You were here first," she said as she pulled out another pickle.

"You're going to be sick. Stop eating those," he said as he walked over and reached for the jar.

"I think I know what I can and can't eat," she said as she deliberately finished the pickle and pulled out another one.

Warrick and Greg walked in. Nick motioned for them to take a seat.

"So guys, what's going on?" asked Warrick as he stared at Sara with the jar.

"Ask my husband," she said.

They looked at Grissom.

"I have no idea what I did but if I knew I would be able to explain."

"I received an envelope….some photos," she said looking at him.

"May I see these photos?' he asked.

"Yeah, us too," said Greg.

Grissom scowled.

"On my desk," she replied as she continued to pull out another pickle.

He disappeared but returned shortly. "We need to talk."

"Yes, we do," she said.

"Sara, I went there because she wanted to warn us about Lurie."

Sara stopped eating.

"He's a benefactor also. He wanted her to try to…she refused. I guess he anticipated that and had someone snap these photos. Look Sara. Does this really look like we're involved?"

He tossed the photos on the table and the guys gawked.

"Nice gown," commented Greg.

Nick slapped him in the back of the head. "It's time for us to…"

"I'm sorry. I let the hormones take over for a moment. I trust you. I don't trust her. I don't know her. Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm going to be sick," she said. The guys scattered as Grissom came to sit next to her.

"Going to listen the next time I tell you to stop eating?" he chided lightly.

She nodded.

"I'll get the trash can."

Note from author:

Okay I'm trying to lighten this a little…I know I have written a lot of angst…wait until the next story….some of you have asked what it will be called…I don't know. I'm leaning towards "Some Things Best Forgotten" and yes it is GSR…oh my is it GSR. Okay some of you are still guessing about who helped Vincent Lurie….you have to go back to the chapters prior to his death. Happy hunting.

Take care!

Penny


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter Fifty Five:**

"This is going to stop," said Grissom as he began reading the latest court ordered papers from James Lurie.

"I didn't bother reading them," said Catherine. "What are they trying to do now?"

"He wants an evaluation of Sara's mental state," he said.

"She's been fine since you came back," said Catherine. "Have Dr. Randle write a recommendation."

"She hasn't been seeing Dr. Randle," said Grissom.

"Oh," replied Catherine.

"She would never open up to Dr. Randle about Lurie….that's why I had to get her away from here for awhile so we could work through it," he said leaning forward on his desk reading through the papers.

"Get her appointment and then shut them up," she said simply.

_She's worked through everything with me…_

_It will be hard for her to talk to Dr. Randle but…_

He sat there that morning sitting across from her at the table.

"Sara, you need to schedule an appointment with Dr. Randle," he began.

"I've been doing fine. I don't need…"

"They're requesting a mental evaluation," he said quietly.

She stared at him.

"We received the order yesterday. It was because…"

"I climbed up on top of that vehicle…" she said quietly before getting up to place the dishes in the sink.

"Sara, go for an appointment and then…"

"I'll schedule it this morning. I'll…do it now," she said as she slipped past him. He grabbed her arm pulling her to him.

"I don't like what they're doing to you," he said.

"I did this to myself," she said slipping out of his reach and picking up the phone.

He stood by the window watching Bruno play outside while she spoke in hushed tones on the phone.

When the room was silent again, he turned to find her standing in the entrance to the nursery.

He came and wrapped his arms around her. "I still need to get the crib together."

"I asked Nick…"

"And I told Nick I wanted to do it by myself."

"Don't."

"Sara, I can put a crib…"

"They're going to get him. They're going to use every mistake I ever made against me and I'm going to lose him, Grissom."

"They can't have what isn't theirs."

"You sound so sure…You know that he's more likely to be…"

"Ours."

She looked at him and struggled to talk, "I think I will feel raped all over again if they take him."

It rocked him to the core. He pulled her close. Her pulse matched his.

"Don't say that," he whispered.

"It won't be your fault, Grissom…it will be mine. I caused this."

"We're going to get through this," he said. "Say it."

"We're going to get through this," she whispered.

She sat there feeling confident telling herself she was not the same person who sat in Grissom's office and felt the past ripping her apart.

_That was nothing…_

_Compared to this…_

"Sara, I want you to tell me about your time with Lurie," said Dr. Randle.

"He kidnapped me. He held me against my will. He led me to believe he was holding another CSI agent and if I tried to escape, he would kill him. I stayed but it was against my will."

"So, he didn't always keep the restraints on you like you told the others?" she asked.

"I was drugged most of the time. I felt the restraints all the time. I don't remember how many times there were on or off. I feel them on now."

"You don't seem remorseful for taking a life," said Dr. Randle.

"I'm not. He gave me an injection causing me to have a miscarriage and then he kidnapped me giving me a drug so he could rape me over and over. No, I'm not remorseful. I am thankful I'm alive and he's dead."

Sara sat there fidgeting in her seat. She did not understand the questions from Dr. Randle.

"How do you feel toward his child?" asked Dr. Randle.

"This is my child…mine and Grissom's." said Sara.

"Sara, you must realize that Vincent Lurie is the father of your child," she said.

"I don't know that…not until his birth…I don't care. I love him…no matter what," she said now placing her hands over her abdomen. "I was hurt that I allowed myself to trust Vincent. It was that trust that got me kidnapped and raped. I was hurt and angry. I...don't blame my child. He is a part of me and I love him. I am not going to give him away. He's mine."

"He's not property Sara. Don't you want to do the right thing? If you still hate his father then surely you must realize it would be best…"

"Why are you doing this?" she asked standing now.

"I am merely making sure you have thought of all of your options. How would your husband feel raising the child of the man who raped his wife?"

"He loves this child. He doesn't care. He's wanted him from the beginning even when I didn't. I wanted to…"

"You wanted to what?"

"I wanted an abortion."

"So you hated this child."

"I hated what Lurie did to me. I hated that. I was trying to deal with…"

"So you considered getting an abortion. What else did you consider? an adoption perhaps?"

"Yes when I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion, I considered adoption."

"When did you consider adoption rather than an abortion? When your husband threatened to fight you? Because you had already caused the death of one child and he just wanted another. He was willing to…"

"Stop this!" she said as the tears streamed down her face. "It wasn't like that. Grissom just wanted me to think about all of the options before I did something I would regret. He did not threaten me. He would not do that. He is kind and gentle and has never hurt me…not like me. I hurt him."

"How did you hurt your husband, Gil Grissom?"

She was pacing now. Suddenly she felt the same emotions she did that night at the cabin. The fear of Lurie surfaced and she struggled to maintain her composure. She stared down at her hands and felt the restraints and remembered the sight of Grissom's blood on the cabin floor.

"I didn't mean to do it. I didn't mean to hurt him…I love him so much…He said something that Vincent had said and I…grabbed the knife in the kitchen. I expected to see Vincent any minute…but it was Grissom instead and he reached for the blade. I cut his hand…the blood was on the floor. I uhm…didn't mean to do it. He told me it was an accident."

"How often do you have these delusions?"

"I don't have…I think I want to stop. I need Grissom…"

"to protect you? He's protected you before, hasn't he? He's protected you in your job when you've attacked other coworkers over domestic violence or rape cases. He protected you when you climbed on top of that car…"

"You told me it was an accident…"

"Didn't you think you were pregnant then?"

"I wasn't sure…I thought there was a chance…"

"You've already had one mental breakdown…when we had to do an intervention."

"I felt guilty for the loss of the baby…I thought it was my fault…it was my fault."

"Your husband took the loss pretty hard, didn't he?"

"Yes."

"He must have been anxious for another child…and then when you became pregnant, he wanted to protect it. Didn't he?"

"Yes."

"Who was he protecting this baby from?"

"Me," she whispered.

"You've wanted to get rid of it while he's wanted to keep it…isn't that right?"

"Yes, but…"

"You're afraid he's going to leave you if you lose this child. Isn't that right?"

"Yes," she said softly. "I caused the death of our first child…I uhm…" she was up now running out the door and past Grissom who sat in the waiting room. He called for her but she didn't stop.

He hurried to Dr. Randle's office. "What happened?"

"Sara is not stable. I think it would be in her best interest if she was confined to a mental facility for the duration of her pregnancy."

"That's absurd. What the hell did you do to her? Wait, you're working for James Lurie! How much did he pay you to do this? How much was it worth to victimize a woman who was brutalized by a killer and a rapist? I won't allow you to do this! I'll have you stripped of your license if you so much as divulge a single comment made in this session."

"Mr. Grissom, I…"

"What did you say to her?"

"I uhm…"

He glanced down at the recorder sitting on the desk and grabbed it. She reached for it but he refused to hand it over. "Did you know that Sara gave me power of attorney allowing me to act on her behalf on all legal and medical situations? Of course you know, it was your idea. Let me remind you that I must give verbal or written permission for a counseling session to occur. I don't believe you've spoken with me and therefore everything on this tape can not be divulged to anyone. He pulled out the tape and placed it in his pocket. I would suggest that you start packing. Your days as a licensed…"

"Mr. Lurie will not let that happen."

"Mr. Lurie is using you to get to our child by putting Sara through hell. Once he sees you are of no value to him, he won't care what happens to you."

"Mr. Grissom…"

He shut the door behind him, hurrying outside to find Sara. She sat inside the vehicle staring down at her hands. He quickly got in and drove away.

"I'm sorry Sara. I should have known Lurie would pull something like this."

She remained silent.

"Sara?"

"She's right," she barely said over a whisper.

"We're going to talk through this. We're going to…"

"She's right," she turned away looking out the window as they drove home. She spoke very little sitting through the dinner he had picked up on the way home. She ate, despite her lack of appetite, drinking down the milk and then taking her vitamins before retiring to bed. He stared at her lying on her side of the bed.

"Sara?"

"I just want to sleep, Gil. Please," she said.

He closed the door and then immediately headed to his office. He picked up the phone and dialed Brass.

"I need you," he said.

"Be there within an hour. Is Sara?"

"She's asleep. I'm going to kill James Lurie."

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"Get in line."

Brass paused for a moment. "The counseling session didn't go well did it?'

"They set her up. I let them set her up." He clicked the phone off.

Grissom sat there and listened to the tape. He was pacing as he heard Sara's replies. He became enraged at the tactics used by Dr. Randle.

_She was doing so well…_

_Now she's managed to undo all of it in one session…_

He heard the tap at the office door and saw Brass standing there. "I let myself in."

He held up a bottle with two glasses. "Thought you could use a drink."

He poured the scotch, handing the glass to Grissom. He downed the glass and then looked at Brass.

"Do you know what happened?"

Grissom held up the tape. "I took her tape. I lied. I said Sara had given me power of attorney for all legal and medical purposes."

"Hope they don't call your bluff."

"I let them do this to her. Dr. Randle was going to recommend that Sara be confined to a mental facility for the duration of her pregnancy."

"That's bullshit! Sara doesn't need…"

"It would kill her. It would send her over the edge and Lurie would have what he was after."

"Gil, that baby does not belong to Vincent Lurie. It's yours."

"I've been telling her that all along but what if it's not? I can't let them get him. I can't stand and watch her lose him. It will…she told me that if they got him it would feel like being raped all over again."

He took another gulp of scotch, "I'll kill the bastard before I let him do that to her."

Note from author:

I will be out of pocket of sorts this weekend so I may post several chapters...honor system...give me the reviews. Someone has guessed who the accomplice is...

take care!

Penny


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter Fifty Six:**

He had no words for her. He pulled her close clinging to her as she clung to him. They each remained in bed refusing to answer the phone despite its incessant ringing. It had hurt him to see her so defeated. She was still sleeping when he awoke and he lay there listening to her. The nightmares had returned and with it came the screams and the torment of her abduction. She had wakened several times feeling for him and once contact was made, she held onto him until she fell back to sleep.

He had purposely pulled her over to lay partially on him so that she could feel his body when she woke. When the hours passed and she did not wake, he slipped out of bed to care for Bruno and then returned to sit next to her. He sat there reading when she opened her eyes and stared at him. She glanced at the clock and then winced when she pulled herself up to a sitting position.

"I was getting worried. You haven't slept this long since the first trimester. Are you feeling okay?" he asked.

"I was tired," she said throwing her legs over the side of the bed.

"Sara, we need to…" he began.

"I don't want to talk Gil. I gave Lurie what he needed in order to get…"

"He has nothing."

"I uh.."

"I got the tape from Dr. Randle. I told her you gave me power of attorney to make medical and legal decisions."

"But I never…"

"She didn't know that," he said.

"Stop. You're placing yourself in a position that can harm your career. I don't want that. You shouldn't have done that." She stood and started for the bathroom but he was up blocking her path.

"This is my choice. My risk. I was not about to let that woman do that to you."

"Do what? Let them take my child? I've done that on my own," she said.

"Our child and you didn't deserve to be treated like that. I heard the session. Sara, you're still carrying the guilt from the miscarriage…"

"It was my fault! If I hadn't climbed…"

"That didn't cause the miscarriage! Lurie gave you…"

"If I had not climbed up on top of that car, I never would have been in the hospital and he never would have been in a position to give me the injection. Besides, if I had never been involved with Lurie none of this would have happened," she sighed. "Stop protecting me…"

He grabbed her by the arms this time forcing her to look at him. "Those are not your words. Those are Dr. Randle's."

"It's the truth."

"Fine. I'm protecting you. I'm protecting us. I'm protecting our child," he said angrily.

"I wished you hadn't taken that risk all those months ago. I wished you hadn't…"

"Sara!"

"You would have been better off…"

"Stop it!"

She gulped, fighting off the tears, "Shift will start soon. Gil, we're going to be late. We can talk later. I just want to shower and then grab something to eat."

He stared at her questioning her motives for trying to avoid what he knew would not be an easy discussion. He relented and let her go while he hurried to fix them something to eat.

She insisted on driving herself, telling him she planned to go by the hospital to visit with Peggy. He thought the visit would do her good and so he did not object although she seemed withdrawn.

Once they were in the office, he lost sight of her as the assignments were given out and she quickly went into the lab to assist Hodges. Their paths crossed once during the shift. He stood outside in the hall discussing some test results with Hodges when she came up to him, pressing her lips intimately to his and he returned the kiss not caring who was watching. Before he could say anything, she was hurrying down the hall.

By the late evening he felt an uneasiness and suddenly found himself searching for her.

"Judy, have you seen Sara?" he asked.

"She left earlier but she left this note for you."

He took the note, carrying it into his office and began to read.

Gil,

You know I love you. I feel I've loved you forever. Lately I haven't been feeling very well.

Truth be told, I'm tired. When I lost the baby, I felt as though I lost a part of myself. I think I

did. I still feel the loss even with the new life growing inside me. I know you've told me to let

go of the guilt but I can't. It's with me every waking hour. I've never been a religious person

but I feel myself needing to cling to something. I'm grateful for this new life. I think God has

given me this child to replace the child we lost. For whatever reason he gave him to me, I am so

very thankful. If it had not been for you, I would have acted out of vengeance and gotten an

abortion. I know now I never would have been able to live with that choice. Thank you.

James Lurie frightens me and I feel helpless in stopping him from getting **our **baby.

Yes, he's ours, not mine. You loved him first. I think that is part of the guilt that I carry. I had

to learn to love him. It makes me sad. No matter how hard I tried to fight it off I'm left with the

feeling that I have to go. I have no idea where I'm going but I know I have to do this. If I don't,

I'm afraid I'll self destruct the moment the Luries get him and you'll be there to see it happen.

Be safe. Know that I tried very hard to stay. You are my one and only. My heart. Our life

together was the only home I've ever had. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love you. I always

will.

Goodbye

Grissom stood and stared at the note.

_No Sara no don't do this…._

_You said no more running…_

_You lied…._

_He'll use this against you…_

Nick and the others stood in the hallway as they saw him rush out. He ran out into the parking lot but her car was gone.

"Grissom?" called Nick. "Is everything okay?"

"No, it's not! Look, I can't get into it right now. I need to get home. Call Brass and tell him something has come up with Sara and see if he can locate her."

"No problem. Let us know if there's anything we can do," he called as he watched Grissom drive away.

She pulled the suitcase to the door and started to open the door when she glanced down to see Bruno sitting with his food bowl in his mouth. She patted his head and then took the bowl from him. He followed her to the kitchen where she filled the food and then the water bowl sitting them on the floor.

"Be good for him. I'll be gone for awhile…take good care of him," she sniffled as she stood and headed toward the door.

_I promised I wouldn't run anymore…_

_I promised…._

_He's going to be hurt…_

_I'm going to hurt him again…_

_He's going to…_

She grabbed for the counter as she felt herself sinking into the floor. She lay there sobbing.

_If I stay, they'll take you from me…_

_If I leave, I'm going to hurt him…_

_If I lose you, I'll lose myself…_

She pulled herself back up and headed toward the door.

Grissom cursed as he was stopped by another light. He glanced at his watch and prayed he would get there before she had time to leave. He cursed when her vehicle was gone. He checked her closet and noticed most of her things were gone. He began to panic now as his phone rang.

"Grissom."

"I swung by your home but she wasn't there."

"I know. She's gone. She left me a note…Jim's she's running. She's afraid Lurie is going to take the baby. Hell, I'm worried now. When he finds out that Sara took off, he'll have his bloodhounds after her."

"Slow down. Want me to put out an APB?"

"Yes…no, Lurie may find out that way. I'll try to reach her by phone…maybe she'll pick up and let me reason with her."

"Gil?"

"Yelling at her won't help. She's scared."

"Hell, I'm scared too!"

"Sit down and wait for her to contact you. Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I left a bottle in the top shelf. Use it."

He cursed as he hung up.

Hours passed as he sat there in the chair. The house was quiet except for the clang of the ice against the glass as he swallowed the scotch. He had attempted to call her several times but her phone rolled over to voicemail. He cursed with each attempt.

_You lied…_

_You promised no more running…_

_You lied…_

_God Sara where are you?_

She sat in front of the bus terminal and watched as the people came and went. She stared at the bus ticket she had gotten a man to purchase for her in exchange for a few bucks.

_All I have to do is get on the bus…_

_I can disappear…_

_He'll be safe…_

_He'll be hurt…_

_I promised I wouldn't run anymore…_

_I lied…_

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat as she turned on her phone and saw the messages.

_I'm hurting him…_

_Again…_

She opened the door slowly and was surprised when she noticed the lights were turned off. She closed the door and placed her keys on the counter.

_Maybe he's asleep…_

_I'm so tired…_

_I just want to sleep…_

_My head hurts.._

_My heart aches…_

_Grissom?_

She started for the bedroom when she heard the clang of the ice in the glass. She turned to face him. He was quiet as he sat there bringing the drink to his lips and then setting it back down on the arm of the chair.

"Gil?"

It was like an eruption of feeling that overcame him. He wasn't sure of his own emotions as he clenched his jaw holding back his outburst. She stared at him before dropping to her knees before him bringing her head to rest on his lap.

"I'm sorry."

_I'm so sorry I hurt you…_

_I'm so tired Grissom.._

She closed her eyes from the intensity of his stare. She could feel his heartbeat as it kept rhythm with the pounding in her head. She felt sick as she waited for his outburst.

"You lied!"

"I know."

Note from author:

This used to be two chapters but I played around with it in order to leave you in suspense…too much as to what happens. I could not resist putting a little of the note from season 8…no there will be no miniature killer in this story…the Luries are enough don't you think? I am busy busy busy this weekend but I will post again soon. P.S reviews for each chapter is nice!

Take care!

Penny


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter Fifty Seven:**

_Please forgive me Grissom…_

_My head…_

"You said no more running."

"I uhm…"

He grabbed her by the arms, "Do you like hurting me?"

"No!"

_Please forgive me Grissom…_

She kept her head down as she felt the pressure in her head intensify.

"What do you think you were doing?"

She sat there feeling his anger.

"I won't do it again."

"You've said that before."

"Grissom, I came back...I won't do it again."

He stood up leaving her to sit in the floor.

"Am I supposed to believe you this time or do I prepare myself for the next time you decide to take off. You're seven months pregnant! That's my child too!"

She was getting up now holding on to the chair. She stood and listened to the tirade until he finished.

"We're going to talk through this now," he demanded.

She nodded feeling a bit light headed as she tried to steady herself.

"We're going to talk about the session with Dr. Randle."

"You heard the session. There's nothing to discuss."

_Please Grissom…not tonight…I'm so tired…_

"Let go of the guilt, Sara. I don't blame you!"

"I blame myself! I blame myself for this mess…not you…not Brass…me."

"Fine. How long do you punish yourself this time? A day? A week? A month?"

"I'm not punishing myself. I'm eating. I'm sleeping. Hell, I'm even talking to my counselor and look what that got me!"

He stood with arms folded. She felt his anger and she stepped back to lean against the chair.

"I'm scared, Gil. I'm scared of what might happen."

"Sara, I'm not going to let anything happen to him. You're not in this alone. Stop acting alone!"

She closed her eyes to fight off the sudden dizziness she felt.

"We still have to resolve the request for a mental evaluation. We can't put it off," he finally said.

She laughed bitterly, "Who do I trust now? I trusted Dr. Randle."

"I'll check with Doc. Perhaps he can recommend someone. We just need to get this done quickly."

"What was Dr. Randle's recommendation?" she asked.

"Dr. Randle was bought by Lurie."

"Was she going to recommend that the Lurie's get custody of…"

"They wouldn't do that until the baby's birth."

"Then what did she recommend?"

He was silent.

She froze. "She was going to recommend that I be committed, wasn't she?"

He did not reply.

"Tell me!"

"Yes."

"I'd probably end up in the same facility where Adam is. Well, I know the layout already and some of the patients as well as the staff. They use restraints…"

"That's not going to happen."

"You don't know that," she whispered.

"No judge is going to believe that you need to be in a mental facility. Dr. Randle is risking her own medical profession if she does. Besides, I'm not sure she is going to give them any information after our conversation."

She stepped forward now letting go of the chair, "Promise me, you'll protect him no matter what. Promise me you'll put his wellbeing first. He comes first, not me. I don't want him to pay for my mistakes. Gil, you've got to…" She doubled over from the contraction.

"Sara!"

She breathed in deeply.

"Getting upset is not good for him. Sara, you've got to…" he could see the tears already pooling in her eyes.

_Good move there…_

_Give her more guilt…_

_Like she doesn't already have enough…_

_She's scared…._

_So scared…_

"I'm sorry, honey."

_Didn't she admit to Dr Randle she was afraid I would leave her if anything happened to the baby?_

_Way to make her feel safe…_

"You need to understand something. I would never blame you if anything happened to this…"

"Don't. If anything ever happened to him…" She didn't finish as she collapsed.

"Sara!"

Her head hurt. She wanted them to turn off the noise as she lay there hearing them talking to each other. She felt his hand in hers and she wanted to tell him to make them turn off the sirens. She felt another contraction and a scream joined the sound of the sirens followed by darkness again.

She sat feeling the abdomen that was now flat. She started to panic until she saw the nurse walk in with the baby. He was tiny, so very tiny. She reached for him and felt a sense of calm enter her as she held her son.

_He's so beautiful…._

_He's so…_

She brought him up close to her and she breathed in deeply. "like heaven." She opened the blanket and counted his fingers and toes and she felt herself smiling despite the tears that ran down her cheeks.

"He's mine," she said aloud. Grissom came inside the room and stood beside the bed.

"Isn't he perfect?' she announced.

"Sara, they're here," he said.

"The guys? They can come in…they can see him," she said smiling.

"The Luries are here. They've come for him."

The smile faded as it was replaced with dread.

"They can't have him. He's mine. He's ours Grissom."

"You have to give him to them."

"No! You said this would never happen. You said they would never get him."

"I lied. I lied just like you did. You lied and said you'd never run again. You risked his life and now the Luries have custody of him. It's your fault. We lost him because of you!"

"No! I'm not giving him up!"

She watched in horror as a nurse came in and took him from her.

"Don't do that! He's crying! He likes for you to hum to him. Don't take him! Grissom, don't let them take him! Grissom!!"

She was screaming as she felt hands holding her down. She could hear yelling over her own screams and she knew the voice. Her eyes flew open to stare into his. She lay there panting as he slowly released her.

Her hands flew immediately to her abdomen and she cried out in relief.

"Just a dream," he said softly.

"Just a dream," she said as she felt the drugs pulling her back down.

She slept as he sat there next to her.

_Brass warned me…._

_I didn't listen…_

_I just wanted to push back…_

_I wanted her to feel what I was feeling…_

_When she was already feeling it…_

He heard the tap at the door and saw Brass standing there.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"How is she? How is the baby?" asked Brass.

"They were able to stop the contractions. Her blood pressure is a major concern. They're running some tests. They may need to adjust her blood pressure medication."

He hung his head.

"I didn't listen. I…insisted on talking…pushing her…"

"Look, you two need to stop blaming each other. Sara has been under stress ever since Lurie showed up. It just got the best of her. We need to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"It can't. It almost cost us the baby. He's still not out of danger. They're going to monitor her for the next twenty four hours."

"I won't ask you to leave. You need to be here when she wakes up. Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"If you're pissed, blow off your steam away from her. I don't care if she did try to run she came back on her own. She's scared. She has a right to be. We both know that. She wasn't running from you. She was running from Lurie. Keep pushing her and she'll be running from you. I know. I did that to my daughter. I'm not going to let you do that to Sara. You understand?"

He nodded.

Note from author:  
This is an alert! This is to let all readers know we have reached the last ten chapters of this story. The last chapter, (68) is an epilogue where I write so much fluff it is suppose to make up for all the angst I've put you through! LOL I will be out of pocket tomorrow and Monday is..well let's just say I won't know which end is up so…We are on an honor system, I am releasing the chapter for Sunday and Monday tonight but please please leave a review for each.

Take care!

Penny


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter Fifty Eight:**

She dreamed again. She dreamed of holding him…of loving him and then watching the nurse hand him over to Mr. Lurie despite her pleas. She begged and pleaded until they held her down as she watched him carry the baby away. Her body slumped back onto the bed as she felt something warm on her forehead and opened her eyes to find his lips there.

"The baby?" she quickly asked.

"They're going to monitor you for the next twenty four hours…"

"You mean…"

"You went into premature labor…"

She began to panic feeling her abdomen. He grabbed her hand holding it tight.

"You need to listen to me. Look at that monitor. That's him…he's fine. He's fine as long as you're fine."

She nodded swiping at her eyes as she stared at the monitor.

"He's fine," he said again.

She nodded again not taking her eyes from the monitor.

"Sara, we can't do this anymore. You understand. We leave the guilt here when we leave. You understand. We'll both leave it here."

She nodded through clouded eyes.

He wiped her cheeks and held her, caressing her abdomen and smiling when he received a kick.

"You haven't eaten in several hours. You think you could eat something?" he asked.

She nodded.

He called the nurse who left to get a tray. She returned shortly, placing a tray on her lap. He sat beside her while she ate.

"Feeling better?"

She nodded. "I feel…"

"Loopy?" he asked.

"Yes."

"It's the medication. There haven't been any contractions for several hours. The medication is working. You need to remain calm and still."

She nodded her eyes now back on the monitor as she caressed her abdomen.

"You know, we need to pick out a name," he said.

She looked at him but said nothing.

"Well, he's not going to be called 'Gilbert'. I've always hated that name."

She remained silent glancing at his direction but keeping an eye on the baby monitor.

"Do you have a preference?" he asked.

"Matthew," she said softly.

"Matthew? Is it a family name?" he asked.

"Matthew means 'a gift from God.' Peggy and Father Brannigan said babies are a gift from God."

He smiled. "I like the name, Matthew. Matthew Grissom."

He kissed her on top of the head. "Is Matthew still awake?"

She nodded.

He placed his hand on her abdomen and smiled. "He seems to be very active."

She placed her hand over Grissom's.

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"I'm glad I took the risk. I don't regret it. I've never regretted it."

He kissed her as they sat there watching the monitor.

She curled up on her side in a protective ball and hummed softly as she felt him move to her voice and she closed her eyes smiling at the feel of him. She felt the medication again as it made her sleep. She didn't fight it but let it take her.

He sat there with eyes closed listening to the soft raspy voice of Sara humming. He had listened to this ritual ever since she began to feel the baby move. He loved the sound of her voice. It was sweet and spoke what he had known from the beginning.

_She was meant to be a mother…_

_She's a natural…_

He woke a few hours later and stood to stretch. He stepped out into the hall and felt his anger rise. He came face to face with Lurie and his attorney.

"Stay away from her!"

"Mr. Lurie was concerned about…"

"Did it ever occur to you that if you really gave a damn about the welfare of this baby, you would leave Sara alone? She doesn't need this stress. It almost cost us the baby."

"You mean she could…" began Lurie.

"Yes!"

"She should have been more careful," he replied with a scoff.

"She's done everything to protect this baby despite the hell you've put her through."

"She's not as strong as I thought….a pity," replied the old man.

Grissom stepped forward. He felt a hand on his shoulder and knew that it was Brass.

"I suggest we all calm down and what a better way to do that than for the two of you to leave. You have no business here. Do I need to place a uniformed officer outside the door?"

"We're leaving. We want to be updated about the baby's condition," called the attorney as he led Mr. Lurie away. Grissom watched as they left.

"I don't believe this."

"Figured they might try to come by so I stuck around. The guys are down stairs in the cafeteria. They've been here for a couple of hours. How is she?"

"She's resting better. Damn nightmares again."

"How about some coffee?"

He nodded.

"I'll bring some up. You stay here with her in case they decide to return."

Grissom returned to his seat.

_They're sleeping…_

_My wife…_

_My child…_

_My son Matthew…_

_She could have gotten on that bus…._

_but she didn't…._

_she came back…_

_she must have been so scared…_

_not knowing to run away with him or run back to me…._

_It shouldn't be this hard…_

_It's not fair…_

He berated himself for jumping on her the moment she returned. He remembered hearing the click of the door and being relieved that she was coming back and then feeling the emotion replaced with anger as he recalled how he had just sat in hell for the last several hours. He combed his hands through his hair.

_Brass is right…_

_If I keep pushing her…_

_She's going to run from me next time…_

_I can't let that happen…_

_I can't let her down…_

_I can't let him down…_

He heard the slight tap at the door and turned to see Brass standing there with coffee in his hand. He walked in softly handing him the cup.

"The guys are going to wait until she wakes up…felt it was best for her to get as much rest as she can."

Grissom nodded.

"Well, she seems to be resting comfortably," whispered Brass.

"She is. She hasn't moved in hours," said Grissom as he looked at the monitor.

"Is that him?"

"Yes, it is."

"I hate to say this but he doesn't look like you. He looks like me," grinned Brass.

Grissom frowned.

"I don't care what he looks like as long as he's healthy."

"He will be."

"We're not sure about the drugs Lurie gave her…what effect if any it will have on him."

"He's strong to have made it through the hell with Sara. He's going to be fine."

"She's been worried about that…every time she goes for her OB appointment. She's had so much to worry about. I haven't helped."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up. That's not helping her or you."

He grinned as he felt Jim's hand on his shoulder.

"You think Lurie will still insist on a mental evaluation?" asked Grissom.

"His attorney has already been calling about it…yes. I'll talk with Doc. You focus on Sara and the baby. I'll deal with Lurie."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Have you two even considered names yet?"

"Matthew."

"Nice ring…abit disappointed you didn't name it after me but…."

They were startled by the alarms to the baby monitor.

Note from author:

I know, its mean but…leave the review anyway. Take care! Penny.


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter Fifty Nine:**

She was awake now as her brain tried to make sense of the strange sound coming from the monitor. The nurses scurried in pushing him to the side as he stood there helplessly.

"Don't anyone panic. This happens from time to time. The sensor gets moved out of place and the machine can't pick up the baby's heartbeat. He's fine. Look at the other monitor, see him squirming around. I think he hears the noise also and doesn't like it. He's going to be a very smart little boy," announced the nurse as she patted Sara's arm.

The heartbeat returned on the monitor and Sara breathed out slowly.

"You okay?" asked the nurse as she watched the blood pressure monitor.

Sara nodded slowly.

"I know it's scary but as long as you can feel him moving about, he's fine. Don't panic."

She nodded again not able to say anything as she tried to swallow her emotions.

_Don't get upset…_

_Don't get upset…_

_Not good for him…_

_Not good for Matthew…_

_He's fine as long as I'm fine…_

_I have to be fine…_

_He needs me to be fine…_

_He needs me…_

_My son needs me…_

_I need him…_

"Sara?"

She turned to stare at Grissom.

"It's okay to be scared. I was scared too."

"He's fine as long as I'm fine," she whispered.

His heart skipped a beat.

"I'm fine as long as both of you are fine," he whispered back.

He kissed the palm of her hand and then pulled her face away from the monitor so that she was looking at him.

"I'm going to say this again. I don't blame you for the miscarriage. I would never blame you if anything should happen to Matthew."

He saw her fear.

"Sara, he's a fighter. He went through that hell with you and survived. We both have been worried about the effects of the drugs…if he doesn't make it…it will not be because you did not give him every opportunity…I don't know how you both survived. I don't know how you've managed to get through all of the hell James Lurie has thrown your way. I struggle with my own sanity in this. You're strong…like him. I love you…I think I've loved you forever don't you ever forget or doubt that."

She pulled him close unable to speak.

Brass stepped in.

"Hey, kiddo. The guys and I have been here for awhile. Greg has offered to sneak in a smoothie later."

She smiled slightly.

Brass looked at Grissom.

"Gil, why don't you get the guys while I sit here with her."

He hesitated a moment and then left.

Brass came to stand next to the bed.

"He's not here now. I am," he said as he pulled her into his arms. He felt her tears give way.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered as he held her.

"I hurt him…I said I wouldn't run but I did. I lied to him. I hurt him."

"You were trying to protect Matthew. Besides, as I pointed out to him, you were running away from Lurie not him. You came back on your own. Sara, you need to stop the blame game. You blame yourself while he blames himself. No more blame. Got that?"

She nodded.

"Now, look. Your blood pressure is still fine. It won't be if you let this build. Let it out, Sara. Don't hold it in."

She wiped at her eyes and then heard the tapping at the door.

"No room for you this time Greg."

"That's okay. I'll take a raincheck. Did Brass tell you…"

"A smoothie would be good," she said.

"Is that him?" asked Nick.

"Yes it is," said Grissom now holding Sara's hand. He leaned down and kissed her cheek tasting the salt from her tears.

"Cool!" said Greg as he watched the monitor. "Hey, guys, we're watching the inside of Sara…"

"Greg, want to stand out in the hall?" asked Warrick.

"I just think it's neat. Watch! He's looking at us."

"He responds to sound," said Sara.

"Sara hums to him," said Grissom as he caressed her hand. "She's a great mother already."

It bothered him to see doubt suddenly cross her face.

"Well, of course," said Nick. "She puts up with us."

It made her smile.

"He really responds to humming?" asked Warrick.

"Yes," replied Sara.

Nick looked at Warrick and Greg. "Hey did you guys see that old movie about three guys and a baby?"

"Yeah! It was with the Hawaiian guy….what's his name?" asked Greg.

"I know who you mean…let's see, what did they sing to the baby?" asked Warrick.

Grissom and Brass chuckled as they watched the men sing over Sara's abdomen. They watched the monitor as the baby swirled around and kicked.

"You must be off key because he's kicking me," laughed Sara.

"It's not me," said Nick, "It's Warrick."

"Sorry guys but I never professed to be a singer."

"You got that right," said Greg.

Warrick frowned.

It made them all laugh.

She was permitted to go home after two days. She lay there in bed reading a book while he sat in the office doing paperwork. She had insisted he return to work and while he did, he found himself making excuses to take off and be at home with her. She glanced up to find him standing in the doorway.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Good."

"Bored yet?"

"Yes…but I don't mind."

"I know you don't. Feel like getting up and going for a walk?" he asked.

"I think I'll stay here for another day…"

"You're fine. The doctor said you could resume normal activities after two days. Sara, this is day four."

"I know. I just want to give him…us another day. I don't want to push it."

He came to sit beside the bed.

"Are you still scared?"

She was silent.

"Sara?"

"Yes."

"Me too."

She took his hand and kissed his palm.

"Checkers?" she asked.

He smiled. "I thought we could play scrabble."

"Not sure I would be any good…my brain isn't what it used to be."

He smiled.

_I may have a chance to beat you…_

"I'll go easy on you," he offered.

"No, you won't. If I win it will be because I beat you fair and square," she announced.

"Your wish is my win," he announced.

She beat him. She glanced at him as he tallied up the final score and then sighed.

"Another game?"

"How about we just chat. I don't think you could beat me if we chatted."

She grinned.

"How's the lab?"

"Kind of steady but not forcing us to work doubles yet."

"Has Ecklie…"

"No he hasn't. He's been lying low these days. I don't think he wants me to get another concussion and use any colorful metaphors."

She grinned. "That seems so long ago."

"Yes, it does."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you ask when it would be safe for us to…"

"a week."

"That long?"

"Me too."

They both sighed.

"Want to go for a smoothie?"

"Could we get a veggie burger with sweet potato fries?"

He looked at her. "For you, yes. For me, give me the heart attack fries."

They chuckled.

Note from author:

It is so good to be back! I really wanted to post last night but I did not have a connection where I was. Enjoy the chapter and leave a review.

Take care!

Penny


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter Sixty:**

She went into work, promising she would leave early if she did not feel well. She sat there in the lab running a set of fingerprints. Hodges looked at her.

"You're quiet today."

"I'm sorry. Did you need to discuss something?" she asked.

"No…it's just that you always chat with Greg and the others. Is there something I did…I mean I don't run the lab the way Greg did but…"

"I like the way you run the lab," she replied.

"You do?"

"You don't have to be like Greg. Be yourself. I like you just the way you are. Don't let anyone make you think you have to change," she said as she got up and headed over to give Nick the results.

"Thanks," he called as he watched her leave.

She wasn't prepared to run into him as she walked down the hall. She had been focusing on the report as she walked not looking up at the waiting area.

"Mrs. Grissom," he called.

She stopped and cringed when she saw the attorney for James Lurie.

"I'm not speaking with you," she said as she turned to walk away.

'"I think you better," he warned.

She stopped and turned to face him.

"We're very concerned about what Dr. Randle implied about the mental evaluation. She mentioned she could not give us a report because your husband has power of attorney."

"I trust my husband."

"We want an evaluation immediately or else we're going back to the judge for an emergency petition."

She felt her pulse quicken.

"Mrs. Grissom's evaluation is scheduled for this afternoon. Is that quick enough?" asked Hodges.

Sara whirled around to face him.

"Evaluation?"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Grissom but it's the first available time I have," said Hodges.

"You're going to give the mental evaluation?" asked he attorney.

"I'm a licensed psychologist and can give mental evaluations. I can have the report to you by the end of the week," said Hodges as he glanced at Sara.

"Good. We look forward to reading it. May we contact you…"

"No. I'll send the results to the court as well as a copy to each of you." Hodges then turned and walked away.

The attorney stared as he watched Sara head down the hall.

She stood at his door quietly waiting for him to finish his phone call before entering.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I ran into Lurie's attorney. He demanded an evaluation immediately or..."

"Doc is checking on someone."

Sara came and sat down in the chair.

"It may have just gotten worse," she said.

"What happened?"

"Hodges told the attorney he was going to do the evaluation himself."

"He did?"

"Yes. They're going to find out Hodges lied…that he's not…"

"He is."

She stared at Grissom. "Hodges is a licensed…"

"Yes, he is."

Grissom looked up as Hodges came to stand in the doorway.

"I'm sorry if I was out of line back there but I didn't like the way he was bullying you. If you don't want me to do the evaluation…"

"No!...no, I'm fine with it," she said suddenly. "I…trust you."

"Fine. I'll see you this afternoon," he said as he started to leave.

"Hodges, thank you," said Grissom.

He smiled and then walked away.

"Do you think he'll find me normal?" she asked.

"I hope not," he said. "Normal is so dull. You're not dull Mrs. Grissom."

She gave him a half smile before getting up to leave.

She sat there staring at him. She knew he was nervous. She sensed it immediately. It made her feel better knowing that he was not confident. She had not been confident in months.

"Why did you get a…"

"I was never good with people. I figured if I learned how people think, I would be able to…"

"You still have problems dealing with…"

"I'm still trying to figure out things."

"Me too."

He smiled. She smiled.

He began with her childhood. He sensed immediately she did not like talking about it. He began telling her about his own.

"Sounds like you had a normal childhood."

"Normal is what you like it to be. I never considered mine normal. My parents were both professionals who had little contact with the public. I was not permitted to play with other kids. I went to private schools…competition was the name of the game."

She nodded. She told him about her childhood. The death of her father rolled off her lips as he never blinked but sat there listening nodding his head every now and then. Within an hour she was talking about Grissom. He was too. They each learned how they had sought his approval. Each telling about how he was so elusive and sometimes not forthcoming with compliments.

"I think he has issues," said Sara.

"I do too," he agreed.

They both smiled.

She talked about San Francisco and how she and Grissom first met. He leaned forward sipping on the coffee. The rape slipped out as she talked about the transition from office to office. He made no indication that the revelation startled him.

There were the stories of the lab. The discussion led to cases they had shared in together from murders to assaults to rapes to abductions.

He waited for her to take the lead.

She did.

First, she talked about Nick's abduction followed by her own.

"We expected to find you immediately," he said.

"Me too."

"It really bothered everyone when we didn't."

"Me too."

She was silent for a moment.

"What was he like…when I was gone?" she asked.

"The old Grissom again. He kept to himself, working around the clock. He rarely spoke to anyone unless it was work related. I used to be able to identify with the old Grissom….but then I began to idolize the new Grissom."

"new Grissom?"

"He became more personal. He actually talked with you about other things. He had dinner with the others at the diner."

"He did that before," she said.

"He didn't before or after hours. He kept to himself. He never mixed personal with business."

"No, I guess he didn't."

"He changed when the two of you…it was for the better."

She was quiet again.

"I never expected him to find me alive," she said.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to die. I didn't want to live with what Lurie did to me. It was bad enough to live through it once but then to endure it for weeks. I expected to die."

"But you didn't."

"No, I survived."

"You're a survivor."

She did not reply.

"How do you feel about the pregnancy?"

"He's mine"

He seemed puzzled.

"How do you feel about being pregnant?"

"Scared."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to turn out like my mother. I don't want him to suffer with the stigmatism that I did. Everyone knew me as the kid whose mother killed her father. Now, he will too."

"Excuse me?"

"If he's Lurie's…"

"You're not sure?"

"No."

She spoke about their trip to the cabin. She talked about the proposal and then their subsequent marriage. She then talked about how Grissom had protected her from the knowledge of the pregnancy giving her time to heal from the rape before making her face the possibility that she was carrying Lurie's child. She admitted she had considered an abortion and even adoption but then she had learned to let go of the pain.

"How do you feel about the baby?"

"He's mine. I love him. He's mine."

"You keep saying that."

"James Lurie is going to file for custody."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Like I'm being raped again."

Her bluntness made him set his cup down.

"Why do you think he will get custody?"

"Because of the mistakes I made."

"What mistakes?"

"Trusting Vincent. I never trusted many people in my life. It was safer but then I trusted Vincent and he returned my trust by killing our baby…giving me the injection. He then kidnapped me…raping me. I never should have trusted him."

"What other mistakes have you made?"

"Climbing on top of that car…I wanted the evidence…I focused on it more than myself."

"Isn't that what police officers do sometimes…focusing on their job even though the average person would think it was a bit wreckless?"

She had not thought about it in that manner.

"What else?"

"I uhm hurt Grissom."

"How did you hurt Grissom?"

She talked about the incident with the knife. She recounted every detail of the event letting it slip from her lips without regard to how it would affect his decision.

"It sounds like an accident."

"I still feel guilty. I've never wanted to hurt him."

They finished with the premature labor scare.

"I lied to him."

"How?"

"We agreed we wouldn't run from one another but I did. I ran that night."

"Why?"

"Because my other counselor had recommended that I be…"

"Be what?"

"Commited for the duration of the pregnancy."

"Why?"

"Because of what I told her in the counseling session."

"What did you tell her?"

"What I told you today."

"But that doesn't make sense."

"It didn't to me either."

"Grissom lied to her."

"How?"

"He told her I had signed over power of attorney so he could obtain the recorded session."

"And he got the tape?"

"Yes."

"Do you think he would let me listen to it?"

"I don't mind."

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"You're normal."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am."

"Grissom said that normal people are dull."

He grinned. She grinned.

Note from author:

I felt so bad for leaving the cliffhanger that I decided to post twice tonight. Please be sure and leave a review for each chapter.

Take care!

Penny


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter Sixty One:**

He found her in the lab working with Hodges. They were laughing. He stood and watched.

"Do you think this will work?" asked Hodges.

"Greg, never checks his boots. He just slips them on," she said with a grin.

"Sara, you're not doing something you shouldn't are you?" asked Grissom

His voice made her turn.

"Is it dinner already?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes, it is," he said.

Sara winked at Hodges and then left.

"Hey Sara?" called Hodges.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks…for helping," said Hodges.

She smiled and walked out taking Grissom by the hand. He waited until they were in his office with the door shut before pulling her into an embrace.

"You had your session with Hodges?"

"Yes. He would like to hear the tape."

"I'll give it to him. Are you okay?"

"No. He said I'm normal."

"Well, he's wrong. You're not normal. You're unique."

She grinned. "Can we eat now? I'm starving."

He placed the report into his briefcase and left for the day. She had already left earlier to spend some time at the hospital. He quickly drove there to find her rocking one of the babies. He stood and watched. She smiled at him when she saw him there.

"His name is Benjamin."

"Does Benji need to be changed?"

"Just did it."

"So it's safe to come in?"

She grinned. "Better get used to changing diapers."

"I promise. I just need to work on my reflexes. Boys tend to…"

"I know. I've gotten hit a few times but I'm learning."

"Hodges dropped off his evaluation."

She stared at him.

"The world is insane. You're the only sane person left on the face of the earth according to his observation. Sara, it's a great report."

She sighed.

"Normal huh?"

"Unique."

She sat there rocking the baby. He could see the tension leaving her body and it made him smile.

"Maybe this will shut them up for awhile. Your doctor has been sending them updates about the pregnancy. Everything is good."

James Lurie threw the report into the fire.

"What am I paying you for?" he snarled at the attorney.

"This Hodges could not be bought."

"It doesn't matter. She'll cave when she doesn't have Gil Grissom. We just need to get rid of him."

"Do you want to arrange it?"

"It needs to look like an accident."

"I'll take care of it. It won't be difficult with his line of work."

"Just make sure it kills him…no mistakes."

Mrs. Lurie stood outside the door listening. She waited until the attorney left before entering the room.

"Do you think that is necessary? Why not wait until after the baby is born to see if he's really Vincent's?"

"I hoped it's not his! It would just turn out to be a sniveling…"

"But, why do you want him then?"

"Because he's from good stock. I could make something out of him."

"You won't live that long…"

"My father lived to be in his nineties. I expect to do the same. Money can buy you anything."

"Not immortality."

He walked past her but stopped when he stood beside her, "I have an appointment at Lady Heather's."

"Going to meet with one of the ladies again?" she said with a bit of sarcasm.

"Like I said, money can buy you anything…of course you've not been useful for years."

"I guess I haven't."

She watched him leave.

Sara saw her come in and she knew the woman had come to see her. She stood as the woman approached. "Could I speak with you?" asked Mrs. Lurie.

Sara took her to one of the conference rooms.

"I see you're not afraid to be alone with me," she said.

"Should I be?" asked Sara.

"I'm not the one you should fear. My husband is the…Vincent often spoke about you. He called me and told me he had finally met someone…nice."

His name was like barb wire to Sara but she remained emotionless.

"My son wasn't always like his father. In fact, when he wanted to go into the medical field I thought that he would have been spared from taking after his father. My father was a surgeon. He was a very good surgeon. I even went to medical school but then I married and James did not approve of me having a career."

"Why didn't you leave? You could have supported yourself and Vincent."

"No one leaves James Lurie. He gets whatever he wants. You remember that."

"Is that a threat?" asked Sara.

"It's a warning. He will get your child."

"Over my dead body! He's not going to twist this child into the monster Vincent became but it wasn't just his fault was it?" glared Sara.

"I never hurt my child!" she huffed.

"You did when you didn't have the backbone to stand up to your husband and get Vincent away from him. You knew what he was capable of and yet you let him turn your son into the monster he became. You could have stopped it."

"I wasn't strong enough," she said.

"You're wrong. The difference in you and me is that I would gladly die before I let James Lurie harm my son."

"Are you sure about that?" the old woman said staring at Sara. "Are you sure you would risk everything to protect him…even if it's Vincent's?"

"Yes."

"He raped you."

Sara flinched.

"Yes he did."

"The child you are carrying was conceived through rape. And yet you say you would protect him with your life."

"He's mine. He's a part of me. He's innocent. He's done nothing to deserve being punished for what his father did to me."

"My son resembles my husband a lot. What if he looks like Vincent? Could you look at his face every day knowing what his father did to you?"

"I look like my mother….the resemblance is uncanny you could say. My mother killed my father in cold blood. When I look into the mirror I don't see my mother, I see me. When I look into my baby's face, I will not see Vincent, I will see Matthew."

"That's what you're going to name him?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Is it a family name?"

"No. It means a gift from God. This baby is a gift. He survived the hell that I went through. We've experienced that hell together. Don't sit there and think for a moment that I wouldn't walk through hell to protect him. I've already done that. Hell does not frighten me."

"James Lurie should. You should be…careful…very careful."

Sara stood to leave.

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at the woman.

"When it comes to this baby, I have a backbone. If it is my son's child, I intend to see him."

"I will not let James Lurie near him."

"Would you let me?"

Sara folded her arms…

_If he's Vincent…_

_The court may give them visitation…_

_We'll be forced to let them see him…_

_I'll need someone to watch over him when he's with them…_

"Would you protect him? With your life if you had to?"

"You make it sound like my husband is going to…"

"Your son turned out to be a murderer and a rapist…I've heard your husband is no better."

"Did you ever have any feelings for my son?"

The question made Sara sink back into the chair. She immediately wrapped her hands around the bulge in her lap. The baby kicked.

"Trust has never been easy for me. I've trusted very few people in my life. I trusted Vincent."

She sighed and then swallowed hard, "Yes, I cared for him. His deceit hurt me more than the…rape."

"You hated him when you killed him."

"Yes I did…I still do."

"Good. I hate my husband. You should turn that hate towards him. You're going to need all the strength you can muster."

Sara got up to leave once more.

"You didn't answer my question. Would you let me see him?"

"You show me you'll protect him."

She left the woman sitting there and left.

Note from author:

Yes, here is where the fluff leaves and the angst is mighty thick. Please be responsible when reading and try not to throw too much my way. I am in the middle of chaos here so I am posting when I can. I will try to post again soon.

Take care!

Penny


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter Sixty Two:**

"How many does this make tonight?" asked Brass.

"Too many," called Grissom as he got out of the Denali. "Where've you been?"

"Having dinner with Sara," he announced with a grin.

"That was supposed to be my dinner," said Grissom with a frown.

"You canceled and I just happened to have some free time," he said with a grin.

"How is she?"

"Good."

"She's been really tired lately."

"She's in her last trimester. What do you expect?"

"I'm worried."

"You worry too much…that's good. You're going to be a good father."

"You think so?"

"Not really. I was just feeling a little guilty for eating your dinner."

Grissom glared as Brass chuckled.

"Okay, what do we have?"

"Looks like a homeless person crawled into this building setting off the alarm. He was found dead by the security crew."

"Cause of death been established yet?"

"Looks like he had been stabbed…may have been why he was trying to get inside the building. Blood starts out here," said Brass motioning to the ground.

"I'll take it from here," said Grissom.

"Working solo on this?" asked Brass.

"Looks like it."

"I've got to get back but Bob will be out here if you need anything."

He drove away looking at Grissom in his rearview mirror as he headed inside the building.

Grissom walked inside and began processing the scene. He stood when he heard his name being called.

"Grissom!" He came to stand outside.

"I heard you wanted someone to work your shift tonight?" called Brad.

"Yes. I have a crib that needs to be put together."

"Can't help you there but I can cover this for you."

"Good. You're going to be able to cover your own shift tomorrow, right?"

"Been working doubles for the past two years. Actually prefer the night shift over the morning but I can't complain."

"Good." Grissom started to walk away but stopped. "Brad, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't call in the change until later. I want my wife to be at work so I can slip in and do the crib that she doesn't think I can do."

"Got it. I'll wait a couple of hours."

"Good. I'll let Bob know that you're going to finish."

Grissom slipped into the vehicle glancing at his watch.

_She'll be at work now…_

_Just me and the crib…_

_Wonder if Bruno knows anything about putting cribs together?_

Sara sat there at her desk, snickering over the latest prank that had been played on Greg. She saw Hodges running down the hall and she leaned back in her chair.

"Hey Hodges! What's all the excitement?"

"There's been an explosion at one of the crime scenes."

"Where?"

"Going to find out now."

She got up and followed him to the front. She stopped when she saw Nick and Warrick standing there.

"Hey guys…."

She saw their expressions.

"What's wrong?'

"Grissom was working there," said Nick.

"Grissom? Is he alright?" she asked suddenly.

"We don't know. We just got the report of the explosion," said Nick. "We're going out there."

"I'm going with you!" she said.

"Sara, you need to stay here," said Warrick.

"Fine, I'll drive myself," she said.

"Okay. Okay," said Nick as he held out his hand.

They arrived as the fire trucks battled the blaze. The ambulance was parked out front.

"Probably has another concussion. The ambulance is still here," said Sara.

They got out and hurried to the ambulance. She stopped when she saw three bodies lying on the ground.

One of the technicians came around to the side.

"No survivors," he reported.

"No…" Sara began.

"We found a police officer near the entrance. The other guy…must have been a CSI. He was found inside with another body. Both bodies were severely burned."

Sara began to shake her head.

"What the hell happened?" asked Warrick.

"Looks like a gas explosion."

"That can't be Grissom," she whispered.

Nick came to stand beside her trying to pull her away from the body. She jerked away pulling the sheets back.

"That's Bob Davis. His patrol car is over there."

She tried to pull the sheet from the other body but Nick stopped it as it was partially removed. They saw the remnants of the CSI jacket and they stared at Sara.

"He was on the board…to work this case," she whispered.

Nick glanced up when he saw Brass arrive. He quickly hurried over. "I just got the call."

"Tell me, he wasn't here Jim. Please tell me he wasn't here!"

He stood there helplessly.

She dropped to her knees as she began to sob.

"Sara, we've got to get you away from here," said Brass quietly.

"No, I won't leave him…I won't…" she grabbed his arm as she felt the contraction. She looked at him in horror as she felt something warm and sticky run down her leg.

"Sara!" He began yelling as he caught her as she doubled over. "Get over here!"

"I can't lose him too," she begged. "I can't lose him too!"

"It's going to be okay," he tried to assure.

The technicians were placing her on a gurney as they began to lift her.

"How far along are you?" the man asked.

"Thirty two weeks," she said between clenched teeth.

"Your water broke. Don't push…even if you feel like you need to…don't push," said the technician.

Brass climbed inside the ambulance refusing to let go of her hand.

"Sara, it's going to be…Sara? She's lost consciousness," said Brass.

"Her blood pressure is dropping. I don't like this. She's going south fast," yelled the technician.

Warrick and Nick watched as the ambulance sped away.

Grissom sat back on the floor and stared up at the crib. He sighed.

"Harder than I thought it was going to be but it's done!" He announced to Bruno who stared at him. He glanced at his watch and then got up. He showered quickly and then headed to the lab.

Grissom walked into the lab and watched as the others stared at him.

"Grissom!" yelled Greg as he came running. He grabbed the older man and then quickly let him go.

"Greg, what's the matter?"

"We thought you were dead. There was an explosion at your location…they found three bodies."

"Brad from first shift covered for me while I went home and put the crib together. Sara?"

"She's at the hospital…she went into labor."

"When?"

"An hour ago."

He was rushing outside but he felt his arm being pulled. "I'll drive!" said Greg.

He was hurrying now as he made his way through the halls of the hospital. He waited impatiently as they made him wear a mask and outfit before letting him into the operating room.

"I'm her husband," he announced as he hurried to her side.

"We're going to do an emergency C section. Her blood pressure is not good."

"Is she conscious?"

"She may be able to hear you."

He stood there now beside her whispering softly into her ear.

_Please Sara, please hear me…_

_I'm not dead…_

_You're not alone…_

_I'm here…._

_He's going to be fine…_

_We're not going to lose him…_

He watched as they delivered his son. He waited for a cry but when there was none he felt his hand cover his mouth.

He waited.

_Thank God, she unconscious and can't see this…_

_If we lose him…_

He heard a faint cry as he watched them work with Matthew before rushing him into another room. Grissom stood there helplessly.

"They're taking him to NICU for preemies…they'll let you know how he is," said a nurse as she passed by.

He now focused on the physician who began to curse.

"What's wrong?" asked Grissom.

"She's bleeding uncontrollably. Damn!"

_I can't lose her…._

"Sara, don't you give up on me…don't you leave me…not now. You've got to hold our son. You've got to rock him and sing him a lullaby. Please honey, don't leave me," he begged.

He felt himself being pushed out now as they continued to work on her. He stared as the blood pressure continued to drop and then someone yelled, "she's flatlining!"

He turned and tried to return but they would not let him back in. He stood outside in the hallway staring at the door.

"Mr. Grissom?" he turned and stared at a young woman.

"Yes?" he managed to get out.

"The doctor would like to talk with you about your son."

"My son?"

"Yes, your son."

"But…I can't leave her…"

"They'll come and let you know. Your son needs you right now."

"Needs me?"

He heard Sara's voice echoing in his ear.

_He comes first…_

_His needs before mine…_

_Promise me…_

"I promise," he whispered.

He felt himself being led away. He stood and stared at the small infant inside the incubator.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes."

"I'm Dr. Peters. Your son's lungs were not developed. He's on a ventilator. He's struggling right now but he has every chance of surviving. The next seventy two hours are critical."

"Ventilator?" He tried to wrap his brain around it but his mind kept going back to Sara. "I'm sorry. I need to know about my wife."

A nurse came in. "Mr. Grissom? You're wife is in recovery. A doctor will be in shortly to talk with you."

He sighed.

"Mr. Grissom, I know this is a lot to take in but your son has a very good chance of recovery."

"When can I hold him?"

"When we've removed the ventilator…he's a fighter."

"How much did he weigh?"

"four and half pounds."

"He's small….I was small."

He watched as Peggy came in. "I heard. How is he?" she asked.

"Four and half pounds," he echoed.

She looked at the chart and then pulled Grissom aside.

"He's doing well. If he keeps this up, they'll remove the ventilator soon. He's going to need lots of love and attention."

He nodded.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Sara?"

"I'm still waiting."

They exchanged glances.

Note from author:

Keep the reviews coming. It's sad to see this almost at the end and the next one is not ready yet…. Please be sure and set me as an alert so you will get the alert when I begin to post the new story. It will be soon.

Take care!

Penny


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter Sixty Three:**

She drifted in and out of consciousness not wanting to return to the living. She could hear familiar voices at times but she did not care. She wished to remain asleep. She felt her hand being held at times and it made her want to wake but then the memory of his burned lifeless body would remind her that he was no longer with her and she chose to sleep.

"How is she?" asked Brass as he stood beside Grissom.

"She slipped into a coma" he managed to get out.

"She's going to be okay," said Brass.

"She thinks I'm dead," said Grissom. "I wouldn't want to live if I thought she was dead."

"You thought she was dead…when we couldn't find her," said Brass.

"Yes but I didn't see her body. She saw mine or what she thought was mine."

"Let her body heal," he offered.

"I've tried everything. I just want her to open her eyes and know I'm here. I want her to know she didn't lose us…we're both here."

"Then she will."

They stood there quietly for a moment.

His fingers traced the bruises on her arm where the IV had been removed.

"At least she didn't have to worry about the IVs bothering her. They were removed yesterday."

"How is Matthew?"

"I held him this morning. They removed the ventilator. He needs his mother."

"Look, I don't want to bring this up but we need to talk about some things. Has the paternity tests been done yet? You know the Luries have been laying low waiting to see if Matthew is going to make it….now that he is, the old man is going…"

"It was done this morning."

"Good. When will you get the test results?"

"In a day or so…the Luries wouldn't let us use the lab…it's okay…I trust this other lab…I don't think Lurie can buy anyone there."

"Good. Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"The explosion was no accident. Someone wanted you dead."

"I caused a man's death."

"That's bullshit. The man came to you and offered to work your shift. He wanted the overtime. You didn't know anyone was going to try to kill you."

"It doesn't remove the guilt."

"You need to focus on your son and Sara."

He nodded.

"I'll watch your back where Lurie is concerned."

He found himself back in the nursery. He smiled when he saw Catherine holding him.

"He's beautiful. I didn't think the guys were going to let me have a turn," she said as she smiled at Grissom.

"Where's Greg?"

"We wouldn't let him in. He's got a cold."

"Good. No one that is sick needs …"

"We're taking precautions."

He sighed leaning against the doorway.

"Looks like you need your son," said Catherine as she got up and placed the baby in Grissom's arms.

"Yes, I do. Somehow it makes me feel…" he stopped.

"What's wrong?"

"Something I should have done a long time ago."

She watched as he carried the baby out. The nurse suddenly became alarmed.

"Where's he taking…"

"It's his baby. He'll bring him back," assured Catherine.

He stood there holding the baby as he watched her lay there.

"Sara, your son needs you. I need you," he said out loud. "Everyone has held him but you. You need to hold him and let him know you love him. He needs to hear your voice. I need to hear your voice," he said.

He placed the baby beside her as he held them both. He watched as the baby flailed its little arms and legs.

"I haven't gotten the swaddling down yet. He keeps getting out of the blanket."

The baby started to whimper and then cry.

Grissom tried to comfort him without removing him from Sara.

"Sara, you have to wake up. You hear me. You have to wake up now. They've done the paternity test. If it comes back that I'm not the father, they're going to take him from me. I need you. They can't take him from his mother but they can take him from me. Please I don't want to lose him. I don't want to lose you both…" he wiped at his eyes as he listened to the baby begin to wail.

He felt defeated. He let the baby cry as he let his own tears fall.

"Grissom?"

He moved now to stare into her eyes.

"dream?"

"No dream. I'm not dead. I wasn't there when the building exploded. I switched with someone from day shift. I went home to put the crib together."

"Grissom?"

She heard the baby cry once more.

"Matthew?"

"He needs his mother. We both do," he said.

She lay there staring at the baby counting his fingers and toes. She tried to bring him up closer but was too weak. Grissom held the baby close to her.

"You smell that?" she asked. "That's what heaven smells like."

She kissed the baby lightly on the head and smiled through misty eyes. "He's beautiful, Grissom."

"I think that makes it unanimous," he whispered.

"Is he…"

"He's small. He was on a ventilator for awhile but he began breathing on his own. He's a fighter Sara just like you."

"Lurie…"

"We did the paternity test this morning…we'll know soon."

He saw the fear in her eyes.

"Sara, no one is going to take him."

She felt her eyes closing but she forced them open.

"I'm so tired Grissom."

"Sleep. You're two favorite guys will be here when you wake up."

"Stay close."

He smiled. "Close."

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll need to nurse him soon."

"Yes, you will. I'm sure he would like some time with his mother. I know I would."

"You sure he's okay?"

"Yes."

She closed her eyes and was asleep again.

He picked up the baby and held him close.

"Thank you Matthew. You're exactly what she needed."

He knew he was in trouble the moment the nurse came rushing down the hall.

"Mr. Grissom, we need that baby back!" she called.

He glanced down at his son. "You'll find that I'm often in trouble with women. I hope you have better success with the opposite sex."

She was awake when he returned.

"How do you feel?" he asked with a smile.

"Where's my baby?" she said with arms crossed.

"They needed him for tests…don't worry. It's just routine. They wouldn't let me go with him. I tried."

"Good," she said as she tried to pull herself up.

"Do you remember anything?"

"I remember parts of the C section."

"I was holding your hand. I tried to tell you I wasn't dead."

"I thought I was dreaming…I wanted you there…I needed you…Grissom I don't know what I would have done if you…"

"Me too," he said gruffly.

She stared at him.

"I need to hold him."

"I'll try to sneak him out again."

"No, I'll go to him."

"Sara…"

She was getting up now throwing her legs over the side of the bed. She eased off the bed and then stared at him.

"I can carry you."

"If you do, they won't let him in my room later. I can walk. I need to walk."

He let her walk, supporting her arm and waist. She managed to make it to the middle of the hallway before stopping. He saw the exhaustion and then sweat beaded on her forehead.

"Sara, I'm going to carry you. You're not able to…"

He felt her giving way and he scooped her up. He smiled when they saw Nick and the others standing outside the nursery.

"So sleeping beauty has decided to wake up," called Nick. He came and kissed her. "You did good momma."

Grissom placed her in a rocking chair as the others stood outside and watched as Grissom placed Matthew in her arms and she began to rock him.

"I've waited so long for this," she whispered to Grissom.

"Yes, you have. How does it feel?"

"Best feeling in the world," she said. "Thank you Grissom…for not letting me do something I would have regretted for the rest of my life."

His eyes sparkled.

_You have no idea how I needed to hear that…._

_I'm so afraid…for you…for Matthew…for me…_

He listened as she began to hum to him smiling when he wrapped his little hand around one of her fingers.

"He's so tiny."

"I was small."

She smiled.

She rocked him to sleep but even then she did not want to let him go. She held him as she watched him sleep.

"Sara, we need to get you back."

She sighed. She was tired.

"Just another minute."

He grinned.

She didn't protest when she felt herself being lifted once more and carried back to the room. The others visited briefly before Grissom forced them out so she could rest. She slept for a few hours until there was a nudge on her shoulder.

"Would you like to nurse your son?" he asked.

"Yes."

Peggy sat down on the edge of the bed and guided her through the steps. She smiled when he took on immediately.

"You both are just naturals…don't need any help," she said as she watched mother and child.

"I think I will leave you alone to bond some more," she said as she left.

Grissom came and sat on the bed and watched.

"I could get used to this," he said.

"You better. He's going to take up all of our time. There'll be very little time for us now."

"I don't mind…as long as we're together."

Note from author:

See some fluff…wasn't it worth the wait. I have enjoyed the reviews…keep them coming!

Take care!

Penny


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter Sixty Four:**

He slipped the baby from her arms despite her initial protests as she hovered between sleep and awake.

"Get some rest. Matthew is already asleep. I'm going to take him back," he whispered kissing her on the lips.

He handed Matthew back to the nurse and then headed back. He stopped and glanced back watching the nurse place him back in the bassinet before leaving. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. He was tired as well, still trying to catch up from the sleepless nights that she remained in a coma.

_We'll know soon…_

_It will be over soon or just beginning…_

_No matter what…they're not getting him…_

_He's ours…_

_We love him…_

_We're keeping him…_

He felt the nudge as he tried to waken and was surprised to see a nurse standing there.

"Mr. Grissom, we need you out here," she whispered.

He glanced over at Sara who remained asleep before stepping outside.

"Is something wrong with Matthew?" he asked quickly.

"He's not in the nursery," she blurted out immediately.

"What do you mean, he's not in the nursery?" he yelled.

"You didn't bring him back…We came to get him," she said.

"I brought him back and handed him to a nurse," he said now heading toward the nursery as the nurse followed along.

"We didn't get him back…we've been waiting…it's time for his medication…"

He stopped immediately. "I want to talk to your security immediately." He flipped open his phone and called Brass.

"Matthew has been taken from the hospital," he said as he felt himself sliding down into the rocker holding his head in his hands. "I need everyone here."

They found him there standing in the nursery.

"What happened?" asked Catherine quickly.

"I handed him to a nurse…or someone posing as a nurse…God Catherine what am I going to tell Sara?" He said running his hands through his hair.

"Let's focus here. Run through it with me, okay?" she said as she patted his back.

He sat there recalling every detail.

"Gil, do you think it was James Lurie?" she asked.

"I think he tried to get rid of me. I thought he would wait for the paternity results before acting again."

"Have you heard?"

"No…unless Lurie found out and took him…he may already know."

"But then why kidnap your own grandchild? He could just have his cronies file petitions to get custody…not so messy."

"The kidnapping could be unrelated…babies get snatched all the time…why did it have to be him? We've been through so much," he turned away.

"We're going to get him back," she said. "Want me to call Jack Malone? He would come…"

"If he's not found within seventy two hours….we have to find him Catherine," he said as he walked down the hall.

"Where's he going?" asked Warrick.

"I don't think Sara knows yet," said Catherine.

"Damn, she's going to…"

"Be in hell again?" finished Brass.

He came in and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking his hand in hers.

_How do I tell you what I did?_

_All this time I've wanted to keep him…._

_Only to hand him over to some stranger…_

_And now he's gone…_

_We may never see him again…_

She smiled when she woke.

"Hey,"

"Hey."

"Is he still asleep?" she asked.

"Sara…"

She stared at him.

"What's wrong?"

He tried to tell her but couldn't.

"Is something wrong with him?" she asked.

When he didn't reply, she was pulling herself out of the bed.

"Sara…"

"I'm going to see him." She said as she started to get up but his hand held hers firmly and he would not let her go.

"Grissom, you're scaring me…please tell me what's wrong!"

"He's gone."

"He's…"

"Someone took him….the crew is there going over every inch….he's gone Sara."

She sat back down. "They took him! They've been threatening to do it and now they've taken him!"

"We don't know that… there's no evidence."

"Don't talk to me about evidence. I want him back! I want him back now!" She pulled away from him and headed down the hallway. He followed after her.

"Sara, stop."

"No! I'm going," she yelled as she hurried down the hall. She stopped at the nursery window staring at the empty bassinet with the name 'Grissom'.

"Sara?" he said softly.

"How? How did they take him?" she asked.

"I brought him back…I handed him to a nurse…it wasn't a nurse. I handed him to her and I didn't even know she was going to take him from us."

She whirled around. "You…"

She stopped. She saw the despair in his eyes and suddenly she was holding him, pulling him close to her.

"Get him back…okay…get him back," she cried.

She sat there in the rocker holding his blanket as the others continued to work. She brought it up to her face and breathed in deeply. She ignored the tears that now fell freely.

"Any news?" She heard Greg ask Warrick but she saw the nod and knew there was none.

She saw him as he approached.

Their eyes made contact.

He came to kneel down in front of her.

"Grissom?" she asked.

"Nick is going through the surveillance video to see who left with a baby."

She nodded.

"Sara, the paternity results are back," he said.

She stared at him. He stared at her.

"Do you know the results?" she whispered.

"Yes."

She closed her eyes.

"He's mine."

She felt her shoulders shake and then racking sobs came forth as he pulled her into his arms.

"He's mine," he said again.

"You've always been so sure."

"I didn't care….I just wanted him."

She pulled him tighter.

"We're going to get him back," he said. "Trust me?"

"I trust you."

He started to get up when she held on to his hand.

"Tell Lurie…if he took Matthew maybe he'll give him back. Please you have to tell him."

He nodded.

He grabbed Brass by the arm. "Want to go on a road trip?"

"Been waiting for this," said Brass

They started down the hall when Brass said, "Told you so….told you he's yours."

Note from author:

I am almost finished with the other story…started on another this morning…yep I am so nuts with everything else going on that I would even attempt another one…but this one I think will be the best….If I can write it the way I want it to play out. We will see. I may take some extra time with it. Saying that almost makes me laugh…a nervous laugh. I have several trips and events lined up. Pray that with all of these trips lined up I will have internet access. LOL Leave a review.

Take care!

Penny


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter Sixty Five:**

_Show me you'll protect him…_

She sat in the den as her husband walked in sitting down at his desk.

"What do I owe this visit?" he asked as he looked at her.

"You had the wrong person killed. Gil Grissom is very much alive."

"Good help is hard to find these days. I'll handle the slight problem."

"Is that all it is to you, a slight problem? You've killed and it doesn't even bother you."

"Do you have a point woman?" he asked irritated.

_Show me you'll protect him…_

"He's not our grandson. I heard from someone at the hospital…someone who worked with Vincent and they said word is out that the test results came back and it's not Vincent's."

"That's a relief," he said.

Her fingers inched their way into her pocket until her hands were hidden from him. She stared into his cold eyes and she suddenly wished she were someplace else.

"You didn't even want it to be our son's." she said.

"He was weak. This child could be…"

She felt her anger rise at his cruelty.

_Get some back bone…_

_Stand up to him before it's too late…_

_I never hurt Vincent…._

Sara's words surfaced in her brain.

"_You did when you didn't have the backbone to stand up to your husband and get Vincent away from him. You knew what he was capable of and yet you let him turn your son into the monster he became. You could have stopped it."_

"_The difference in you and me is that I would gladly die before I let James Lurie harm my son."_

"You're not going to get your hands on this child," she said.

He chuckled. "Are you going to stop me?"

_You didn't have the backbone…_

"Yes, I am."

He watched as she pulled out the gun and was shocked when he felt the bullet hit his chest several times. She closed her eyes each time she squeezed the trigger.

She stopped and stared at him.

"I finally got my backbone. Aren't you proud?" she asked as she sunk back into the chair and stared at him.

"I finally stopped you!" she yelled from her seat.

She stared at him as his eyes suddenly grew glassy and she knew that he was dead. She thought to check but then she decided she would let him lie there for awhile. She watched as droplets of blood fell to the floor.

"Going to be hard to get the stain out of the carpet….should have done it in the kitchen. Marble is much easier to clean than carpet."

She sat there and found the gun still in her hand. She stared at the small object.

"Something so small killed something so evil. Imagine that," she said.

She heard the knock on the door and smiled.

_Company…._

"It's not often we get visitors at this time of day. I wonder if it's for you. I'll get your first condolence or congratulations."

"Would you like for me to get it dear? I think I'll sit here and wait for them to in and find your worthless carcass."

They stood knocking. Brass looked at Grissom when they heard gunshots. He pulled his revolver and motioned for Grissom to stay behind him.

He entered slowly and he heard a faint voice call for them to come into the study.

"In here. Did you have an appointment?" she called.

They walked in to see the body slumped over the desk. Brass immediately noticed the gun in her hand.

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't know you were coming. I'm sorry but he won't be able to help you. Perhaps I can be of some service?" she asked politely.

They stared at one another.

Brass motioned toward the gun.

"Want to put that down?" he asked.

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," she said as she handed the gun to Grissom.

He took the gun.

Brass checked for a pulse and then shook his head.

"He's dead," she said.

Grissom stared at her as she smiled.

"Mrs. Lurie, my son was taken from the hospital."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Could I offer you something to drink? I could make some coffee," she offered.

"Mrs. Lurie, do you know where my son is?" asked Grissom.

"I'm sorry. I thought I had taken care of the problem before he could… you know he tried to kill you," she said smiling.

Brass spoke up, "You know that anything you say…"

"Can be used against me? I killed the bastard. I've wanted to kill him for years."

She stared at Grissom. "He's your son….not my grandchild."

"Yes, I know but then I never cared."

"Yes, I heard…you cared for all the right reasons but not him," she said motioning to her dead husband. "He wanted him for all the wrong reasons."

"Do you know if he hired anyone to take my son?"

"He was going to wait for the test results and then correct his earlier mistake," she said smiling.

"Mistake?" asked Brass.

"Killing Mr. Grissom. He said good help was hard to find these days…they killed the wrong man…or should I say men…there were three bodies…yes the homeless man was a decoy," she said.

Brass stared at Grissom and then pulled him to the side. "I'm not sure they had anything to do with Matthew's disappearance…I think she would tell us if she knew."

"We're no closer to finding him than we were," he said as he cursed.

"Gil, we're going to find him."

She pulled the blanket up close and stared out the window. Greg fidgeted in his seat.

She looked up hopeful when he appeared in the doorway but his expression told her Matthew had not been found yet.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and took hold of her hand.

"Grissom?"

"Mrs. Lurie is in custody for killing her husband. She said she finally got a backbone," he said.

"Matthew?" she pleaded.

"They didn't have him Sara."

He held her as he felt her shoulders slump and she swiped at her eyes.

"Where is he?" she cried.

"We're going to find him. Luries were not involved…if there's no ransom note soon, I'm going to call Jack Malone."

She nodded faintly.

"So you think someone has just kidnapped him?"

"It's possible or someone just wanted a baby."

He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"I'm going to get with Nick to see what he's come up with on the video. We need to start back at the beginning…"

He watched as her shoulders began to shake and he held her while she cried.

"Sara…"

"I want my son," she whispered brokenly.

"My son," he corrected her softly.

She pulled him closer, "our son."

"Promise me you'll get some sleep…you're going to need it when we find him."

"Grissom, he missed his medicine…"

"He's going to be fine. The doctors were only giving it to him as a precautionary measure."

She nodded.

"Sara…I'm sorry. I never…"

"This wasn't your fault. No matter what happens….this wasn't your fault," she said as she wiped her eyes.

He wasn't so sure.

Note from author:

Okay, I am going out of town for the weekend so we are going to try to wrap this up. I may not release the epilogue until Sunday or Monday so just hang in there. Please remember to leave a review for each chapter!

Take care!

Penny


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter Sixty Six:**

He sat there with Nick and stared at the video shots.

_I need to find him…_

_I need to get him back…_

_We need him…_

_He needs us…_

"That's her!" he said as he made Nick stop the video. Nick replayed the video footage.

"Can't make out her face," he said quietly.

"I remember it," said Grissom as he thought back to that moment.

He left leaving Nick to stare after him. He found himself at the personnel office.

"Mr. Grissom, we're all so very sorry for what's happened," said Mrs. Roberts.

"You require a photo ID of every employed personnel…"

"Even the volunteers," she added quickly.

"Do you keep a copy in their personnel file?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I need to see them."

"There's over…"

"I need to see all of the women," he clarified.

"That's still a lot…but you can access it on the computer," she said as she showed him the computer files.

"Good. Is there someone place I can work?"

"Take my office," she said. "If you need any help just ask my secretary."

He sat down and started working.

"Where's Grissom?" asked Sara.

"He's going through all of the personnel files to see if he can identify the woman," said Nick.

She nodded. "Is he okay?"

"He's in work mode," said Brass who came to stand beside the bed.

"Is he really okay?" she asked.

"He's ….fine," said Brass.

"Don't let him blame himself. I don't blame him," she said.

Brass smiled, "We're going to get him back."

She nodded still holding the baby blanket.

Grissom rubbed his eyes as he leaned back.

_Vincent had an accomplice…._

_Someone who knew about us…_

_Maybe someone involved in the beginning.._

_Maybe someone who knew Debbie Marlin and Michael Clark…_

He pulled up the photo and cursed out loud as he printed a copy and then ran out the door.

He met Nick in the hall.

"Get Brass. The woman who took Matthew is Howard Tripton's wife. She's a nurse here," he said. "We're going to need back up," he called.

Grissom stared out the window as Brass drove.

"Can't believe we didn't see through her in the beginning," said Brass.

"She was pointing the finger at Lurie and we were too busy trying to nail him for the murders," said Grissom.

"Why would she take Matthew?" asked Brass.

"Maybe Lurie owed her money and she was going to hold Matthew as ransom…I don't care. I just want him back," he said.

They arrived at the house as the police arrived. Brass banged on the door as she answered it.

"What's the meaning of this?" she asked as they forced their way in.

"Mrs. Tripton, you're under arrest for the kidnapping of Matthew Grissom," said Brass.

"I never did…"

"I handed him to you. We also have you on a surveillance tape walking out with him. Where is he?" demanded Grissom.

"He's not yours," she yelled back.

"Lady, he's certainly not yours," said Brass.

"He would have loved me….if he hadn't met her. She was just like Debbie. Debbie took who ever she wanted. She took my husband and then Vincent but Vincent wasn't going to let her walk all over him."

"So he killed her and Michael Clark," said Brass.

She smiled. "I killed Debbie Marlin. I was just as good a surgeon as my husband but I had to drop out because I became pregnant with his brat. All those years sacrificing my dreams for his worthless ass and he cheats on me. I took great pleasure is slitting her throat. I didn't expect Vincent to show up and then when he did, he placed Debbie so that Michael would see her when he arrived. He killed Michael Clark. Do you honestly think a man could have cleaned that place and gotten rid of the evidence? Well at least most of it. Vincent was stupid…breaking the bracelet and then dumping the body in the back. He was supposed to dump Michael Clark's body where it would never be found so everyone would think he killed Debbie. I should have done it myself."

"So you got rid of Debbie Marlin who was banging your husband and Vincent gets rid of Michael. Match made in heaven so what went wrong?" asked Brass.

"Howard found out. He was furious about Debbie and threatened to turn us in so Vincent hired Franklin to kill Howard…I thought we could be together…until she got in the way. I was relieved when we found out she was pregnant but then he got rid of it and then I knew he wasn't going to let her go. I still tried to reason with him. I told him we could have our own child and then his father would write him back into the will but he told me I wasn't good enough. I'm as good as any doctor but I had to settle with being a nurse because I was saddled with Howard's kids….I knew Vincent took her and I kept changing the doses, hoping that she would overdose. But then she killed him. That bitch. That child should have been mine."

"He's not Lurie's…he's mine," said Grissom.

"Pity," she said.

"Where is he?"

She stood there smiling.

"Where is he?" said Grissom as he shook her.

"We'll search the house," said Brass as he stopped Grissom.

Grissom ran up the stairs and began going through the bedrooms. He found a small girl sitting in her room. He then saw a boy sitting at his desk with head phones on. He walked past the bedroom and came across a room that had been decorated as a nursery. He hurried quickly to the crib but found it empty.

He turned around and saw the little girl standing in the entrance.

"Did your mommy bring home a baby?" he asked.

"She gave him to me," she said.

Grissom heart began to race.

"Do you know where he is?" he asked quickly.

"I put him in the toy chest."

He gulped. "Could you show me?"

She turned and headed to her room as Grissom followed.

"I put him in there," she pointed to the toy chest.

He struggled for air.

"Grissom?" asked Warrick, "You want me to look?"

"No…I will," he said. He opened the chest and stared into the box.

"Warrick call an ambulance," he yelled as he pulled out the baby.

"He's not breathing!"

He began giving the baby mouth to mouth as he felt the small chest rise and fall.

_Breathe Matthew…_

_Breathe Matthew…_

_Please breathe…_

He wailed. He kicked his legs and wailed as Grissom held him.

"Must have Sara's lungs," said Warrick.

Grissom held him tight as he sighed.

He stood there as the paramedics checked over him.

"Well, he sounds good. Got a good set of lungs on him. We'll need to take him with us to make sure."

"I'll hold him," said Grissom as the man tried to take him.

He refused to let the others tell Sara until they knew Matthew was fine. Once he was given the okay, he carried him to Sara's room.

She felt her chest tighten when the door opened and she saw the baby in Grissom's arms. He placed him in her arms and felt a weight lifted from his shoulder.

"Is he?"

"He's fine…hungry but fine."

She quickly nursed him ignoring the rustling of the guys as they hurried out. Nick and Warrick pulled Greg out despite his protests.

They stared at him while he slept. Grissom got up and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm going to get the bassinet. He's not leaving our sight," he said.

She smiled.

Note from author:

Can you blame Grissom? Please be kind and remember to leave a review for each chapter.!

Take care,

Penny

p.s

some have asked where the next story picks up...it begins a little after the lab explosion where Sara give Grissom the ultimatum. I think it will be entitled "Some things best forgotten." The next story that I started is going to be my favorite by far. It picks up after Sara has left...you know the famous kiss followed by the note that just about killed all of us...that story will be entitled "And then she left"

take care!

Penny


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter Sixty Seven:**

"Do you think he's asleep yet?" she whispered.

He looked over her shoulder and nodded.

She started to put him into the crib when he began to cry causing Bruno to howl.

Sara frowned.

Grissom grinned.

"I think you've spoiled him," said Grissom.

"I did not."

"Okay, we've spoiled him."

"Peggy says you can't spoil babies," said Sara as she sat back down in the rocker with Matthew.

"I heard Peggy has a date with Brass."

Sara smiled.

"Father Brannigan wants to baptize Matthew."

"You're not Catholic," said Grissom.

"You are," she said.

He smiled.

"That would be nice. I know my mother would have wanted that."

Sara smiled.

"You think he's hungry?" asked Grissom.

"He's been fed and he's not wet."

"He's spoiled," said Grissom again.

"Stop saying that about my son!"

Grissom chuckled.

"You're being overly protective. It's rather sexy."

"No sex….not for awhile."

Grissom frowned. "For how long?"

"Until we can get him to sleep in that crib."

"Give him to me," said Grissom.

Sara chuckled.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to have a father to son talk with him," said Grissom.

"Oh this should be priceless," yawned Sara.

"Go get some rest. You'll need to nurse him again soon."

She got up and headed to the bedroom but stopped to watch Grissom holding Matthew.

"You know, I wasted years not taking a risk and showing your mother how much I love her…I would like to show her tonight…we've waited a long time for you to sleep in here. It's nice. Don't you think? There's bright butterflies and bugs…nice bugs on the walls to stare at….you and me we're going to have a lot of fun exploring outside in the yard…there's this cabin I want to show you…good place to fish…although your mother has better luck at it than me. She's better at most things than me. I know you want to be with her...what man wouldn't but daddy needs some time with her. Matthew, daddy loves you…loves you more than life itself…nothing is going to hurt you in here…we're right over there…" he smiled when he saw the baby close his eyes. He gently laid him in his crib and walked away.

He stopped when he heard him begin to cry. He sighed. Sara came and kissed him.

"That was sweet…didn't work but it was sweet."

"Listen," said Grissom in a whisper.

"What?"

"He stopped crying," he said.

They peered into the crib and found their son staring at them.

"It's you!" said Grissom.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. He wants to hear your voice…all that humming…he's been conditioned to sleep to your voice…we're stuck…he will sleep with us until he's…"

She turned and walked out of the room.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm going to bed," she said.

"You're just going to leave him? He's awake. He's watching us. Sara?"

He followed her into the bedroom.

"I can't believe you're doing this. He's awake."

"Yes, he is." She said as she got into bed slipping off the gown and the robe.

He stared at her and then back to the nursery.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"Come to bed."

"But…"

"We have the baby monitor. If he cries then we can hear him."

"But, he's just lying there all alone…"

"I'm alone…naked…in this bed…I won't wait…I'll go to sleep."

He was there in an instant pulling her close to him.

"It's been too long," she murmured as she felt him inside her.

He quickened the pace as they both were hungry for release. He panted as he lay there beside her. "Never get tired of that…I love the feel of you…Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think your breasts…"

"No. I'm sorry to say that once breastfeeding is over, they will not remain this size….was there a problem with them before?"

"Well, they're just so…"

He felt the pillow hit him as she rolled over.

"Sara, I didn't mean anything by it…You know I like every part of you…well except…"

She rolled back to face him.

"I told Matthew I was not good with women…thank God you were not normal or else you would have never married me."

She smiled.

"You're unique, Mrs. Grissom."

"Gil?"

"You think we should check on him?" she asked.

"I knew you wouldn't leave him alone in there just to lie there in that crib…"

She got up and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I don't hear anything….maybe we should put the bed back in here…what if he's choked on something?"

They looked at one another and then ran to the nursery.

They crept inside and he turned to look at them. He smiled.

They smiled back.

"He smiled!" said Grissom.

"It was gas," said Sara.

"Good night Matthew," said Grissom.

"Good night Matthew," said Sara.

Sara crawled back into bed and curled up next to Grissom.

"He seems content to be in there by himself," said Sara.

"Yes…he does. Remember the first night we brought him home and we took turns holding him. Neither of us got any sleep."

"Best night we ever had," she said smiling, "holding our son…watching him sleep."

"Why did we put the bassinet in here anyway?' asked Grissom.

"You slept better," she said between yawns. "it helped with your nightmares…you had them for several weeks…you blamed yourself for the kidnapping. It could have happened to anyone."

"I handed him over to her…you have no idea what it felt like knowing you gave your child to a murderer. You have no idea how it felt to open that toy chest and find him not breathing."

Sara rose up quickly. "You never told me that!"

He sighed. "He wasn't breathing. I gave him mouth to mouth. When he wailed, I cried."

She wiped at his eyes.

"He's strong," she said staring toward the nursery.

"He's very strong."

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"You think we would bother him if we rolled him back in here just for one more night?"

He grinned.

"I'll be very careful."

He was back in the room. She stared at him sleeping before retiring once more to the bed.

"How is he?" he said as he yawned.

"Spoiled," she said as she yawned.

He chuckled.

"Peggy says you can't spoil babies," he reminded her.

"No, but we can try."

Note from author:

Thanks so much for reading along. I have enjoyed the comments in the reviews. They have entertained me a lot! I will post the last chapter which is the epilogue and then the story will be complete. Please prepare yourself for a lot of fluff!

Take care!

Penny


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter Sixty Eight:**

**Epilogue**

She knew somehow there would be another woman in Grissom's life. She had been preparing for it for months. He told her she was the only woman he had ever loved but she knew that would soon change.

She was ready.

She could share.

It was a warm sunny day and she relished sitting on the bank soaking up the sun's rays. She smiled as she watched Grissom pull out another fish.

"I've finally caught more than you," he declared as he deposited the fish onto the stringer before sitting down beside her. He grabbed her hand and kissed the palm.

Matthew squealed as Bruno came splashing through the water. They laughed as the small boy giggled with delight. Greg waved at Sara as he held the small boy's hand as he ventured into the water.

"Greg, you're going to give both of them a bath if they get muddy," called Sara.

Grissom chuckled.

"Sara, you can't expect to bring a dog or a child near water without mud involved."

"Do you want to give them a bath?" she asked.

He turned away to hide the snicker knowing that they would soon be muddy from head to toe.

"I think this has been good for everyone," said Sara as she leaned back and breathed in deeply.

"I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical when you suggested this place as a vacation. I was afraid it would bring back bad memories," said Grissom as he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

"I have too many good memories now to be bothered with the bad. Besides, Brass is going to propose to Peggy this weekend," whispered Sara.

"So he's finally gotten up the nerve," said Grissom with a grin. "You know I helped him pick out the ring a year ago."

"Well at least he didn't wait nine years," quipped Sara.

"I don't hear any complaints from you now," he said as he placed his arm around her.

"You know I found out I was pregnant with Matthew here at the cabin," said Sara.

"I remember how scared I was back then for both of you," said Grissom.

"I'm glad we decided to have Matthew's third birthday here," said Sara as she watched Matthew play in the water.

He waved at them blowing them a huge kiss.

Sara pretended to catch it and then blew one back giving the little boy an excuse to flop down into the water causing Greg to get soaked.

They laughed at the little boy's antics.

"He's such a sweet boy…I can't imagine our life without him," said Sara. "I see so much of you in him each day that….Matthew Grissom get that out of your pocket!" she yelled.

Grissom chuckled.

_He has her wrapped around his finger…._

_He can get away with anything…_

_If only I had his talent…_

She watched as Matthew pulled out the snail and attempted to transfer it from his pants pocket to his shirt pocket. She motioned that she was watching him and he stomped his foot sending water again into the air as Bruno pranced about chasing the fish.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he placed his hand over her abdomen.

"Tired but good. I'm glad I'm not working this time around. It wasn't easy working while I was pregnant with Matthew."

"Do you miss it?" he asked.

"I would miss my time with Matthew," she said as she felt a slight twinge in her side.

"You okay? I knew we shouldn't have come all the way out here…"

"Gil, I've been sitting on the hard ground…I'm fine…stop it right now!"

"I'm not…"

"Yes you are…you're overreacting."

He seemed to pout and she pulled him close to her while her hand slowly maneuvered itself onto his knee. She rubbed gently and then let it slide upwards.

"Sara, stop. You know what that does to me. I don't want to have to take a dip in that water. It's too cold. I don't know how Matthew can stand it."

"I'll warm you," she whispered.

"I think we should get you back to the cabin for a nap," he said. "I still can't believe you convinced me to come here when you know Matthew was born early."

"Those were different circumstances," she said. "Katie is in no rush to be born."

He stood and then pulled her up to him. He held her in his arms and grinned when he felt himself being kicked by Sara's stomach.

"Doesn't that hurt?' he asked.

"Only if she decides to tap dance on the bladder," she said as she yawned.

"That's my cue to get you back," he said.

As they walked along the bank his grin turned into a chuckle followed by a full blown case of laughter. She stopped and looked at him.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"You waddle like a duck….see the duck over there is walking like you…no no Sara don't…you wouldn't!"

He felt himself lose his balance as she pushed him into the water. If it had been any other time he would have gladly taken her in with him but he was mindful of his wife that stood there eight months pregnant and looked as beautiful as that warm sunny day over three years when he had proposed to her in this very lake.

She stood there with arms crossed.

"Make fun of me again," she said.

Nick began to holler causing all eyes to turn in his direction.

"I finally got one! I finally got one! It's big!" he yelled as Warrick and Catherine ran over to his side of the lake. He continued to yank and pull on the line.

"Easy!" yelled Grissom "You don't want to lose it!"

Grissom slowly made his way back to the bank ignoring Sara's hand. He pulled himself out and stood there dripping.

She smirked.

He frowned.

Nick eased up on the line as he slowly dragged it closer.

"Here, let me help!" said Warrick. The two men slowly brought the line up as Catherine began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" asked Grissom.

"Nick caught some kind of box," yelled Catherine.

Grissom and Sara stared at one another and burst into laughter.

"Nick caught my old tackle box," said Grissom.

"Good job Nicky!" yelled Sara.

"Hey, I had some good lures in there. Bring it back to the cabin," called Grissom.

Nick cursed.

"Nicky! Watch your mouth around Matthew!" Sara warned.

Nick and Warrick stared at one another and then yelled back, "Yes dear!"

They turned and headed back to the cabin passing Greg and Matthew as they sat on the edge of the bank and made tunnels in the mud. Greg smiled up at Sara.

"You were kidding about the baths, rights?" asked Greg.

Sara kept on walking.

"Fine!" yelled Greg. "How hard is it to give a kid a bath?"

Grissom and Sara smiled. "Dog too."

"But Bruno is just wet….Bruno what are you doing? Stop that! Sara's he's rolling around in the dirt," yelled Greg.

Grissom and Sara threw their arms in the air waving at Greg as he tried to stop the dog only to have him get up and then shake off the dirt sending it flying in the air as Matthew squealed with delight.

They found Brass and Peggy sitting on the front porch as they approached the cabin. Sara pretended not to notice the ring that now sat on her finger.

"Well, what did you two do? You should have gone fishing with us," said Sara as she winked at Brass.

"Jim had something important to ask me," said Peggy excitedly.

"Did he finally ask you to go to the policeman's ball?" asked Grissom.

She held up her hand and they smiled at seeing Peggy so excited. Brass winked at them both.

"We wanted the two of you to be the first to know," said Brass.

Sara hugged them both. "I ran up here and told Brass when Grissom proposed."

"I remember you telling me!" said Peggy, "he proposed in a boat on the lake."

"I was afraid we wouldn't make it to the shore if we fell overboard like you two did," said Brass.

They all laughed.

"I like the way you proposed to me," said Peggy, "and I didn't have to wait as long as Sara had to…nine years wasn't it?"

Grissom frowned as Sara chuckled. "You were worth the wait," she finally said.

"Just for that, I might fix you dinner," he said.

"I'm starving," said Sara as she caressed her abdomen.

"Well, I had better get to cleaning the fish if I'm going to feed my two favorite girls," said Grissom as he started to open the cabin but then stepped back.

He stood still.

"Gil?"

"Skunk," he whispered.

"Skunk?" asked Sara. She froze when she saw the critter walking along the front porch.

They stepped back slowly.

They heard barking and the four looked at one another.

"Bruno!" yelled Grissom as he bounded up toward the front porch. The others ran to the Denali and jumped in.

Bruno stopped on the steps and stared at the skunk. The skunk walked along the front porch and then started to run as Bruno ran after him.

They grimaced when they saw the skunk lift its tail and spray Bruno sending him yelping off the porch and back down the trail.

"Brave dog we have," said Sara.

"Do you want to go face to face with a skunk?" asked Grissom.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"Bruno is going to run back and then get the odor all over Greg and Matthew."

Grissom was jumping out of the Denali now and ran towards the path.

Sara looked at the two.

"So are you enjoying the cabin?' she asked.

Dinner was spent in town while they waited for the odor to dissipate. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he kissed her forehead.

"Had enough?" he asked almost jokingly.

She yawned.

"We should get back," he said as he pulled her out of the booth.

"Bye mommy and daddy," yelled Matthew as he sat between Nick and Greg.

"Sorry kiddo but you're coming with us," he said.

He pouted.

Warrick and Catherine smirked. "He looks like Grissom during assignments."

"Please mommy. Dessert," Matthew begged.

Sara looked at the little boy and then at Greg.

"One scoop…nothing more," said Greg. "then we'll go back to our cabin and play."

She nodded and the little boy beamed with delight.

Grissom shook his head.

_Such talent…_

_At such a young age…_

_Why couldn't I get away…._

"Honey, why don't we get a scoop to go?" he asked.

"Nope. I recall someone got into the pack of cookies last night. You have your annual check up next week," she said.

He frowned.

She chuckled.

They left the others at the diner while they returned to the cabin. She curled up in the bed while he sat and read a book. Grissom glanced at his watch. It was getting late. He knew that Matthew would be asleep by now and so he did not bother to run over to the other cabin to wish him good night. He leaned back and slept.

He rolled and felt the coldness in the bed. He rose to stare into the darkness and found himself alone in the room. He quickly got up and found her by the fireplace.

"Sara?"

"Did I wake you?" she asked.

"I missed you…having trouble sleeping?" he asked.

"I felt a little sick…I'm better…I'm not used to the mattress….not as soft as ours," she said as she held her back.

"Can I help?" he asked.

She nodded.

He came to stand behind her as he rubbed her back.

"Lower," she whispered.

"Lower?" he asked.

"Yes."

"He rubbed lower," as his fear began to rise.

"Better?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"You need to sit down," he said. She started to sit on the couch and found herself back up.

"It hurts to sit…I'm just going to stand for awhile…she's sitting so low…she's decided to sit purposely….ooohhhh," She braced for the contraction.

He stared at her.

She stared at him.

"I'm getting the keys," he said.

"I'll put my shoes on," she said.

By the time he had ran inside to dress and tuck the keys into his pocket, he returned to find her standing in a puddle.

Her face was full of fear as she stood there staring down at the puddle.

He went into work mode, rushing over to scoop her off her feet and carried her to the bathroom helping her to change clothes as she breathed through the contraction. He began to lift her once more when she grabbed his arm and shook her head.

"Katie has decided she's in a rush…Gil, we are not going to make it to the hospital…she's coming."

"She can't come now!" he yelled.

"Griss….I have to lie down….she's coming….you're going to have to…" she felt herself bracing as she began to push.

"You can't push! Stop it!"

She grabbed him by the collar, "Don't tell me what the hell I can or can't do…get your ass in gear…"

"She's just like you…always in a rush…" he began.

"I am not!"

"Yes, you are."

"Gil…don't piss me off when I'm delivering your child…the child you wanted to have…the child you talked me into having…"

"I did not! We both decided…"

"Gilbert!"

They stared at one another.

"I'm sorry, Sara…here let me get you to the bed," he said.

The moment she was on the bed, he began to panic.

"Sara, she's coming," he whispered.

She nodded as she clutched the bed covers as another contraction hit her. She panted and then gritted her teeth.

He coaxed her through the next one and then the next until the head emerged and he decided he was too old for this as she pushed. He slipped his hand down to guide the baby out as the last push brought her into his arms. He quickly turned the baby over and gently rubbed her back sending her into a fit of crying. He grabbed one of the towels he had placed on the edge of the bed and wrapped the baby in it. Once the umbilical cord was cut, she was placed with Sara. He sat down on the edge of the bed as he called for an ambulance knowing they could drive there faster but now not feeling the need to rush.

He did call Peggy who came immediately as well as the others. Grissom still sat there unable to move. She glanced at him a time or two and then decided he needed an incentive. She placed the baby back into his arms and he stared at it.

She stared back.

He smiled even when he felt the wetness go through the towel and soil his pants.

He grinned.

"She looks like you," he said.

Sara smiled.

_She already has him wrapped around her finger…._

_She will do no wrong…_

_I'll have to discipline her…._

_He'll comfort her…._

_I'll have to set the rules…_

She didn't mind. She touched her tiny hand and knew that she would be worth the risk.

They smiled.

The End.


End file.
